A REVIEW OF TIMESLIDES:

EPISODE V:

RED DWARF III

BY MARIE BIRCH


This is my favourite all time Red Dwarf episode, and not only that, it also holds a great deal of significance for me, because it is the very first Red Dwarf episode, I ever saw, and I wasn't to realise it then, but it was to lead to my becoming a fan of the Dwarf, in a very big way indeed. In a sense, you could say, that it changed my whole life!

I never saw Red Dwarf, when it was first on, and in a sense, you could say, that I am not a true fan, so to speak. I became a fan, during the re-runs of 1994, and even then, I never saw it from the very start, even though I was interested in watching it, as we were finding, that we didn't have that many videos to watch, after we had watched, all of our "Blackadder" tapes. The reason, that I was interested in seeing, maybe, just one or two episodes, of Red Dwarf, was the fact, that I had heard a lot about it, and all I knew about it, was, that it was set in space. I wasn't even sure if it was a comedy, so to speak, and even if it was, I didn't suppose for one minute, that it would have a studio audience! The only thing that I knew about Red Dwarf, was the fact, that the actor Chris Barrie, was a guest who played the French Ambassador, in the Georgian Blackadder The Third episode: Nob and Nobility: Episode III, was in it, as a regular, and that was only because my husband had told me, who he was, because I knew that I had seen him, somewhere before, over the years. But I just could not for the life of me, place him just like that! But I knew that I had seen his name at sometime or other. I did ask my husband Paul, when I'd heard that it was been repeated on BBC2, and whether, he would like to see Chris Barrie, as he had been in "Blackadder", and he had liked it, but surprisingly, Paul didn't want me to record it, as he said it wasn't his sort of thing, and for the time being, I decided to let it go.

However, my curiosity got the better, of me, when on a Saturday morning, I came down to breakfast, and I put BBC Radio Two on, which I usually do, but my interest was captured by an interview, which took place, between Judi Spiers and Robert Llewellyn. At the time, all I knew was, that he was one of the cast of Red Dwarf, and I assumed, that he was Chris Barrie! However, I thought that he sounded really nice, and I did find his interview with Judi, very interesting, and I was completely taken aback, when he said that he had been a Hippie, which I felt, didn't really fit in, with the image, that I had always had, of Chris Barrie. Judi played some favourite music of his, which was - "Riders of The Storm", by The Doors, which is a piece of music, which I particularly like, and he went on to say, that the part that he played, had a Swedish-Canadian accent. I didn't even know, that his character was called Kryten, then! But once more, I felt that didn't really fit in, with the image, that I had had of Chris Barrie. However, he went on to say, that he was writing a book, about his experiences, on Red Dwarf, and he also mentioned that he got on great, with the leading man, and that they really had some good laughs, and that he kept them all in line, by cracking the whip! I did think it quite strange though, that at that present time, the writers, hadn't got any plans for a new series. And Robert's response was to Judi's questions about that was - "I just don't know Judi! I just don't know!". Up until that point, I had assumed, that what they were showing on BBC2, was a new series, and not repeats! But then again, they did gain a fan in me and Paul, by repeating them, and even by repeating Thunderbirds and all the Gerry Anderson shows, a couple of years before, gained new audiences, so it is never a waste of time, to repeat programmes, as the creators, will always gain something from them!

I didn't really feel anything significant, by that interview, even though it had given me a completely different insight, into a comedy, which I had never seen before, and by that time, I had worked it out, that it was a comedy set in space, and I also assumed that it was along the lines of Bottom/The Rab C.Nesbitt and The Goodies, and even though I have great respect for Rik Mayall and Gregor Fisher, those types of comedy, just don't appeal to me, and the comedies on BBC2, tend to be aimed more, at younger audiences, rather than my age group, and even today, I haven't really left the comedies of yesteryear, but we have got every episode of Blackadder!

