THE CRAIG CHARLES POETRY WEBSITE
Craig Charles: Poetry Career On Television
During the early nineteen eighties, Craig had
appeared, on Pebble Mill (Craig was their Resident Poet, when he had been,
merely, Sixteen years old, and he had had, the honour, of performing his
Poetry, in front of Princess Anne!). During the early nineteen eighties, Craig
had appeared, on Riverside (Craig had also been, their Resident Poet). During
the early nineteen eighties, Craig had appeared, as a Guest Star, on the show:
Black On Black. During the mid-nineteen eighties,
Craig had appeared, on Wogan (Craig had been, the Resident Poet, on the Chat Show,
and later on, he had had a spot, on the Chat Show, where he had discussed,
general day to day topics, with Terry Wogan, and he had also stood in, for
Terry Wogan, as a Presenter, when he had been, on Holiday, and he had
interviewed: Brigitte Nielson, at the time. And, Craig, had also been
interviewed, on the Chat Show, himself, when he had eventually, become a
Household name, as Dave Lister, on Red Dwarf, via the former top: Criminal
Barrister: Clive Anderson, who is now, a very successful Presenter, who had
also stood in, for Terry Wogan, whenever he had been, on Holiday!).
During 1990, Craig had appeared, on The
Oxford Road Show, as a Punk Style Poet. During 1991/1992?,
Craig had hosted, the Consumer Affairs Show: Them And Us. During 1991?/1992?, Craig had also been, one, of the many Presenters,
on the Educational Children’s Programme: English Express ( I have got some of
the originally Poems, that Craig, had composed, for the Educational Children’s
Programme: English Express, at the time. And, I promise,
that I will definitely, sort them out, for my Craig Charles Poetry Website, at
a later date!)
Craig Charles: Poetry Beginnings
Craig had
originally, quoted the Poem: I Want To Feel Your Bum,
on Wogan, when he was been interviewed by Clive
Anderson, at the time. To my surprise, I have heard, since then, that: I Want To Feel Your Bum, had been, the original Poem, that Craig,
had composed, for a Poetry competition, in The Guardian. And the best of it all, was that he had been, only Twelve years old, when he
had originally composed, the Poem: I Want To Feel Your Bum, at the time!
I Want To Feel Your Bum
I wanna feel your bum, but I know,
you'll slap me hand. Every time I see you smile, it makes me want to stand. I
want to kiss your lips, but I'm scared about me breath.
I wanna hold your hand, but I'm half frightened to
death. I want to drop formalities and let my fingers roam, but me mum's banging on the ceiling, telling me to take you
home. I wanna take you to the picture's,
your studys in the way. And leaving can be grieving,
when you always wanna stay. I wanna
marry you this instant, and let my feelings delve, but me
Dad says I'll have to wait, because I'm only twelve.
This is
quite a popular Poem of Craig's, which I had originally, come across, in: The
Official Red Dwarf Fan Club’s: Former: Fanzine: Better Than Life, and it is a
Poem, that Craig, had been, kind enough to perform, at the Red Dwarf Dimension
Jump 1995 Convention, and for, his: Live on Earth! Show.
George McGee
I knew a
kid at school by the name of George McGee. He was always passing wind and
blaming it on me. He'd hit me in the classroom and especially in PE. Like he's waiting for me to get the ball when playing in the gym.
And then push me over or kick me in the shin. He was the sort of kid who cheats
at conkers. It wasn't totally his fault, his family were bonkers. He did his homework once,
he made me a jealous sight. That was until he got his back and found it wasn't
right. But he was that sort of kid, the sort who washes hamsters in Vim. The
teachers took him away and did some tests on him. I hand't
seen him from that to this until despite my pleading. The little sneak on
Tuesday week, he pulled me up for speeding.
This poem,
is a particular poem, that Craig, had also quoted to a Lady at the front of the
audience, at the Red Dwarf Dimension Jump 1995 Convention, and he had also
quoted it, to susceptible young ladies, at his: Live on Earth! Show. Now, I am going, to have to study, his: Live on Earth!
