A REVIEW OF RED DWARF VII

BY MARIE BIRCH AND KEVIN BLAKE

This Review, of Red Dwarf VII, was first published, on The Puzlebox Red Dwarf Website, and in: The Inquisitor Red Dwarf Fanzine: Issue No 9. Unfortunately however, my good friend: Kevin Blake, who had co-contributed, to this Review, during 1997, had officially, closed down, his: The Puzlebox Red Dwarf Website, during April 2000. Kevin had published my work, on The Puzlebox Red Dwarf Website, from November 1996 to the Spring of 1999. And, as a consequence of this, all of the Red Dwarf related articles, and all, of the non related Red Dwarf articles, that Kevin, had originally published, for me, on The Puzlebox Red Dwarf Website, were no longer available, for viewing and downloading! Fortunately however, as a precaution (as Kevin, had to contend with, connection problems, from time to time!), I set up my very own: Unofficial Xanadu Red Dwarf Website, during March 1997, as a safeguard, along with my other, non related Red Dwarf Websites! Unfortunately however, I have only just got round, to setting up the link, for my two Red Dwarf VII Reviews, in question, until only recently! Fortunately however, that has since been, rectified, thank goodness! And, all of my Red Dwarf Material, is now up to date, for once and for all!

Anyway, without any further ado, these two Red Dwarf VII Reviews, in question, are now available, for viewing, and downloading, at your convenience! I sincerely hope, that anybody, who comes across them, will appreciate, the effort, that, I have put into them, anyhow! And, I have also sorted out, some corrections, for my two Red Dwarf VII Reviews, in question! And, I have also greatly revamped, my two Red Dwarf VII Reviews, in question! And finally, I have also sorted out, some updated information, for my two Red Dwarf VII Reviews, in question, into the bargain, as well! And, any comments, will be, greatly appreciated!

Unfortunately however, I am fully aware, that there are certain aspects, of these two Red Dwarf VII Reviews, in question, that desperately, need amending! And, these two Red Dwarf VII Reviews, in question, will also need, some more updated information, added to them, in the near future! And, as it has taken me, the best part of three years, to re-link, these two Red Dwarf VII Reviews, in question, on to my Unofficial Xanadu Red Dwarf Website, and not to mention, my having to sort out, a lot of corrections, and having to revamp, and sort out, some updated information, for these two Red Dwarf VII Reviews, in question, quite considerably, into the bargain! And therefore, I really do feel, that I am definitely, entitled to a bit of a break, where that is concerned, when it actually comes down to it, at the end of the day! But I can, easily sort out, any more amendments, and some more updates, for these two Red Dwarf VII Reviews, in question, at a later date!

In the meantime however, I sincerely apologise, for any inconvenience, caused by this!

Thank you.

Marie Birch

A REVIEW OF RED DWARF VII

BY MARIE BIRCH AND KEVIN BLAKE

I was a bit disappointed, at first, when I first saw, the new series of Red Dwarf, when I discovered, that they were not going to use, the original ending, on the Smeg Ups video, where Kryten, served the crew, with what he thought, was chilled margaritas, and they turned out, to be urine recyc! However, once Lister had got through, with explaining, how they‘d all survived, the attack, via their future selves, and I had also got over, the shock, of seeing, all of the new state of the art, special effects, I soon found, that I got into the new series, of Red Dwarf, very quickly.

Naturally, I do prefer the old style of filming, to the new style of filming, and I personally felt, that it would work, a lot more effectively, with a Red Dwarf movie, rather than a series of Red Dwarf! But I did feel, that these things, do have to be experimented with, to see how the fans, would take to them, when it actually comes down to it, at the end of the day! I preferred the single-camera technique, on Starbug, more so. The only thing, I didn‘t like about that, was how it made Starbug, look cartoony, at times! But that said, I did feel, that it needed, to be speeded up, a bit, as it did seem, rather slow, where the old style of filming, Starbug, was concerned! And I did miss seeing, the Starbug model, close up, at times, but the way, that it glided through, deep space, alongside, the pretty planets, more than made up for that, anyhow!

So, without, any further ado, along with Kevin Blake, we have reviewed, all of the eight episodes of Red Dwarf VII:

EPISODE I: TIKKA TO RIDE

The single-camera technique, worked a lot better, on the exterior shots, especially, where “Tikka To Ride”, was concerned. And I didn‘t like it,, when they went into the cargo decks, where the time-drive was situated, as it seemed to overpower them all, somewhat! And where the first episode, of Red Dwarf VII, was also concerned, I didn‘t feel, that the crew, seemed to get it together (but it has been two years, since they had done, a series, of Red Dwarf, which isn‘t, all that surprising, really! And even Robert Llewellyn, quoted in a Science fiction magazine, that it did take, quite a while, for them all, to get back into it, once again!), until they did the exterior shots, where the John F. Kennedy scene, was concerned! And that episode, to my mind, seemed like, a sort of follow-on, to – “Timeslides, Episode V, Red Dwarf III”, especially, where the man, on the grassy knoll, was concerned! And the seriousness, of the mess, that the Dwarfer’s, had all landed themselves in, reminded me, of – “Gunmen Of The Apocalypse, Episode III, Red Dwarf VI”. And, “Tikka To Ride”, also reminded me, very much of Star Trek's – “City On The Edge Of Forever”, which “Timeslides, Episode V, Red Dwarf III”, is also very loosely, based on, and I personally felt, that “Tikka To Ride”, will probably, be officially classed, as the best episode, of Red Dwarf VII, when it actually comes down to it, at the end of the day!

EPISODE II: STOKE ME A CLIPPER

With regard to, where “Stoke Me A Clipper”, was concerned, where Lister was situated, in the Camelot: Artifical Reality (AR) game, it reminded me, of the start of the “Gunmen Of The Apocalypse, Episode III, Red Dwarf VI”. Unfortunately however, Queen Guinevere, was a very poor relation, to Loretta, but I did feel, that the setting of the Camelot Artificial Reality game, was very good, indeed. And I thought, that, it would have worked, a lot better, if Queen Guinevere had been Loretta, so to speak! When Ace Rimmer, was on the plane, in the Second World War scenario, I thought, that, when he was shooting at the German Officer, on the plane, was very good, indeed. But when Ace fought, with Captain Vorhese’s (also spelt Vorhese) crocodile, called Snappy (real name: Alison, from London Zoo), that it seemed a bit, too far-fetched, for my liking, even though the animation, where the crocodile, was fighting with Ace, was very good, indeed! And I think, that it would have been a lot better, if Princess Bonjella, had looked, more like, Mellie! But that said, I liked the Nazis, chasing after Ace, which was very effective, indeed, especially, as they were a World War Two, Re-enactment society, just like the “Gunmen cowboys” were. And the Camelot Artificial Reality Knights, were also a Re-enactment society, which supported it, very well, indeed. But it would have helped, if they could have had, one or two, more well-known actors, in it (Brian Cox, was very supportive, indeed, as King Arthur, incidentally!), to help support it, a bit more!

It was a real shame to discover, that Ace Rimmer, was not the original Ace Rimmer, from “Dimension Jump, Episode V, Red Dwarf IV”, but a hologrammatic version of the original Ace Rimmer, who had died, quite sadly, via a neutron tank explosion, in Dimension 165. And he wanted Rimmer, to take over from him, but I got used to that, especially when Rimmer supported him, when he became seriously ill, via his gunshot wound, caused by the German Officer, on the ground, because Ace Rimmer, is a part of him, even though he would never admit it, in a million years! I also liked the hamster, which Rimmer saw, inside of his mind, instead of the cougar, which Ace, desperately tried, to make him see, to give him, the strength, which was what, he would need, to become, the next Ace Rimmer! I also liked the way, that he was struggling, with the wig and glasses, which Ace, so confidentally wore, and the fight, with the King’s Knight, from the Artificial Reality Machine, which was really Lister, all along! And the way, that Rimmer, defended himself, with a blank bazookoid, proved, for once and for all, that he can definitely, look after himself, if he puts his mind, to it! And finally, the way, that Lister and Rimmer, became good friends, when he took over, from Ace, before he left the crew, was quite touching, really! I soon found, that once, that I had seen, that episode, in question, a couple of times, it was very good, indeed! And even though, there were one or two flaws, in it, you cannot beat Ace Rimmer, where “Dimension Jump, Episode V, Red Dwarf IV”, and “Emohawk, Episode IV: Polymorph II, Red Dwarf, VI”, are concerned, when it actually comes down to it, at the end of the day! But that said, it was still a very clever episode, of the new series, of Red Dwarf!

EPISODE III: OUROBOROS

"Ouroboros", was quite a clever episode, and it was quite significant, in my mind, when it started off, at The Aigburth Arms in Liverpool, especially when it started off, with the Baby Lister (Alexander John-Jules, Danny John-Jules’ nephew), under the Pool table, who looked just like him, in miniature! A Picture of complete, and utter, Cherubic and Seraphic innocence!

The dental floss routine, was quite funny, and it was a lot more reminiscent of the old Lister, from Red Dwarf I and Red Dwarf II! I also liked Lister, as Spanners in “Dimension Jump, Episode V, Red Dwarf IV”, and even though, he had ended up, as a hologram, you could definitely, tell the difference, between them! And, his Scouse accent, was far more, polished! It was very good, that they had, the two Boyz, from the Dwarf, back, on a parallel Red Dwarf, itself! And it was great, that Rimmer was in it, even though, it was a flashback to the old days, once again, except, that the parallel version of Red Dwarf, was a lot more, high-tech looking, than the Red Dwarf, that we are more familiar with! And, I had really loved, Lister’s: brand new: Hawaiian gear!