It was about a few weeks later, on a Friday evening, that my husband Paul, went out with his Dad and his Uncle Stan for a drink, and I was left on my own. That particular evening, I did not feel like working on my book for once, because I had had a lot of jobs to do, and I felt rather tired, and I was going to work on my book, I promised myself, as I was flicking channels. I had already seen the end of "Brookside", on Channel Four, which my Mother-in-law, had encouraged me to watch, a few years back, but since I have got into Red Dwarf, I no longer watch it anymore, because I don't like the way, it is aimed at Liverpudlian's, and the majority of Liverpudlian's, that I have spoken to (including Craig Charles) don't like "Brookside", even though I have a great deal of respect, for certain members of the cast, especially Sue Johnston, who was Chloe Annett's boss in - "Crime Traveller", and quite surprisingly, Paul McCartney, used to come over to her house, for tea, and she worked for Brian Epstein, before she went to Drama School!

So, I was just flicking channels, after a while, and to my surprise, I discovered that Red Dwarf, was starting on BBC2! As I didn't have a great deal to do, I decided that I would have a look at it. I realised that I had seen the opening sequences before, and I also recognised the theme. I couldn't remember when I had seen the opening sequences or where I had heard the theme, and that it must have been some considerable time ago, and I was quite surprised to discover that it had a live studio audience. Even though, I had worked it out, that it was a comedy, I had assumed, that as it was so technical, that it wouldn't have an audience at all, but even if it hadn't , I know that I would have still found it rather amusing anyway. What also surprised me, was the fact that it looked as if it was on a very high budget, when I had heard that it had been done on a cheaper budget. I was later to discover, that when I bought the earlier videos, that it had been done on a cheaper budget, and series three, was merely the same set, except that they had touched it up, a bit. Actually, | quite liked the earlier sets, and I did think that they had seemed rather ahead of their time, but it was just the red and grey colours, that weren't that special, but then again, they are on a mining ship, as apposed to the U.S. Enterprise, after all!

I was amazed to see Adolf Hitler was playing himself on the credits, and I couldn't get over the shocked laughter from the live audience!

I admit, that I wasn't to impressed by it to begin with, as I wasn't sure that it was my sort of thing, and in a sense it depressed me a little, when I discovered that there was only four characters in it, and that they were on a space ship for the rest of eternity, but it did remind me of something I'd seen. I later discovered, that it was - "2001 A Space Odyssey", that it had reminded me of, but as I had only seen clips of the film, at the time, I wasn't to realise that, until I'd seen it, in it's entirety. However, the fact that Lister's first name was Dave, was also familiar, but again, I wasn't to realise that he was sending up, Dave Bowman, and the reason that his surname is Lister, is relevant to the Lord Lister, who pioneered hygiene in hospitals, in the Victorian era, and again, he is the complete opposite of Lord Lister!

In a sense, the routine, between the Cat and Lister, and table golf, was very reminscent of The Goodies, but I had guessed, it would be like that to a certain extent, as they had all been in quarters, where they didn't get on, but that is where the similarity ends, and what did come as a surprise to me, where Red Dwarf is concerned, is the fact, that you have to follow it, which was one thing, that I certainly wasn't aware of, but I did find that I soon got into the plot and storyline, rather quickly.

I will now give my personal opinions on each character:

ARNOLD RIMMER

I recognised Chris Barrie, right away, as I had seen him, as the French Ambassadeur, in "Blackadder The Third", on countless occasions, over the years on video, and I was amazed to discover, that he was just as much an arrogant, trumped up little squirt, on Red Dwarf, just like he was on Blackadder, only better still, he was equipped with a Public School accent! I had also heard that there was a hologram character, in Red Dwarf, just like there are hologram characters, on "Star Trek The Next Generation", but I never understood, why, there was a hologram, on Red Dwarf, and again, I also assumed that he was a failed Commanding Officer! Mind you, I am the sort of person, that is easily fooled by appearances, which can be very deceptive, and especially, where Rimmer is concerned! But that is the beauty of his character! I realised very much later, that I was right, with regard to the fact, that I had seen Chris Barrie's name somewhere before. He was one of the voices on - "Spitting Image!", which I saw, when it was first on, and it is a very easy name to remember, when you think about it, and of course, he is Gordon Brittas, which I had seen clips of, over the years, and we have seen one series of - "The Brittas Empire", which was very good, but we're not into it, like we are, where Red Dwarf is concerned.

