A REVIEW OF RED DWARF VIII:

BACK IN THE RED: PART I TO PART III

BY MARIE BIRCH


As, I really do feel, that Red Dwarf VIII, had been, such a very complicated series, indeed, I have decided, to set up, a separate Section, for Back In The Red I to III, because even though, it had officially been, a part of Red Dwarf VIII, I really do feel, that the plot, of Back In The Red I to III, had been, a very complicated plot indeed! And therefore, I really do feel, that Back In The Red I to III, had virtually, been, an independent story, to the rest of the series! And I have also heard, since then, that Back In The Red I to III, had been, a dry run, for the Red Dwarf Movie! And therefore, I have decided, that the five remaining episodes, of Red Dwarf VIII, will be included, in a separate Review, at a later date, for once and for all!

EPISODE I: BACK IN THE RED: PART I

Even though Back In The Red Parts I To III was the longest continuation of a Red Dwarf story ever, and in a sense, a forerunner to the forthcoming Red Dwarf movie! I am still going to review them, as separate episodes, because that is what they officially are, and each episode is different in it's own right, even though it is a continuing story. And I understand, that Doug Naylor did have plans, to get BBC2 to broadcast Back In The Red, as a three part special, to introduce Red Dwarf VIII. But in the end, Doug changed his mind, where this was concerned, anyhow, because he was originally offered a Saturday evening, by the BBC, and he felt, that Red Dwarf, would not attract the same figures, on a Saturday evening, had he gone ahead, with his original plan! And he felt, that it would be wise, to broadcast Back In The Red: Parts I To III, via Red Dwarf's weekly slot, with the added bonus of it's repeat, on a Sunday evening, and that the three part special, would be more than enough, to keep the fans guessing, and that it would, easily encourage them, to tune in, the following week! So, there you have it!

So, with regard to Red Dwarf VIII itself, I quite liked the addition to the new Red Dwarf theme, with regard to the chalked numbers at the end: 11/11 111, which meant Red Dwarf VIII, literally! But it was quite obvious, that the eighth series of Red Dwarf was going to have a very different look, to the last series of Red Dwarf, but apart from the chalked numbers which stood for Red Dwarf VIII, it more or less stated, that the Red Dwarf start up theme wasn't going to change, one bit! When we had been to Shepperton Studios, we had witnessed the new single camera look, for Red Dwarf VIII, and the blurry look, from Red Dwarf VII, was no longer there, anymore, and that the new filming look, had been perfected, which we felt, would be far more beneficial, to Red Dwarf VIII, rather than Red Dwarf VII! But that said, I have heard, from various sources, that there are very few people, in Great Britain, who have had training with a single camera, like they do, in the United States Of America, and that the cost of hiring these people, can be very expensive, indeed! And my husband and I, really don't think, that our comedies look the same, wherefore, they have been given an "Americanised" look, like "Friends!". And personally, I would rather Red Dwarf be filmed, via the traditional four or five camera technique, up to Red Dwarf VI! Forgive me, if I am being old-fashioned, but I cannot help feeling nostalgic, about the way, that it used to be filmed! But that said, I really do feel, that the single-camera technology, will work a lot better, with Red Dwarf VIII, and if Red Dwarf's filming techniques are to move forward into the next Millennium, then so be it!

I was quite surprised to discover, that the very first scene, of Red Dwarf VIII, had started out, on the Prison Colony itself, with Rimmer and Lister, in their Prison Cell Room, which had come, as a complete surprise to me, and I had assumed, that Red Dwarf VIII would follow on straight from Nanarchy: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VII. But it wasn't quite as simple as all that, and even though we had seen the Prison Cell Room set, and the first scene from Back In The Red III: Episode III, Red Dwarf VIII filmed, at Shepperton Studios, and even though we had also seen this particular set, in question, featured in various Science Fiction magazines, I was more or less used to the new Prison Cell Room, set, right away! But that said, I still wasn't prepared to see this particular set, in question, at the very start, of the very first episode of Red Dwarf VIII, anyhow! But I soon understood why the first scene for Back In The Red I: Episode I, Red Dwarf VIII, started off in the Prison Cell Room. This was because Rimmer's character had left Red Dwarf VII, after the Red Dwarf episode Blue: Episode V, Red Dwarf VII, and even though I felt, that Rimmer's appearances in Red Dwarf VII were very effective, when he was in it, he just wasn't in it, enough in my general opinion! And even though, the extended version of Tikka To Ride: Episode I, Red Dwarf VII helped bring Rimmer's character back to life, to a certain extent, and as it more or less, made it up for the loss of his character in the four episodes he wasn't in, of Red Dwarf VII, it only enhanced his character to a very limited extent, really. And even though his appearance, in the flashback scene to the parallel universe, where Kochanski hailed from, was very witty indeed, he just wasn't in that particular episode, long enough! And I understood, that the reason why Red Dwarf VII had been criticised so much, was mainly due to the loss of Rimmer's character, and therefore, I understood perfectly well, why Doug Naylor had wanted to get Rimmer and Lister together in the very first opening scene of Red Dwarf VIII! Rimmer's character had GOT to be re-introduced to Red Dwarf right away, and the Rimmer and Lister relationship desperately needed to be re-worked on, once again! It was very reminiscent of their relationship, in the old grey bunk room, via Red Dwarf I and II, which had not really been utilized very much, in the later Red Dwarf series, unless you count Marooned: Episode II and Body Swap: Episode IV, Red Dwarf III, and a few scenes in The Last Day: Episode VI, Red Dwarf III and Dimension Jump: Episode V, Red Dwarf IV, and that was an area, which desparately needed re-working on, but I really did feel, that the Rimmer and Lister relationship still worked very well, after such a long absence! I had also become quite accustomed to the wire mesh Prison Cell Room, since we had seen Red Dwarf VIII filmed at Shepperton Studios three months, before Red Dwarf VIII had aired. I had first assumed, when we first saw Red Dwarf VIII filmed, and the warm up man Denny Hodge had informed us, that Rimmer and Lister were in a Penal Colony, that it would be like the Penal Colony, that Rimmer had ended up in on Justice: Episode III, Red Dwarf IV, or the one, on Cyberia, where the two Lister's had ended up, in Red Dwarf: The Last Human by Doug Naylor, but it didn't work out like that, and the Prison Cell Colony was on the Dwarf itself, quite surprisingly, but that said, it did have quite a few similarities to the Penal Colony, on Cyberia, in Red Dwarf: The Last Human by Doug Naylor, and a little bit of Justice: Episode III, Red Dwarf, itself, which was probably a short term inspiration, which Doug Naylor had used for Red Dwarf VIII, anyway. And this particular set, had also been featured, via various Science Fiction magazines, and in an odd kind of way the Prison Cell Room, had really begun to grow on me, quite a bit, before I actually saw Red Dwarf VIII! I was also particularly impressed, by the model of the Prison Cell Colony, which balconies appeared on the opening shot of Back In The Red I, and throughout Red Dwarf VIII. It was very cleverly constructed, and I liked the little cells in the tower, and you could just imagine the prisoners coming out of them and peering over their balconies! There was a real balcony for the actual cell Room which Lister and Kryten went out on to, in Krytie TV: Episode V, Red Dwarf VIII. And we actually saw the balcony, at Shepperton Studios for their Prison Cell Room, which was on a slope, and utilized with a great deal of clever film techniques! I was quite impressed by the way, the crew made it look as if it appeared, from a very great height, and therefore, the Prison Cell Room balcony, gave quite a lot of credibility to the model of the Prison Cell Colony, which made it appear as a very dark and deep foreboding place, where nobody should ever, ever have to go! Again, like Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg and for the Children In Need sketch, Rimmer's character for the main publicity photograph for Red Dwarf VIII was attired in his blue hologram outfit, once again. But unfortunately however, by the time, that Red Dwarf VIII, went out, it was too late, for the viewers to be fooled into thinking, that Rimmer was going to be a hologram, once again, because various Science Fiction magazines had revealed the plot of Red Dwarf VIII, via the nanobots resurrecting the crew of the Dwarf, including Rimmer as he had been, before the radiation leak, in The End: Episode I, Red Dwarf I. And there was really no way, that Doug Naylor could keep it a secret, that Rimmer was going to be alive, anymore, because there was too many photographs circulated of him, in his lilac Prison uniform, his yellow Canary outfit and his grey Technicians uniform, and as there was no longer the usual "H" on his forehead, it was quite obvious to all, that he was no longer going to be the Arnold Rimmer, we were all accustomed to! And therefore, it was agreed, that it would be virtually impossible to keep it a secret, especially as the new filming techniques, for Red Dwarf VIII were being released, as well! And there were various journalists, who had been on the set, who would have found it a very impossible task, to keep the fact to themselves, that Rimmer would no longer be a hologram, during Red Dwarf VIII. And in the end, even The Official Red Dwarf Fan Club's: Fanzine: Better Than Life, had to admit defeat, and admit to the fans of Red Dwarf, that Rimmer would not be a hologram, during Red Dwarf VIII. But to be fair, to the various Science Fiction magazines, they did not divulge how Red Dwarf VIII would end, which was fair enough, I guess. But that said, via the plot, of the very first scene, for Back In The Red I, it was quite amusing, to see that Rimmer and Lister were just not getting along, as usual, but worse than that, they just weren't speaking to one another! And Lister was that irritating, towards Rimmer, in the end, I think, that even I would have cracked up and spoken to him! I liked it, when Lister went on about this old Hollywood film star, who was been looked after by his Nurse and they had had a baby, which he was reading, via a trashy magazine, but Lister couldn't distinguish between the Father and the baby, because of the cute little bonnet, he was wearing! But Rimmer was definitely ignoring Lister, via trying to study his astro-navigation book for his exam, which apparently, he is still entitled to take, even in prison! Lister's cracks about stealing money from his wallet were quite amusing, but it was the crack about him having sex with Yvonne McGruder when Rimmer started to crack up, because Lister's remarks about getting carpet burns on his body, were more than he could take! But it was quite obvious, that Lister was lying about having sex with McGruder, but it was a definite way of getting Rimmer to talk to him, once again! And he kept going on about him pouring a whole tube of something all over him, but I will go into that a bit more towards the end of Back In The Red III. But in the end, at the very least, Rimmer and Lister were back on speaking terms, anyhow. And Rimmer just couldn't understand for the life of him, why they had ended up in the Tank for the best part of two years, but Lister went on to say, that it was only three days before, that they had got into, all of this mess!

And therefore, it was quite obvious, that what had happened to the Dwarfer's, after Nanarchy: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VII, was going to be all flashback scenes, because the final shot of Starbug, flying into the Dwarf's Cargo bay, which was featured in Nanarchy: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VII, suddenly came into being again, especially when the Cat stated: "Guys, we have a problem!", which is based on that crucial Apollo mission, when they couldn't land on the Moon! I was also quite impressed, with the new Cargo bay model scenes, whenever the Blue Midget's or various other craft went through it, and even though they were brand new model shots, the hatch kept on opening exactly like it used to, during Red Dwarf III, IV and V, and I really felt that the model effects team, had really done their best, to recreate the familiar Cargo bay model scenes, which really did mean, that this new series of Red Dwarf would remain quite familiar to it's original counterparts! Now I had naturally assumed, that Red Dwarf VIII, would start off with the Boyz and Lady of the Dwarf, all back to normal, again, awaiting their latest adventures, and the return of Rimmer, and that it would be like the start of Red Dwarf V, with Kryten starting off as a Mechanoid, once again, and the DNA: Episode II, Red Dwarf IV incident, of him getting back to normal, would never have been mentioned! I will state this here and now, because in Robert's book: The Man in the Rubber Mask, Robert stated, that DNA was the very last episode of Red Dwarf IV, to be actually filmed! And he was rather worried, that he would start off in Red Dwarf V, in Kryten's human form, or worse even than that, remain human, for the rest of Red Dwarf V, and beyond! Robert had never really taken to Kryten, being human, and he did not think, that it would work, for Kryten, on a regular basis, even though he had been great fun to do, as a one off, when DNA had been filmed, at the time, and it had been interesting, to observe, how his character, had reacted rather badly, after the novelty of been a human, had worn off, after only a couple of days, and all of the repercussions, that had followed, when they had all gone back to the DNA suite! But Robert needn't have worried, when Rob and Doug informed him, that Red Dwarf V, would start off, with Kryten in his mechanoid form, once again, with no explanations, offered to the fans, and the character would just carry on, as per usual, and I had assumed, that would be exactly the case, where the start of Red Dwarf VIII was concerned, as some of the fans had predicted, ironically enough, on the alt.tv.red-dwarf newsgroup.

No, the start of Red Dwarf VIII, did not start at the back end of Red Dwarf VII, like everybody, had assumed it would! But Starbug was definitely back on the Dwarf alright, and it was still in it's miniaturized format, exactly in the same way it was, from the very end of Nanarchy: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VII. But the crew could find no way to land the craft, and now a more detailed scene of the Boyz and Lady of the Dwarf, in the cockpit of Starbug, and now I had a closer look, at the new interior Starbug set, which I had seen only a little bit of, at Shepperton Studios, via the monitors. And quite surprisingly, however, the cockpit of Starbug was more or less identical to the Starbug cockpit of Red Dwarf VII! So that meant, that Red Dwarf VIII, would still have a very few traces of Red Dwarf VII, left over! But in my mind, the Starbug cockpit scenes, for this particular sequence of scenes, were the only part of this new series, that remained close enough, to Red Dwarf VII! And Kochanski and Kryten, had raced to the cockpit, to see what was going on, because by now, Starbug was making noises like a very small fly, and it was flying round a gigantic Starbug, like it had done in Nanarchy: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VII! And suddenly Lister appeared, and he was back to his normal self, wearing his usual scruffy overalls! There were no explanations offered, via Kochanski stating, that the nanobots probably didn't mean any harm, via making Lister look like a Mr Universe, even though his arm had grown back, fortunately! And that they would try again, so therefore, you soon work out that, via the second attempt of Kryten inserting the nanobots into Lister's body, that the second attempt, was a one hundred percent success, with the exception of it, putting a few extra hairs, on Lister's chest! And that it was totally unnecessary for the viewers, to see the second attempt, especially as Red Dwarf VIII was a completely different series to Red Dwarf VII, and the Starbug cockpit scene, was the only scene, via Red Dwarf VIII, that was close in format, to Red Dwarf VII! Even though I was perfectly aware, via the interviews, in the Science Fiction magazines, that were done for Red Dwarf VIII, it was quite obvious, that Kochanski was going to have a new image, for the eighth season of Red Dwarf, and Chloe Annett had stated, in various interviews, that Kochanski was going to have more of an action girl image, for Red Dwarf VII, based on Sarah Connor in Terminator II. But I had assumed, that she wasn't going to wear her black 'T' shirt and khaki trousers, with a jumper at her waist, for this particular scene, in question, and even though I had seen Chloe wear her black 'T' shirt and khaki trousers, with a jumper at her waist, via the various publicity photographs for Red Dwarf VIII and various scenes of Back In The Red I to III, which I had seen filmed, at Shepperton Studios, right away in this particular cockpit scene, and I had assumed, that she would be in the new cotton red outfit, that she had worn for Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg, which was part of Red Dwarf Tenth Anniversary evening, during 1998, for this particular scene, but it didn't work out that way, unfortunately, especially as Doug Naylor had stressed, in interviews, in various Science Fiction magazines, that he wasn't quite happy with certain aspects of Red Dwarf VII! And even though the red cotton uniform for Kochanski had worked fairly well, for Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg, it probably wasn't suitable for this particular scene, in question! And the viewers would have to assume, that Kochanski had probably had a very quick change of clothes, while Kryten was sorting out Lister's problem, with his arm! Also, her hair had seemed to grow longer, since Red Dwarf VII, and she had also had it tinted, a very light shade of blonde! But Chloe had also explained, at the Red Dwarf Dimension Jump Red Dwarf 1997 Convention, that her natural hair colour is ash blonde, and that she had washed her hair, just before Red Dwarf VII went into production, with a very dark wash in and wash out colour, for a party with some friends, just before Red Dwarf VII, went into Production, and no matter how she tried, she just couldn't wash, the dark hair colour out! She had stated, that the Hairdresser, couldn't do anything with her hair, apart from putting it in a bun and slicking it back, but I felt, that her hair looked very effective, when she was on Red Dwarf VII, and that it really did make her character stand out, that little bit more, which had given, Kochanski, a rather Classy image, and it had made, her look, very glamorous, indeed! And Chloe, had also claimed, that her own friends, didn't recognise her, when she was in: Red Dwarf VII! But when the dark wash in hair colour eventually washed out, Kochanski was able to have her hair down, once again! And Chloe Annett's natural hair colour is very similar to C.P (Clare) Grogan's (the original Kochanski), and that is how she got the part, because Chloe Annett was the only actress, who had auditioned for the part, who had a very similar resemblance to the original Kochanski, even though it isn't a very obvious resemblance to the original Kochanski, anyhow. But fans of Crime Traveller will also note, that the character of  Holly Turner, played by Chloe Annett ('s), hair colour, including the length of her hair, was more or less like it is, from the Red Dwarf Tenth Anniversary spoof: Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg, onwards, which was a send up of Can't Cook, Won't Cook, which featured Ainsley Harriot as himself, especially as he originally starred as the Gelf Chief in Emohawk - Polymorph II: Episode IV, Red Dwarf VI. For Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg, Kochanski wore a cotton version of her red PVC uniform, but it had looked very dowdy, indeed, and it was nowhere near as glamorous, as the red PVC uniform, that she had worn, during Red Dwarf VII, and that was probably why, Doug Naylor had revamped Kochanski's image, for Red Dwarf VIII, anyhow! And please bear in mind, that not everybody has seen every single series of Red Dwarf or has got every copy on video of Red Dwarf available, like the avid fans, and I have also discovered, that Red Dwarf VIII attracted a new generation of young viewers, who hadn't seen a series of Red Dwarf, in their lives, and therefore, Red Dwarf was completely new to them! And I have also discovered, that now Rimmer was back for the the whole of the eighth series of Red Dwarf, there was no need for Kochanski to be so dominant and so bitchy, towards the Dwarfer's like she had been for Red Dwarf VII. And therefore, it was deemed necessary for Kochanski to have more of a background role for Red Dwarf VIII! But that said, I did feel, that Kochanski was a lot better, in Red Dwarf VIII, than I thought she would be, and I felt, that Chloe handled her background role, very well, indeed! And it also seemed, that she was more closer to the Kochanski in Red Dwarf I and II played by Clare Grogan, only she was a lot more defined, and as Lister was still crazy about her, she was back to been a dream icon, once again, especially as he got separated from her, such a lot, in this series, and not only that, she was also a lot more closer, to the Kochanski in Red Dwarf: The Last Human by Doug Naylor. With regard to Kochanski's image, she only wore the black 'T' shirt and khaki clothes for Back In The Red I to III, Episodes I, II and III and Only The Good: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VIII, and apart from her grey uniform, which also consisted of trousers, which she also wore for Back In The Red I to III, which incidentally, was by far, a much better uniform, than the one, which Clare Grogan had worn for Red Dwarf I to II, even though Rob Grant and Doug Naylor, did give her, a sort of action girl image for Psirens: Episode I, Red Dwarf VI. But for Red Dwarf VIII, Kochanski was mainly confined to her lilac prison uniform, like Rimmer, Lister, the Cat and Kryten, with the exception, however, of Pete I and Pete II: Episodes VI and VII, Red Dwarf VIII, where she did wear a red halter top (and just plain white trousers, complete with a green sash, which she had also utilized for The Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch), which was very loosely based, on the red dress, that Kochanski had worn in Duct Soup: Episode IV, Red Dwarf VII, which Lister had given her, as an advance birthday present. And Kochanski also wore, her red halter top and white trousers, complete with a green sash, which she had also utilized for The Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch. And that was the only time in Red Dwarf VIII, where her image closely resembled the Kochanski, in Red Dwarf VII! And as for the Cat and Kryten, they were basically still the same, where their costumes, were concerned. Cat was clad in his black and white zebra suit, and Kryten, was Kryten! But during Red Dwarf VIII, the red cotton costume, that Chloe had worn for Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg, didn't actually feature, as part of her wardrobe, and I felt, in all honesty, that they were right, not to use that particular costume, in question, for Red Dwarf VIII, as I felt, that it didn't look, as nearly as good, as her red PVC uniforms, that she had worn, for Red Dwarf VII! But I do understand, that the wardrobe team were merely experimenting, with the casts image for Red Dwarf VIII, via Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg, and sometimes, you have to give these things a try, and see how they go! But I did feel, in all honesty, that Kochanski's image, for Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg, was more than sufficient enough, at the time, anyhow.