And, the new Kochanski, Chloe Annett, was very good, but I was rather surprised, to discover, that she wasn‘t Scottish, like Clare Grogan. Even though Clare, was a very good Kochanski, at the time, it would have been far better, if Ms Annett, had been in it, from the very first series of Red Dwarf, onwards! And I did feel, that she was a bit too yuppified, at times, but that is a thing, that you really can, get used to, after a time, anyhow! And her portrayal, of Kochanski, did remind me of Gabrielle Drake (who originally starred, in the nineteen sixties: Science Fiction series: U.F.O), from time to time, who is one, of my all-time, well-respected actresses, whom I originally saw, at the Grand Theatre in Wolverhampton, in the 1976, Pantomime, as Robinson Crusoe, whom she portrayed, very well, indeed, alongside a young Su Pollard (Peggy Ollerenshaw, in the nineteen eighties comedy series: Hi De Hi!), and as Dame Lucia D’alvadores, in Charley’s Aunt, during 1990? I have looked up Chloe Annett, on the Internet, and I was surprised to discover, that she had appeared, in Danielle Steele’s Jewels (Ms Steele, is my all-time: Favourite Romantic Fiction Writer!), and she, has also appeared, in the Film: Double X: The Name Of The Game (1992), alongside, Norman Wisdom, whose act, we went to see, at Dudley Town Hall, Dudley, West Midlands, during 1996, the week before, we had been, to see: Craig Charles: Live on Earth! Show, at Oxford Brookes University, at the Headington Campus, just outside, Oxford, Oxfordshire! Chloe has also appeared in Jeeves and Wooster, Caedfel, The Ruth Rendall Mysteries, Families, Byker Grove, and Covington Cross, and she even had, her own Science-Fiction series: Crime Traveller, which ran, alongside Red Dwarf VII, during 1997, and I had seen, two episodes of: Crime Traveller, at the time! Also starring, in: Crime Traveller, were Michael French, who had played: Jeff Slade ((Wicksy, in Eastenders, and Mick Jordan, in Holby City), and Sue Johnston (Sheila Grant, in Brookside, who has also appeared, in an Episode of Inspector Morse, alongside Sean Bean (Sharpe, in Sharpe), who had played: Holly Turner’s Boss: Detective Chief Inspector: Kate Grisham, and Richard Wilson (Victor Meldrew, in One Foot in The Grave, and Dr Norman Thorpe, in Only When I Laugh). And, I was quite impressed, with Crime Traveller, because I really am, into time-travel, where my Love, of Science-Fiction, is concerned! And, you can also tell, that Chloe, has been, to Drama School, full-time, which is, a very good asset, for the start, of her new Role, as: Kristine Kochanski, from Red Dwarf VII, onwards!

Lister and Kryten’s, double act, where his jealousy, was concerned, was very good, but it did go on a bit longer, than I was used to, and that is where you can certainly feel, the great loss of Rimmer! But with the new character of Kochanski, in it, she does get more involved with the crew, as they go along, and as it was just an introductory episode, for the new character, of Kochanski, I definitely feel, that Lister and Kryten’s double act, will gradually revert back, to what it was, in time! Not only that, I also felt, that Kochanski and Kryten, had a very good double act, as well, when they were trying to re-establish the linkway, and the way that he imitated her hips swivelling, was really quite hilarious, when Kryten did, what he thought, was a very good impression, of the way, she walked! And as for the Cat‘s remark to Lister – “You were born in a box? Why, that explains everything!”, just has to be one of the best, all time jokes of Red Dwarf VII! {Sort out, an ending, for Ouroboros, at a later date! Marie Birch}

EPISODE IV: DUCT SOUP

The Title: Duct Soup, was borrowed, from the Marx Brother’s film - "Duck Soup", was quite a deep Red Dwarf episode, and you do need to watch it, quite a few times to appreciate it, a lot more, but I definitely found, that it made the characters, more human, anyhow! Kryten and Kochanski’s double act, was really quite amusing, especially when he made her so upset, and he kept on making, very loud, irritating noises, and he was quite obviously, pretending, that the pipes in the boiler room, were playing up, by making all of those 'Nurieek'ing and 'rotut'ing, sounds! And just when you expect them to 'nurieek' again, they 'sqweloookle!' Not been able to take much more, and on the verge of a nervous breakdown, Kochanski came down, into the mid section of Starbug, armed with a spanner, and ear muffs, and Kryten compared her appearance, to Princess Leia, of "Star Wars!". You very soon discover, that she is actually Scottish, born in the Gorbals, which according to Lister, is a really high-class part of Scotland! The explanation, where the loss of Kochanski’s Scottish accent, is concerned, has been caused, by years of her, being educated at the very best of educational establishments, that her parents could afford to send her to, and that, she has been in deep space, for all this time anyway! And not only that, as I act myself, I am fully aware, that not using the correct accent, in a film or a series, isn‘t all that important, when it actually comes down to it, at the end of the day! And there is also the fact, that Kochanski, hails from a parallel universe, and therefore, there are bound to be differences, between the Kochanski, from the Boyz from the Dwarf’s universe, and the Kochanski, from the parallel universe, when it actually comes down to it, at the end of the day! And it is the way, that the character comes across, that is far more relevant, when it actually comes down to it, at the end of the day! And the way, that Kryten tried to comfort her, with the Heimlich Manoeuvre, is really funny, because he gets crying, mixed up with choking, and Kochanski has to inform him, that he has a corrupted file, in his databanks!

Kochanski just could not, take life, on board, and neither, can Lister, obviously, with her around! And the thermostat in his quarters, is so hot, it is the equivalent of being in the tropics, and especially as, there is a woman on board, and his cherubic and seraphic sexual frustration at handling the situation, makes him so endearing, especially, when he gives up his quarters for Kochanski, and he turns some old retro housing, into a bath for her, and giving her some new clothes and some make-up, which makes him seem, very romantic indeed! And you really do feel, poor old Kryten’s heart breaking, when he sees the future, and it makes your heart bleed, when Lister (whose dinner suit, looks like a cast off, of Count Dracula’s!), and Kochanski, invite the Gelfs, over to dinner, and I think Lister, really does look, quite dashing, in a dinner jacket, like he did, in “The Last Day, Episode VI, Red Dwarf III!” Unfortunately however, the Boyz and Lady of the Dwarf, are all faced with reality, when they lose the generator, and not to mention, the back-up, which leaves them, with no choice, but to crawl through Starbug, via the ducts, to get to the engine room, which gives them all, a sense of being, a real team! It was also quite surprising to discover, that Lister is claustrophobic, and he is soon brought out of it, when Kochanski, kindly informs him, that her Dave, is gay! Of course Lister is soon wise to her tricks, and he soon pulls himself, back together. The Cat was still, his usual heartless self, and he demanded to know, why Lister suffers from claustrophobia, and it is really quite amusing, when he informs him, that it was due to a liasion, with a woman, who he used to work with, when he was a trolley attendant, at the supermarket in Liverpool, and her husband, discovered them together, and he confined Lister to a box, and he ended up, breaking out of it, with no clothes on, on to a stage where her husband’s, Amateur Dramatic society, was putting on their annual production of The Importance of Being Earnest! (and I know all about, Amateur Dramatics!) That joke reminded me of a very similar joke, via Craig Charles’ “Live On Earth” show, which was supposedly, all about his stag night, in Amsterdam, which was actually developed from a joke, via The Craig Charles Almanac of Total Knowledge. But the original setting, was Hamburg, not Amsterdam! And I thought, that it worked quite well, in a very different style, and it really suited, Lister’s character! Naturally, Lister, the Cat and Kochanksi, soon discover, that Kryten, had being messing about, with the thermosettings, which at that crucial point in time, had overloaded, and Kryten, had only gone and typed in the override code, on the access panel in the corridor, which had only gone, and excluded, all of the doors, opening and closing on Starbug, into the bargain! In other words, they are sealed in! But they are not, in the right place, to give Kryten, the jolly good hiding, that he really does, deserve! And in the end, they realise, that they must all pull together, especially, when Lister and Cat end up, been blown about, by the dryer, because the vents are due to be dried, after the last backwash! Unfortunately however, the next backwash, is due, and even though, Lister had made a makeshift surfboard, via a metal pate, which was a part of the ductway’s wall! Unfortunately however, the Dwarfer’s makeshift surfboard, isn’t stong enough, to take the force of the backwash, which was the equivalent of a gigantic tidal wave! And in the end, the Boyz and Lady of the Dwarf, were pushed through the ducts, via the force of the water, and they all ended up, crashing into a large grating, which was designed, to seal off large matter, from the water storage tanks! Pressed up against the grating, the Boyz and lady of the Dwarf, could do nothing, but let the last of the urine re-cyc water, blast past them!

They looked like drowned rats. But they were determined, not to let that little episode, get the better of them, and just when, they thought, that they had reached the engine room, they were all, utterly and completely bewildered, as to how, they‘d all ended up, in Lister’s Sleeping quarters, once again! That particular scenario, reminded me, very much of “Carry On Spying”, and the Russian Headquarters - S.T.E.N.C.H, just happened to be, under their building, after all of those years! And especially, when the Cat came out of Lister’s wardrobe, just like the Carry On team, ended up, coming out of their stationary, or broom cupboard! Well, to cap it all, Kryten, certainly did, deserve the bashing, on the head, with a spanner, courtesy of Miss Kochanski, because Kryten, kindly informed his fellow Dwarfer’s, after he had opened the door of the Sleeping quarters, that it was a set-up job, all along, just to see, if they could work together, as a team! And they could have got through the door, of the sleeping quarters, to the engine room, at any time, if they‘d really thought of it, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day! But as Kryten stated, it was good to see them all, use their resources for once!