DAVE LISTER

I was a bit disappointed at first, to discover that he was a Liverpudlian, and my reaction to this was: Why oh Why, has there got to be a Liverpudlian in everything?! In fact, I had heard, that there was a Liverpudlian in Red Dwarf! I've just seen that lot on Channel Four! Now, if any Scousers read this review, please don't misinterpret my points of view. There are a lot of good Liverpudlian actors about, and I love their ready humour and wit, and I used to love - "The Liver Birds!". But I didn't like "Bread" at the time, I thought it was very weak on humour, compared to -"The Liver Birds", and we do have some pretty good actors in the Midlands, and up north! And I do tend to get rather annoyed, when most British programmes are aimed at Londoner's and Scousers, but that said, I did find that Lister been Liverpudlian, tended to support it, rather than dominate it, which does tend to happen, in a lot of cases, and not only that, his accent isn't that broad. In fact, I thought that his character was making fun of Liverpudlian's, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day! And I thought that the actor who played Lister was so good, and that he had obviously had Drama School training! I also assumed that he was a failed Officer and quite surprisingly, I also thought, that Rimmer, was his Commanding Officer! I had heard of Craig Charles vaguely, but I remember him more as a presenter, than anything else, and I vaguely remember him on News Night (which was a late chat show on ITV, which coincided with the first series of Red Dwarf. He used to present the videos). He has presented one or two things on BBC2 over the years, I remember his voice overs on The Mushy peas adverts and The Prudential advert, with the couples in the park. I have seen him briefly on "Them And Us", and I also remember him vaguely, when he was that radical poet, who used to knock The Conservative Party, around the early eighties, and I think I may have seen him on "Pebble Mill", over the years, doing his poetry spot. I saw bits of "The Go Getters", when it was on, and I have seen the odd column, that he has written over the years, possibly in The Guardian and The Daily Telegraph? But I never really associated him with Red Dwarf, even though I was more or less familiar with certain clips like for example - "The Everybody's Dead, Dave" bit in The End and the "Let's Go Out There And Twat It bit!", in Polymorph: Episode III, Red Dwarf III.

THE CAT

When I first saw the Cat, I originally, thought, that he was an American Officer, who was rather vain, with his appearance, and I really do feel, that on, the Red Dwarf: III: Episode V:"Timeslides", the Cat’s character, does come across, as more human, but he did seem, to be more of a loner, who seemed to like, his own company, a great deal, which I thought, didn't make, much sense, to his character, but I liked his character, and I did naturally, assume, that Cat, was his nickname! And, it wasn't, until: DNA: Episode II, Red Dwarf IV, that I worked it out, that he wasn't human, as I thought, that his behaviour, was rather illogical, to say the very least! And no human, could be, that vain and selfish, especially, when he caused, all of the scanners, to crash, in the Scanner Room, when all was said and done! And, why on Earth?, had he got, so many Beauty Aids, and why wasn't, he prepared to unplug them all, and I could not, get over, the Hot Wax Drip: Unsightly Hair Remover! Surely, there were more important things to life than blowing his hair, when there was the possibility of making contact, with mankind, once more, no matter how remote! At first, where his character was concerned, I thought that he was a very vain type, of humanoid alien, but the more I thought about it, the more I thought that he reminded me of something very familiar, but I just could not place it, until I decided to look at the Red Dwarf books in the shops, and I was quite surprised to discover, that his character, was descended from Cats, and that he was a Cat, and so there you have it! I had heard of Danny John-Jules vaguely, over the years, especially where his West End Musicals - "Cats", Carmen Jones and Starlight Express, are concerned, and Danny John-Jules, is quite an easy name to remember, really, and there is the odd quiz appearance, that I had heard of, over the years, and there is, need I say it - Barrington in "Maid Marian And Her Merry Men!", which is an entirely different world away, from the Cat! But I had seen clips from "Maid Marian And Her Merry Men", over the years, written by Tony Robinson, who I knew only too well as The Sheriff of Nottingham. And even though I had seen a Rastafarian character on the show, via the clips, I guessed quite correctly, that it was Danny! But I didn't know what the name of his character was, but when they repeated "Maid Marian And Her Merry Men" a few years ago, and when we saw it properly, we soon got into the plot, very quickly! And we were so impressed with it, that we decided to keep some of the episodes of the show on video cassette. And I have bought the very three first episodes of the show on video cassette, since then, which are really quite good! What did come to us as quite as a surprise, where "Maid Marian And Her Merry Men" was concerned, that it was of a musical nature, and I certainly hadn't been expecting that! And I was bit disappointed, that they couldn't get a later broadcasting time, because I believe it was very popular with adults, at the time!