With regard to Kochanski's hair for Red Dwarf VIII, her hair was mainly her own ash blonde colour, which Chloe had described as been her natural hair colour at Dimension Jump 1997, apart from The Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch and Pete I and Pete II: Episodes VI and VII, Red Dwarf VIII, and therefore, her image had changed, via her hair, rather than the very dark brown hair image, which she had utilized for Red Dwarf VII, and the red uniform, that she had worn for Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg, had been replaced by a red halter top and just plain white trousers, complete with a green sash, which she had also utilized for The Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch. But the red halter top, that she wore, was very loosely based, on the red halter top, which Lister had given her as an advance birthday present in Duct Soup: Episode IV, Red Dwarf VII. And it was quite obvious to me, via The Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch, that Kochanski was been given far  more of a glamorous image, for Red Dwarf VIII, which was very loosely based, on her image, in Red Dwarf VII. But to my surprise however, Kochanski only wore this particular costume for Pete I and Pete II: Episodes VI and VII, Red Dwarf VIII, as the time wand had got them out of prison, and the Dwarfer's had managed to get their clothes back, because the Cat was wearing his usual black and white zebra suit, with the exception of Rimmer and Lister who were still wearing their prison uniforms, only they had got their hair back, via the time wand.

So, after the Cat had stated: "Guys we have a problem!", and the Dwarfer's were all seated together in the cockpit of Starbug. Once again, I was particularly impressed with the shot of Starbug flying around the corridors, and I was also rather amused at the Boyz reaction to thinking, that the Cargo bay was a lot smaller than it looked! But it soon dawned on them, that they were all getting smaller and smaller, and that the nanobots had definitely not remolecurised them back properly! It was quite obvious, that Holly was continuing from where he left off, from Nanarchy: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VII, and even though Norman was a guest, in that particular episode, it did give him the warm up, that was absolutely necessary to re-establish him, as a regular, right from the very start of Red Dwarf VIII, onwards! It was also quite obvious to see, that the character of Holly played by Norman Lovett wasn't going to differ all that much, from Nanarchy: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VII and The Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch, and that it would be Norman who was going to be Holly throughout Red Dwarf VIII, rather than alternate with Hattie Hayridge, as I had heard, that there might be rumours, that she was going to be appearing in Red Dwarf VIII, alongside Norman, which would have been great! But that said, I have heard a rumour, that Hattie may appear in the Red Dwarf movie, alongside Norman Lovett, which I definitely feel, may be a probability, this time, because don't get me wrong, I like Norman as Holly, and I think in all honesty, considering such a lengthy absence from Red Dwarf, when he appeared in Nanarchy: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VII and The Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch, onwards. It was really like he had never left, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day! But I do prefer Hattie Hayridge as Holly, because I felt, that her portrayal of Holly, stood out far more than Norman's did, even though she was only in it for three series of Red Dwarf, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day! But that said, Norman more than proved himself, via Nanarchy: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VII, The Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch and Red Dwarf VIII, nevertheless! I was quite amused by his unhelpful comments of playing games at a time like this! I was also amused by Kryten's comments towards Kochanski, via her suggestions of plotting a course to get them out of this mess, which meant, that things, were back to normal, according to her fellow Dwarfer's! Kryten respected her for being an excellent Navigator, even though she had got a toy bear, called Booboo! But they were all in a right panic, once they all ended up in the ventilation duct, which I definitely thought, was very highly impressive model work, especially when you saw the flex and it's plug! And I was also very impressed with the way, that Starbug got tossed and tossed towards the duct, via it's fan, which was quite breathtaking, really, especially with the Boyz and Lady of the Dwarf, who were all trying to fight their way out, which was next to nigh impossible really, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day! And as for the rat, I was really impressed with the sound effects for the rat's heartbeat, and it was quite amusing to see it tossing Starbug about, as if it were an annoying insect! And need I say more about Holly's comments, about being rat arsed by Starbug, being caught, in the backside of the rat! So, it was quite obvious by now that Starbug was shrinking, rather than expanding, as had been originally thought, and it was a part of the nanobots process, but as the bug was being so badly tossed about, and there was a great deal of damage being done to the interior of the bug, because Kryten merely stated, that as the kitchen area was now so badly damaged, he apologised for not being able to make a proper lunch, and that they would have to make do with sandwiches! But that was the least of their worries, because Starbug crashed into the back wall of the duct, and they were all back in the Cargo bay, and as there was a terrific explosion, it was quite obvious that the bug was back to it's proper size. I was also quite impressed with the explosion in the Cargo bay, and the mining equipment, which it blew up, closely resembled a spacecraft from The Empire Strikes Back! Even though the evacuation of Starbug was good, I did feel, that there could have been a bit more of it, but I have since discovered that there was additional footage to the evacuation, where Lister tried to give Kochanski the kiss of life, which is featured in the Red Dwarf VIII script book, but again, that particular scene ended up on the cutting floor, which is so often the case with Red Dwarf! But if there is just not enough airing time, then I guess, that is just the way that it goes! So, with this Starbug was destroyed, and therefore, the Dwarfer's escape scenes were confined to Blue Midget, as Doug Naylor, felt that he hadn't given Blue Midget much scope, as it could have had, in the later series of Red Dwarf, apart from it, being used very briefly, in Body Swap: Episode IV, Red Dwarf III and Blue: Episode V, Red Dwarf VII. But as Blue Midget was featured in Red Dwarf VII very briefly, it seemed, that Doug Naylor, wanted to utilize the craft, a bit more, with the new model effect techniques, that had been inspired from Red Dwarf VII. And I have also read since, via various interviews, that as Doug had come up with the idea of giving Blue Midget, more of an emphasis, especially as the new look Blue Midget had been utilized, in the remastered episode: Thanks For The Memory: Episode III from Red Dwarf II, which we have got on the Red Dwarf A-Z, but the cockpit of Blue Midget, remained the same, for the remastered version of Thanks For The Memory: Episode III, Red Dwarf II. And therefore, it would have been a shame for Blue Midget, to go back to it's old clumsy image, that had been utilized, via the original format of Red Dwarf! And as they were using the new look Red Dwarf, which had been utilized for the Red Dwarf remastered videos for Red Dwarf I to III, and I did feel, that the remastered Red Dwarf, was absolutely necessary for the eighth series of Red Dwarf, because I felt, that the original model shots of the Dwarf, that were used for Ouroboros: Episode III and Nanarchy: Episode VIII for Red Dwarf VII, looked a little bit dated, to say the very least, and therefore, a new image for the Dwarf, was of the utmost essence! And therefore, it made far more sense, to use the new look Blue Midget, as well. And as I had recorded the remastered Red Dwarf episodes: The End: Episode I, Red Dwarf I, Kryten: Episode I, Red Dwarf II, Timeslides: Episode V and The Last Day: Episode VI, Red Dwarf III, it gave me an insight into, the new model and special effect techniques for Red Dwarf VIII, and even though I still have the original series of Red Dwarf on video, I wanted to record some of my favourite episodes of Red Dwarf in the remastered format, because I am fully aware of the fact, that my tapes will not last forever and ever, and that they will break down one day! And it is probably for the best, if I get used to the new look of Red Dwarf, and therefore, it is probably for the best, if I am fully prepared, where that is concerned! But I still prefer the original model effects of Red Dwarf, when it actually comes down to it, at the end of the day, as I felt, that they were way ahead of their time, anyway! And even though Red Dwarf I and II was on a fairly low budget, because it was done by BBC North (originally North West), which isn't the main studios at Shepherds Bush, and it is situated, at Manchester, and BBC North tends to promote comedies mainly for BBC2, which only gives out a limited budget, which is quite understandable, really. But that said, it does not mean to say that the comedies that BBC North puts out aren't any good, because quite surprisingly Ben Elton's comedy Happy Families, was commissioned the year before Red Dwarf, by BBC North, and I had heard of Happy Families, but it did come to me as quite a surprise, that Happy Families, wasn't successful enough, even for Ben Elton! And BBC North didn't re-commission a second series of Happy Families, which was just one of those things, unfortunately. But that said BBC North, does give comedies, that the BBC, at Shepherds Bush, aren't prepared to give a chance, and Red Dwarf was one of them, and it did go on to become a huge success! And I think, that the BBC have long regretted not commissioning it, via Shepherds Bush! But Robert Llewellyn stated in his book: The Man In The Rubber Mask that the BBC North studio at Manchester had wonderful facilities, and that he and the rest of the cast and crew, were quite sad to leave it, when they filmed the last episode of Red Dwarf III, which was The Last Day: Episode VI, before they were officially located at Shepperton Film Studios from Red Dwarf IV onwards. I did feel, that the model shots of the Dwarf, did make up for the old grey sets, which did hold Red Dwarf back to a certain extent, even though, I did feel the first two series did have a great deal of potential, especially where its humour, was concerned, anyhow! And I really did love seeing, the original Red Dwarf model with all of it's little wheels (which were obviously for maintenance workers and PD people like Arnold Rimmer and Dave Lister!), hatches, and the spires of the cities on top of it, and not only that, there was the Dwarf's slow-flowing movement, as well! I also understand, that the remastered versions of Red Dwarf are more for the overseas market, especially the United States of America and Australia and New Zealand, and I also understand, that people in America and the Southern Antipodean market cannot get the original series on video, and have to order it, via the United Kingdom anyway, so I do understand, Doug Naylor's reasons for the remastered versions of Red Dwarf and in a way, I am more interested in obtaining the remastered versions of Red Dwarf on video on top of my original series videos, but I just haven't got the storage space for them, in all honesty, even if I could afford them! But now that we have got a computer with DVD, I am waiting for Grant/ Naylor Productions, to release Red Dwarf on DVD, and I daresay, that it will not be in it's original format like the videos, and that, it will be in the remastered format. But I have made enquiries, via the Official Red Dwarf Fan Club and Grant/Naylor Productions, and so far, there are still no plans to release Red Dwarf on DVD, but I will keep looking out for it on DVD, and I can always drop hints, about it, for Christmas and Birthdays! But it definitely looks like, there may be plans to release remastered Red Dwarf IV to VI on video, and I daresay, that if the whole of the remastered versions, are still not available on video, then there is probably no point in having just Red Dwarf I to III available on DVD, for the time being! And I think, in all honesty, that Grant Naylor Productions will probably work it that way, and I have heard rumours, that the remastered versions of Red Dwarf IV to VI, may be released on video, to coincide with the release of the Red Dwarf movie, which will be a very good promotion for them, and would make it more worthwhile, to Grant/Naylor Productions, rather than releasing the rest of the remastered versions of Red Dwarf on video, before the movie is released! And there are very few comedy series available, on DVD at the moment anyway, apart from the last Christmas special of Men Behaving Badly and the first series of Blackadder, and I have heard, that there have been complaints with regard to the quality of the first series of Blackadder on DVD, which isn't nearly as good on video, and it may be wise to wait, until the technology of DVD's improves, and there is more of an availability, anyway, where that is concerned, anyhow. And with that, it looked as if Starbug was definitely not going to be used for the rest of Red Dwarf VIII, but I will come back to that, a bit later on. But I was very impressed with the set of the new Cargo bay for Red Dwarf VIII, as it looked a lot more defined, than the Cargo bays, that were used between Red Dwarf III to V, which had a more dingier look, even though they were quite cleverly utilized, and for certain scenes of the earlier series of Red Dwarf, where necessary, Sunbury Pumping House by Sunbury-On-Thames had to be utilized, especially where certain scenes with great big flights of gantries and steel steps, which gave the effect of being in a great big cavernous building, where maintenance people, used to work over three million years ago, and was absolutely necessary to those particular scenes in the series! But that said, I have since gathered that particular Pumping house had been used for Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. As I have got Chitty Chitty Bang on video, I have since worked out that the Pumping house was used for the "Toot Sweet" scene, which I think was partly used in Justice: Episode III, Red Dwarf IV, even though parts of the Justice area set, were loosely based on the pumping house to a certain extent, but the gantry part of it, was definitely Sunbury Pumping house, because of the gauging clocks that were on the top gantry which was utilized by the dancers in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. But according to The Official Red Dwarf Companion, you can see the impressive set, which was built for Justice: Episode III, Red Dwarf IV, but I still think some of the filming was done for Justice at the Pumping House itself, and incidentally, we saw the repeats of Not The Nine '0' Clock News five years ago. And the cast all sang a song, in the Pumping House itself, which looked like we had seen it on Red Dwarf! It was instantly recognisable, and I daresay, that hundreds of productions have been filmed at Sunbury Pumping Station. I vaguely remembered seeing that particular song on Not The Nine '0' Clock News, when it was first on BBC2, round about 1979 to 1983. But I think I remember seeing that song in question, originally performed round about 1980, because Pamela Stephenson had changed her image by then, a little bit. I used to be a great fan of Not The Nine '0' Clock News, when it was on in it's heydey, and I really did think, that it was fantastic! Incidentally, I saw a repeat of it, where Pamela and company did a sendup of Altered Images! But I am not going to state what Happy Birthday was re-titled to! But it was really quite funny, nevertheless! And again, I had seen that particular scene in question, on Not The Nine '0' Clock News round about 1982 on BBC2. But that said, my husband and I were a bit disappointed, with the repeats of Not The Nine '0' Clock News, and even though Paul and I were fairly amused, we did feel that it was a bit dated, especially as the political scene had changed considerably since then, and it hadn't stood the test of time, as well as Blackadder and Mr Bean! But it still led the way, for the careers of Rowan Atkinson, Mel Smith, Griff Rhys Jones and Pamela Stephenson, nevertheless! But with regard to the new look Cargo bay, this was a completely new look Cargo bay, based loosely on the Cargo bays, from previous series of Red Dwarf, but it had a gigantic look, with a silvery effect look, even though it was in a bit of a state, with regard to the explosion of Starbug!

But once they had all got over the explosion, they were suddenly greeted by three characters who were clad in yellow plastic clothing from head to foot, including gas masks, which made them look like a cross between the survivors of The Titanic and Roadsweepers! And two of the three characters unmask, and they suddenly recognise Dave Lister, and they were non other, than Selby and Chen! Selby and Chen were originally played by Paul Bradley and David Gillespie, who had appeared in The End: Episode I and Balance of Power: Episode III, Red Dwarf I, who according to Craig Charles in The Smeg Ups for Red Dwarf VIII, had both been on Eastenders! I remember Paul Bradley as Nigel, fairly well in Eastenders, but I do not recall, for the life of me, seeing David Gillespie in Eastenders, but then again, I don't really follow Eastenders, all that well, really! Lister also asked Selby and Chen why Petersen wasn't with them, but they stated, that he was drunk, as per usual! And apart from Petersen being mentioned in Krytie TV: Episode V, Red Dwarf VIII, for finding Lister's guitar, amongst the wreckage of Starbug, those are the only two references aimed at him. It would have been a wondeful boost, for Red Dwarf VIII, if Petersen's character, had been re-introduced, very briefly, along with Selby and Chen, as I assumed, this was going to be the case, when we saw the bit, where Selby and Chen's characters, were re-introduced, when we went to see Red Dwarf VIII, filmed live, at Shepperton Studios. But I was later to discover, that this just wasn't destined to be, unfortunately, because Mark Williams was too busy, via his Fast Show commitments, and as he was also one of the aliens in The Strangerers written by Doug Naylor's ex co-writer for Red Dwarf: Rob Grant, it seemed, that Mark just didn't have the time to commit himself to Red Dwarf VIII, even though I definitely thought, that he would have made the time, had his busy schedule allowed! But that said, it was interesting to see Selby and Chen's characters, re-introduced for that very short scene in the Cargo bay for Red Dwarf VIII, after such a lengthy absence, anyhow!