EPISODE V: BLUE

I have to say this, but I honestly thought, that: "Blue" has to be one of the best episodes, of this series, which is very reminiscent of the humour of the third and fourth series. Lister is depressed, right, because he is missing Rimmer, and Kochanski’s icy demeanor, doesn‘t really help matters, and neither does Kryten’s jealousy, either! To be fair to Ms Kochanski, I am fully aware, that a comet is made of ice, because a chap at our local astronomy group, showed us all how to make one, if we ever found the need to, that is! Well, it was sort of like, how can I put it Blue Peter’s - Here‘s one I made earlier, so to speak! Believe you me, you haven‘t lived, unless you‘ve had a demonstration, on making a comet, courtesy of your local Astronomy group! The usefulness of it all, well, it really bowled us, over! Seriously though, the icy smoke, has it‘s use in acting, especially, in horror films, when a poor naive victim, is given a glass, with smoke, that comes out of it, which contains, some rather devilish potion! For example: Sergent Sidney Bung in Carry On Screaming! That is a very good tip, where that is concerned! The actors have to mask it, and not actually drink, from the glass at all, because it can pull the skin, from your lips! So be warned! So Lister is depressed, because he is missing Rimmer. And to lighten the load for Kochanski’s jaunt, back to her own dimension, Lister and the Cat, go down to the Cargo bay, and they come across, Rimmer’s golf clubs, and Lister goes back, down memory lane, to a game of golf, with Rimmer. The planetoid, where they are playing golf, was very reminiscent of the Apollo Moon Landings, scenario. And somehow, one way or another, the golf ball, goes missing, and Rimmer, insistent as ever, must get that golf ball back, at all costs! But unbeknownst to Rimmer, back on Starbug, Lister is grinning cherubically and seraphically, with the golf ball, in his hand, which he‘s had on him, all of the time! The Locker game was quite amusing, and it was really good, to see Lister, clad in his tatty leathers, once again, which to my mind, was more like, the good old days, on the Dwarf! As for the kiss, between Lister and Ace Rimmer, courtesy of Lister’s "Nightmare", I really cracked up! Especially, when Kryten, gave Lister, his German Language course disc, instead of his hypnotism disc, and I really loved, Kryten’s remarks, about Hitler’s speech, at Nuremburg, which brought back, memories of Lister’s cherubic and seraphic interruption of Adolph Hitler’s speech, in - "Timeslides, Episode V, Red Dwarf III”, which was at, Nuremberg! And as for The Rimmer Experience! That went, without saying! I‘ve since asked my husband, Paul if I can go on, The Rimmer Experience, as a treat, one day! I really loved, the mock Rimmer Experience, Red Dwarf crew, and Kryten, in his little frilly hat and apron, looked really sweet! It is wonderful, how Kryten, is so easily pleased, and really taken in, where believing, that those dreams of Rimmer’s, actually happened, at the time ! And as for Rimmer’s head, sticking up, out of the mist, just like Julius Caesar’s Bust, goes without saying, really! And The Rimmer Munchkin song, completely cracked me up! The dance routine, that Rimmer did, with the little puppet legs, was just like a dance routine, which was performed, on The Two Ronnies! That was quite a clever dance routine, sequence, really, and I‘m pretty sure, that there‘ll be plenty of Red Dwarf fans, who will be, fully booked up, to go on The Rimmer Experience, until the middle of the twenty first century, just like the Pan American flights, to the Moon was, after the Apollo Moon landings!

EPISODE VI: BEYOND A JOKE

"Beyond A Joke", certainly owes, one hell of a lot, to the pen of Robert Llewellyn, which he co-wrote with Doug Naylor, for the very first time. Jane Austen World, really has to be seen, to be believed! And the characters from "Pride And Prejudice", which I have read (I haven‘t seen any of the period dramas, that were aired, during the late 1990’s, although I have seen, some footage from Pride and Prejudice), are really, very true to life, and Pride and Prejudice World, was quite believable, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day! Lister looked quite believable, as a Vicar, especially as he never seems to get it on, with the opposite sex, and especially, with the new Kochanski! And the Cat’s costume, is quite dashing, even though, he does moan, about the trousers, being a tad uncomfortable, especially, as they were a bit nadger-restricting, in those days, were concerned! I really liked, Kochanski’s costume, which fitted in very well, and made her look, as if she was going to the spa, in Bath! And her remark to Kryten, who is very hurt, because his fellow Dwarfer’s, have refused to take up his offer, of his Nova 5 Anniversary Lobster supper, immediately, when she stated, that she is just trying to get the Bozo Brothers here, interested in something slightly more culturally sophisticated, than 'Name That Smell', or the even more popular 'How Many Marbles Can You Fit Up Your Nostril' game...! And, I really loved it, when Kochanski stated, to her fellow Dwarfer’s, that even though, Davey and Jane Austen, are definitely not, an obvious pairing, when it actually comes down to it, at the end of the day! But if you really thought about it, she was closely identifiable, via the majority of her romantic works of fiction, with the City of Bath, in the County of Avon, England, the United Kingdom, in the nineteenth century, and that, was the last time, that Dave, had had one! That joke of hers, was a real classic! And, I have also been to the City of Bath, in the County of Avon, England, the United Kingdom, with my husband Paul, during 1986, and we have seen, the Roman Baths, as well, which I have definitely felt, would have certainly frightened, the life, out of poor Lister, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day, anyhow!

Kryten‘s interference with the Artificial Reality game: Pride and Prejudice World, where he obtained the tank (T-72), from the World War Two artificial reality game (which had been originally used, for the 1996 James Bond film: Goldeneye), really should have him reprogrammed, because it is quite obvious to one and all, that there is something, seriously wrong with his programming, even before his heads, kept on blowing up, with his annoyance of Lister’s request, for ketchup, with his lobster! Kryten’s arrogance, wasn‘t entirely down, to the crews lack of interest, to share the anniversary, that he was rescued, from the Nova Five. I think I can connect, Kryten’s hurtful interference, where Kochanski, is concerned, right down to Lister, where breaking the poor droid’s programming, over the years, is concerned, with regard to making him, an individual, with independent thought, which was originally aimed, at insulting Rimmer, had now backfired, on him, and now Lister, has to pay the consequences, for it! In the end, the Boyz and lady of the Dwarf, all had to go back, on to the simulant ship: The S.S Centauri, which they had raided a few weeks ago, just so, that they could get some more spare heads, for Kryten, because he could no longer, perform his duties, aboard Starbug, sufficiently enough, without a new head!

Unfortunately however, the Boyz and lady of the Dwarf, were very nearly caught out, by the evil stimulant, who was played, by the well-respected actor, the late Don Henderson, whom I have seen, on various things, over the years. He was very reminiscent of the Evil Simulant: on "Justice, Episode III, Red Dwarf IV”, only he was ten times worse, and his speech programming, was totally incomprehensible! The only way out, for the Boyz and lady of the Dwarf, was for the Cat and Kochanski, to pretend to be Gelf traders, with Lister, led on a leash, courtesy of Kochanski, as their supposed human hostage! And as Lister is such a mischievous little cherub, from time to time, being kept on a leash, a bit more often, wouldn’t do him any harm, really, and it would do him, the world of good, when it actually comes down to it, at the end of the day!

On the S.S Centauri, they had discovered, some very old, dirty mechanoid heads, hanging, from a rail. Unfortunately however, they were without, their primers, which were absolutely necessary, where getting Kryten’s voice recognition systems, up and running, were concerned…!

Somehow, one way or other, the Boyz and lady of the Dwarf, managed to convince, the evil simulant, that they were Gelf’s (which was mainly thanks, to the very convincing Gelf costumes, which Kochanski, had carefully cobbled together, via her Talkie Sewing Machine!), because the evil simulant, could barely understand English, let alone the Gelf language, which the Boyz and lady of the Dwarf, obviously, had no knowledge of! They were very fortunate, where winning the toss, with the evil stimulant, was concerned, because they could have lost Lister, for once and for all, which may not have been a very bad thing, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day! And they thought, that armed, with the mechanoid spare heads, now complete with primers, that, they had so badly needed, for Kryten, that they, were safe, for once and for all! But the moment, that they were back, on Starbug, they soon discovered, that they, had all been conned, by the evil stimulant, and the interior, of Starbug had been turned over! Fortunately however, as it turner out, no great damage, was done, to the interior of Starbug. Unfortunately however, what was left of Kryten, could not be found, and he had quite obviously, been kidnapped, by the evil stimulant! And they had to get him back, come what may! And a now headless Kryten, had been taken, prisoner, by the evil stimulant, and he was carefully entrusted, into the care of another kidnapped mechanoid, who was called Able, and he was more or less, identical to Kryten, only his speech patterns, and his Central processing units, had been corrupted, which had been caused, by his been brainwashed, into using ultrazone, which he had been persuaded to use, courtesy, of the evil simulant, and his fellow Gelfs, on board, the S.S Centauri! And they had convinced him, that inhaling, ultrazone, which had got, the same effects, which were very similar, to a human sniffing glue! And not only that, he had also used it, as an escape valve, to make him forget, all of the hell, that he had been through, over the years, under the corrupt regime, of the evil stimulant, and the Gelfs, on the S.S. Centauri! In other words, he had since turned into, what was known, as a Zoney! He wasn’t much better, than a vegetable, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day! Once he had fitted Kryten up, with a new head, and he was more or less, like, his old self, and the two of them, had soon become, very good friends! Unfortunately however, Kryten wasn‘t easily convinced, that Able had not got over, the experience, that he had had, when he had been, a service droid, for the crew, that he had used to serve, when their vessel, had crashed a bit, at first! And he had originally thought, that was why, he had damaged, his central processing unit, so badly! And in the end, he worked it out, that Able, was addicted to ultrazone, which Kryten, had had, carefully tapped, into his circuit boards, courtesy of The Silicon Bible, that he certainl,y wouldn‘t go to Silicon heaven, if he went anywhere, near it! And not only that, he would sin, for the rest of his run-time, if he went, anywhere near it! Not to mention, the fact, that it would corrupt, his circuit boards! Able offered Kryten, a sniff, of the ultrazone, that he had got, in his possession, but Kryten wasn‘t as easily led on, as his fellow mechanoid, and he had got to think, of a way, of getting back to his crew! In the meantime, however, Kochanski, had helped out, where poor Kryten’s predicament, was concerned, by calling, the evil Simulants bluff, by getting the crew, to turn Starbug, around, in the other direction! And therefore, the evil Simulant thought, that the crew had planted a bomb, on board Starbug! They managed to transport themselves, over to the S.S Centauri, and quite a bloody battle ensued, as they desperately tried, to rescue Kryten, and get back to Starbug, along with Able! Fortunately however, Lister saved the day, by kicking the evil Simulant, in the head, and by rendering, one of the Gelf’s, unconscious, but not before, the evil Simulant, who had given Kryten a confidential file number, which he had been unable to access, which had contained information, about his creator, Professor Mamet (whose character had appeared, in "Psirens: Episode I: Red Dwarf VI"), which was also another reason, why Able, had become, addicted to ultrazone, which had turned him, into a Zoney! Back on Starbug, the Boyz and lady of the Dwarf, ventured into an asteroid belt, until the coast, was clear. Lister and Kryten, had a discussion, about the confidential file, which had been, all about, his creator: Professor Mamet, which he wasn‘t supposed to have access to, which informed him, that Professor Mamet, had created, the whole 4000 series, in her ex-fiancee’ John Warburton’s (who had also been, a fellow bio-engineer, incidentally!) image, for revenge, after he had jilted her, the day, before her wedding day! And that did explain, the pompous air, about the 4000 series, and now Lister, could understand, why he has such an interesting, groinal attachment! Lister’s counselling technique, and friendly concern, for Kryten, was an excellent morale booster, for him, because Lister convinced him, that the whole 4000 series, had since become, a thing to itself, and that, he would be alright in the end, and that, he would not go to pieces, after all. Unlike poor Able, however…