KRYTEN

His character at first, reminded me of Max Headroom, on Channel Four, but his intelligence, definitely reminded me of Mr Spock. Kryten is an interesting mixture of several characters - "The Admirable Chrichton", Jeeves and CP30 from Star Wars, and he is what everyone would expect of an obedient and loyal service droid. I would later find out, that it was Robert Llewellyn who had been talking to Judi Spiers on BBC Radio Two, and he had been promoting his book - "The Man In The Rubber Mask", which I had bought at a later date, and I found it to be a very interesting book. I had heard of Robert Llewellyn vaguely, over the years. I had hear of his plays - "Mammon, Robot, born of Woman", the sequel "Onan" and his book - "The Reconstructed Heart", and he has also done a lot of voice overs, and his most recent play is - "Blue Helmets", which was fairly successful, a few years back. I have also seen his recent book - "Thin and Filthy Haired Haired, he was". Admittedly it looked very good, but it wasn't really my sort of thing, as it is a bit too factual for me, but I did find it quite interesting, and I would fully recommen it to anybody, who is interested in buying it.

HOLLY

From various clips of Red Dwarf over the years, I had either seen a man or a woman's face, floating around, on what appeared to be a computer screen, and to be quite honest, I found it rather scary! I did think that it reminded me of something, and I have since worked it out, that Holly is a mixture of HAL the voice computer on "2001 A Space Odyssey", and the picture of Big Brother, that dominates the monitor in peoples workplaces, and their homes, which is featured in the book and film - "1984", which was written by George Orwell. The late Richard Burton made a very good 'O' Brien, and Lister's alter ego - Sebastian Doyle, in - Back To Reality: Episode VI, Red Dwarf V, is a very good example of that character! To be honest, I had seen clips from Red Dwarf, over the years, and they had frightened me a little bit, especially the very well-known - Polymorph clip: Episode III, Red Dwarf III, with Mrs Rimmer. I saw a man with funny dreadlocks. A man with funny teeth, a man with a "H" on his forehead, a man with a robotic square shaped head, and from time to time a man or a womans head, floating around on a computer screen, and that can make you a bit sceptical, about watching a comedy series, like that! And I used to ask myself, when I saw these clips - "Who are these people?!". But I did find, that where the character of Holly was concerned, that once I had got used to seeing the head bouncing up and down, on the screen, I found that she/he was a very good supportive character, essential to the day to day running of the ship, and I really loved her/his ready cockney wit! And I had heard of Norman Lovett and Hattie Hayridge over the years, with their stand up comedy routines, but again, I had never really associated them with Red Dwarf!

THE PLOT

As I have more or less run over the first scene with Lister and the Cat, I will now review the rest of - "Timeslides". As I stressed earlier on, I more or less recognised Chris Barrie right away, and once he was with Lister, I felt that he supported him very well, and the "Hello Thicky" bit, reminded me of - "Mr Thicky Butler" in the Georgian Blackadder The Third episode: Sense And Senility: Episode IV, which Prince George preferred to call him, when he had got one on him, and I was rather amused, about his comment - "That he thought a glacier, was a man who fixed windows!", and I couldn't help but snigger, at his remark - "He used to blow us all off the bed covers, eating cauliflower cheese!", and I was really amazed at just how easily that Lister could be conned into believing that a piece of packing paper, painted red, and labelled - "Tension Sheet", could stop him from being depressed, just like that! Mind you, there are some people out there, who might just believe that fact, with all these highly priced novelty aids out there, on the market!