But Kryten was pleased that the crew of the Dwarf had been re-molecurised, because of the prospect of all that extra ironing: Bliss!

But anyway, that said, things are not quite as simple as all that! Lister, Kryten and the Cat and Kochanski, soon realise immediately, that the nanobots have re-molecurised the crew as well, and it is as if the radiation incident never happened, but it really did happen! And they are still three million years in to deep space, which you later find out, is classified information, which is due, to Hollister not wanting, there to be a panic, amongst the crew, once they work out, what has happened, and that, they are only remnants of the human race, stuck in the middle of nowhere, and that, there is no past, present or future for them, and they are all in a kind of limbo. Selby and Chen just cannot understand, why Lister is making a big deal of seeing them, and neither can Captain Hollister, who suddenly appears in the Cargo bay, and he orders MP Thornton to read Lister his rights! It definitely seems, that the Boyz and Lady of the Dwarf, are in a lot of trouble! I was very impressed with the re-introduction of Captain Hollister played by Mac McDonald for the eighth season of Red Dwarf, and considering such a lengthy absence from Red Dwarf I to II, especially as he had been officially classed as a guest star for the episodes: The End: Episode I, Red Dwarf I, Me2: Episode VI, Red Dwarf I and Stasis Leak: Episode IV, Red Dwarf II, and although his appearances had been very few and far between, in those particular episodes of Red Dwarf, his character was quite significant, and very witty indeed, where those particular episodes in question of Red Dwarf, were concerned! And I did not expect Hollister's character to be quite so good, after all this time. But in all honesty, I really did feel, that Mac McDonald had really excelled himself on Red Dwarf VIII, especially as he had admitted, via various interviews in the Science Fiction magazines, over the years, that he had really loved playing Hollister, the poor mans Captain Kirk! And he had always stressed, that he would be delighted to appear on Red Dwarf, again, if ever he was needed to make an appearance, especially as he had admitted that he had loved dressing up, as a Chicken for the Fancy Dress Party in Stasis Leak: Episode IV, Red Dwarf II! And Chris Barrie and Mac had had hysterics, when they had filmed Rimmer's reactions, via painting him as a Chicken in green paint, and sentencing him to PD for quite a number of years! What I originally thought was, via The Official Red Dwarf Fan Club's fanzine: Better Than Life, that Hollister was only going to be a guest in the episode: Captain's Office {which was later to become Pete I and II: Episodes VI and VII, Red Dwarf VIII} (I personally feel that Lister should get laid myself, as I am getting rather bored, that his character is left out on a sexual basis, be it mutual love or lust, with any female, be it Kochanski, or any other attractive female, who happens to cross his path! But again, that is just a personal opinion, please do not let me put you off the new series of Red Dwarf, as it is really very funny, and is certainly packed with more humour, than Red Dwarf VII, anyhow!), and from what I could make out, via Better Than Life's comments, that Hollister was going to come back through time, and be disappointed by the way that things were being run, via the Boyz from the Dwarf, and start ordering them around, etcetera, but things didn't quite work out like that, and I probably misinterpreted it, but perhaps it may have being an idea which Doug Naylor had in mind for Red Dwarf VIII, and as various episode titles were changed for the new series, and some of the scripts had to have last minute re-writes, this may have been a possibility. But in Red Dwarf VIII, the new Hollister was a far deeper and rounded character, and he is a great deal, more sinister, than the previous Hollister! And he seemed to run the Dwarf under a Nazi regime, especially where the classified prison quarters were concerned, with the help of the even more sinister, Mr Ackerman! But I will go into a bit more detail, where that is concerned, towards the end of Back In The Red III.

And I was quite surprised to discover, that he had hardly changed over the past ten years! In fact, he had kept really well! In fact, he was wearing a very similar grey uniform, to what he had worn, via Red Dwarf I and Red Dwarf II, which certainly came as quite a surprise!

And with that, Lister, Cat, Kryten and Kochanski became separated, as Lister is under arrest for stealing and crashing a Starbug with no Pilots licence, of course, and for smuggling a stowaway on board and he also feels, that Kochanski has been led into it, especially as she is a Navigation Officer, and was obviously quite useful to them, and being his ex-girlfriend doesn't exactly help matters, either! And therefore, this meant that the original Kochanski had definitely not being re-molecurised, either, as the nanobots felt, that there was no need to re-molecurise her, because in my opinion, having two Kochanski's on the Dwarf, would only complicate things, and only make Lister become more hot and flustered! And it would be exactly the same case, if Doug Naylor had chosen to have two Lister's on board the Dwarf as well! But the Kochanski from the parallel universe, didn't seem to see this alternative Red Dwarf as being as alien, as the Starbug from her own Universe! And she didn't seem to be all that bothered really, because it meant, that she could be separated, from Dave Lister slobbering all over her, once and for all! And if that meant being put in Prison with them, then so be it! And at the very least, she could be in the Women's Prison quarters, which is a different world away from the Men's Prison quarters! And she could always work out an opportunity, to get back to her own universe, with the advantage of having all the time and space, that she wanted and needed, for once and for all!

With regard to the corridors on the Dwarf, I did feel in all honesty, that the single camera work, was rather weak, to say the very least, where that was concerned! And this is where I felt it didn't work so well, and it made Red Dwarf look too much like Babylon 5! But that said on the newly remolecurised Red Dwarf, the crew had been re-molecurised, and therefore, that meant more space was deemed necessary, and the single camera work did give the newly designed lighter corridors a more expansive look, and if the original dark corridors, that had originally been designed for Red Dwarf III, IV and V, and had originally been designed for just four male cast members, then the new cast and extras would have been struggling about to move for space! And I daresay, that it was probably for the best, that the single camera work was used for the new corridors aboard Red Dwarf VIII. And what worked well for the corridor scenes for just the three male cast members in White Hole: Episode IV, Red Dwarf IV, for example, probably would not have worked as nearly as well for the newly resurrected members of the crew for Red Dwarf VIII, especially as all of those new extras and the main cast of Red Dwarf, would need plenty of room, where the newly designed corridors on the Dwarf were concerned, which was absolutely essential for them to move about!

The left right, left right ordering about of Lister in the corridors of Red Dwarf by MP Thornton, who was a newly introduced crew member for Red Dwarf VIII, was really quite funny! And Kryten and Kochanski's scene in the Red Dwarf corridors, was very different to Lister's point of view, where that was concerned! And Kochanski could not understand why the nanobots had put them in this situation, but Kryten's analysis of the nanobots had benefited them, a number of times, like when they first stole Red Dwarf, leading them on a merry goose chase halfway around the galaxy, and leading them to Legion in Legion: Episode II, Red Dwarf VI, where Mr Rimmer had acquired a hard light body, and now the nanobots had taken them back to Red Dwarf, and Kochanski was convinced that she was of some benefit to them, because they had led them to the temporal rip, between their own universe, and the parallel universe, where they had met her, in Ouroboros: Episode III, Red Dwarf VII! But Kryten wasn't so sure of that! But that said, that was the last time on Red Dwarf VIII, that he actually had his doubts about her, because to my mind, the way, that he had been against her on Red Dwarf VII, had been the main bugbear, where that particular series was concerned! And by rights, he should have supported Lister with his feelings for Kochanski, instead of referring to her as a bossy old trollop, who had dumped him, and his nit-picking had got on my nerves, after a time! But that said, I honestly do feel, as a writer myself, you do have to do what you feel is right, where your ideas are concerned, and I felt in all honesty, that Doug Naylor, thought that it was a very good idea on script, but unfortunately however, what can look so good on script, doesn't always look as well presented on television, and not only that, it made Kryten lose all of his sweetness and light, and he became a nitpicking character. And worse even than that, his character was far too projected, and far too dominant, and somehow his character lost it's way, during Red Dwarf VII, apart from episodes such as Tikka To Ride: Episode I, Stoke Me A Clipper: Episode II, Blue: Episode V and Beyond A Joke: Episode VI. But that said, during Epideme: Episode VII, Red Dwarf VII, when Lister was losing the struggle for his life, and Kochanski ended up saving his life, I was thankful, that Kryten was beginning to go through the process of respecting her, and thinking, that she was probably good enough for Mr Lister after all, despite Kryten being a little bit awkward with her, via her changing Lister's pillows around on the bed, because he knew, what made him happy in bed, even though she though she knew, what made Lister happy in bed! But that particular scene in Epideme: Episode VII, Red Dwarf VII, between Kryten and Kochanski was more farcical, rather than antagonistic, and it was far more suited to Kryten's, hen-clucking character, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day! I also could not understand, why Kryten was so against her, anyway, because as she was a Kochanski from a parallel universe, she was not the Kochanski who had dumped Lister in their own universe, and she had originally died from the radiation incident in The End: Episode I, Red Dwarf I, but as his programming was so corrupted, he just decided to treat her like she was that Kochanski, anyway! And I also could not understand why, in Epideme: Episode VII, Red Dwarf VII, when Lister made a pass at her, why she stated that was a long time ago, because he wasn't the Lister in her own universe, whom she had had an affair with, in the first place, because he had died in the radiation incident, and had ended up, becoming a hologram instead of Rimmer in Lister's universe. And therefore, the Lister in the universe, that she was stranded in, she had not had an affair with him at all, and in a way he was like an alien to her! But I daresay, that she was probably so upset and disgusted by his slobbiness, which were obvious traits of her Lister, before he died! And then he had gone on, to become a hologram, and therefore, he had become far more intelligent and sophisticated, than our Lister! And therefore, our Lister, probably reminded her, of the Lister that he had originally been, before he died, and who had gone on, to become a hologram! And therefore, Kochanski did not want to be reminded of that fact, because she missed him so much! But that said, during Nanarchy: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VII, the Kryten and Kochanski relationship became a little bit less strained, and he wasn't criticising her, as nearly as much as he had been, during the previous six episodes of Red Dwarf VII. And I had heard, during various interviews for Red Dwarf VIII, that the relationship, between Kryten and Kochanski would become far more rounded, and that they would become friends, and look after one another more, especially as they were going to end up sharing a cell together, and that he would do his best, to promote the relationship between her and Mr Lister, on the quiet! And I had more or less worked out, during the last two episodes of Red Dwarf VII, Epideme: Episode VII and Nanarchy: Episode VIII, that Doug Naylor had felt, that the original idea of Kryten and Kochanski not getting along, was just not working as well, as he thought it would, and therefore, it was felt that it was probably for the best, if they were to co-operate with one another for the last two episodes of Red Dwarf VII, at the very least, and that he could build on a better relationship between them for Red Dwarf VIII. And this also meant, that Kryten would become more of a background character, which he had been in the earlier series of Red Dwarf. And I did feel in all honesty, that Kryten's character in Red Dwarf VIII was more like the Kryten he had been in Red Dwarf III, IV and V! And even though I felt that his character was very good in Red Dwarf VI, I did feel that he had become far too dominant, but that was mainly because, they had not got Holly in Red Dwarf VI, and that Kryten had got to come up with a lot of logical suggestions and answers, which Holly would normally have come up with, and therefore, it was far more necessary for Kryten's character to be far more projected in Red Dwarf VII, than it has been in Red Dwarf VI, especially as Holly still wasn't in Red Dwarf VII, apart from Nanarchy: Episode VIII, and the loss of Rimmer's character for four episodes of Red Dwarf VII, didn't really help matters, either! And even though Kochanski's character had been introduced to make up for the loss of Rimmer (even though she wasn't officially classed as a replacement for Rimmer), her character was still feeling it's way around, and I could well understand, why Doug Naylor felt he had to come up with the idea of a love/hate relationship between Kryten and Kochanski for Red Dwarf VII. But where Red Dwarf VIII was concerned, the love/hate relationship between Kryten and Kochanski was no longer deemed necessary, because of Rimmer and Holly's return for the whole of Red Dwarf VIII and therefore, the characters of Kryten and Kochanski would return to being background characters once again, and a love/hate relationship would only complicate matters, especially as the crew of Red Dwarf had been resurrected once again! And therefore, in this particular scene, in question, Kryten been a little bit peeved with Kochanski, via her reference of the benefits, of her fellow Dwarfer's meeting her in the temporal rip, between her universe and theirs, was more or less the very last reference of their love/hate relationship, which had been utilised on Red Dwarf VII!

But with regard to Red Dwarf VII in general, my opinions were: That I thought that there were a lot of good original ideas for that particular series of Red Dwarf, and as I am a part-time Drama student and a part-time writer, I really cannot think like the fans of Red Dwarf, and criticise it as mercilessly, as they did, because I have to keep a tight rein on my feelings, and remain neutral, where that is concerned, anyhow! It was a great shame, that Red Dwarf VII didn't do as well, as it could have done, because Doug Naylor felt, that Red Dwarf needed a new approach after Red Dwarf VI, and it couldn't go back to what it had been, because I did feel, that Red Dwarf VI wasn't as good, as Red Dwarf III, IV and V had been, and a lot of recycled jokes were used, during Red Dwarf VI, and being a part-time drama student, and a part-time writer, I was all for Red Dwarf having a new look, and a new female character to vary things, along a bit, to stop the pattern of the series becoming stale, and in a lot of ways, the new approach worked, to a certain extent! But that said, I did feel, that Red Dwarf VII lacked one very important ingredient, and that essential ingredient, was it's usual sense of humour! And Red Dwarf VII especially with it's new type of film look, looked far too much like an episode of Star Trek Deep Space Nine and The X Files, and it just didn't suit it, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day! But that said, I did feel, that the three extended episodes of Red Dwarf VII explained the series, a lot better, and I have officially classed those three extended episodes of Red Dwarf as short films of Red Dwarf anyway, as I do feel that they are different, when it actually comes down to, at the end of the day! To be fair to Doug Naylor, he has admitted in various interviews, since then, that Red Dwarf VII had frightened the fans, via the new approach, that they had used for it, at the time! And I did state to him, at Dimension Jump 1997, that it was an awful shame, that the BBC, didn't give them the airing time, that was absolutely necessary, for those three extended episodes of Red Dwarf VII, in question, which is typical of the BBC, really! But Doug did agree with me, where this was concerned, at Dimension Jump 1997, and he was very sorry that the BBC didn't give them the airing time, that was absolutely necessary, for those three extended episodes of Red Dwarf VII, in question! But that said, I do hope, that if anybody comes across this review, it will encourage them, to buy those three extended episodes of Red Dwarf VII, on video!