Unfortunately however, it was too late for Able, because somehow, the evil Simulant had got access, to his memory files, which had caused him, to inhale, some more ultrazone, in the cockpit, which had caused, Starbug to come out of the asteroid belt, and it was now within, range of the S.S Centauri! Naturally Kryten, was deeply shocked, by Able’s actions, and he informed him, that he was ashamed of him, and that, he did not want, to be associated with him anymore, which was quite heart-rending, because you could tell, that poor Able, didn‘t really mean anything by it! And as it turned out, it was Able, who saved the day, in the end. But Kryten, was still convinced, that he was a traitor, of the worst kind, because he used the escape pod, which Kryten thought, Able was using it, to make his getaway, to the S.S. Centauri, where he belonged! However, once they all discovered, that the escape pod, is bathed in a green light, which was Kryten’s nega-drive! When Kryten, had had his chat, with Lister earlier on, he had showed him, his nega-drive, which had contained, Kryten’s anger, and jealousy! Kryten soon realised, that Able was doing, what the Japanese Kamikaze pilots, did in the Second World War, and that, he was on a journey, of no return, to save their lives! And I found it, very touching, when he recovered, what was left of Able’s body, for a Space Corps funeral. And Lister’s offer, to help Kryten, to carry him, and Kryten’s refusal, where that was concerned: "He isn‘t heavy Sir, he‘s my Brother!", was full of his usual sweetness and light! All in all, I thought that Beyond A Joke, was a very touching episode, indeed! However, my only criticism was, that I did feel, that the Jane Austen World scene, could have gone on a bit longer, than it should have done! However, Beyond A Joke, ended its final scene, in an Indian Restaurant, where Lister insisted, on throwing the Bennet family, a curry night, which Kryten had also interfered with, once again, by bugging, his fellow Dwarfer’s curries, and the inside of their mouths, were very nearly, set on fire, into the bargain! That hilarious final scene, with the Bennet family, in the Indian Restaurant, more than made up, for the shortness of the Pride and Prejudice scene, at the beginning, of Beyond A Joke, in my general opinion!

EPISODE VII: EPIDEME

Epideme, certainly owed, a great deal, to: Quarantine: Episode IV: Red Dwarf V, because the Character: Caroline Carmen, certainly owed, a great deal, to the Character: Doctor Hildegarde Lanstrom, from: Quarantine: Episode IV: Red Dwarf V! And, the Scene, when Carmen, attacked Lister, who had thought, that she was Kochanski, who had come to his quarters, to seduce him, and he had nearly, being caught out, by Kryten, was utterly hilarious! And as for Kochanski, punching him, in the face! Well, I had wondered, when I first saw the start-up theme, at the start of Red Dwarf VII, what on earth, Lister had done, to deserve, being punched, in the face by Kochanski, well now I know! The set of the Leviathan, which was the interior of a Jupiter Mining Corporation supply ship, was very impressive, indeed! And it was definitely, one of the best Red Dwarf sets, that I have seen, ever, in my general opinion! The funniest moments, of that particular episode, in question, was Kryten harping on, about his "Toilet University education!”. The scene where Lister, tried to reason, with his virus: Epideme, was very reminiscent, of HAL.9000, in "2001: A Space Odyssey", especially when he stated - "Can‘t we, at least be friends Dave?!", reminded me, of HAL’s line: "Everything’s going to be alright again, Dave”, when in reality, it wasn‘t! Because HAL, ended up, being switched off, by Dave Bowman, in a revenge attack, for killing his friend: Frank Poole, and for locking out of the Space ship, and nearly depriving him of oxygen! There was a lot more to it, than that, of course. But I am not here to review: “2001: A Space Odyssey!”. When Lister, lost his arm, it explained why, he had a bionic arm in "Future Echoes: Episode II: Red Dwarf I ", because a future echo, depicted him, as a dying old man, in his bunk, and the way, that the Cat reacted to Lister losing his arm, made his vanity, irresponsibility and selfishness, really stand out, once again! The way, that Kryten and Kochanski, kept on arguing, about what made Lister, happy in bed, was quite farcical, really especially, when they kept, on moving the pillows around! And they still hadn‘t got rid, of the Epideme virus, just yet, even though Kochanski, did fool it, into thinking, that it was her arm, by tucking it, into the back of her uniform, and the Epideme Lister, had bitten, into Caroline Carmen’s arm, after they had stopped Lister’s heart, which again, was very reminiscent of "Body Swap: Episode IV: Red Dwarf V", when Rimmer, had pretended, that he had lost, Lister’s arm, even though, he had really tucked it, into the back his uniform, all along! And as for forgetting, to bring back Lister, from the dead, had me in stiches! I found it, very touching, indeed, when Kochanski, kissed Lister, on the forehead, after they had saved him, from the Epideme virus, it showed, that she genuinely cared, and that she had feelings, for Lister, even though, he isn‘t the same, as the Lister of her universe! Even though, Kryten insisted on, wiping Lister’s forehead, because he wanted to prevent, any germs, which was a little bit bitchy, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day! And I was very relieved, that the Epideme virus, finally got killed off, in the end, which it really deserved, for threatening, to come back, as Lister, the next day, in virus form, to kill Kochanski, especially as the Epideme virus’ threat, sounded, just like, the ending, to a soap opera!

The To Be Continued bit at the end, had me worried, for a moment, because I originally thought, that the Epideme virus, was going to make a comeback, towards the end of the show!

EPISODE VIII: NANARCHY

Fortunately however: The To Be Continued bit, at the end of Epideme, was only a round up, of the last episode: “Epideme: Episode VII, Red Dwarf VII”, which was introduced by Kryten, which was very clever indeed, and brought back, strong memories of Kryten (Robert Llewellyn, presenting the Red Dwarf Smeg Ups, and the Red Dwarf Smeg Outs. And naturally, poor Kryten, was very concerned, about the loss of Mr Lister’s arm…

The very last episode of Red Dwarf VII, which was entitled: "Nanarchy", followed on very well, from "Epideme: Episode VII Red Dwarf VII", with regard to Lister, having to adjust to his new life, with only one arm (and so, the Epideme virus, had definitely been eradicated, for once and for all!), and I was laughing immediately, from the moment, that Kryten’s other hand, was helping, a one-armed Lister, play the guitar, and I did assume, that it was Lister, who was playing the guitar, with both hands at first, because it still sounded, absolutely awful! And, as for his joke: “Yeah, look on the bright side... at least now, I'm only *half* crap...!”, it really did have me, in stitches, once again!

I really loved the way that, Kryten was making himself, a hen clucking nursemaid, where Lister’s disability, was concerned! And having Kochanski revising, the Florence Nightingdroid joke again, which Lister had originally used, in "Justice: Episode III, Red Dwarf IV" was quite amusing, when all was said and done! And I was just as concerned, as Kochanski, was that Kryten was now on, "Twenty Four Hour Wipe Alert Duty!"! And I was rather relieved, after Kryten made it quite clear, to all concerned, just exactly what, "Twenty Four Hour Wipe Alert Duty!", was! And he was only wiping the biscuit crumbs, from Mr Lister’s mouth!

And The Cat was really being his usual self, by been utterly annoying and irritating, and totally inconsiderate and utterly selfish, to Lister, where the loss of his arm, was concerned! I found the Cat’s personality, in this particular episode, in question, was very similar, to the way, that he was in Red Dwarf I to Red Dwarf V! And he was extremely worried, that Lister’s disability, was somehow, going to affect his life, which was quite obviously going, to inconvenience him, quite considerably! He is an utterly selfish creature, isn’t he?! And all that, Lister wanted to do, was to just carry on playing their draughts game, and be left in peace! He was even annoying m,e so much, that I just wanted, to punch him out, like Lister did on "White Hole Episode IV, Red Dwarf IV ", where he kept on, repeating himself! I don‘t think, I would have blamed Lister, if he had punched him out, with just his one good arm, instead of shouting at him, like he did, with the request to make his move, in the draughts game, when all was said, and done, especially after he had informed Lister, that a pit bull terrier, who is a real *ugly* son-of-a-bitch, and somehow, it loses it's leg, and the pit bull terrier, says to you: "Hey man, I've only got three legs, will lady pit bulls still like me??!!". I mean, you've got to stop from laughing, haven't you?! He's ugly with *four* legs! He's ugly with three! Hell, he'd be ugly, if you put him in a suit and gave him a carnation. So *here's* something I think, is gonna cheer you up! Mr Pit Bull? Put it there, buddy!”. And Lister shouted at him, in the end: “Move!”, which the Cat, naturally assumed, meant - "Go Away and leave me alone!".