I was very impressed, with the way, that the photographs and slides, had mutated and had come to life, and I really felt that Grant Naylor Productions, had captured the Science Fiction element very well, without letting it take over the comedy side of it, and it gave it a real - "Star Trek" feel, and I did feel, that there was certainly more emphasis on the Science Fiction side of Red Dwarf, which is indeed sadly lacking, in a lot of these Science Fiction parodies, that I have seen over the years. The Ski Holiday slide, reminded me of the fact, that it was a comedy, once more, and so did the Frank Rimmer Wedding slide, who was quite cleverly played by Chris Barrie, and I did recognise him right away, of course, but I decided that he was very different to his Brother, in the sense, that he was an Officer, who had really belonged in the big league, by the way that he punched Lister, for just being there, and for some reason or other, I did sense, that Rimmer, seemed to be a bit of a coward, and I did wonder, how he had managed to become an Officer! But then again, his sort usually do become Officer's! I was amazed by Lister destroying one of Hitler's Nuremberg speeches, by sticking one on him, and stealing his briefcase! And I also thought that his dishonesty, over the years, had helped him to become an Officer, as he seemed to be very crafty to mind, and a bit too clever for his own good, and he was also very determined to - "Fix Everything", just so, that he didn't have to be stuck with these losers, for the rest of eternity! I also felt that the diary, that he had stolen from Hitler, reminded me of something, and I couldn't for the life of me, recall what it had reminded me of, and I was later to discover, that particular sketch in question, was having a go at the forged Hitler diaries, which had claimed to have been discovered in 1989, but they had later turned out to be fakes! With regard to them all being Officer's, I was very disappointed to discover, that the crew of Red Dwarf, weren't actually Officer's, once I got into Red Dwarf, that little bit more, and that Rimmer and Lister were merely Technician's! And I honestly feel that Red Dwarf could still work, if they were all Officer's! After all, there are a lot of failed Officer's about! But that is just one opinion, anyway. I thought that it was really funny, when I saw Lister's face on the old newspaper, after the bomb in the briefcase incident, which was actually based on the bomb plot, which von Stauffenberg, had been implicated in. But that didn't happen during one of Hitler's speeches, it actually happened during a conference! But I still found that sketch very amusing, nevertheless, even though the facts, weren't one hundred per cent right! After all, you can't have everything, can you?!

I could not get over the OM song, which was so obviously a send up, of some of the one word songs in the late eighties. I remember a song called VERY, which I must say, did have better backing than OM, and so did - "Two Pints Of Lager, And A Packet Of Crisps, please!". So, that is probably why they did get into the charts, at the very least! I had vaguely heard of Emile Charles, at the time. In fact, come to think of it, I was more familiar with his name, than I was with his Brothers! And it did come as quite as a surprise,to me, to discover, that they were really related! Emile Charles was Eddie in the film - "The Fruit Machine", and not only that, the comedian Robbie Coltrane, was one of his co-stars, but I have never seen that film, but I will record it, if it comes on, as I am rather curious to see it. However, we do have him on video as a guest in - "Spatz". He played Terry, and he was very good, and we did think that he reminded us of somebody, but we just couldn't place him, but Paul did think that he looked very similar to Craig Charles, and after a while, I realised that he was Liverpudlian, and that he was Emile Charles! His name was on definitely on the credits! I genuinely think that he is a very good actor in his own right, and it is a pity, that you don't hear of him, these days, but perhaps he may guest star on Red Dwarf again, and maybe he has got other commitments, like theatre work, and I think he has done the odd thing on Channel Four, from time to time. I really loved it, when Rimmer, loved the OM song, and I couldn't help sniggering at the Cat's comment to this was: - "Leave it out, the guy's an idiot!", and Lister's comment to this was: - "He's me!", and the Cat's comment to this was: - "Exactly!". Timeslides took on a very different feel, when Lister persuaded his younger self to take the Tension Sheet to the Patent Office, and it was quite a shock, when Cat and Kryten disappeared, because the Cat race never existed, because Lister didn't have a Cat to hide on board, because he was never a crew member in the first place, and they never rescued Kryten, which made me feel rather sad, because Lister had done some good, with his time onboard the Dwarf, and he wasn't a total failure, like he thought he was, and in a sense, it was really his destiny to be on the Dwarf, after all!