And so, Lister was marched back to his quarters, and not the nice Officer's quarters which he and Rimmer had relocated to, during Red Dwarf III to V! No, Lister was back to the old grey bunk room, where he and Rimmer had resided, during Red Dwarf I and II! Now I had also heard, via various rumours that the old grey bunk room was going to be used for Red Dwarf VIII, but I had assumed, that it was going to be used for every episode of the eighth series, but in the end, Doug Naylor decided that wasn't going to be the case, after all. And that the majority of the scenes, that were going to be used for the Rimmer/Lister relationship were going to be mainly re-established in the Prison Colony, because I have since found out, via the recently updated Red Dwarf Programme Guide, which covers Red Dwarf VIII, that Doug decided to put the main characters of Red Dwarf in Jail, so that their characters wouldn't become lost in the throng of the re-populated ship, and once they were all in Jail, the main characters could always dream of escaping from the Dwarf, via Blue Midget or Starbug, if they were lucky of course! And therefore, this meant that Red Dwarf VIII had got a very deep plot indeed, and the situation of our heroes being confined to the Prison Colony really did make the viewers sympathize with their plight, and in all honesty, I do not think, that the old grey bunk room set, would have worked, as well, like it had done, for Red Dwarf I and II, because the Rimmer/Lister relationship would have been a carbon copy of the Rimmer/Lister relationship, during Red Dwarf I and I, and Red Dwarf VIII, was an entirely different series to Red Dwarf I and II! And therefore, Doug Naylor probably felt that re-establishing the old grey bunk room set, would not have worked, for the whole of Red Dwarf VIII, and therefore, it was confined to just one episode of the new series of Red Dwarf only. But considering that the old grey bunk room set, was used for only one episode of Red Dwarf VIII, I thought that it worked very well, indeed! And I really did feel, that the set designers had got the old grey bunk room, exactly right down, to how it had looked, during Red Dwarf I and II, especially by making Lister's guitar, stand out, in the corner, and I really did feel, that the posters above Lister's bunk, looked more or less, as they had done, during Red Dwarf I and II. But some of the posters and photographs weren't there, that were featured, during Red Dwarf I, II, III, IV and V, but I guessed, that this was, because the nanobots had remolecurised, the Dwarf, to how it had appeared before the radiation incident, and that Lister's giving birth to Jim and Bexley had not happened, and as for the photograph of Lister and the Cat, Lister had probably not got round, to taking it to the Photo Laboratory on the Dwarf, to be developed at that present juncture, in time, even though there was actually a photograph of Frankenstein, the original black Cat on its own, on the wall over the bunk, anyhow! And in a sense, for Dave Lister, been back, in his old grey bunk room was more or less like going back in time for him, especially as he and Rimmer had re-located to the more upmarket Officer's quarters, from Red Dwarf III, onwards. But that said, I really did think, that the old grey bunk room set, worked really well, and I also felt, that the new grey bunk room set, looked a lot more substantial and more defined, than the original grey bunk room set, because Red Dwarf VIII, had a much higher budget, than Red Dwarf I and II, had at the time! But that said, I really did find it very funny, when MP Thornton, inserted the security bracelet on to Lister's arm, which was having a real go, at the security bracelets, that modern day prisoners from the twentieth century wore, which were no smegging good, because they kept on losing their signal, and they kept on, causing modern day prisoners from the twentieth century, to keep on breaking their smegging curfew! But knowing Lister's luck, his twenty third century security bracelet, probably did smegging well work alright, because he stated to Rimmer, that if he walked out of their quarters, he had got enough wattage, up his jacksy, to light up the whole of Bootle! However, just before Rimmer made his grand entrance, Holly was keen enough to help Lister out, even though he first assumed that Lister meant what the Board of Enquiry would do after the meeting? And with that, Holly informed him that they would have a pot of tea and a chat, and go home! And after Lister had called Holly a divvy, Holly kindly informed him, that if the Board of Enquiry found them all guilty the following day, this meant that they would all wind up with two years in the brig, on Floor 13, which quite ironically, is a classified area of Red Dwarf, and the only people who knew about Floor 13, were all the Officer's and anyone who's ever seen the Twilight Zone! And even though Lister had had the run of the Dwarf, after he came out of stasis after the radiation leak, especially as Lister spent a lot of his time slobbing around, he would hardly have enough energy to find the time to explore the Dwarf, in it's entirety, and when he did find the time to explore the Officer's quarters, in the hope of him, finding out, whether Kochanski had dreamed about him, via her dream recorder, and look, where that had got him! Especially where the mutated virus in Confidence and Paranoia: Episode V, Red Dwarf I, was concerned, all because Rimmer had forgotten to decontaminate the Officer's quarters! This also meant, that Lister was no longer the last human being alive, which to my mind, made me feel that Red Dwarf had lost something for me. But that said, in order to acquire a budget for the Red Dwarf movie, a cast of just six, would probably not be effective enough, to do a movie of Red Dwarf, justice! And therefore, having a couple of additional supportive actors would probably not be enough, when it actually comes down to it, at the end of the day! And therefore, I could well understand why Doug Naylor came up with the idea of resurrecting the original crew of the Dwarf from Red Dwarf I and II, and to get the budget necessary for a film of Red Dwarf, I have heard that two American actors would be absolutely necessary for budgeting purposes! And as MacMcDonald is an American who lives in England, and the fans are familiar with his character, and rather than having a well-known or unknown American actor in a movie of Red Dwarf who probably wouldn't fit in, to the Red Dwarf scenario, I could well understand why the character of Hollister was resurrected, once and for all! And if Doug Naylor can find another American actor for the movie, and whether he or she can support Hollister's character, then so be it! And with that, Lister wanted to know exactly what the prison was like, which is known as The Tank, and Holly described it as an old-style penal establishment, with abundant wildlife (black rats!), two hundred bedrooms with ensuite buckets! And Craig Charles has insisted, via various interviews and when we went to see Red Dwarf VIII filmed live at Shepperton that they came up with the Prison Colony to make him feel at home, due to him spending three months on remand at Wandsworth Prison, before Craig's application for bail was finally accepted, before his trial came up eight months later, but Craig used his experiences on remand at Wandsworth to write up material for his "Live On Earth" show, and he mentioned that he was privileged to have a cell with en suite facilities, and one of those facilities was an en suite bucket! But during the very last episode of Captain Butler: Jailhouse Crock, when Butler and his cronies landed up in jail. It seemed that Butler was anxious to avoid having a shower with his mates, because he was worried about all those slippery hands and slippery fingers! And his cronies didn't enjoy their showers either, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day! Even though Butler had given them plenty of warnings! But that joke had originally been established, via Craig's: Live on Earth! Show, and it originally went thus: "I had soap on a rope, mate, and I didn't bend down, once!". And I did feel, that Red Dwarf VIII was very loosely based on Craig's experiences in Jail to a certain extent, but that is only a theory anyway, but I really did feel that the Prison Colony worked really well, whatever it's origins were for it! Holly also went on to state, that there were 400 inmates in the Prison Colony who had been in the process of being transported to Adephi 12, which was probably a more updated Prison Colony, which was built to modern twenty third century standards as apposed to old-fashioned twenty first century standards! Lister also asked Holly what they were like, but Lister guessed correctly they were all deranged, hairy, no lobbers, breath like old nappies, arms like toilet walls and scum of the Universe! And these were the nice ones, apparently! Holly had one of them on file, and Lister nearly had a heart attack, when he saw Nigel one of the inmates appear on the monitors with quite a lot of facial piercings, and he was nice, apparently! I have since discovered, that the extra who appeared as Nigel was a banker originally! And he is still hoping to get into: The Guinness Book Of Records, with having the most number of facial piercings, ever! At the last count, he had got 152 facial piercings! Holly stated to Lister that they weren't all headbangers and Nige is lovely, though he does tend to get a bit narky, if you go close to him, with a magnet, that is!

However Lister is reminiscing on the fact that he may have to spend two years in the brig, and that means, two years without curry, lager and sex! And Rimmer, who is wearing his grey Technicians uniform, enters the new grey bunk room, and looks down at Lister, and he puckers his lips at him, in a very sarcastic manner! Rimmer states quite cheerfully to Lister: "You hope!". Lister is utterly disgusted, and in a very odd way, he is very pleased, to see that Rimmer is like he was, before the radiation incident, alive and well, even though he is no longer the Hologram Rimmer, who left Starbug to become the next Ace Rimmer. And nobody knows, what became of the Hologram Rimmer, anyway! And Lister had become pretty downhearted, since he left the crew, and after all, when things actually come down to it, at the end of the day, Rimmer is, well Rimmer! And the Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg/The Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch, and the publicity cast photograph of him being a hologram was to fool the viewers once again, and I had assumed, that he would come back in Red Dwarf VIII as a failed Ace Rimmer, via Stoke Me A Clipper: Episode II, Red Dwarf VII! But as that particular Ace Rimmer, wasn't as popular, as the Ace Rimmer in Dimension Jump: Episode V, Red Dwarf IV, Doug Naylor, felt that it would be far more appropriate, to bring Rimmer back, as he was, before the radiation leak, in The End: Episode I, Red Dwarf I. And therefore, he was a completely different Rimmer, all together, from the other Rimmer, but it still made no real difference, between the Rimmer/Lister relationship anyway! But at the end of the day, I still prefer Rimmer, as a hologram, but it was interesting, to see how his character reacted, to been alive, for a whole season of Red Dwarf! But he still wasn't quite the same Rimmer, that we all know and love so well, because as he was alive, once again, he had no knowledge, basically of what the Hologram Rimmer had been through, and he wasn't equipped, with quite the same bitterness, as the other Rimmer, was! And in a sense, this new Rimmer is very different, from the Hologram Rimmer, because he has no regrets, about his past, where his parents are concerned, etcetera! But that said, he isn't that different! But I honestly feel, that if they do a film of Red Dwarf, or a ninth series of Red Dwarf, that bringing Rimmer's character back as a hologram, would be a major consideration, but as Red Dwarf VIII, did end on a cliffhanger ending, and Rimmer was obviously dying, at the end of Only The Good: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VIII, I really do feel, that he may not come back again, in quite the same way! But then again, only time will tell, where that is concerned, anyhow! And it doesn't explain, what has become of the Hologram Rimmer in Stoke Me A Clipper: Episode II, Red Dwarf VII! That question still remains, unanswered!

However to cut a long story short, Rimmer is still his old contemptible self, and he is really pleased that Lister is in deep smeg, Miladdo! And he cannot understand for the life of him, why Lister can suddenly fly a Starbug, being a Technician, a zero and a nobody, while Lister does his best to convince him, that he is no longer the Lister, that he once knew, well not quite! But somehow, Lister does manage to convince Rimmer, that he and the crew originally died, via the radiation leak, and were resurrected by the nanobots! And Lister does his best to convince Rimmer that he has got to track down those nanobots to corroborate his story, even though Rimmer isn't too convinced, where that is concerned, anyhow!

After the new grey bunk room scene between Rimmer and Lister, I was particularly impressed by the arrival of Dr Karen Newton played by Kika Mirylees who has appeared in Catherine Cookson's Tilly Trotter, and more recently, as a Prison Warder in the ITV drama Bad Girls, alongside Kim Taylforth, Gillian Taylforth's sister. But it seems that Doctor Newton is some kind of very high up know it all Scientific bod on the Dwarf, who is also a bit of a creep to Captain Frank Hollister, which is his first name, quite surprisingly! Quite a few characters in Red Dwarf were known as Frank, including Frank Todhunter and Rimmer has a Brother and an Uncle who also share that name, and there was also a Frank who discovered the baby Lister in the Aigburth Arms in Ouroboros: Episode III, Red Dwarf VII. Another Frank went for his piece, in the The Last Chance Saloon in Gunmen Of The Apocalypse: Episode III, Red Dwarf VI, and Kryten named Red Dwarf's washing machine Frank, when he decided to put things on a more personal level between them, in Blue: Episode V, Red Dwarf VII, so is it just sheer coincidence, that Hollister's first name is Frank or what?! But it was certainly guaranteed for laughs, anyway! But it was amusing to see Hollister backing out of the toilet and spraying the area around with air freshener! But Doctor Newton was very concerned about the rumour of them, being three million years in to deep space, and Red Dwarf had changed shape. I guessed that this was stated, due to the fact, that there is now a new look Red Dwarf, and again, not everybody has seen the remastered versions of Red Dwarf, and due to the avid fans being concerned, with the plot inconsistencies, as per usual, it was probably quite advisable to mention this fact, along with the fact that the ship was identical to its original design plans, before the Jupiter Mining Corporation made all of its cutbacks! This had also got to be explained, because even though Doug Naylor had made Red Dwarf VIII go back to it's original look of Red Dwarf I and II, the sets were a lot better, and far more substantial looking, and the corridors were better lit and wider, and Hollister's Office was more expanded, than the corridors and his Office in Red Dwarf I and II! And there is always the possibility of using the old familiar look of the old sets, including the Dwarf itself, that they had utilized for Red Dwarf III to V, onwards for the movie, via flashback scenes, especially where the Officer's quarters and the Science Room was situated. And I had also worked out, that these new grey sets for Red Dwarf VIII were not quite, as they had appeared, during Red Dwarf I and II, and were more well-defined, and the option is always available, for the cast and crew to go back to the look of Red Dwarf, which was used for Red Dwarf III to V onwards, anyway. But that said, Hollister was completely taken aback, that Dr Newton had got access to classified information, but she merely explained, that the coffee machine had told her, about it, on G Deck! But that said, Hollister more or less admitted it was true, but he couldn't verify it, until they had got the original Holly back online, because Starbug took out one of his CPU banks in the crash and they were having problems rebooting the original Holly. And in the end they do manage to get another Holly back online, who is far more superior to the original Holly, but he is only like Holly would have been originally, with his i.q before the radiation incident. And the new Holly is only a back up copy to the original Holly, anyway, and as he is a computer, it is quite logical, that there is two of them, rather than two Lister's, and two Kochanski's, as you cannot have back up copies of human beings! And Lister survived the original radiation incident, and Kochanski is from a parallel universe. But the crew of the Dwarf didn't survive the original radiation incident, and that was probably why, the nanobots chose not to resurrect another Lister and another Kochanski, as it would only complicate matters! But Hollister went on to stress to Doctor Newton, that they now had a quark-level matter/antimatter generator, a ship-wide bio-organic computer networking, and a  Karaoke Bar on C Deck! So, the nanobots definitely have their advantages, after all!

I was also impressed with the new Medi-bay, which had been very loosely based on the Medi-bay on Red Dwarf I and II, but it was a lot bigger and more expanded, and they had got teams of other Doctors and Scientists working there, and it looked like the Cat was being experimented on, as it hadn't taken them too long to work out that he wasn't human, especially as internal organs were different, because his kidney, liver, appendix are all colour co-ordinated, which meant that plain ordinary internal organs, just weren't good enough for his species! But having six nipples also meant that he wasn't human! And Hollister thought that he had got measles at first, until Doctor Newton explained to him what they were, which made Hollister curious to know what the female version of his species was like! But Cat soon explained that they were pretty easy to please in bed, especially if you play the piano! And Hollister thought that the Cat's intestines, were better colour co-ordinated, than his quarters! But Doctor Newton also went on to explain that the Cat's heartbeat was weird as well, because it sounded, well, cooler! But the Cat also explained that an ordinary human heartbeat just wasn't good enough for him! And you could hear it played on the monitor as well, and it had got a really good rhythm! And Hollister was quite keen to have a copy of the Cat's heartbeat on tape, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day!

I was impressed with the set, outside the Medical Centre, where the now captive Dwarfer's were being assessed, and this set was quite impressive, and Rimmer was visiting Lister in the brig, which was a white building, with a glass paned roof, which had a pretty blue sky design to represent a nice sunny day on Earth. But there was also a blue cloudy forcefield, via the side of the area, where they were both sitting, which Rimmer was capable of entering, only Lister wasn't, due to his security bracelet, which would set the security alarms off!

Lister was attired in the same grey Technicians uniform as Rimmer for this particular scene. Now I did feel, that he looked very good in his grey Technicians uniform, complete with dreadlocks, and he wore a much smaller tie, which was a plainer version of the tie, he wore in Justice: Episode III, Red Dwarf IV. And somehow, you could still tell, that he looked very slobby, in his new grey Technicians uniform! But again, I do prefer to see Lister in his leathers and long johns from Red Dwarf III to Red Dwarf VII. That is the way, that I think of Lister's general appearance, and I always will, but you have got to have a bit of variety, from time to time, and as long as he varies his appearance in any future series of Red Dwarf, from time to time, I don't really mind!

With regard to Lister's image for Red Dwarf VIII, he only wore the overalls, which he had also worn for The Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch, which were similar, to the overalls he wore, during Red Dwarf VI and VII and for Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg and for Red Dwarf VIII, Lister mainly wore those overalls in Back In The Red: I, II and III and Only The Good: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VIII, but he was mainly confined, to his lilac prison overalls for Red Dwarf VIII. And I had assumed that, as they were all going to be back on the Dwarf for this series, I had assumed, that it would be filmed, between the Dwarf and Starbug, like Red Dwarf III, IV and V, had been, and that Lister would be combining his black leathers with his Starbug overalls, because he wore his black leathers in Blue: Episode V, Red Dwarf VII, which featured Lister and Rimmer on the Dwarf. And I had assumed, that Red Dwarf VIII would work like that, but as things turned out, it didn't quite work out, that way! And the Dwarfer's were confined to the Prison Colony, and they were mainly confined to their lilac prison uniforms. And for Back In The Red I, II, and III, Rimmer and Lister wore their grey Technicians unforms, and Rimmer also wore his grey Technicians uniform in Only The Good: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VIII, because he was on probation, naturally, of course! But in the meantime, Lister was begging Rimmer to help him escape, and track down the nanobots, but as per usual, Rimmer wasn't going to risk his career, because he was going places, up, up the ziggurat, lickety split, and that he was going to pass his engineering exams and become an Officer! And Lister merely mimicked him, as per usual, but Rimmer insisted that Lister hadn't got those qualities, but Lister wasn't the same person as he used to be, because he no longer played: 'Popeye The Sailor Man' with a kazoo between his buttocks! And if Rimmer had too much claret these days, Lister was no longer prepared to take a polaroid of a naked sleeping Rimmer, and draw a moustache, mouth and ears on his snoozing todger, and then pin it up on the bulletin board under missing persons! Besides it was years ago now to Lister, but to the newly resurrected Rimmer, it had only happened last week! But Lister claimed, that he was wurlizered then, and he had even finished off the advocaat, the windowlene and the Swarfega in the drinks cabinet! But Lister had thought, that the windowlene was just a pink drink, and that the Swarfega was a chartreuse liquer, because it was green looking. And he no longer stirred his spanner in his tea, and that, he was a lot more sophisticated, despite the fact, that he still played the guitar! But he insisted to Rimmer, that he had definitely stopped accompanying himself on his armpit! But he insisted, that he had done stuff that would make Rimmer look like a genius, which would enable Rimmer to get himself promoted, because as Lister had had access to the Dwarf for all those years, before the nanobots took over, he had got access to the crews confidential reports, and that he knew their strengths and weaknesses, and that Rimmer, would no longer need all that astro-engineering smeg for exams! And in the end, Rimmer's better nature took over, even though he stated to Lister, that he had got his principles, and that he wasn't going to be bought by promises of glory and power! But that said, he wanted proof first! And Lister handed Rimmer his Holly watch, and all of the confidential files were in the wreckage of Starbug's cockpit, and that there was a senile version of Holly in this watch, but Holly would lead him to the confidential files, nevertheless! With regard to the watch with Holly on it, which was also featured in Nanarchy: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VII. Holly also appeared on a watch, which Lister wore as his link to Holly in Stasis Leak: Episode IV, Red Dwarf II. I preferred the Holly watch in Stasis Leak: Episode IV, Red Dwarf II, but I felt, that the joke worked very well for Nanarchy: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VII and Back In The Red I to III: Episodes I to III, Red Dwarf VIII, after such a lengthy absence!