I was amazed, at just how crude, Lister’s artificial arm was, because it was the best, that Kryten could find for him, at the time! And if that was the best arm, that he could find, for Lister, I shudder to think, what the worst arm, could have been, that he could find, for him! Why, it looked like, a gigantic version of Action Man’s arm! And I was quite shocked to discover, that the artifical arm technique structure, hadn‘t really moved on, from the twentieth century, hardly all that much, considering that the artificial arm, in question, had been made, in the latter part of the twenty first century! I thought, that the way, that Lister managed to pick up the ball, which was encouraged by Kryten, and the anger, that he generated from it, was really funny! And it just proved to me, what a good method actor, Craig Charles really is! I really cracked up, especially when he said to Kryten - “If I want to pick up a ball, am I going to have to take the morning off?! Kryten had to admit, that it was a *tad* slow! And I really loved Lister’s response, to Kryten’s analysis of his new arm: “A tad?! The only thing I've ever seen pick up slower, is Rimmer, in a disco! Kryten felt that adjusting the impulse valve, might make it a little, more sensitive. I thought, that when Kryten got Lister, to go over, picking up the ball, again, I really thought, how witty, it was, when he ended up, punching Kryten, who had since worked it out, that the arm in question, was been controlled, by Lister’s subconscious! Kryten stated, that Lister was really thinking, deep down, without knowing it – “You're *thinking* "hand, pick up the ball", but your subconscious is saying: "Punch Kryten in the head; beat the brains out of the demented droid, that cut off my beloved arm!". And Kryten also felt, that it was far too dangerous to let Lister out with that arm! And he stated – “Two minutes with Miss Kochanski, and who knows, what you'd be swinging around your head! And that, was a very good reminder to me, and the Red Dwarf fans, in general, where that that particular scene, was concerned, of just how good, Lister and Kryten’s double act, really is!

A bit later on, the Boyz and lady, from the Dwarf, were seated around the scanner table, in the mid-section, and everybody, was a little bit down, in the dumps, with regard to the situation, where the loss of Lister’s arm, was concerned, Kochanski asked Kryten, about his self-repair system, because whenever, he had a mechanical failure, it would fix itself, because the Kryten back, in her dimension had these tiny little robots, which were sub-atomic… Kryten informed Kochanski, that they were called Nanobots, and that they break objects down, into their component atoms and then recombine, those atoms to repair damaged circuits, which is known, as Nanotechnology. Kryten went on to explain, to everybody concerned, especially to a rather ill-educated Cat, how nanotechnology, worked! He held up a lead pencil, and he went on to explain: “ This lead pencil, is made out of graphite, which is a particular arrangement of carbon atoms. This is diamond, and it too, is made of carbon atoms. Nanobots can re-arrange atoms, so that, they could take this lead, pencil, move the atoms around a bit, and turn it into a diamond”. The Cat was utterly astounded, that it was possible, to make diamonds out of pencils! Kryten went on to explain, that it was also possible, to make computer chips out of sand! Kochanski asked Kryten, what would happen, if they transferred some of his nanobots, into Lister? And would, they be able to build him a new arm from his excess body tissue?

Unfortunately however, Kryten informed the crew, that his nanobots, had gone and deserted him, some time ago! And I really liked, the joke he made, when he stated - "Trying to find them (the nanobots), would be just like looking for a needle in a students flat!", which has to be to my mind, one of the best jokes, in the series!

However, as it had turned out, now that, Kryten’s nanobots, had since deserted him, it looked like, the Boyz and Lady of the Dwarf, had now got, a brand new quest, to locate Kryten’s nanobots, and re-build Lister’s arm, immediately!

The white suspended animation suits, that the Boyz and lady of the Dwarf, wore, to come out of suspended animation booths, so that they could return, to the planet, where they had originally located, the SSS Esperanto, an ocean seeding ship, which was where they had originally lost, Red Dwarf in "Back To Reality: Episode VI, Red Dwarf V", were very impressive, indeed! However, the computer, brought the Boyz and lady of the Dwarf, out of deep sleep early, and there was a planetoid directly ahead, which according to the scanner, was Red Dwarf! Kochanski, wasn’t so easily convinced though, and she definitely thought, that the scanner, was on the blink, because only last month, the scanner, had detected a planet, entirely populated by Air Hostesses! And naturally, the Boyz from the Dwarf, had spent, the best part of two weeks, checking that one, out!

The effect of Lister, the Cat and Kochanski, in a very old, rickety Jupiter mining buggy, made you really believe, how bad, the conditions were, on the very dusty and uninhabitable planetoid, which really made, you want to see, just how bad it was, out there, especially when the Cat came back, with his hair in a right mess, which he had stated, in Beyond A Joke: Episode VI, Red Dwarf VII, had made him look like, Tina Turner! And it was quite amusing, to discover, that all, that the Cat really wanted, was a comb, to tidy up his hair, because Lister had assumed, that all, that he really wanted, was better goggles!

When they were alone, in the Jupiter mining buggy, Lister and Kochanski’s double act, was very good, indeed! And as for the smile, on her face, when he had difficulty, trying to retrieve the sweet, that she had originally offered him, which had ended up, covered with dust and hair, which Lister ate, was really quite laughable, in itself! Their discussion, about their past relationship, was quite touching, even though, Kochanski informed Lister, that she still thought, that he was still a disgusting bum, and that only, having one arm, didn‘t really make much of a difference, at the end of the day, it still made you feel, that she still wanted him really, especially when Lister, was very worried, about having sex (Lister is always concerned, about having sex, in general, as far as I am concerned! – Marie Birch), with just one arm (As if worrying, about having sex, with two arms, isn’t bad enough, in my opinion! – Marie Birch)! And I really laughed at Kochanski’s remark, to Lister’s questioning - "Not here, it‘s too sandy!", which she stated, just before the Cat came back, with some soil samples, which turned out to be sand, and Lister was quite shocked, to discover, that the atoms, in question, had definitely, not started out as sand atoms, and that they had been engineered, nanobotically, from computer chips, and according to the particle analyser, the planetoid, was definitely, Red Dwarf...! And the Cat, informed Lister and Kochanski, that there was some stuff, on the planetoid’s surface, was definitely worth checking out! And what was more, the sandstorm, was now easing off, for the time being!

Once they were all back on Starbug again, and Lister had informed Kryten, that the planetoid’s surface, was packed with stuff, from Red Dwarf. “Supplies, bunks, drinks dispensers, you name it. It's like a giant car boot sale!”. They all rummaged amongst, the boxes of utterly useless items, that the Cat had salvaged, from the very dusty and uninhabitable planetoid, and the only thing, that Lister had located, which was of some use, was a watch, which he switched on, and the male version of Holly, the Dwarf’s computer, suddenly came into life! And he was a little bit disorientated, to say, the very least! The male Holly appearing, on a watch idea, had quite obviously, been borrowed, from Stasis Leak: Episode IV, Red Dwarf II. And it was really great, to see Norman Lovett, as Holly, once again, especially when he couldn‘t say, molecularised!

And it really brought Red Dwarf I and II, back for me, once again! And it definitely proved to me, that he Norman Lovett, hadn’t lost it, as Holly, at all! Especially when Lister stated - " Unbelievable... Dumped on a planet in the middle of an electro-storm, and left to rot for hundreds of years, and the guy's lost *nothin'!*", which was a very strong reference, where his general senility, was concerned!

In the end, the male Holly informed his fellow Dwarfer’s that the nanobots had remolicurised... they did that word, that he couldn’t say, to the whole ship, and left all the bits, they didn't want on that planetoid! The nanobots, had fixed his core program, and had then decided, that they'd be better off, without him, which was shortly after they had met him!

A bit later on, the Boyz and lady, from the Dwarf, were seated around the scanner table, in the mid-section, once again, and everybody had since worked out, that when they had been, on the SSS Esperanto, that Kryten’s nanobots, had mutinied, and had taken over Red Dwarf! Kryten had eventually worked it out, that his nanobots, had wanted a ship. And that, in his body, there was nothing new, for them to explore. Unfortunately however, as it turned out, it looked like, that Red Dwarf itself, had been, far too big for them! Kochanski had also worked it out, that nanobots, can quite easily change, anything into anything else! And Lister had also worked it out, that they can take a Pot Noodle, and turn it into food! Kochanski had also worked it out, that the nanobots, had taken Red Dwarf, and had made a sub-atomic version, and had turned the rest of the atoms, into a planetoid for safekeeping! The Cat was rather concerned, about what they had spent chasing, and what had been producing,

the vapour trail? Kryten informed his by now, very confused, fellow Dwarfers, that they had been following the nano-Red Dwarf, and that was why, the readings were so minute and hard to pinpoint!

Kochanski was rather confused, that the nanobots, could be anywhere, because they had pursued them, across half the galaxy! Lister informed her, that they had finally lost track of the readings, which was probably due, to a scanner malfunction...

However, Holly insisted, that the nanobots, may have gone, somewhere out of the reach of Starbug’s scanners, but the Cat insisted, that they were gaining on them, and how could they out run them?!

Holly went on to inform his fellow Dwarfer’s, that scanners are programmed to scan, on the outside, and that to escape, they just had to stop! Kochanski was utterly shocked, to discover, that the nanobots, could be, still on board Starbug somewhere?!