Ruby Wax, who played the presenter Blaize Falconberger, was really funny, and you could tell that she truly didn't like Lister because - "Sadly, Dave's life has recently been struck with tragedy. Well, actually it hasn't, but we can only hope!". I had heard that Graham Chapman, had been originally cast as the presenter, just before he died, and even though I had great respect for him as an actor and writer, I honestly don't think that part, would have suited him quite as well, as Ruby Wax, played it, but then again, it might have been written rather differently, for him, and I would have liked to have seen how he would have done that part, but that's one thing, that we will never know, sadly, and I have seen the film - "Citizen Kane", before I got into Red Dwarf, and I have got , wait for it - "The Legend Of Xanadu, by Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Tich on tape! And Xanadu is also mentioned in Samuel Taylor Coleridge's poem and "Xanadu" was also a film, which starred Olivia Newton-John and the late Gene Kelly, and The Electric Light Orchestra (ELO), performed all the music score. The best well-known songs from that movie are - "I'm Alive", "Xanadu" and from time to time, the forties number that Gene Kelly sang and danced with Olivia Newton-John, has been played on BBC Radio Two.

I liked the song - "Cash", that was performed, while Lister was making his way to the mansion in his Rolls Royce, and I was quite shocked to discover, that Craig Charles had written that song, and quite surprisingly, he also wrote - "Bad News", which Kryten plays on that tape of his, while he's sorting out the photographs, and he also wrote - "OM", which certainly doesn't come as a great surprise! I did think that "Cash" had been sung by Danny John-Jules originally, because it sounded like something he would sing, and even now, I don't really recognise Craig's voice, and not only that, he also wrote - "Handgun", which is the song he wrote for his:  Live on Earth! Show, and he still uses it, even now, when he goes on tour, and again, I didn't associate, that with him, either, but I have heard through various sources, that he did have a band at one time, but they definitely weren't like - "Smeg And The Heads!" Nobody could be like - "Smeg And The Heads!" I liked his Manservant Gilbert immediately, and I thought I also recognised him from somewhere, but again, I just couldn't place him, but ever determined to solve the mystery, I looked Robert Addie up, and I discovered that he had been Guy of Guisbourne in - "Robin Of Sherwood", along with Michael Praed and Jason Connery! I never saw - "Robin", but I had seen clips of it, and that is probably where I had seen him. It came as quite as a surprise to discover, that Koo Stark (I won't mention Prince Andrew!), was Lister's fiancee'! However, looking back on that now, I had heard through various sources, before I got into Red Dwarf, that she had been in it, and that she had had a great time!

It was also at this point, when I saw Lister come out of the Rolls Royce, that I knew that I had seen this chap somewhere before! My first thoughts were - 'Didn't I see him presenting something the other day? (The Go Getters) and - This chap's obviously had Drama School training! He's really good! This is making fun of Liverpudlian's, this is! His accent isn't that broad, he can't really be from there!'. Then something else also struck me, and that was his awful dress sense. At first, my obvious thoughts were -' This is how people must dress in the twenty fifth century, or whatever!". But once I saw the hat and coat, which didn't seem to go, very well, with his awful dreadlocks, those horrible tinted yellow sunglasses, and The Fred Flintstone 'T' shirt, I soon put two and two together, and I realised, that this wasn't how people dressed in the twenty fifth century! I put it down, to a careless and carefree attitude to his appearance, and downright slobbiness! As for "The Flintstones", I really used to love them, when I was a child! I have never seen the film, that was made a couple of years after - "Timeslides", but I certainly thought, that they were very ahead of their time, considering, that they had been made in the sixties, and I really love - Dino The Dinosaur! I also discovered that - "Backwards: Episode I and Timeslides: Episode V, Red Dwarf III had actually been filmed on The Tatton Park Estate, which is owned by The National Trust, which we are members of, incidentally, and we went there last year, but sadly, the exterior of The Mansion, which was used in - "Timeslides, was a very different Mansion, to the one in - "Timeslides", because it was a lot bigger, than the Tatton Park Mansion, which is also very nice, but the dining room, where Lister and Lady Sabrina, were having their evening meal, was the Dining Room in The Tatton Park Mansion, and the exterior shots, where the lake, Kryten and Rimmer, used the inflatable boat on, and the road in - Backwards: Episode I, Red Dwarf III, were definitely used, because I recognised the lake, right away, but as the weather was so bad, we didn't get chance to explore them properly, but we will go there again, one day. I couldn't get over the sausage and onion and gravy sandwich, which Lister had flown in from 'Luigi's Fish 'N' Chip Emporium, which was loosely based on Christina Onassis, having crates of Coca Cola, flown in, from the States to her Greek island, when it would have been a lot more economical, for her, to have had them bought from the supermarket, down the road! I know, that I would certainly have gone for the 'Lobster 'a la breche! I burst out into peals of laughter, when Lister announced in a casual way to Rimmer, whom he no longer recognised - "This is me bird!" and Rimmer's reply to this was: - "You refer to the Duke of Lincoln's eldest Daughter, as me bird?!". It was a shame, when Rimmer lost out, with his speech, about how much better off he was, compared to Lister, but then again, just what exactly did he expect, against all that wealth!".