In the meantime, Kryten was been assessed by the Dwarf's Chief Psychiatric Counsellor, Doctor Lucas McClaren. And now we could see inside the Medical Centre, which was quite an impressive small set, with a green window, and a basic table with chairs, and even though this set was only used once for Red Dwarf VIII, which I felt, was a really great shame in all honesty, because the Dwarf's Chief Psychiatric Counsellor scene, is one of the scenes which really does make Back In The Red I: Episode I, Red Dwarf VIII, one of my all-time favourite episodes of Red Dwarf VIII! And I did expect to see the Dwarf's Chief Psychiatric Counsellor assess Lister, the Cat and Kochanski, as well, but unfortunately that just wasn't to be, and I have a feeling, that Lister and company weren't quite as naive as Kryten is, and were probably not prepared to give too much away! And that is probably why Doug Naylor didn't feel the need to have the others interrogated, I sincerely apologise, assessed by the Dwarf's Chief Psychiatric Counsellor! The Dwarf's Chief Psychiatrist Dr Brannigan's hologram personality was re-created, when there was a problem with the hologram suite, but he was a Psychiatrist, not a Psychiatric Counsellor! And therefore, McClaren is obviously under him, and Red Dwarf is a very big ship, so you don't really know who is running things, when it actually comes down to it, at the end of the day! But that said: McClaren is everything that you expect a Psychiatrist to be, cleverly interpreted by the actor Andy Taylor who has worked a lot with the actor, comedian Rik Mayall over the years, on various projects. Doctor McClaren seemed to have a very intelligent, caring and sympathetic nature, but he is also as loopy as a a March Hare, which Basil Fawlty seems to think most Psychiatrists are, when it actually comes down to it, at the end of the day! But worse even than that, he is also very crafty indeed, and he is determined to take advantage of Kryten's naivety, and pump him as hard, as he can, for information! To my mind, Doctor Lucas McClaren, definitely epitomizes all of those loopy psychiatrists, that you have seen in your average sit-com over the years, like Frasier, Fawlty Towers and Steptoe and Son, who usually drive themselves mad, into the bargain! And there was even a Psychiatrist in the American sit-com: Get Smart, who gets a little bit impatient with Agent Smart, quite understandably, because he keeps on stating: "Will you please stop interrupting Mr Smart, Um? Um!", and in the Red Dwarf IV episode Meltdown: Episode VI, Red Dwarf IV, I was quite surprised to discover, the Cat, using the well-known phrase which had originated from Get Smart: "If it's Gallows, I can take it!", and Lister kindly informed him, that it was gallows, and he burst into tears! And the famous quote from Get Smart was: "I asked you not to tell me that!". But I am drifting a little bit away from the point here, and once McClaren had brainwashed Kryten into having - "A really good natter!", Kryten seemed to think, that he seemed a nice sort, and told him his name, and McClaren stated: "Lovely! We are doing well, aren't we?! And you're a robot aren't you?!". And so, with that, Kryten went on, to inform McClaren that he was a robot, the last time that he looked, and that, he had been created during 2340, and McClaren seemed concerned, that this was the future, and Kryten confirmed, that it was definitely the future, and what a complicated discussion it was! Especially when Kryten told McClaren, that he was created after he had died! But McClaren seemed to think that it was Lovely, Lovely! I really liked this scene when McClaren had finally worked out, that he had died and started living again, after Kryten's explanation of the nanobots, rebuilding the crew of the Dwarf, because he kept on telling Kryten to make sure, that the chair was screwed down right to the floor! I didn't quite get this joke, but I had a feeling, that it had something to do, with Kryten's sexual responses, and if you think back to the time, when he had got his groinal attachment accidentally welded to a front loading washing machine, which had made him feel all overcome, then I definitely feel, that it was probably for the best, that the chair was screwed right down to the floor, for it's own good! Once McClaren had established, that Kryten was a Sanitation Droid, you could tell that he had a very crafty nature, because he informed him that he could drive space ships and pretend to be a Science Officer, and sit in that lovely swivelly chair, with all those nice pretty buttons to press! And it was also quite amusing, that he had landed Lister in it, by helping him to break his programming, via developing some serious character faults, of which he was extremely proud of! And he was even able to lie to a modest standard, via telling McClaren, that he had got a very fine haircut! And that he had also mastered pomposity and several rudimentary emotions including fear, sadness, happiness, surprise, but even worse than that, Kryten had also mastered anger, and it was all down to Dave Lister, because without making his acquaintance, he would probably be normal! And because Lister had really landed him in it, this meant that Kryten would be restored back to his original factory settings, and even though he was from the twenty third century, the technicians would soon find a way, via their twenty second century factory settings of getting him back to normal, one way or another!

Once amongst the wreckage of Starbug, it certainly didn't take Rimmer very long to find the Luck Virus and Sexual Magnetism viruses, which had been created by Doctor Landstrom, and were found by the Boyz apart from Rimmer in Quarantine: Episode IV, Red Dwarf V, and I really do think, that the opportunity for Rimmer taking advantage of these viruses, should have been used during Red Dwarf VI, perhaps? But it is sometimes never too late, where these things are concerned, when it actually comes down to it, at the end of the day! And I think, that Holly had definitely regretted telling Rimmer what they were, because he was probably worried, that he was going to take advantage of them! But then again, Holly should have really known better, than to let Arnold Rimmer get his hands on them! But then again, that is what computer senility does for you, when it actually comes down to it, at the end of the day!

It was really amusing to see Rimmer walking down the corridors of the Dwarf, to the admiring stares of his fellow women crew members, who seemed completely and utterly magnetised by Rimmer merely walking down the corridors! And they all said - "Hi Arnold!", and after that, Rimmer seemed to be in his element, and you soon work out that Rimmer is very well- -renowned sexually, where the women on the Dwarf are concerned, especially when he stated: "The World Loves A Bastard!".

EPISODE II: BACK IN THE RED: PART II

To my mind, Back In The Red Part II is not one of my favourite episodes of Red Dwarf VIII, as I felt that it was centered, around Rimmer's sexuality far too much! Don't get me wrong, I cannot get enough of Arnold Rimmer, but I do wish that Doug Naylor would do more for Lister's sexuality, by getting him laid one of these days! I intend to get Lister laid in my Alternative Red Dwarf Fan Fiction on the internet, eventually, but that is only a Red Dwarf Fan Fiction! And I really do feel that Lister's character could do with getting laid once in a Blue Moon! I did feel that Lister getting to grips with Kochanski in The Last Human by Doug Naylor really did enhance his character, somewhat, and made him seem more of a man, somehow. And I really do feel that Lister should get laid one of these days, especially as there is going to be a Red Dwarf movie, but perhaps we can live in hope, because I have gathered by various interviews that Craig Charles would like to see Lister get laid one of these days, especially as it is always Rimmer who seems to have all the luck where that is concerned, especially with Yvonne McGruder in Better Than Life: Episode II, Red Dwarf II, and with Nirvanah Crane in Holoship: Episode I, Red Dwarf V! And I really cannot count Deb Lister and Mrs Rimmer! And Lady Sabrina Mulholland J-Jones was from another reality, which Lister never remembered! Surprisingly however, Chloe Annett has stated in interviews that she cannot see her and Lister getting it together and it has been alluded to, via rumours of the Red Dwarf movie, that she and Rimmer will get it on together! But that might be from another reality, like the Rimmer and Kochanski relationship from the alternative dimension, and again, I really do not know what to believe where rumours, via the Red Dwarf movie are concerned, anyway! But I have discovered, via The Official Red Dwarf Fan Club's fanzine: Better Than Life, that a lot of the fans would like Kochanski and Rimmer get together just to freak Lister out, but I really would feel sorry for poor Lister if that were to happen! But perhaps Lister will get laid one of these days! We will just have to wait and see! But that said, I did feel that Back In The Red Part II had it's moments, and naturally I will endeavour to review the second episode of Red Dwarf VIII to the very best of my ability.

With regard to the start of Back In The Red Part II, it was interesting to see Hollister do a recap sequence of what had happened to the viewers on Back In The Red Part I, via his video diary, which was very close to the recap sequence, which Kryten did during the start of Nanarchy: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VII, which was quite good, but it wasn't long enough really, and Hollister's recap was a lot more rounded and amusing than Kryten's recap sequence, but it was good to see Doug Naylor re-using that idea and developing it more professionally, but the recap sequence for Back In The Red Part III was even better!

So, the next scene was set in Captain Hollister's Office, and Rimmer had been summoned there. Captain Hollister's Office, was basically re-modelled on Captain Hollister's Office in The End: Episode I, Red Dwarf I and Stasis Leak: Episode IV, Red Dwarf II. But it was a lot bigger and a lot better, than Hollister's original Office, in The End: Episode I, Red Dwarf I, and Stasis Leak: Episode IV, Red Dwarf II, and it had bluey greyish walls. Hollister's desk, displayed a lot of sophisticated equipment. There is a Lap Top PC and a gigantic paperweight with something blue inside it, but unfortunately however, you cannot see what it is, because the camera was out of shot, a lot of the time, where that was concerned, during Red Dwarf VIII, anyhow. But the sophisticated effect of the desk, in Hollister's Office came across very well, during Red Dwarf VIII, nevertheless!

I particularly liked Rimmer's salute and Hollister been concerned about whether it was going to end, because he was worried about finding time to have a cup of coffee or go on vacation, perhaps?! But Rimmer did insist, that his extra long salute was reserved, for the especially important! I do remember seeing Rimmer, do his salute at Shepperton Studios, but even though I find it very amusing, in it's entirety, I do feel that the joke is a little bit well-worn by now, and I am not the only fan of Red Dwarf who shares this opinion, because his salute was not used so much, during the later series of Red Dwarf! But I do not mind Rimmer's salute in small doses, and I particularly liked him, mentioning it to Kochanski in the parallel universe in Ouroboros: Episode III, Red Dwarf VII, and whether she had managed to get it approved for him as she was an Officer, and her remark to Rimmer was: "Rimmer, go and have sex with someone! And that's an order!", was a complete and utter classic! And just the mention of the Rimmer salute was enough to have me in stitches! And that joke from Ouroboros: Episode III, Red Dwarf VII, was very loosely based, on Rimmer trying to get his salute approved, via the Space Corps in Red Dwarf: Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers by Rob Grant and Doug Naylor. And it proved, that you haven't always got to see Rimmer do his salute to make you laugh, and just the mention of it, is enough to have me in complete and utter stitches! Ironically, during the Fancy Dress competition at Dimension Jump 1997, one of the contestants entered as Rimmer in full uniform, and he did the Rimmer salute to Chris Barrie and Chris saluted him back! Admittedly, Chris was a little bit rusty, as he had not done the salute for some time, but it was enough to get everybody laughing at the convention, anyhow! But that said as Red Dwarf VIII had gone back to the look of Red Dwarf I and II, it was probably for the best, that Doug Naylor brought back the Rimmer salute, and as it was only used a couple of times during Red Dwarf VIII, for the joke not to be too monotonous, I felt that it worked really well, after such a lengthy absence, and I will mention Rimmer's salute a bit later on, in this report.

But it seems that Rimmer is in Hollister's Office because of the information he has pilfered, via the confidential reports, in the wreckage of Starbug, which he has turned to his advantage under the pretence that he is worried about safety procedures on the Dwarf, especially the problem with the drive plate, which caused the radiation leak in The End: Episode I, Red Dwarf I. And it is quite obvious, that anyone who misrepaired one of these drive plates would have the brain of a leprechaun's testicle! And nevertheless, the stupid are everywhere like German tourists! And therefore, Rimmer proposes the following new safety procedures for repairing drive plates, and it is quite obvious that the newly resurrected Rimmer is totally unaware, that it was actually him, who had failed to seal the drive plate in The End: Episode I, Red Dwarf I in the first place! Or it is probably more than likely, that he has only just found this fact out, and he just isn't prepared to admit it, to Hollister which is probably more closer to the truth, anyway!

But Rimmer doesn't seem too concerned about that, for the moment, as he is totally overwhelmed by Hollister praising him for his good work, where this is concerned. And as it is Hollister's Wedding Anniversary, he also gives him a Blueberry pie, which his wife Martha used to make, apparently, whom Hollister misses very much, which is not all that surprising, really, especially, when they are about three million years, in to deep space!

But before Rimmer leaves, he gives Hollister some cream for his piles because he thought that there was no longer any available, via the medical supplies onboard the Dwarf. The pile cream is known as Anus-soothe pile cream, which is the easy to apply cream, which comes with it's own special glove and Rimmer hands him a glove which fits a single finger and the one size glove fits all, because he could tell by the way Hollister walks! Somehow, Rimmer has discovered a couple of unopened medi-crates in storage, which again, is probably due to the fact, that he has managed to get a supplies inventory off Holly somehow, via the confidential files on Starbug.

Anxious to be rid of Rimmer, Hollister gives Rimmer a letter to post, which is the invitation to the Captain's Table, because it appears that Hollister is quite easily led by Rimmer's newly found knowledge, as it has impressed him no end, because the report is first rate, but Rimmer assumes that he wants him to be the wine waiter, but Hollister insists that he wants him to come to supper, because he is one of the guys who is marked out for higher things and it's black tie, but Rimmer thinks he means Chinese Thai food, but Hollister tells him to go, as he is anxious to be rid of Rimmer, after just five minutes in his presence, which is quite understandable, really, isn't it?! And even though Rimmer has had an invitation to dinner, but think back to the last time, he was invited to the Captain's table! And think back to that little incident, with the Gazpacho Soup, which was mentioned in Me2: Episode VI, Red Dwarf I! To cut a long story short, it seems to all concerned, that this invitation to the Captain's Table, is also going to be a disaster! It's obvious, innit?! (As Holly would say!) But in the end, Hollister orders Rimmer to leave, because his patience is running a bit thin by now, which is quite understandable really, and he tells him to wear the hell what he likes for the dinner!

Meanwhile in the Medi-bay, it is time for the Dwarfer's medical examinations and Kryten having to take his clothes off for the Doctor, which was very funny and quite reminiscent of the Strip Poker scene on the Smeg Outs video, where his armour came off. But this particular scene was a lot better than the Strip Poker scene on the Smeg Outs video, where his armour came off. And the viewer got more of an idea of Kryten's embarrassment of being *Naked*. It was quite amusing to see Kryten's efforts, where filling the urine bottle was concerned, with some flowers and seeing his hand fall off, when the Doctor tried to check his blood pressure was absolutely hilarious! And as for using the drill between his legs to take a look, and his head falling off! Well it was really a waste of time, examining him, wasn't it?!

The next scene, which was set in Kryten and Kochanski's quarters gave more of an insight into their newly-developed relationship, for Red Dwarf VIII. I was particularly impressed with the set for their quarters before they were mainly confined to their prison-cell quarters in the Tank from Back In The Red Part III onwards, and it seemed that these quarters were very similar to the Medical Centre, with the same type of window, and they were painted white. It seemed to my mind that these quarters where the original Kochanski must have been situated before the radiation incident were far more upmarket, than the old grey bunk room, where Rimmer and Lister were situated, but these were Officer's quarters, after all, which the white background seemed to signify, and even though Kochanski wasn't in the same universe, she seemed to be perfectly at home in them, clinging on to one of her cuddly toys (possibly Booboo?!), which was really sweet! And therefore, it seemed to my mind, that the Officer's quarters in her own universe, weren't all that different to her Officer's quarters in this universe. Kochanski's concern for Kryten was quite apparent, and she was shocked to discover that he had been classified as a woman (and that he was to be now known as Krysten, which was in the unedited script version of Back In The Red II: Episode II, Red Dwarf VIII, which is in the Red Dwarf VIII picture script book), because he hadn't got a penis! And therefore, the Space Corps directive was issued for his own good, to stop gender ambiguity in jail, and Kryten explained to Kochanski that he had never been issued with one, as there had never been any need for one, unless he lost his arms, and there was an emergency situation, where he needed to write his name in the snow, which was what the Cat had asked Lister in The Last Day: Episode VI, Red Dwarf III! And Kochanski's question about him not having a steak pie, peas and chips was quite amusing, especially when the phrase, was actually meat and two veg! But I have a feeling that is an expression she would probably use in the universe of her own origin, rather than our own universe! But Kryten insisted that the Mechanoid's who had been assigned to work on Italian Star Ships had been issued with penises, because it was felt that they could acclimatize themselves a lot better, if they could mimic their Italian crew mates and stand around cupping themselves, all day! Kochanski thought this would mean Kryten changing his mannerisms, but Kryten informed her that it would only be an overnight thing as the medical team wanted his permission to repair his corrupted files and restore his factory settings, but Kochanski felt that his corrupted files made him what he was, even though he had been mean to her in Red Dwarf VII, but Kryten insisted, that they had stated, that they made him quirky and unstable (which meant literally, that he was a threat to the safety of the crew onboard the Dwarf!). Kryten had also used the "Spin my nipple nuts and send me to Alaska!" joke in Camille: Episode I, Red Dwarf IV, which I think still worked fairly well, after all this time! But Kryten insisted to Kochanski that he didn't want to say no. After all, they were his superiors, and you couldn't say no to your superiors, could you?! But Kochanski felt that he could easily say no. All he had to do, was to imagine, what they looked like on the toilet! And with that, Kryten felt, that they didn't look better than him, and he felt it quite amusing, to see his superiors seated on the toilet, and all that he had to do, was to recreate that picture tomorrow, and therefore, it would be dead easy to say no! But little did Kochanski know, what damage her light-hearted suggestion was going to do, tomorrow!

But tomorrow started off, via the Board of Enquiry, which was basically the same set for the Captain's Table, where Rimmer would join Hollister and friends, for supper that very evening. But even though the Board of Enquiry was a very short scene, it did give the viewer an insight into this particular set, which was a dark room with a long table, and it had a massive window with a beautiful big planet in the background, which was also based on the planets, that had been featured in Red Dwarf VII and the remastered versions of Red Dwarf, only it was a lot better. Kochanski was wearing the feminine equivalent of the grey uniforms, which Doctor Newton had also worn and the female Officer's, who were lusting after Rimmer, earlier on in the corridors! I thought, that the grey uniform looked very smart on the female Officer's, and it can also be worn with either a skirt or trousers. Kochanski on this occasion was wearing a skirt, with her uniform. Kochanski did wear trousers with her grey uniform, but she only wore them, via the publicity photograph for Red Dwarf VIII with Rimmer, when they were featured, via the bottom of Pete the Dinosaurs foot, which was a send up of the main publicity photograph for Godzilla! I had to admit, that she looked very nice in her grey uniform, but I must admit, that I did prefer the blue uniforms, on Rimmer and Kochanski in Ouroboros: Episode III, Red Dwarf VII, because I felt that they did look a bit more professional. And I have discovered, since Ouroboros: Episode III, Red Dwarf VII, via the latest edition of The Red Dwarf Programme Guide, that Doug Naylor had never been very happy with the presentation of the costumes in Red Dwarf I and Red Dwarf II. And that, he had decided to give the crew members of Red Dwarf a new look in Red Dwarf VII, where their uniforms were concerned, and coupled with the fact, that it was a parallel dimension, it was very easy to explain, the old grey uniforms away, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day! But Red Dwarf VIII has gone back to the old look of Red Dwarf I and Red Dwarf II, and even though I do feel, that it is put across more professionally, because the explanation is thus, that the nanobots resurrected the crew to how they appeared to all concerned, before the radiation leak, so it is essential, that the crew wear their grey uniforms, and I have also found out, via the latest version of The Red Dwarf Programme Guide, which featured Red Dwarf VII, that the fans wouldn't have believed that Red Dwarf VIII would have worked so well, had the crew worn the blue uniforms from Ouroboros: Episode III, Red Dwarf VII, especially the hardcore fans who remembered Red Dwarf I and II. But then again, I have to admit, that I couldn't help, but prefer, the blue uniforms, that Rimmer and Kochanski wore in Ouroboros: Episode III, Red Dwarf VII. But again, to anyone who comes across this review, please do not let my opinions and criticism, spoil your enjoyment of Red Dwarf VIII!