When they were all seated, in Starbug’s cockpit, once again, Kryten re-calibrated the scanner, and he performed, an internal sweep… The first thing, that Kryten managed to locate, were two pieces of Bombay aloa, that Lister had dropped, several millennia ago, down the service ducts, where they had appeared to have evolved a rudimentary intelligence, and they had quite recently, formed a progressive folk duo! In the end, Kryten managed to locate the nanobots, which had settled in Lister's Sleeping quarters…

Lister and his fellow Dwarfer’s, met up, in Lister’s Sleeping quarters. As it turned out, the nanobots, had caused Red Dwarf, to spend the last two years, exploring strange new worlds, in Lister’s laundry basket! Kryten informed his fellow Dwarfers, that the ship is now so small that, to the nanobots, a hole in one of Lister’s athletic supports, is at least the size of a galaxy! Lister’s response to that, was: “Hey, I like the sound of that: Dave Lister, the man with the galaxy-sized jockstrap! Kochanski was disgusted by Lister’s remark. Holly informed his fellow Dwarfers: “It’s the oldest trick in the book: they capture your ship, turn it into a planet, then explore a macro universe, in a laundry basket! How could you fall for an old scam like that?!”. Kryten asked Lister and Kochanski to inform him, when the readings changed, via the glass and a piece of card, that he was holding, and he went and rifled, through Lister’s laundry basket, via clamping the card, over the glass!

For a very short while, the readings, were the same. Fortunately however, after Kryten rifled, through Lister’s laundry basket, a third time, Kochanski discovered, that they had changed! “Heh! Nailed the little blighters! After all the embarassment they've caused me!”. Lister asked Kochanski if she could find a frequency to establish contact, with the nanobots. Kryten insisted that they leave it with him, because he knew how, to make contact, with them.

A very short while later, the Boyz and lady of the Dwarf, faced a very primitive looking, computer monitor screen, which looked very similar to the primitive looking (possibly Atari?) computer monitor screens, which were featured, in the Star Wars films! The screen showed static, which was quite obviously, the Nanobots, in their computerised form! Kryten tapped repeatedly, on the side of the glass, with a pencil, in sheer defiance! Kryten started to communicate with the nanobots: “Can you hear me, you pesky little critters??!! We want our ship back, and we want a new arm, for Mr Lister! Are you receiving

me? Aha, we have contact...! They're communicating in machine code; leave the talking to me. Have you any idea what you've done? Deserting your droid, you've broken every reg in the manual! And to compound matters by stealing our ship, it's unbelievably...! Er... it's unbelievably...! Naughty! Now, listen up, here's the deal: we want that planetoid turned back, into Red Dwarf, and we also want you to build a new arm. for Mr Lister. If you don't, you'll get more of this...! And with that, Kryten rapped, on the side of the glass again!

And so, the Boyz and lady of the Dwarf, had finally located, Red Dwarf, once again! Unfortunately however, as it turned out, the Dwarf, was no longer, as they knew it! And as far as I was concerned, it was ironic, that the nanobots, had been in Lister’s underpants, for all of that time! But then again, only that, could happen to Dave Lister, couldn‘t it?!

I really loved the way, that Kryten, communicated with the nanobots, via the glass, which he tapped with a pen, to keep them under control, and his calling, them: “Pesky Little Critters!”, was really sweet!

It was such a shame, that Lister didn‘t get his arm back, in the way that he wanted, and that he looked like, an entrant for Mr America! And even though, they managed to get Red Dwarf back, as a ship, in its original state, which was very cleverly done, via using old footage, from Red Dwarf I and II, even though, it appeared to be, ten hundred times bigger, than it originally was! And the Cat only took, any notice of that fact, in question, after they had all, appeared to land, in the cargo bay! And the Cat stated: “Guy’s we’ve got a problem!”. But the main thing is, as far as I am concerned, the Boyz and lady of the Dwarf, are rightfully back, on their home ground, at long last!

Or do things, not quite appear, as they seem to be, where that is concerned…?! We will just have to wait and see, exactly just what, their fate will be, when Red Dwarf VIII, airs on BBC2, next year!

The way that the nanobots turned Red Dwarf into a planetoid, and when the Dwarf was restored, once again, even though, they had made, the newly restored Red Dwarf, appear to be, ten hundred times bigger, than it originally was, reminded me of how Alice in Wonderland, must have felt, when she drank the potion, and she ended up, been miniaturised! And to get out of that, Alice, grew ten hundred times, her original size, all because, she wanted to go through, the little door in the corridor, which led into a beautiful garden! That was a very similar principle, in my opinion!

And, I really do feel, that the next series, of Red Dwarf, will just have the Boyz and lady of the Dwarf, back on Red Dwarf, as per normal, because the nanobots, will probably, have got it right, by then! Well, we can only hope, anyhow!

All in all, I thought, that Red Dwarf VII, was a very good series, indeed! And I am really looking forward to Red Dwarf VIII, which is scheduled, for filming, during the spring of 1998, and it will be aired during, the Autumn of 1998.

Additional:

But as everybody is now, fully aware, Red Dwarf VIII, was actually filmed, during 1998! Unfortunately however, due to production problems, beyond Grant/Naylor Productions control, Red Dwarf VIII, was not officially aired, on BBC2, until February 1999.

I found Red Dwarf VII, very entertaining, and amusing, indeed! And naturally, it wouldn‘t be quite the same, after the best part of three years! Well, what did the Red Dwarf fans, expect?!

Marie Birch and Kevin Blake

April 1997

AN ADDITIONAL REVIEW OF RED DWARF VII

BY MARIE BIRCH

I had originally intended, for my second independent Additional Review of Red Dwarf VII, to be published, in: The Official Red Dwarf Fan Club’s Fanzine: Better Than Life, during the Spring of 1997. Unfortunately however, I had left it, that little bit too late, for it to be submitted, and by the time, that I had mailed it out, I had missed: The Official Red Dwarf Fan Club’s Fanzine: Better Than Life, Publishing deadlines! And therefore, all Reviews of Red Dwarf VII, recently written, by the Red Dwarf Fans, for: The Official Red Dwarf Fan Club’s Fanzine: Better Than Life, at the time, had already, been published! Fortunately however, my good friend: Kevin Blake, was more, than kind enough, to publish, my second independent Additional Review of Red Dwarf VII, on his: Puzlebox Red Dwarf Website, from 1996 to 1999. And, my second independent Additional Review of Red Dwarf VII, has been available, for viewing and downloading, via my Unofficial Xanadu Red Dwarf Website, from 2005, onwards!

Unfortunately however, I am fully aware, that there are certain aspects, of these two Red Dwarf VII Reviews, in question, that desperately, need amending! And, these two Red Dwarf VII Reviews, in question, will also need, some more updated information, added to them, in the near future! And, as it has taken me, the best part of three years, to re-link, these two Red Dwarf VII Reviews, in question, on to my Unofficial Xanadu Red Dwarf Website, and not to mention, my having to sort out, a lot of corrections, and having to revamp, and sort out, some updated information, for these two Red Dwarf VII Reviews, in question, quite considerably, into the bargain! And therefore, I really do feel, that I am definitely, entitled to a bit of a break, where that is concerned, when it actually comes down to it, at the end of the day! But I can easily sort out, any more amendments, and some more updates, for these two Red Dwarf VII Reviews, in question, at a later date!

In the meantime however, I sincerely apologise, for any inconvenience, caused by this!

Thank you.

Marie Birch

AN ADDITIONAL REVIEW OF RED DWARF VII

BY MARIE BIRCH

EPISODE I: TIKKA TO RIDE

When I first saw, the start of Red Dwarf VII, I did assume, that they would use, the original ending, on the Red Dwarf: Smeg Ups video, which was a very short scene, involving the chilled margaritas, which Kryten somehow, accidentally got mixed up, with the urine recyc! It was quite a surprise, to see Lister explain, how they had all, survived the attack, from their future selves, because it was very similar, to the approach, that Craig Charles, had used, for the start of his: Live On Earth! Show Video. But after, a while, I soon, got used, to it.

The new single-camera technique was very good, indeed. But I preferred the brand new single-camera technique, a great deal more, on the exterior shots, for Red Dwarf VII! And I did feel, in all honesty, that the original Starbug shots, that had been used, from Red Dwarf III onwards, had desperately needed, to be speeded up, a lot more, anyway, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day! But that said, I did feel, that the majority of the deep space, and Starbug shots, looked rather cartoony, at certain times, when all was said and done! But that said, I have noticed, via certain Starbug shots, during Red Dwarf VI, that the Visual Effects team, were aiming for that kind of film technique, at the time, as Starbug, appeared, to have a computerised animation form, at certain times, during Red Dwarf VI.

Tikka To Ride, has just got to be, one of my all time, favourite episodes, of Red Dwarf VII! Because, in my general opinion, I did feel, that it was definitely a follow-on to - "Timeslides: Episode V: Red Dwarf VII", especially, with regard, to the "Grassy Knoll" bit, as suggested by Kryten, when the Boyz from the Dwarf, thought about, travelling through time, via the photo slides.

I also thought, that Lister’s chat with a version of President John F.Kennedy, who had survived the assassination attack, was very touching, indeed, because he had to persuade him to take his own life, into the bargain, which was of absolute necessity, because mankind, would be wiped out, if he stayed alive! However it didn't explain, why mankind didn't survive, even though, Kryten stated, that a lot of people had died, due to sixty billion Americans fleeing, due to a mass stampede, because of the threat, of a Nuclear base, being built in Cuba, which would end up, facing the United States. And my own conclusion, to that was, that a few million people, would probably die, from a mass stampede, but that would not have wiped out, the World’s population, by any means! No, what would have, probably have happened, was, that the whole population of the United States, would have probably fled to free World countries, which would most certainly have excluded Russia, China and most of Eastern Europe, come to that! Could anyone imagine, what long term damage, sixty billion Americans, would do, where the population of Western Europe, was concerned?! It would certainly threaten supplies, crops, medicines, clothes, etcetera, etcetera, which would, in time, lead to starvation, famine, plague, and all kinds of various diseases, which are probably, best not mentioned! Whole civilisations, would have been threatened, there would be rationing, people would riot, against the ex-pat Americans. There would probably be, inclement weather conditions, like droughts, which usually do happen, when civilisation, as we know it, is threatened, and as we all know, Britain, wouldn't be able to cope, as per usual! The rest of Europe, would probably be alright for a time, as the majority of European countries, are usually far more self-sufficent, than the United Kingdom, because our Government, doesn’t even know, what self-sufficiency means, let alone, even putting a workable a plan of self-sufficiency, into action!