Show Video, a bit more closely, because I originally copied this Poem, from an
earlier edition, of: The Official Red Dwarf Fan Club’s: Former: Fanzine: Better
Than Life, but Craig has updated it since, but for the
time being, I will put it in, as I copied it.
Wherewithal
My Love?
She's
pretty in lace, in satin, in silk, she's mine. That's not to say I own her,
just a timeshare holder. She's pretty, she's pale, she's soft, she's warm, she's clean. She's a computer rash in my machine. Affecting time and motion. Thought and
deed and wherewithal my love. Where? With all? My love.
And the Punchline. He had to spoil
it, didn't he? "It always gets me laid!".
These two Poems, are featured, on Craig's: 1995: Live on Earth! Show,
but I originally found them, in the News of The World, about a week, after
Craig's Exclusive, about the sheer Hell, that he had been through, during the
notorious Rape Trial, which had mainly focused, on his time on remand at Wandsworth.
I will
give a brief synopsis, which I had originally, acquired, via the feature, in
The News of The World, during March 1995. So, here goes: From Poem To A Cell Mate, which is a composite of a number of men,
Craig came into contact with, and it focuses, on their most unsavoury
traits. Part of it reads.
Poem To A
Cell Mate
I
hate the way you eat. The
sloping and the popping. The sucking of your
teeth. And by the way, I hate the way that you breath.
I hate the way you sleep. The clucking and the
bucking. The grinding of your teeth.
I hate the way you speak, I hate the way you wash, The way you hold the
flannel, The bucket and the mop, Being with you never ever seems to stop...
Down The
Block - about the tough jail's punishment wing – had originally, been written,
after the Warders, had searched Craig's Cell, on his third day inside. He
said: "I think they just wanted to come in and have a look at me, because
I wasn't coming out of my cell. I was a celebrity, and they just wanted
to rumble me". The verses, include a
reference to Officers, checking in the stars slop bucket, searching for drugs,
and it contains the lines:
Down The Block
They
started digging in my detritus. Their wrists were in my slop. They
were trying to intimidate. To make me have a pop.
So they could finish me off Down The Block.
Another
one goes:
The
lock snaps back. The metal tips tap. A military tattoo to the air.
There's the smell of disenchantment. The colour of despair. And
bitterness everywhere.
But the
first Down The Block Poem, which Craig had written, had been, inspired by his
girlfriend at the time, Linda Haver, who had
encouraged him, on her Prison Visits to get writing. It had recalled a Romantic
trip, the couple, had made to Loch Ness, before Craig, had
been charged. I had noticed, as I did have, a very brief look, at
Craig’s: No Other Blue: Poetry book, in the shops, during 1998, that Craig had
included this Poem, but it is simply entitled: Inverness. But where Craig's
Poetry Website, is concerned, I have transcribed, this Poem, in it's original format, as I do have
a tendency, as a Part-time writer, to explore, all written works, to their
fullest potential! So, for all of those romantics out there, here is:
Linverness
(Renamed: Inverness)
Time slipping by. Just like
water thru fingers. The waterfalls higher.
Above in the distance. We climb side by
side. And as God is my witness. I look in your eyes. And I
drown in the blueness. Linverness.
One
further note: During that short promotion, via The News of The World, those
poems and more, had been, available at the time, via a
telephone call, because Craig, had recited them in a Rap style. I did
not, contact the telephone number myself, at the time, but I had gathered, via
the Red Dwarf Dimension Jump 1998 Convention, that Craig had recited a new
poem, in a Rap style, and that, it had been, entitled: Snot
Rap. But for the time being, that is all, that I know, about that! But if do come across, any new
information, with regard, to that, then I can easily, transcribe the Poem, for
this Website, in question!