With regard to Kochanski's image for Red Dwarf VIII, Chloe had explained at Dimension Jump 1997, that her red costumes would be cotton, for Red Dwarf VIII, as the red PVC outfits, that she had worn for Red Dwarf VII were very tight and very uncomfortable, indeed, and they had been filming, during the Summer of 1996, so you can imagine, just how uncomfortable, she was! I didn't think, that the red cotton outfit, which Chloe had worn, for Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg, was as good, as the red PVC outfits, that she had worn, for Red Dwarf VII, especially as it didn't seem to stand out, like it had done, during the series, and her hair, wasn't like it had been, for Red Dwarf VII, either. But Chloe had also explained, at the Red Dwarf Dimension Jump Red Dwarf 1997 Convention, that her natural hair colour is ash blonde, and that she had washed her hair, just before Red Dwarf VII went into production, with a very dark wash in and wash out colour, for a party with some friends, just before Red Dwarf VII, went into Production, and no matter how she tried, she just couldn't wash, the dark hair colour out! She had stated, that the Hairdresser, couldn't do anything with her hair, apart from putting it in a bun and slicking it back, but I felt, that her hair looked very effective, when she was on Red Dwarf VII, and that it really did make her character stand out, that little bit more, which had given, Kochanski, a rather Classy image, and it had made, her look, very glamorous, indeed! And Chloe, had also claimed, that her own friends, didn't recognise her, when she was in: Red Dwarf VII! But when the dark wash in hair colour eventually washed out, Kochanski was able to have her hair down, once again! And Chloe Annett's natural hair colour is very similar to C.P (Clare) Grogan's (the original Kochanski), and that is how she got the part, because Chloe Annett was the only actress, who had auditioned for the part, who had a very similar resemblance to the original Kochanski, even though it isn't a very obvious resemblance to the original Kochanski, anyhow. But fans of Crime Traveller will also note, that the character of  Holly Turner, played by Chloe Annett ('s), hair colour, including the length of her hair, was more or less like it is, from the Red Dwarf Tenth Anniversary spoof: Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg, onwards, which was a send up of Can't Cook, Won't Cook, which featured Ainsley Harriot as himself, especially as he originally starred as the Gelf Chief in Emohawk - Polymorph II: Episode IV, Red Dwarf VI. For Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg, Kochanski wore a cotton version of her red PVC uniform, but it had looked very dowdy, indeed, and it was nowhere near as glamorous, as the red PVC uniform, that she had worn, during Red Dwarf VII, and that was probably why, Doug Naylor had revamped Kochanski's image, for Red Dwarf VIII, anyhow! And please bear in mind, that not everybody has seen every single series of Red Dwarf or has got every copy on video of Red Dwarf available, like the avid fans, and I have also discovered, that Red Dwarf VIII attracted a new generation of young viewers, who hadn't seen a series of Red Dwarf, in their lives, and therefore, Red Dwarf was completely new to them! And I have also discovered, that now Rimmer was back for the the whole of the eighth series of Red Dwarf, there was no need for Kochanski to be so dominant and so bitchy, towards the Dwarfer's like she had been for Red Dwarf VII. And therefore, it was deemed necessary for Kochanski to have more of a background role for Red Dwarf VIII! But that said, I did feel, that Kochanski was a lot better, in Red Dwarf VIII, than I thought she would be, and I felt, that Chloe handled her background role, very well, indeed! And it also seemed, that she was more closer to the Kochanski in Red Dwarf I and II played by Clare Grogan, only she was a lot more defined, and as Lister was still crazy about her, she was back to been a dream icon, once again, especially as he got separated from her, such a lot, in this series, and not only that, she was also a lot more closer, to the Kochanski in Red Dwarf: The Last Human by Doug Naylor. With regard to Kochanski's image, she only wore the black 'T' shirt and khaki clothes for Back In The Red I to III, Episodes I, II and III and Only The Good: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VIII, and apart from her grey uniform, which also consisted of trousers, which she also wore for Back In The Red I to III, which incidentally, was by far, a much better uniform, than the one, which Clare Grogan had worn for Red Dwarf I to II, even though Rob Grant and Doug Naylor, did give her, a sort of action girl image for Psirens: Episode I, Red Dwarf VI. But for Red Dwarf VIII, Kochanski was mainly confined to her lilac prison uniform, like Rimmer, Lister, the Cat and Kryten, with the exception, however, of Pete I and Pete II: Episodes VI and VII, Red Dwarf VIII, where she did wear a red halter top (and just plain white trousers, complete with a green sash, which she had also utilized for The Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch), which was very loosely based, on the red dress, that Kochanski had worn in Duct Soup: Episode IV, Red Dwarf VII, which Lister had given her, as an advance birthday present. And Kochanski also wore, her red halter top and white trousers, complete with a green sash, which she had also utilized for The Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch. And that was the only time in Red Dwarf VIII, where her image closely resembled the Kochanski, in Red Dwarf VII! And as for the Cat and Kryten, they were basically still the same, where their costumes, were concerned. Cat was clad in his black and white zebra suit, and Kryten, was Kryten! But during Red Dwarf VIII, the red cotton costume, that Chloe had worn for Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg, didn't actually feature, as part of her wardrobe, and I felt, in all honesty, that they were right, not to use that particular costume, in question, for Red Dwarf VIII, as I felt, that it didn't look, as nearly as good, as her red PVC uniforms, that she had worn, for Red Dwarf VII! But I do understand, that the wardrobe team were merely experimenting, with the casts image for Red Dwarf VIII, via Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg, and sometimes, you have to give these things a try, and see how they go! But I did feel, in all honesty, that Kochanski's image, for Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg, was more than sufficient enough, at the time, anyhow.

With regard to Kochanski's hair for Red Dwarf VIII, her hair was mainly her own ash blonde colour, which Chloe had described as been her natural hair colour at Dimension Jump 1997, apart from The Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch and Pete I and Pete II: Episodes VI and VII, Red Dwarf VIII, and therefore, her image had changed, via her hair, rather than the very dark brown hair image, which she had utilized for Red Dwarf VII, and the red uniform, that she had worn for Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg, had been replaced by a red halter top and just plain white trousers, complete with a green sash, which she had also utilized for The Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch. But the red halter top, that she wore, was very loosely based, on the red halter top, which Lister had given her as an advance birthday present in Duct Soup: Episode IV, Red Dwarf VII. And it was quite obvious to me, via The Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch, that Kochanski was been given far  more of a glamorous image, for Red Dwarf VIII, which was very loosely based, on her image, in Red Dwarf VII. But to my surprise however, Kochanski only wore this particular costume for Pete I and Pete II: Episodes VI and VII, Red Dwarf VIII, as the time wand had got them out of prison, and the Dwarfer's had managed to get their clothes back, because the Cat was wearing his usual black and white zebra suit, with the exception of Rimmer and Lister who were still wearing their prison uniforms, only they had got their hair back, via the time wand.

I was quite surprised, that this scene also started with the same military music that had been used in Meltdown, Episode VI, Red Dwarf IV, which again, worked very well, after all this time. The Cat was also at this hearing as well, even though he wasn't an official crew member, but I daresay that the rules on the Dwarf could be bended where this was concerned! With regard to the Cat's costume for Red Dwarf VIII, apart from Back In The Red I to III: Episodes I, II, III and Pete I and Pete II: Episodes VI and VII, and Only The Good: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VIII, where he wore his main zebra costume and the blue flashy suit, which he had originally worn in Nanarchy: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VII, but it was utilized in a far more improved way for his dance sequence in Back In The Red III: Episode III, Red Dwarf VIII, and again, like his fellow Dwarfer's, the Cat was mainly confined to his lilac prison overalls, for Red Dwarf VIII, which must have been absolute torture, for our fashion loving feline! But it seems that the Boyz have refused defence assistance, because the Cat has watched a lot of TV shows, where people huddle and whisper for a while, so they look as if they know what they are doing! But Hollister asks them if they are familiar with the mind scan, which they are. The mind scan pictorially enhances the cognitive process, which makes their thoughts available for recording and viewing to a board of enquiry, and they have also got to take psychotropic drugs which affects their mental state to make this process possible, and via them saying: "Aye," the Dwarfer's have agreed to it, and all they have to do for the moment is to sign the consent forms, and seal them into the envelopes provided, and therefore, they will reconvene at 10.00a.m. tomorrow.

So, it was back outside the Medical Centre once again, and Rimmer was visiting Lister in the brig. Again, Lister and Rimmer didn't seem to be doing their very best to be friends. But that said, the Operation: "Get Rimmer Officerhood, Power and Eminence" or "G.R.O.P.E" for short, was bang on course! And that the information that Lister had given him about the drive plates had worked. Rimmer explained that Hollister's face couldn't have been happier if he'd given him two girls wrestling in a giant vat of baked beans, and then removed the girls and given him a spoon! But more importantly than that, Rimmer stated that he had been invited to dinner with all the movers and the shakers, but Lister seemed to think that the movers and the shakers were a removal man and a group of people suffering from Parkinson's disease! Rimmer just ignored Lister's sarcastic comments, and that it was time to exorcise his Father's disapproval, especially as he was so ashamed of Rimmer for becoming Captain of the school skipping team, and that he was up the ziggurat, lickety split! But Lister was determined to get the override code to get out of the brig, so he could leg it, and track down those nanobots. But Rimmer was determined to welch on the deal, because he wasn't an Officer and a Gentleman yet! But as their trial was the following day, without those nanobots, the Boyz were in big trouble, but Rimmer merely stated that even though they had shaken hands on the deal, Rimmer's handshake was less reliable than a Plumber's estimate! And without an escape plan, Lister was no longer prepared to give Rimmer any more information, but Rimmer had copied the files on to a disc, but more importantly than that, the slimy Judas had managed to acquire the luck virus and sexual magnetism virus, which was making him very popular amongst the women members of the crew already, especially as Rimmer kindly informed Lister, that Yvonne McGruder is sleeping off the first twenty three pages of the Kama Sutra on her bunk! This is the last time, that Yvonne McGruder is mentioned in Red Dwarf VIII, and she was also mentioned in Confidence and Paranoia: Episode V and Me2: Episode VI, Red Dwarf I, and she also made an appearance in Better Than Life: Episode II, Red Dwarf II, and she was also mentioned in Thanks For The Memory: Episode III, Red Dwarf II, and she was also mentioned in Back In The Red I: Episode I, Red Dwarf VIII. I had expected her character, to be featured in Red Dwarf VIII, even if she had been played by a different actress. And I had assumed, that her character would be more developed, like Kochanski's was, in this particular series of Red Dwarf, especially as the crew had been resurrected, but unfortunately however, that just wasn't to be, and Red Dwarf is a very big ship, with a lot of people on it! But still, it would have been quite interesting to see how McGruder's character would have reacted, if the chance had come along! In the meantime, however, Lister is not very pleased about this information, and he is also very jealous, that Rimmer is getting some, and that he isn't, as per usual! (I personally feel, that Lister should get laid myself, as I am getting rather bored, that his character is left out, on a sexual basis, be it mutual love or lust, with any female, be it Kochanski, or any other attractive female, who happens to cross his path! But again, that is just a personal opinion, anyhow. And please do not let me put you off the new series of Red Dwarf, as it is really very funny, and it is definitely packed with far more humour, than Red Dwarf VII, anyhow!) But unbeknownst to Rimmer, Lister managed to wipe his finger down a streak of congealed liquid, that had hardened on the luck virus tube! But he fools Rimmer into thinking, that he has got him, where he wants him, and Lister kindly informs him, that he is a total scum-sucking two faced weasel, and after Rimmer leaves, Lister gives him the finger, and then licks his finger, saying to himself quietly: "You left some of your luck behind, man!", and via typing the override code into his security bracelet, and once it had unlocked, Lister punched in the security code on the wall of the brig, and therefore, he was able to lift the blue cloudy forcefield, once and for all! And with that, Lister escaped to his freedom!

In the meantime however, in a converted old Dentist's Office, which was been used temporarily to question Kryten. Kryten was asked by the panel, including Doctor Newton, Doctor McClaren and MP Thornton, if he wanted to stand with the others tomorrow, or get his corrupted files repaired, but Kryten was finding it a real struggle, to say no! In fact, the way, that he was trying to say no to them all, was very similar to the way, that he used to try, and call Rimmer a smeghead, which usually came out as: "Smee-hee!". But Kryten soon became frustrated, and he managed to grab Thornton's gun out of it's holder, and he pointed it at the panel, who were now Kryten's hostages! But McClaren seemed to think that it was best to stay calm, and there was no need to be alarmed, as it was "Lovely!", wasn't it everyone?!, which was a typical Psychiatrist's reaction to their situation! And Doctor Newton stated, that they would do as he wanted, because they didn't want any trouble!

But Kryten only took them all to the toilets, because he wanted to see them all with their pants down on the toilet, because he was only adhering to Miss Kochanski's suggestion, which would enable him to say no quite easily! But unfortunately however, Kryten was taking her suggestion, just a bit too literally, because the Panel woman Officer, thought that he was totally mad! But Doctor Newton advised her to do as he said, and McClaren thought that it was "Lovely!", anyway, that is until he sat on the toilet with his pants down, because it seemed, that McClaren wore womens stockings and suspenders, under his uniform! Now I wonder, if this, has got anything to do with Craig Charles wearing womens stockings and suspenders, at his "Live On Earth" shows! I have had the privilege of seeing that twice now, and I have got the Live On Earth show video, plus the Official Bootleg tour video! But if Doug Naylor developed McClaren's fantasy of wearing womens stockings and suspenders, via Craig's stand up comedy shows, then I think that the joke on the Dwarf's Psychiatric Counsellor, worked very well indeed! Kryten went from cubicle to cubicle to have a good laugh at the poor panel, and once he had got it out of his system, Kryten was determined for them, to ask him the question, about having his corrupted files, repaired, once again, and they asked him the question, once again! And this time, Kryten managed to say no, quite easily, before two guards came in, and grabbed him, and injected him with something, quite strong, to say the very least!

In the meantime however, Lister was rounding up his fellow Dwarfer's and he had been lucky enough to round up one of them, so far, which was Kochanski. They were both dressed up in black caps and red Technicians uniforms, and the one which Lister wore looked surprisingly similar to the Technicians uniform, which Craig had worn, when he used to be one of the presenters on English Express, and he was known as an Agony Uncle, who used to help out with all the adjectives and so forth. But Lister and Kochanski had no time to lose, and were in a very dark lift, which wasn't very flashy, and had no in-lift movie, like the lift in Stasis Leak: Episode IV, Red Dwarf II, and it was quite obvious, that this lift was only used by maintenance personnel who just needed to get from A to B on the Dwarf in a hurry. I admit that the lifts, that were used in Red Dwarf VIII weren't very special looking, but I must admit that I liked the way the special effects team made them go up and down quite fast, very effectively, and the little lights on the outside of the lifts were more effective, and more significant than the interior sets of the lifts themselves, but Lister had just explained to Kochanski how the luck virus worked, via putting in any old code to escape, exactly like he had done, via the security device in the Quarantine Suite in Quarantine: Episode IV, Red Dwarf V, and Kochanski thought, that this was brilliant, and Lister went on to say that he had just put his finger on top of the tube. But Kochanski thought that it was just brilliant, brilliant, and what a pity he didn't do the same with the sexual magnetism virus, because that is probably the only way that she would have her wicked way with him, because it would hide the fact, that he was a disgusting bum, once and for all! But Kochanski is a little bit of a hypocrite where her feelings are concerned with Lister, especially when she dropped a hint to him, about not having sex with him in the buggy, because it was too sandy in Nanarchy: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VII! But Lister soon takes the hint! And he touches the tube with the sexual magnetism in it, and he licks his left forefinger, and Kochanski smiles back at him with great interest, and Lister naively smiles back at her. Lister seems rather surprised, via Kochanski asking him if that is a new shirt that he is wearing, and he states that it isn't, and that he has had it for some time, but she thinks that it is really nice, anyway, and that it really suits him, and that it brings out the brownness in his eyes! And with that, Kochanski grabbed Lister and kissed him, and started to rip off his clothes! Unfortunately however, it wasn't very long before she stopped! Admittedly, I definitely found the kiss scene, between Lister and Kochanski in the lift quite amusing, but I did prefer their kiss scene in Ouroboros: Episode III, Red Dwarf VII, when she was half senseless, because she had mistaken him for *her Dave*, because I felt that there was more romance between them in Ouroboros: Episode III, Red Dwarf VII, which seemed to be very close to when she had her wicked way with Lister, via the start of The Last Human by Doug Naylor, and I did feel that the relationship between Lister and Kochanski in Red Dwarf VII was closer to their relationship in The Last Human, even though they weren't actually lovers! And I felt that wasn't the same case in Red Dwarf VIII, because Kochanski was more like the Kochanski in Red Dwarf I and II, and that she was more of a dream icon, except that her character was featured a lot more than the previous incarnation of Kochanski, played by Clare Grogan, but that said, Lister and Kochanski did have their moments in Red Dwarf VIII, even though she was a lot more distant to him than she had been in Red Dwarf VII, but as I stated earlier on in this review, she was more of a background character, but the lift scene was definitely one of their moments, especially as Lister stated that as he had still got the luck virus on his right hand, which had cured the sexual magnetism virus for him! I did think for one moment when Kochanski started to rip his clothes off, that Lister's luck was in, and that he would get laid for once! But as it turned out, via the luck virus, that his luck wasn't in! Especially as Kochanski apologised, because she didn't know what had got into her, and Lister merely stated: "Well, nothing sadly!".