But that said, in all honesty, the rest of an overly populated Europe, could not cope, where their self-sufficiency regimes, were concerned, forever! And therefore, the Middle Eastern countries, probably wouldn't want to know, but even they would collapse, sooner or later, as they are dependent on the Western World, for funding, to a certain extent, which the Europeans would certainly, have threatened them with, if they didn’t lend, them a hand, and then they would eventually suffer, as well! And in good time, the Communist countries, would be forced to lend a hand, sooner or later, even though they did win the space race, in that alternative time, and then world wide extinction, would definitely follow, on a world wide scale! However, I did feel, that a more concise and a lot clearer explanation, could have definitely been made, where Kryten’s surmising of the human race, been condemned to mass extinction, was concerned! But then again, I did originally understand, that every Red Dwarf VII episode, was going to be, a total of forty minutes, which just wasn’t to be, unfortunately, because they just could not get the airing time, which was a great shame, really, because I did notice, via various Sci-Fi magazines, some very different shots of the cast, which just didn’t tie in with the new series, of Red Dwarf, especially where the one of the skeletons, was concerned! The skeletons, for Tikka To Ride, whose working title, was: “Back From The Dead”, were all seated in the cockpit, the two at the front, obviously being, Lister and The Cat, because the costumes, that they wore, at the end of Red Dwarf VII, were on their skeletal forms, and I assumed that shot, would be used, at the very start of the new series, of Red Dwarf! But perhaps, they may put some of the unseen Red Dwarf VII footage, on to Red Dwarf VII, when it is released, on video, at a later date, just like they did, with The Smeg Ups, and The Smeg Outs videos, anyhow!

EPISODE II: STOKE ME A CLIPPER (Additional comments, to be added, at a later date? Marie Birch)

EPISODE III: OUROBOROS

I had really liked, the new Red Dwarf Character: Kristine Kochanski, played by Chloe Annett, who had been introduced, in: Ouroboros: Episode III, and whom, I had seen, on various things, over the years. I also, remember her, very well, in: Doctor at the Top, which had been, written, by George Layton, and Bill Oddie, and which, had been, the last Doctor Series, which had, been aired, on BBC1, during 1991! Chloe had played: Dick Stuart-Clark’s (Geoffrey Davies) Daughter: Rebecca Stuart-Clark, in Doctor at the Top, at the time, and she, had been, very good, indeed!

And Paul Collier (George Layton), had informed, Rebecca, that he, was getting married, and she, had been, quite shocked, where that, had been concerned! And Paul, had been, quite concerned, about that, because Rebecca, had been, sewing up, a Patients stomach, at the time, and she, had been, distracted by his comment, where that, had been concerned, and Rebecca, had accidentally, stuck the needle, into the Patients stomach, and it had caused, the Heart Monitor, to start bleeping! And not, only that, Rebecca had insisted, on protesting, with her: Fellow Medical Students, about Hospital Ward Closures, which had caused, her poor Father: Dick Stuart-Clark, who had been, the Dean of the Hospital, by then, to have, one or two seizures, at the time! I have also discovered, that Chloe Annett, had appeared, in a Norman Wisdom Film: Double X: The Name Of The Game (1992). Now, I have never seen, the Norman Wisdom Film: Double X: The Name Of The Game (1992), but my husband Paul, and I, had been, to see: Norman Wisdom, at Dudley Town Hall, Dudley, West Midlands, and we, have seen, all of his other Films, over the years, naturally! And I daresay, that it will, only be, a matter of time, before we see: Double X: The Name Of The Game (1992), anyhow! I have seen, Chloe Annett, as Science Officer: Holly Turner, in one or two Episodes of: Crime Traveller, and I think, that she is, a very good actress, anyhow! And, I had really liked, Michael French, who had played: Jeff Slade ((Wicksy, in Eastenders, and Mick Jordan, in Holby City), and Sue Johnston (Sheila Grant, in Brookside, who has also appeared, in an Episode of Inspector Morse, alongside Sean Bean (Sharpe, in Sharpe), who had played: Holly Turner’s Boss: Detective Chief Inspector: Kate Grisham! And Sue Johnston, had also worked, for Brian Epstein (the Beatles Manager), before she had gone, to Drama School! And I believe, that Paul McCartney, used to come over, to her house for tea, before he was well-known!

EPISODE IV: DUCT SOUP

And, I felt really sorry, for poor Kochanski, where having to put up, with all of Kryten’s jealousy, towards her, in Duct Soup: Episode IV, was concerned! I do not know, if I could have had, her patience and understanding, where that was concerned! And I really do feel, that I would have been, so desperately, driven wild with rage, by his jealousy, that somehow, one way or another, I would have located his shut down disc, and thrown him out, of an air lock, into deep space, when all was said, and done! And, if he had also, kept me awake by pretending, to be the noisy pipes, all because, her sleeping quarters were next to the sewage processor, even though, Lister had promised, to re-lag them first thing in the morning, which was a little bit too late, and a little bit, pointless, at that point, in time, anyhow! I swear, that he, definitely would have been hit, on the head, with a spanner right away, because I just cannot, stand being kept, awake by any noise whatsoever! And I swear, that I will always give, anyone sheer Bloody Hell, for keeping me awake, unnecessarily, when it actually comes down to it, at the end of the day!

EPISODE V: BLUE

I really did miss, Rimmer’s, absence, in Red Dwarf VII, where the remaining four episodes: Duct Soup, Beyond A Joke, Epideme and Nanarchy, were concerned, naturally! And one could not, but help, but feel, the loss, of his character, where the remaining four episodes of Red Dwarf VII, were concerned, anyhow! But that said, I really did feel, that Chris Barrie, more than made up, for the loss of his character, when he appeared, in - “Blue”, which is my all-time favourite episode of Red Dwarf VII! Oh, that kiss, between Rimmer and Lister! My husband, Paul and I, had hysterics, where that episode of Red Dwarf VII, was concerned! We just couldn’t believe it! But what confused me, about that kiss, between Rimmer and Lister, in question, during Blue: Episode V, Red Dwarf VII, was that I had originally gathered, was, that there was an episode, of Red Dwarf VII, where Lister pretended, that he was gay, via flirting, with the Cat, and Kryten, just so, that he could get a kiss, off Kochanski, because he was so desperate, for some attention, off her! And I had found out, that fact, in question, via an interview, that Craig Charles, had originally conducted, at the time, when I had originally, browsed through, the Science Fiction magazines, at my local Wolverhampton branch of WHSMITH’s, during the early part of 1997, because I was quite anxious, for some more information, where Red Dwarf VII, was concerned, at the time, anyhow! And, I had also come across a photograph of Lister, licking Kryten’s face, along with that interview, in question, that Craig Charles, had originally conducted, at the time, when I had originally, browsed through, the Science Fiction magazines, at my local Wolverhampton branch of WHSMITH’s, during the early part of 1997, because I was quite anxious, for some more information, where Red Dwarf VII, was concerned, at the time, anyhow!

And, I had also seen a photograph, where Craig Charles, was kissing, Danny John-Jules face, which he had quite, obviously based, on that photograph, when Lister, had licked Kryten’s face (along with that interview, in question, that Craig Charles, had originally conducted, at the time, when I had originally, browsed through, the Science Fiction magazines, at my local Wolverhampton branch of WHSMITH’s, during the early part of 1997, because I was quite anxious, for some more information, where Red Dwarf VII, was concerned, at the time, anyhow!), at the Dimension Jump 1996 Convention, in The Official Red Dwarf Fan Club’s: Fanzine: Better Than Life! So, whatever happened to that idea, where Lister was pretending to be gay, via flirting, with the Cat, and Kryten, just so, that he could get a kiss, off Kochanski, because he was so desperate, for some attention, off her, in that particular episode of Red Dwarf VII, was concerned? So, was that idea, where Lister was pretending to be gay, via flirting, with the Cat, and Kryten, just so, that he could get a kiss, off Kochanski, because he was so desperate, for some attention, off her, in Blue: Episode V, Red Dwarf VII, must have ended up, on the cutting floor!