Rimmer, was rather desparate to go back and fix it all, so that it would be him, who invented the Tension Sheet, instead of Lister, but what did he have to lose? After all, it was going to be quite a few years, before Lister reached seventeen, and after all, he did have a duty to rescue Lister, and not to mention, that he was a complete and utter bastard! That was the line that decided it for me, the line that encouraged me to set up the video, for the next episode, of this exciting new comedy, and I kept on wishing - 'If only Paul were here beside me now, he'd crack up, and he would think, that it was really good!". I liked the younger Rimmer, whom I also felt rather sorry for, because he was just like him in miniature! He also reminded me of the two young boys, who had been in The Alliance And Leicester adverts, and Hugh Laurie and Stephen Fry, had done the voice overs for them! I liked the fact that he was wearing his boxing gloves, I thought that his teddy bear, with the military helmet on, was really sweet, and I liked the way, that the boy's first names had been crossed out, at the bedsteads. For example - Thicky Fred Holden and Bonehead Arnold Rimmer. In fact, I found it rather amusing! I thought Rimmer got over to his other self, about what he had got to do rather well, but you knew that things weren't going to work out, by the way, that young Mr Holden, had suddenly woken up, and was listening to their conversation quite intently, and more importantly, he didn' t seem to care, and what was more, he didn't seem frightened, and he didn't even question, why there was this young man, with a "H" on his forehead, leaning over the bed, discussing, with his younger self, about a project, that he had stolen from Holden, anyway. No, Mr Holden, seemed more to my mind, to be more interested, in what he could also get out of this project, while he had the opportunity. I liked the younger Rimmer's boxing gloves, and the way that the present Rimmer, told him, that he would be better off, writing the ideas down on a piece of paper, and I really loved the fact that he couldn't go to the Patent Office, first thing in the morning, because he had extra rugger practice, because he was so wet! I think if I had the chance to become a mulit billionaire, I think I would have rather have said to myself - 'To hell with the consequences, I think I'll risk a beating later on! They probably wouldn't dare to touch me, once they discovered, that I was a billionaire, anyway!".

Once Rimmer, was out of the slide, back in the photo lab, I really liked his rendition of - "If I Were A Rich Man" (I have seen the film - "Fiddler On The Roof", it was very good). It was a great shame to discover that he had failed, and when the others came back, I did think that it was rather strange, that they didn't seem to see him, but I have since worked it out, that they were in a kind of limbo, because the timelines, hadn't sorted themselves out, and I knew right away, that Rimmer was alive, because the "H" had disappeared off his head, but it came as quite a surprise, once he got himself killed, again, by disturbing a crate of explosives! There could have been an explanation for why Rimmer was alive, once more, but I eventually put it down to the timelines, been all over the the place, being the only logical explanation, and sooner or later, he would have been destined, to have got killed, all over again, sooner or later!

So, with that quite significant episode of Red Dwarf, now finished, I found myself feeling rather sad and I kept wishing to myself - "If only Paul had being here. Oh, how he would have laughed!". So, without any further ado, I found myself setting up the video recorder, for the following week, and when Paul got in, about half an hour later, I told him - "I'm recording this Red Dwarf. It's ever so good! It's just like Star Trek and Blackadder and the chap who plays the Liverpudlian, he's really funny!". And Paul and I saw - The Last Day: Episode VI, Red Dwarf III, the following Friday, and quite surprisingly, he found it rather funny, and he thought that Kryten was just like Spock, but when we watched - Justice: Episode III, Red Dwarf IV, he had to tell me that Craig Charles, was really Liverpudlian, because I kept on saying - "He's really good with that Liverpudlian accent! That came as quite a surprise to me, and Paul thought that I had been joking, when I had told him that, at the time, but I can assure one and all, that I definitely wasn't joking, where that was concerned!

Marie Birch

July 2002