In the meantime, Kryten was in the Medi-bay having his corrupted files, repaired, via the Panel woman Officer. I was quite impressed by the way, that Kryten was standing wired up, supposedly to a computer mainframe, in a big area of the Medi-bay, behind a screen, and he looked like he was in an animated state, like a computer which needs reformatting. And the Panel woman Officer was looking at a computer screen, with a mans head on it, which was loosely based on the Doctor of Norton Utilities, whom you see on the outside of the box, containing the software, only he was called the Data Doctor! And he was a really good send up of the Doctor of Norton Utilities, and quite surprisingly, he looked very similar to Kryten in appearance! But the Data Doctor (who was also played by Robert Llewellyn, naturally!), was even uglier in appearance than Kryten! Nothing about his appearance seemed right, down to that awful blue waistcoat, with the bow tie! The spectacles weren't too bad, actually, but it was his horrible frizzy hair, which swayed to the right, upwards, which gave him a computerised appearance. But it was his awful mannerisms, and that dreadful American accent, that was utterly hilarious! And it seemed, that Doug Naylor to my mind, had created the Data Doctor to perhaps have a go, at a certain American computer mogul who was about, during the twentieth and twenty first century, who will remain anonymous, so I cannot be sued for libel in this report! Admittedly, I did find the Data Doctor quite amusing, but I did not think that he was as good as Jim Reaper (also played by Robert Llewellyn) in The Last Day: Episode VI, Red Dwarf III, and who was also the Head of Diva Droid, the human Kryten in DNA: Episode II: Red Dwarf IV and Bongo in Dimension Jump: Episode V, Red Dwarf IV! But the Data Doctor was part of Kryten's main CPU programme, which Dave Lister had so far, never managed to access, or more than likely, never wanted to access, because it would mean resetting his emotions back to normal. And that was the one thing, which Lister did not want for Kryten, which is quite understandable, really! But in the meantime, the Data Doctor, asked the Panel woman Officer, if she wanted to examine the hard disc, and once she had pressed: EXAMINE, on the Data Doctor's computer screen, the Data Doctor informed her, that the Mechanoid appeared to have developed the following rogue emotions, which were: Affection, arrogance, envy, guilt, humour, insecurity, petulance, possesiveness, snobbery and love. If it was so wished, all she had to do to eradicate these emotions, was to press: FIX, which she did, and like the computer had done, when Rimmer was rebooted in Psirens: Episode I, Red Dwarf VI, all the emotions of Kryten flashed up on the screen, and were fixed in an instant! And the Data Doctor stated that all bad line blocks and corrupted personaility discs had been fixed, and that he needed to be rebooted, and that his personality had now been restored, to factory settings. Kryten merely stated, that he was called Kryten, and that he was programmed to serve, and could he be of service? Which was exactly what Kryten's personality had been, when he first made his debut in Kryten: Episode I, Red Dwarf II, and for five episodes of Red Dwarf III, until Lister started to teach him to stand up for his rights, via The Last Day: Episode VI, Red Dwarf III, and then from Camille: Episode I, and the rest of Red Dwarf IV onwards, he taught him how to lie and break his programming. And therefore, all Dave Lister's good work, or should I say bad work, was now undone! And Kryten was now back to his old subservient self, complete with his Jeeves/CP30 Butler's voice, which he had first used for the Kryten, who was played by David Ross, who was unable to continue with the role of Kryten, because he was in the play: A Flea In Your Ear in the West End. Robert Llewellyn had first auditioned for the part of Kryten, because Robert had played a robot in Mammon, Robot Born Of Woman, which he had written. Rob Grant and Doug Naylor were very impressed by his performance, as the robot, in Mammon, Robot Born Of Woman. And they felt, that Robert would be the ideal actor to play Kryten. And Rob and Doug had tried him out with the voice that David Ross had used, but they felt, that Kryten just didn't seem to come across, as well as David Ross's version of the character. And as Robert had spent quite a bit of time on the East coast of America and Canada, especially Vancouver, Robert had stated that, as he had picked up the accent, which sounded like Swedish mixed with Canadian, and Robert had also been interested in the way, that South African's talk, and he had also seen the Swedish Chef on the Muppet show, and that is basically, how the new Kryten's voice originated, which I found out via: The Man In The Rubber Mask by Robert Llewellyn. But Robert decided, that he wanted to do the original Kryten's voice, for the reboot sequence, because it had been explained at the start of Backwards: Episode I, Red Dwarf III, that Lister had not been able to restore Kryten's original personality, which basically explained, why he had now got an American accent, and a different costume! But in Red Dwarf: Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers by Rob Grant and Doug Naylor, the crew of the Nova 5, Kryten's previous space vessel, before he was rescued by his fellow Dwarfer's, were all American, and the Kryten in the book did not crash into an asteroid, on Lister's Space Bike, because Rob Grant and Doug Naylor, wanted the Kryten in the book, to have exactly the same personality from Red Dwarf III onwards, because the majority of the fans of Red Dwarf, had got used to Robert Llewellyn's incarnation of Kryten by then. And not all, of the fans of Red Dwarf, are as familiar, with the David Ross incarnation of Kryten! And as the plots of the Red Dwarf books, are complicated enough, it was probably not advisable to complicate things any further, via having the original Kryten in it, and switching over to the new Kryten. And I personally feel, that the Red Dwarf novels are separate stories to the series, anyway. And when Chris Barrie read the first two books: Red Dwarf: Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers and Better Than Life by Rob Grant and Doug Naylor, he impersonated Kryten in his Swedish/Canadian accent, that the fans of Red Dwarf, are all familiar with, apart from a hint of Jeeves and C3P0 to begin with. Incidentally, Doug Naylor was interested in getting David Ross to do the voice over, for Robert, for the reboot sequence, just before Lister and company rescued him. But there just wasn't the time to sort it out, unfortunately, which was a great shame really, as it would have been quite interesting, to see how Kryten's character would have reacted, using the original Kryten voice, anyhow. But I felt, that Robert coped very well, where using the original Kryten voice, was concerned, anyhow! And I thought, that David Ross did remarkably well though, when he replaced John Lenahan (who is an American stand up comedic magician) as Talkie Toaster in White Hole: Episode IV, Red Dwarf IV. But he has stressed in various interviews, that he would never come back as Kryten, even if Robert Llewellyn were to leave the show, at some point. But he would be interested in appearing in Red Dwarf again, if the opportunity were to arise, but more in the voice over capacity, rather than a major acting role. And David has stated, that he would love to do the voice over for a red hot poker, as he loves playing red hot pokers! I admit, that would be great fun, but I really do not feel, how a red hot poker would fit into the series, but I daresay, that they could find a way to fit one in somehow, you never know! I have also seen David Ross in Coronation Street, when he was Lester Fontaigne in Coronation Street, when he played Vera Duckworth's lover! Now I am not a regular viewer of Coronation Street, but I do like, to see how things are going on the street, from time to time, as I think, that it is one of the best soaps going, and the acting content, is very good, anyhow. But what I do remember of Lester Fontaigne's character in Coronation Street, was that, he was a nice well-spoken man in a straw hat, and that he was a bit of a contrast, to Jack Duckworth, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day, anyhow! My husband and I, used to listen to the BBC Radio Two comedy show: For Better Or Worse, which starred Gordon Kaye, Su Pollard and David Ross, who was Gordon Kaye's Father-in-law and he was a real Northerner, which we felt, that David really interpreted well, because he always, moaned the statement: "I am all alone, on me own!", which was far from the truth, really! But as David hailed from Blackburn, the part of Gordon Kaye's Father-in-law came across really well, especially as David isn't that old, even now! For Better Or Worse, was about the comings and goings of a Funeral company, where Gordon Kaye and Su Pollard worked. And Gordon Kaye and Su Pollard, whose characters were called Bernard and Iris, who were always engaged to be married, but they never seemed to find the time, to get married! And Gordon Kaye's character, Bernard always seemed to be distracted, by the sexy secretary Christabel, at the Funeral company, who incidentally, was played by Julie Higginson (the Marilyn Monroe Android in The Last Day: Episode VI, Red Dwarf III, which was quite a contrast, really!). And you would be absolutely right, in thinking, that Iris and Christabel didn't get along, very well, really! David Ross also starred as Mr Weller in GBH by Alan Bleasdale, and he has worked extensively for the National Theatre. Perhaps one day, he will make a return to Red Dwarf, but in the meantime, we will just have to wait and see what happens, where that is concerned! In the meantime though, the Panel woman Officer asked Kryten to bring her a coffee, even though he was still wired up and partly in suspended animation, but these were just test commands, and Kryten just mimicked the motions of making her a coffee and scrubbing the floor. And finally the Panel woman Officer asked Kryten if he was happy, but Kryten no longer, had any understanding of human emotions, because he was programmed to serve!

Meanwhile in the corridor, just before Dinner at The Captain's Table, Rimmer took a tiny swigette of the sexual magnetism just for luck, as he assumed he was going to be Colin Charisma, with this stuff! And Rimmer walked down the corridors of the Dwarf, to the admiring stares of fellow crew members, who seemed magnetised by Rimmer merely walking down the corridors! And they all said - "Hi!".

Shortly afterwards at the Captain's Table, four female Officer's including Doctor Newton who couldn't take her eyes off Rimmer, well none of the female Officer's could take their eyes off him, come to that! It was quite obvious that even though Rimmer respected Doctor Newton, she wasn't really his type. But been rather naive, he decided to inform her, that if they approached Light Speed, that we have got to be aware, that we could come across something, which they would experience called: Future Echoes, which was adapted from Future Echoes: Episode II, Red Dwarf I. Hollister was beginning to realise, that they had underestimated Rimmer, over the years! But Rimmer was finding it very hard to have an intellectual discussion with Hollister, because of the admiring glances, via the four female Officer's at the Captain's Table! And Hollister was also rather concerned, about the delay with the coffee, but Doctor Newton was very keen, to find out what had happened to the coffee, and she wondered if Rimmer could help her. But Rimmer had no choice in the matter, especially when she grabbed him by the hand, and they headed off towards the ships galley! Rimmer suggested that they could talk about his theory on Backwards Universes, which was also adapted from Backwards: Episode I, Red Dwarf III.

However in the corridor, Doctor Newton pressed a more resigned Rimmer against the wall, who stated that:- "Of course in a Backwards Universe, many things start to make more sense...". But Doctor Newton wasn't really listening, and she kissed him passionately, and she told him that he was very, very sexy, before she pushed him into the ships galley, and the viewer could only see a wooden door with a triangular window! But you could hear the sound of saucepans and various kitchen implements making quite an impact, as they crashed to the floor, which meant, that they definitely weren't making any coffee!

In the meantime however, Lister had also managed to locate the Cat, but they had got to find Kryten, before they leg it! Fortunately however, they were lucky enough to locate Kryten who was cleaning with a feather duster, and he seemed quite happy to be discharging his cleaning duties, especially as he didn't recognise Lister, and Lister was finding it hard to understand why he sounded like Noel Coward's Elocution Teacher! But Kochanski informed Lister that they had fixed his corrupted files and that Kryten no longer has the power to say no. But before they could persuade Kryten to escape with them, somebody was coming, and Lister felt that they needed a better disguise, but the Cat was more than happy enough with his disguise, but of course he was satisfied with his disguise, because he was wearing his cool clothes over his grey jumpsuit, just like he had done over his orange jumpsuit in Stasis Leak: Episode IV, Red Dwarf II! And there was no way, that he was going to wear that grey jumpsuit on the outside!

Fortunately the Dwarfer's all managed to get into the Dentist's Office, which was just a white interior set with white blinds, but it was quite impressive, nevertheless! Once they had put on some white Dentist's coats, over their red jumpsuits, Lister stated that didn't care what they had done with Kryten, he was still one of the Red Dwarf Posse'! They had got to persuade him to escape, whatever happened! Quite surprisingly however, the Cat had come up with a brilliant disguise, which was a horrible black looking mop head and a pair of false teeth and he looked like Duane Dibbley! Lister and Kochanski thought this was a brilliant disguise and they also put on the black horrible looking mop heads and false teeth. And now, brace yourself, the Dibbley family was complete! I do not know why the Cat would want to look like Duane Dibbley, especially when the Cat became Duane Dibbley in Back To Reality, Episode VI, Red Dwarf V and Emohawk - Polymorph II: Episode IV, Red Dwarf VI, and he would rather commit suicide, than look like a total geek! But desperate circumstances, call for desperate measures! Now Duane Dibbley isn't exactly a favourite Red Dwarf alter-ego of mine. But that said, I did feel, that the Cat's character would have been very hard to work around, where the cooking side of things was concerned, and as it turned out, he was his usual klutzy self! And I also felt, that the character of Duane Dibbley was a far better alter-ego, in Emohawk - Polymorph II: Episode IV, Red Dwarf VI, than the alter-ego, the Cat had in Polymorph: Episode III, Red Dwarf III, because even though Danny's impression of Jimi Hendrix was very good, indeed, I felt, in all honesty, that particular alter-ego of the Cat, would have been very limited, indeed, had that particular alter-ego been utilized for: Back To Reality: Episode VI, Red Dwarf V, Emohawk - Polymorph II: Episode IV, Red Dwarf VI, and for Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg, which was part of The Red Dwarf Tenth Anniversary evening, during 1998, instead of Duane Dibbley! I also felt, that the character of Duane Dibbley worked a lot better, in Emohawk - Polymorph II: Episode IV, Red Dwarf VI, rather than Back To Reality: Episode VI, Red Dwarf V, especially as his character had become a lot more developed, by the time, that Red Dwarf VI, had gone out! I hope that you can forgive me, if you are reading this Danny! But I do prefer the Padre' in Dimension Jump: Episode V, Red Dwarf IV, and The Riviera Kid in Gunmen Of The Apocalypse: Episode III, Red Dwarf VI, as the Cat's alter-egos! But I have to admit, that Duane Dibbley, does have his moments, at times!

But I do understand, that the Padre' was to have had a few more lines in Dimension Jump: Episode V, Red Dwarf IV, as I have got the original script, via the Red Dwarf Primordial Soup book, and not only that, I have since discovered, via an interview, that Danny John-Jules did for The Official Red Dwarf Club's fanzine: Better Than Life, that the Padre' was going to be a Maintenance cleaner on the Mimas Base. But apparently, Rob Grant and Doug Naylor, originally thought, that it would have made it look racist, if Danny had been given the alter-ego of a black maintenance cleaner! But I honestly didn't think so! And I really do feel, that they could have got round that somehow! And I also feel, that the Padre' is very loosely based on Uncle Remus in Song From The South! So, it depends upon, how you look at it, really! And in my Alternative Red Dwarf Fan Fiction, I have given the Cat, the alter-ego of Curt a supersonic test engineer, and he hails from Alabama. But I have made him, a very intelligent and disciplined black Engineer, who is also very loosely based on the Drill Sergeant in the film: An Officer And A Gentleman, and I never heard of any complaints, about the character of the Drill Sergeant, in that particular film, in question, being racist! And didn't Rob Grant and Doug Naylor, originally feel, that a black man playing a character, called Cat, and another coloured man, playing a down and out Spacebum, called Dave Lister, feel that they might get a lot of complaints, where that was concerned, somewhat?! And at the end of the day, they soon realised, that they had definitely not, got anything to worry about, where that was concerned! And on a video, which I bought about six years ago, which was the original episode of the very first Star Trek episode The Cage, which featured black and white footage, which was mixed with the coloured footage, from the sequel, called The Menagerie, which featured an introduction by the Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry, who was very worried, that there might be a lot of complaints, about a lot of mixed races, running a Space ship, and apparently, he had had no complaints, whatsoever! However, there was one significant complaint, however, that the viewers, did not like, the original Number Two being a woman, who was played, by none other, than Majel Barratt, Gene Roddenberry's wife, and who later went on, to play Nurse Christine Chapel, and the Number Two role was taken over, by none other, than Leonard Nimoy, who had also starred as Mr Spock in The Cage. And I have read in an interview, that Majel Barratt, always resented playing a drippy kind of Nurse type, and that she would have dearly, have loved, to have been Number Two, in the later Star Trek series, but unfortunately however, it just wasn't meant to be! But she has gone on to far better things, since then, such as Counsellor Troi's domineering Mother in The Next Generation, and it also came as a great surprise, to me, that Majel has also been the voice of the computer, from every Star Trek series onwards, including Star Trek Voyager, and more importantly than that, she has even been the computer voice, in the cartoon Star Trek series! But her role of Number Two in the pilot episode, was far more respected overall, than Nurse Christine Chapel, but unfortunately however, it just wasn't meant to be! And I do have evidence, that Majel Barratt can truly act outside Star Trek, because we have got the film: A Guide For The Married Man, which starred Walter Mattheau, and Majel Barratt had a small part in it, and she played a rather plain housewife called Janet Brodie, but her part was quite significant to the film, and even Geoffery Hunter, who played Captain Christopher Pike, also had a very small part in that film, and in our opinion, A Guide To The Married Man, is one of our all time, favourite films! But when I first saw that film, I had never associated Majel Barratt, with Star Trek, anyway, so it just goes to prove, that the cast outside Star Trek, have appeared in other things, and that there was definitely life, before Star Trek!

In the meantime however, at the Captain's Table, after Doctor Newton had finished, with Rimmer, she looked all dishevelled, glasses and hair all askew and untidy, and she also looked, as if she was soon raring to go, again! And Hollister never did get his coffee, either! All of the female Officer's seated at the table, are still looking at Rimmer, with obvious lust and longing in their eyes. And the second woman Officer at the table, makes the suggestion of helping Rimmer make the coffee, and she isn't as nearly as attractive as Doctor Newton, either! In fact, she is a little bit on the porky side! And she really struggles to get up from the table, to follow Rimmer in to the galley! But somehow, she manages to get up and follow him, and it is really quite amazing to see how quickly a little fat female Officer like her, can run after a man, when she wants to! There is no mercy for Rimmer, whatsoever! And again, we hear the crash of all of the pots and pans in the galley! But this time, we see the second fat female Officer's facial expression, pressed against the triangular window of the galley door, and it is in obvious sexual ecstasy, as well! But it proves once and for all, that the sexual magnetism virus isn't natural, because even though Doctor Newton is fairly attractive, it was far more normal for her to be attracted to somebody, like Rimmer! But not for a fat woman, like that, to be attracted to somebody, like Rimmer! But it is no more than the little Slimeball, Arnold Rimmer deserves, when it actually comes down to it, at the end of the day!