For the
time being, however, that is all the Poems of Craig Charles, that I have
available, in Text Format! But I promise, that I will do, my very best to find
some more, of Craig’s Poems, to transcribe, for this Website, in question,
because I really do feel, that there, may be, one or two, of Craig’s Poems, in:
The Official Red Dwarf Fan Club’s: Former: Fanzine: Better Than Life. And, I
will transcribe, some of Craig’s Poems, via his: Live On
Earth! Show, whenever I have got the time, and I had, originally bought,
Craig's Poetry Book: No Other Blue: His First
Collection of Poetry, during the Spring of 1999, and I thought, that it was very good,
indeed, and I would thoroughly recommend it, to anybody, who is interested, in
Craig’s work, as a Poet, anyhow!
Also featured, in Craig’s First
Collection of Poetry: No Other Blue, are a
series of cartoon illustrations, by Phillipa Drakeford, which had originally been, sold at £5.99 in
Viking Books, in all good bookshops, from the 8th of January 1998, up until
2001?
Craig had also informed me, at the Red Dwarf Dimension Jump 1995
Convention, that the Late Poet Laureate: John Betjeman,
had originally, inspired him, to write his Poetry. And, I have decided, to set
up, a Web link, for the Late Poet Laureate: John Betjeman, just in case,
anybody, who comes across this Web page, is interested, in the works of the
Late Poet Laureate: John Betjeman:
During 1998, Craig Charles had originally
published: No Other Blue: His First Collection of Poetry.
And, Craig Charles’ Children's Series, and
Children's Cartoon Series: Poetry Book: Scary Fairy (which he had originally written,
for his eldest Daughter: Anna-Jo, during 2006), had originally, been proposed,
for Publication, during October 2009.
Scary Fairy
Scary Fairy,
woke up early, in the wood, behind the Dairy, and was sure, she saw a sight,
she swore, she had never seen before. A little girl in a
bonny jacket, making such an awful racket, heading for the Cedar tree,
bluebells way up, past her knee. This little girl should be out riding,
the dark wood thought, as it looked down, and gave a terrifying frown. The girl
had on a riding hood of a colour of the deepest
blood. Scary Fairy, hair all curly, was curious about this girlie, so
scrambling from her tiny hollow, beat her wings and went to follow. Red Riding Hood, was heading through the middle of the wood, where
Scary Fairy knew her Grandma’s tiny Cottage stood. Red Riding Hood, passed her Grandpa, pruning back some hedges, so Scary
Fairy, was quite wary and hovered round the edges, and she had seen him chop,
some of her Favourite trees, down dead. And, Scary
Fairy, had heard, the echoing sound, of the axel blade, of the chopping off, of
his head!
And so it goes on!
And Craig Charles, had originally, recited
the Poem: Scary Fairy, from his Children's Series and Children's Cartoon
Series: Poetry Book: Scary Fairy (which he had originally written, for his
eldest Daughter: Anna-Jo, during 2006), which had originally, been proposed,
for Publication, during October 2009, at The Memorabilia Fair, at The
Birmingham NEC, Birmingham, West Midlands, which had ran, from Saturday the
28th of March 2009 (and that, had been, the day, that I had actually attended,
The Memorabilia Fair, at The Birmingham NEC, Birmingham, West Midlands!), up
until, Sunday the 29th of March 2009.
On Friday the 30th of October 2015, Friday Night Is Music
Night, and the BBC Philharmonic Orchestra, had brought, the World Premiere, of: Scary Fairy and The Tales
of The Dark Wood, a Poem Performed, and Written, by Craig
Charles, with a New Orchestral Score, Composed by Iain Farrington,
in an Evening, that had been Full, of Fairy Tales and Magic, for Halloween, on the
BBC Radio Two Station, which had Featured,
Names and Fables, that are, very Familiar, from the Fairy Tales, of your
Childhood, but they, had been told, through the eyes, of a Character, you had
not, even Realised, had been there: Scary Fairy!
Scary Fairy and The Tales of The Dark Wood:
A Poem Performed, and Written, by Craig Charles, with a New Orchestral Score,
Composed by Iain
Farrington, in an Evening, that had been Full, of Fairy Tales
and Magic, for Halloween, on Friday Night Is Music
Night, and the BBC Philharmonic
Orchestra, on the BBC Radio Two Station, on Friday the 30th of October 2015, had Featured, Names and Fables, that are, very Familiar,
from the Fairy Tales, of your Childhood, but they, had been told, through the
eyes, of a Character, you had not, even Realised, had been there: Scary Fairy!