And, I really loved, the game of golf, where Lister, had encouraged Rimmer, to search for a golf ball, which he thought he’d lost! Only Lister had it on him, all of the time, hence the Cherubic and Seraphic smile, on his face in the cockpit of Blue Midget! And, as for The Rimmer Experience! I liked it so much, that I begged my husband Paul, to take me on it, for a Birthday treat, one day! But somehow, as luck will have it, I daresay, that we will have to go on, a 200 year waiting list, just like, some people had done, where the first Pan American flight, for the Moon, was concerned! I later worked out that Kim Fuller, who co-wrote that episode, was really, the comedian, actor and former radio presenter: Lenny Henry’s pen-name, and that certainly came, as quite a surprise to me, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day! And it just goes to prove, what a really good writer, he is! When, I did my part-time Drama school course, four years ago, at The Birmingham School of Speech, and Drama, in Edgbaston, Birmingham, one of the students, called Nick Hennegan, who had got, his own theatre company, which was known, as: Rear View Window Theatre Company, at the time, and he, has worked, with Lenny Henry, on the odd occasion, which must have been a wonderful experience, because I have heard, that Lenny Henry, is great to work with, anyhow! And, I have most recently discovered, that Nick Hennegan, who is actually a Theatre Producer, now runs a Theatre company, which is known, as Maverick Theatre Company, and he specialises, in one man Pub productions, and one, of their most popular productions, is Henry V: The Lion of England, by William Shakespeare, which I have, most recently gathered, is a production, that Nick, has recently revived, because he did a tour of Henry V: The Lion of England, by William Shakespeare, around the local pubs, in the Midlands area, during the mid nineteen nineties, which was something, that I had been fully aware of, at the time, via our local paper: The Express and Star (the Wolverhampton edition)! I have also seen a production, of The Crucible, at the Arena Theatre, in Wolverhampton, that was performed by Nick Hennegan’s, former Theatre company: Rear View Window Theatre Company, and that had been, because I had promised Nick, while I had been doing, my part-time Drama School course, four years ago, at The Birmingham School of Speech, and Drama, in Edgbaston, Birmingham, that I would definitely, make a point, of going, to see one, of his productions, when his former Theatre company: Rear View Window Theatre Company, came to The Grand Theatre, and The Arena Theatre, in Wolverhampton, one day! Unfortunately however, even though, I managed, to have a chat, with two members, of the Theatre staff, at the Arena Theatre, in Wolverhampton, because I was getting, a little bit concerned, that I could not locate, Nick, at the Arena Theatre, in Wolverhampton, at the time! And, I was fortunate enough, to discover, that two members, of the Theatre staff, at the Arena Theatre, in Wolverhampton, had known Nick, very well, along with his former: co-partners, of Rear View Window Theatre Company, and they had, got on very well with him, indeed, when he used to, put on, his theatre productions, via his former Theatre company: Rear View Window Theatre Company, at the Arena Theatre, in Wolverhampton, in the past, anyhow! And, the two members, of the Theatre staff, at the Arena Theatre, in Wolverhampton, informed me, that he had, split away, from his former Theatre company: Rear View Theatre Company, for various reasons, a while back. And that, he had since formed, his own independent Theatre company, which I have recently discovered, via the internet, is now known, as Maverick Theatre Company!

And, just like Kochanski, I do actually know, what a comet is made of, which is made of gas, rock, dust and ice, of course! And, that was because, our former astronomy group: Walsall Astronomy Society, conducted a lecture, at The Pub (Check out the location, of The Pub, with my husband Paul, some time, in the future! Marie Birch), with regard, to what a comet is made of, which went on, for the best part, of two, to three hours, into the bargain! And, the man, who conducted the lecture, at the time: Andrew Lound? (Check this out, with my husband Paul, some time, in the future! Marie Birch), also showed everybody, concerned, how to make a comet, should the need, ever arise! Why you never know! And, that could have been compared to: “Blue Peter’s - Here’s one, I made earlier!”. Only there was no sticky back plastic and sellotape! But that said, there was a cellophane bag, supplied, to wrap, the comet in! But that said, however, Andrew Lound’s (?), demonstration, where making a comet, was concerned, does have it’s use, where the Theatre, and the Film industry, is concerned, because Andrew Lound (?), who was, conducting, the lecture, at the time, held up a glass, which had steam, coming out of it, which was due, to the ice, been dried out? I think? And, I cannot officially be, quoted on that, anyhow! And, the effect, from a dried iced drink, has been used, for example, which Doctor Jekyll, from the Dr Hyde and Mr Jekyll films, would drink to become Mr Hyde, anyhow! And, that dried iced drink, would be, as cold, as sheer Bloody Hell! And, it would definitely not, be hot at all! And, on no account, must anyone, in the acting profession, put the glass to your lips, under any circumstances! And, the effect, has got to be, masked, because it does, have the tendency, to pull, the skin off your lips, when it actually comes down to it, at the end of the day!

EPISODE VI: BEYOND A JOKE

And, I thought, that Robert Llewellyn, is an excellent writer, with regard to “Beyond A Joke”: Episode VI, which he co-wrote, with Doug Naylor, especially where the Artificial Reality Computer Game: Jane Austen World, was concerned, which Kochanski, visited with her fellow Dwarfer’s! And, I really do love, Jane Austen’s, romantic works of fiction! And I have read, at least five of her novels, which are: Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, Emma, Northanger Abbey and Persuasion! And, I must confess, that I am more, of a Charles Dickens, and a Thomas Hardy reader myself! But that said, I really do like, Jane Austen’s, romantic works of fiction, to a certain extent, anyhow! Unfortunately however, I originally felt, that the Boyz and lady of the Dwarf’s, time, in Jane Austen World, was not really sufficient enough! And, I daresay, that was probably due, to the ten minutes, being cut, from each episode, of Red Dwarf VII, once again! Fortunately however, I felt, that the Boyz and Lady of the Dwarf, more than made up, for their lack of time, in Pride and Prejudice World, Jane Austen World, via the last few minutes of that episode, in question, with regard, to Lister taking, the Bennet’s, out for a curry, to the Indian Restaurant, in the Artificial Reality Computer Game: Curry World, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day! And, I thought, that Lister, wanted frying alive, for interfering, with the Bennet’s diet, especially as curries, had not been, so easily available, to the general public, during 1813 (the year, that Pride and Prejudice, was published!), anyhow! And, not only that, the Bennet’s diet, would have consisted, of the simple things in life, such as, bread, butter, milk and cheese, and meat and vegetables, which would have been a real insult, especially where Dave Lister’s, present day diet, of curries and lager, was concerned, anyhow! And, I really loved it, when Kochanski stated, to her fellow Dwarfer’s, that even though, Davey and Jane Austen, are definitely not, an obvious pairing, when it actually comes down to it, at the end of the day! But if you really thought about it, she was closely identifiable, via the majority of her romantic works of fiction, with the City of Bath, in the County of Avon, England, the United Kingdom, in the nineteenth century, and that, was the last time, that Dave, had had one! That joke of hers, was a real classic! And, I have also been to the City of Bath, in the County of Avon, England, the United Kingdom, with my husband Paul, during 1986, and we have seen, the Roman Baths, as well, which I have definitely felt, would have certainly frightened, the life, out of poor Lister, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day, anyhow!

And, I also felt, that a certain Mechanoid, should have been roasted, on toast, for spoiling his fellow: Dwarfer’s enjoyment, of their time, in Pride and Prejudice World, in Jane Austen World, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day! What on Earth, had happened, to Kryten’s connoisseur chip, and his good taste chip?! I think, that it may have had, something to do, with Lister, interfering with his programming, over the years, by getting him to rebel, especially where his Foundation course, in Rebellion, was concerned, which was featured, in Camille: Episode I, Red Dwarf IV! And, in those circumstances, I would have most certainly, refused to assist Lister, by putting a new head on him, if he had chosen, to blow, his top, during their Dinner party, if I had been Kochanski! Seriously though, I really do feel, that Robert Llewellyn, is an excellent writer, and that, he should definitely write, a lot more episodes, where Red Dwarf, is concerned, anyhow! In fact, I am really surprised, that he hasn’t, written, any more episodes of Red Dwarf, until the seventh season, because I am fully aware, that he is one of the main contributors to the script, with regard, to all of the Red Dwarf literature, that I have read, over the years, anyhow! And, I really do feel, that Robert, could do, a great deal more, where any brand new script material, for Red Dwarf, in the near future, is concerned, anyhow! And, I really loved Able, a fellow mechanoid, who had been, corrupted by the Gelf’s, via his illicit use, of Ultrazone, on the S.S Centauri! And he was really sweet, into the bargain, just like Kryten, is! Especially after, Able had died, by sacrificing his own life, to save his fellow Dwarfer’s lives, via the pursuit, of the S.S Centauri, via courtesy of the evil Gelf leader, who was superbly played by the late Don Henderson! And, I was really touched, by Kryten’s Line: “He isn't heavy Sir, he's my Brother!” However, Beyond A Joke, ended its final scene, in an Indian Restaurant, where Lister insisted, on throwing the Bennet family, a curry night, which Kryten had also interfered with, once again, by bugging, his fellow Dwarfer’s curries, and the inside of their mouths, were very nearly, set on fire, into the bargain! That hilarious final scene, with the Bennet family, in the Indian Restaurant, more than made up, for the shortness of the Pride and Prejudice scene, at the beginning, of Beyond A Joke, in my general opinion!

EPISODE VII: EPIDEME (Additional comments, at a later date? Marie Birch)

EPISODE VIII: NANARCHY

My favourite bit of Nanarchy, was Lister’s artificial arm, obviously! And, I just could not, get over Kryten’s line, when Lister punched him, in the face: “Ah well, you see, it's subconscious. You're *thinking* "hand, pick up the ball". But your subconscious, is saying: "Punch Kryten in the head; beat the brains out of the demented droid, that cut off, my beloved arm!". Why, it was full of his usual sweetness! And, I really loved Lister’s line: “If I want to pick up a ball, am I going to have to take the morning off?!”. And, I also thought, that the line, that Lister used, for commenting, on his Guitar practice, with one arm: “Yeah, look on the bright side... at least now, I'm only *half* crap...!”, was full of, his usual Cherubicness, and Seraphicness!”. It was also good, to see Holly (in the guise of Norman Lovett) back, once again, towards the end of the episode, which certainly made up, for the loss of Rimmer, anyhow! And now, thanks to the nanobots, the Boyz and lady of the Dwarf, will be back, on the Dwarf, once again, where Red Dwarf VIII, is concerned?!

And, I really do feel, that Red Dwarf VIII, will have the Boyz and Lady of the Dwarf, back on the Dwarf, as per normal, with everybody assuming, that Kryten, got the nanobots, under control, where Lister’s Charles Atlas appearance, was concerned, in the end! All in all, I thought, that Red Dwarf VII, was a very good series, indeed! And, it was a real shame, that they couldn’t get, the original forty minutes, of airing time, which would have made it, even better, in my general opinion! Perhaps one day, Grant Naylor Productions, will be allowed to have, more airing time, than thirty minutes per episode, of Red Dwarf, courtesy of BBC2! And I think, in all honesty, that one day, they may even, be able, to do one hour specials, at a later date, which I really do feel, would work very well, indeed! But then again, there is, always, the Red Dwarf Movie, which is, still in, pre-production, at this stage!

Marie Birch

April 1997