And Louise Minchin, had
also, Presented, a Programme, of some, of the most Enchanting Pieces, in
Classical Music, including: Tchaikovsky’s: Sleeping Beauty Waltz, and The
Sorcerer’s Apprentice, and John Williams: Harry Potter Film Score, on Friday
Night is Music Night, and the BBC Philharmonic
Orchestra, on the BBC Radio Two Station, on Friday the 30th of October 2015.
On Wednesday the 30th of September 2015,
Craig had appeared, as a Guest, on the BBC1: Magazine Programme: The One Show,
and Craig had Recited, a Part, of his Recent Poem: Scary Fairy, at Lightning
Speed.
On,
Friday the 6th of January 2017, Friday Night Is Music Night, Clark Rundell, had
Conducted, the BBC Philharmonic Orchestra, at their Studio, at MediaCityUK, Salford, Manchester, Greater Manchester, in a
Concert, of Musical Fairy Tales, which had been, Recorded, during December
2016, for the BBC
Radio Two Station. And Craig Charles, had been, the Narrator, in another: World
Premiere, of his re-telling, of the Hansel and Gretel Story, from Scary Fairy and The Tales of The Dark
Wood: A Poem Performed, and
Written, by Craig Charles, with a New Orchestral Score, Composed by Iain Farrington,
in an Evening, that had been Full, of Fairy Tales and Magic, which had Featured,
Names and Fables, that are, very Familiar, from the Fairy Tales, of your
Childhood, but they, had been told, through the eyes, of a Character, you had
not, even Realised, had been there: Scary Fairy!
And Louise Minchin, had also, Presented:
Hannah Waddingham, and Joseph Shovelton, in Songs, from Into the Woods, Pinocchio,
Brigadoon and Wicked. And, there had been, Ballet Music, from Prokofiev and
Tchaikovsky, on Friday Night is Music Night, and the BBC Philharmonic Orchestra, on the BBC
Radio Two Station, on Friday the 6th of
January 2017.
(Come back to this, at a later date! Marie
Birch)
Craig Charles Scary Fairy – Fri - 7.12.18
The Scary Fairy Saves Christmas
For this unique performance recorded at the
Lowry Theatre in Salford, Craig Charles joins forces once again with the BBC
Philharmonic Orchestra in this, the latest installment
in his series of modern day fairy tales. Written in conjunction with composer
Iain Farrington, the Scary Fairy once again features a larger than life
cinematic score as Craig's fable in rhyme takes the listener on a seasonal
adventure packed full of humour and nostalgia with plenty of twists and turns
along the way.
Presented by Angellica
Bell, the first part of the concert features the BBC Philharmonic and conductor
Clark Rundell with a programme of wintry delights.
These include movements from Tchaikovsky’s Nutcracker Ballet Suite, Skating
from Prokofiev’s Winter Bonfire, The Dance of the Tumblers from Rimsky
Korsakov’s Snow Maiden and Claude Thornhill’s
Snowfall. They are also joined by guest singer Curtis Stigers
who performs with the BBC Philharmonic for the very first time in a set that
includes his own hits, I Wonder Why and Never Saw A Miracle, combined with the
festive groove of Christmas classics such as Let It Snow and Have Yourself a
Merry Little Christmas.
Poem for Jake (Abraham) by Craig Charles For a Tribute and For National Poetry Week.
It’s not an easy death, the
catch in the throat, the rattling chest, the crying in pain, the gasping for
breath, yearning to end as your holding the hand of a friend, at the last. All
things must pass. RIP Jake.
And, that, had reminded
Craig, of their Days, Dancing In The Boogaloo.
Funkadelic One Nation Under a Groove.
PAGE LAST UPDATED:
4TH DECEMBER 2023
MORE UPDATES COMING SOON!