In the meantime, in the Dentist's Office however, MP Thornton appears, and obviously thinking that they are people in authority, he addresses the Cat or Duane as Sir, and kindly informs them all that they are looking for the escaped prisoners, but Duane insists, that there is only him, his wife and his brother (well, half-brother to be more precise!) here. In their Dibbley voices, the Dwarfer's say hello to Thornton, who doesn't recall seeing them here before, but Duane insists that they don't often go out looking like this, because they all Computer Programmers! Which really gives people like me the enthusiasm and motivation to pioneer the internet, with more text, which is my ultimate dream, when it comes down to it, at the end of the day, but I like to think that I have got a life outside the internet, and I really feel motivated enough to accomplish my dream, just so people can think of me, as some kind of anorak! Perhaps I should go back to writing my work on a temperamental electronic typewriter and perhaps we can throw our PC in the bin, if I feel that some time in the future, people who operate computers look like the Dibbley family! It's a scary thought, isn't it?! But with Rob Grant and Doug Naylor's idea of what the twenty third century looks like, one never knows! But Thornton asks them, if they see anything suspicious, just to call security. Fortunately for them though, Kryten enters the Dentist's Office, looking for his mopheads, and not surprisingly, the Dibbley family are looking very nervy, because knowing Kryten like they do, and his cleaning fetishes, it is more than likely, that he may just snatch the mopheads off their heads, and expose them to Security, but fortunately for them all, Kryten thinks they all look rather familiar, especially the one who is called Wayne Wibbley! And the Cat does not like been mistaken for Duane Dibbley, even though he has been pretty desperate to use his character for escape purposes! But Lister is determined, to make Kryten, remember his past once again, and if it means having to upset the Cat, then so be it! And as it only takes Kryten a couple of seconds to access his CPU files, his past memories of Duane Dibbley come back to life, but much more importantly than that, Kryten is is beginning to feel his emotions returning once more, and one of them is ambivalence, but thanks to Lister's influence, Kryten's files are corrupting, which feels so good, and he has his Swedish/Canadian accent back, once again, and he states to Lister that he's back and he is baad, obviously within certain sensible preset parameters! But Kryten is desparately worried about putting his fellow Dwarfer's in great danger! In the meantime, however, Holly announces over the tannoy, that there is a reported prisoner sighting on C Deck, and therefore, he creates a diversion, where MP Thornton's security check, is concerned! But Kochanski is looking very worried all of a sudden, and knowing her like he does, Lister asks her why. And Kochanski states that she feels that everything seems too easy, and it is like they almost want them to escape! But Lister shows her his finger with the luck virus, and therefore, Kochanski assumes that everything is all right, and now that Kryten is back to his old bad ass self, Lister urges him to put on his disguise, while he sneezes into his wig, which Lister puts back on his head!

Quite surprisingly however, Rimmer and the fat female Officer arrived with the coffee, but Hollister wants to know, what is happening, where finding the mints, are concerned! This time, a third fair haired fairly attractive female Officer, is definitely quite keen to offer Rimmer some help with finding the mints! But he is quick enough to decline, and he states that he cannot get any more mints, until tomorrow! And the third female Officer walks away from The Captain's Table in a huff! And the fourth female Officer looks very disappointed indeed! And Hollister informs Rimmer, that the psychotropic testing is under way, and that the results should be interesting, but Rimmer doesn't know what psychotropic testing is, and Hollister states that as the Lister case is so interesting, that he has decided to invoke his right to use psychotropic evidence, and that the accused are all drugged and wired to a mainframe, and then the computer feeds in various hypothetical scenarios and their reactions are laid down on tape, and right at this present moment in time, they believe that they are escaping, but they just want to observe what they do. But by now, Rimmer is seriously worried, because he realises that he may be being watched as well, especially via the *deal*, that he agreed with Lister, outside the Medical Centre! Rimmer starts to ask the Captain exactly what will happen, if anyone happens to mention any special agreements, that they have entered into! But Rimmer thinks better of it, and gets the hell away from the Captain's Table, while he still can!

In the corridors, Rimmer is desparate to shake off the effects of the sexual magnetism virus, while he still can, but most of the women in the corridor, seem impressed, by his sexual magnetism, and they keep on saying: "Hi!", and Rimmer is still tempted to take advantage of the virus, and he just cannot understand why he has still got the sexual appetite of a Mountain Lion, or worse even than that, a First year Nursing student! The stuff is such an aphrodisiac, that he is determined to get some control back in his groin, no matter what!

Rimmer goes inside the Dentist's Office, and he injects his groin with a local anaesthetic, which doesn't make much of a difference! And in the end, he does his best to flatten a certain part of his anatomy with a mallet!

But the moment that Rimmer goes back into the corridors, the anaesthetic soon spreads to his legs, and he ends up walking in a very strange way indeed, down the corridors, because the top half of his legs go to sleep, and because the virus is so powerful, that none of the women who say "Hi!" to Rimmer so provocatively, seem to notice, that the way, that Rimmer is walking is so abnormal! Rimmer passes Hollister, who never realised that Rimmer was so damn popular with the ladies, and perhaps he would like to share his secret with him?! But Hollister is also baffled by Rimmer's funny walk, nevertheless!

And finally the Dibbley family, including Kryten, now suitably attired, all come out into the corridor. Also following them are Bob and Madge, the Skutters, (Bob the Skutter was also briefly featured in The Last Day: Episode VI, Red Dwarf III), and Lister does his best to shoo them away as they would never get past security in a million years, but they go back into the Dentist's office and come back out again into the corridor, also suitably attired with minature mop heads, and follow the Dwarfers who do a slow dance turn to some kind of reggae shuffle type of music, which was probably inspired by Danny John-Jules, which I think was a lead in for his dance number in the final part of Back In The Red.

With regard to the new Skutters for Red Dwarf VIII, and who were also featured in the background of the interior set of Blue Midget for Children In Need sketch, I was to gather later, when Red Dwarf VIII was being aired on BBC2, and from what I also gathered, via the reviews in various Science Fiction magazines, that the Skutters, had been modelled exactly on the image of the original Skutters from Red Dwarf I to III, so that the fans wouldn't be so keen to complain, that they looked different, because the model effects department, were determined to make the new Skutters look as close, to the original Skutters as much, as it was possible for them to do so! But obviously, they were designed to move around, via far more highly developed and sophisticated late nineties technology, rather than mid-eighties technology, which was a much cruder, slower and less sophisticated way of them moving around, which even though, it worked fairly well, at the time, it would probably have not been geared, for todays Skutters! But on the whole, I was quite impressed with the new blue looking sleeker, Red Dwarf VIII Skutters!

EPISODE III: BACK IN THE RED: PART III

And so the start of Back In The Red III began in Rimmer and Lister's Prison Cell room once again, and I gathered, just like the start of Back In The Red I, that the final part of the Dwarfer's predicaments would go back to being flashback scenes once more. Incidentally for the rest of Red Dwarf VIII onwards, the Prison Cell room would be the first scene at the start of every episode onwards with the exception of Pete I and II: Episodes VI and VII and a little bit of Krytie TV: Episode V: Red Dwarf VIII, but that said, it seemed quite obvious to me, that the Prison cell room was going to be the focal point for the rest of Red Dwarf VIII onwards, and it was only the first three episodes of Red Dwarf where the Prison cell room was more of a warm up for the rest of Red Dwarf VIII, and therefore, if the characters were going to be stuck there for the best part of two years of their lives, they might as well get used to it. And even though Rimmer is sharing the same Prison Cell room as Lister, it doesn't explain why he has ended up there with them, but do not worry, all will be revealed during the rest of this episode! But it is Rimmer and Lister's first day on the Penal Colony, and it looks like Rimmer and Lister have made it up since Back In The Red I, thank goodness! Well if you can call them been on speaking terms, meaning that they are definitely not, really the best of friends, in the first place! And the significance of this, only means that they have got to get on with one another, if they are to survive the next two years on this lousy stinking Penal Colony, as Rimmer kindly refers to it! Rimmer is cracking up already, because everybody is so deranged on this lousy stinking Penal Colony! And on his first afternoon he went to see the Social Worker who was no help whatsoever, because he beat Rimmer up, because he thought, that he was a whining Nancy boy with girlie white legs and he kept on pummelling him repeatedly with his book, which was called: Compassion To Inmates! Lister was completely taken aback, because he thought that Social Workers were supposed to be nice! And in the end, Rimmer went to see the Priest who was even worse! And he also thought that he was a whining baby who was missing his Mum, and he also beat him up, and he informed Lister, that you can still see the crucifix marks in the back of his head! But Lister insisted that they were having a hard time, because they were in G Tower and that all the staff are mad in this particular tower! But as a reward for good behaviour they move you to the luxury block on D Wing, and that everything is really nice there, and that they even shampoo the rats and groom their tails and everything! And Rimmer stated that he must look it up in his Michelin guide to Penal Colony Hell-Holes and that it probably gets the full five slop-out buckets! But Lister went on to mention that they had got everything, TVs, music, and that it has even got a trouser press! Rimmer is rather concerned, because since when, has Lister with his disgusting hygiene habits, being interested in a trouser press, especially as he cares less about his appearance, than a member of the Dutch Royal Family?! But Lister insists that they are great for making cheese toasties! Rimmer is looking at Floor 13's Information pack, and if you want privacy on the toilet, you must wear a blindfold! And there is also a book provided in the pack, which is Gideon's Bible. Lister is rather concerned about there been a Gideon Bible provided in the cell room, because that "Gideon" bloke has followed him quite a lot, over the years, because he stayed in a Hotel, and he found a Gideon Bible there! And two years later, Lister stayed at another Hotel, and he left his Bible there again! However, Rimmer is more concerned that his career is ruined, and that he has got no goal, no hope, no life! But Lister just cannot understand why this is getting him down now! But Rimmer insists that they have got to escape from the brig, because it means spending two years with the scum of the universe who are hardened criminals, deranged droids, people so unbalanced, that they could even get elected President of the United States! But Lister insists that there are security cameras everywhere and according to the geezer with one eye and a funny tic, escape from the brig is impossible, but Rimmer insists that he is bound to say that. He's the Warden for Gods sake! If only he had hired a smarter lawyer, instead of the brain-dead pompous, stupid-haired git he ended up with! But Lister cannot understand Rimmer's attitude, because Rimmer defended himself, after all! And even though they are on speaking terms, Rimmer still doesn't need reminding of that fact, thank you very much, because they have got two years in the tank! Rimmer puts his big black blindfold on, which looks futuristic, because it is more like a mask than a blindfold, with silver edging on it, with the words ENGAGED on it, which is also in silver lettering. Lister thinks that the blindfold is for him, but Rimmer is more concerned about how they ended up in this mess in the first place!

And so we go back to Hollister, and his video diary once again, who does yet another recap, via Back In The Red II, and in between times, Hollister states that unbeknownst to them, to test the veracity of their defence he has had the Dwarfer's placed in AR, so that he can observe their actions. You also see a very brief scene of the Dwarfer's in AR, in suspended animation, and Lister, Kryten and the Cat are miming the actions of operating a space craft, and with the exception of the Cat, they are still wearing their grey uniforms, which they wore in the Board of Enquiry room, where they sealed the envelopes, and therefore, at some point, they must have passed out, and being taken along to the AR suite, by certain Officer's, but I will go into detail about that, a bit later on in this report, as I am finding that this is a very complicated review, indeed! And the same goes for my description of the AR suite, because at this point, this particular set is only being featured, via short snappy snippets, and as the plot moves along, and the set is featured that bit more, I will go into more detail about it, once the set is utilized a bit more. In the meantime however, Hollister is concerned, that Rimmer, who is the least able of his crew has started acting very suspiciously, by being incredibly insightful and efficient, and that he may have access to the crews confidential files, and he also believes, that he may be in possession of a virus, which makes him incredibly attractive to the opposite sex, and that this is obviously a remarkable serum, and as a responsible Officer of the Space Corps, it is imperative that Hollister gains possession of this solution, so that he can use it, himself! Hollister goes on to state that yesterday, that Rimmer was observed injecting his groin with anaesthetic, which he believes is something that he did to gain self control and he also suspects someone, possibly Lister has given Rimmer, the crews confidential files, and that he is using this information to blackmail his way up the chain of command. Holllister went on to say, that it is sickening and unforgiveable, but it is a technique which can work. After all, he should know. He used the same method himself to become Captain! And if the crew discover, that he is really just Dennis the Doughnut Boy, he is finished! And therefore, he will continue to observe Lister's actions in AR, and expect his suspicions to be confirmed. And for the time being, Hollister's report ends.

In the meantime however, the Cat can be seen as a small dot in the Cargo bay pushing a laundry basket, with his fellow Dwarfer's safely hidden inside, and he starts to board Blue Midget and the Duane Dibbley Skutters follow him into Blue Midget. And now the Dwarfer's are in the cockpit of Blue Midget, and with regard to the interior set for Blue Midget, which was utilized for Red Dwarf VIII, which was exactly the same interior set, which was also used for the 1998 Children In Need Red Dwarf sketch! But I had assumed, at the time, that it was the new interior set for Starbug, when we saw the 1998 Children In Need Red Dwarf sketch last year, which was very good, but I did feel, that when we saw the exterior model shot sequence, that it looked rather different to Starbug! And even though, I had seen the new interior set of Blue Midget at Shepperton, I had still assumed, that it was the new interior set for Starbug, especially as the only model shot, we actually saw aired, wasn't very clear at the time, and this was done deliberately, so as not to release plot details, and just to basically, keep you guessing! But I should have realised this, by the dance, that the Cat did to impress the attractive Ground Controller, which we had also seen at Shepperton. And we did see the Dwarfer's, make their getaway, in Blue Midget, via the Cat not impressing the ugly Ground Controller, this time! But I could only recall, so much to mind, when I wrote up the previous review of Red Dwarf VIII been filmed at Shepperton Studios on the 4th of December 1998, and my review was centred more, towards the filming techniques of Red Dwarf VIII, rather than the storylines, which is what The Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch review, in question, was more geared up to, anyhow.

I would have preferred them, to use the Starbug interior set for Red Dwarf VIII, as again, I have never been a great fan of the Blue Midget models, as they were utilized more, for Red Dwarf I and Red Dwarf II, and very briefly, in Bodyswap: Episode IV, Red Dwarf III, and it was sort of re-introduced for Blue: Episode V, Red Dwarf, VII. But that said, I was always interested in Blue Midget, because I did ask Mel Bibby at Dimension Jump 1995, what he thought, about the original interior set design of Blue Midget, for Red Dwarf I and II, which I had thought, seemed rather ahead of it's time, anyhow! But he stated, that he had not been involved, with the original interior set design of Blue Midget, and that, he has only being involved, with the interior set design of Starbug, from Red Dwarf III, onwards. But I daresay, that the new brilliant, and far better and bigger interior set design of Blue Midget for Red Dwarf VIII, is all down to Mel Bibby, because it looks a lot brighter and more expanded, than the original interior set design of Blue Midget for Red Dwarf I and Red Dwarf II. And Mel did state to me and my husband Paul, that it did look, like a very dark and a very cramped set, in it's day, and when he had originally designed the interior set for Starbug, he had intended to make it bigger and better, for the cast to work around in, a bit more, anyway. And I really do feel, that for Red Dwarf VIII, Blue Midget has got a far better interior set design, than it did, for Red Dwarf I and Red Dwarf II! But it needed to be a lot bigger, to accommodate Kochanski, anyway, especially as she was not a regular cast member in Red Dwarf I and II! And I really do feel, that was one of the main reasons, why the new interior set design of Blue Midget had to be updated, to accommodate her, as well, as the Boyz!

All of the Dwarfer's, apart from Rimmer, including the two Skutters: Bob and Madge are all seated inside Blue Midget. They all start off by wearing the Duane Dibbley funny dark wigs and awful keyboard teeth, complete with the white Dentist's coats.

And so, back to the plot, where the Dwarfer's with the exception of Rimmer are all escaping on Blue Midget. But they cannot leave the Dwarf, without security clearance, because an attractive black woman, in a black uniform with the intials JMC on the neck in silver letters and Jupiter Mining Corporation written on the front of the uniform, which is also in silver letters, and the top part of the arms of the uniform, have got pretty red and silver stripes, which only go round the arms, but they make the uniform look quite effective all the same, suddenly appears on a screen, alongside a load of other JMC Ground controllers, whom you never see, but they are there, nevertheless! And the point of the matter is, the Dwarfer's cannot leave, without security clearance! Lister makes jokes about Major Tom to Ground Control, but the attractive black woman, is not having it, and without a name and clearance code, they will not be allowed flight clearance! But the Cat, who has instantly decided that she is definitely the woman of his dreams, decides to prove that he can fly Blue Midget, once and for all, and go out on a date with her, if he is lucky! Quite surprisingly, the black woman is impressed by the Cat's sense of humour, but once again, she still needs some reassurance, that he can fly a Blue Midget. The Cat is still not prepared to give up, as easily, as all that! And he states that, of course, he can make Blue Midget fly! And not only can the Cat make Blue Midget fly, he can also make it dance! To cut a long story short, the Cat jumps out of Blue Midget, somehow, and into the Cargo bay! His white overall and Duane Dibbley wig and teeth, have completely disappeared, and he is now resplendent in a shiny blue sparkling suit, which I think, is the one, that he wore, in Nanarchy: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VII, and he does a brilliant dance, complete with a set of false teeth, which accompanies the music, via their chattering, which in turn, causes a set of Blue Midget's to start leaping around the Cargo bay! I must stress, that when I first saw this dance at Shepperton, I wasn't all that impressed, because I did not think, that it was comparable, to the success of the original Tongue Tied, and because I had heard, via various reports, that the Cat, was going to do a song and dance sequence for Red Dwarf VIII, I did expect the Cat, to do a song and dance sequence, that would be very similar to the original Tongue Tied, and what is more, it was only a dance routine, anyhow. But I had to say, that when I first saw Back In The Red III: Episode III, Red Dwarf VIII, that seeing that dance sequence, in the privacy of my own home, and once, that I had got the gist of the story a bit more, I felt, that even though, the new dance sequence, could not compete with Tongue Tied, I did think, that it had a lot to offer, for the Cat, and that it was about high time, that he did a dance routine on Red Dwarf, again, anyhow, especially after it had been such a long time, since Parallel Universe: Episode VI, Red Dwarf II, anyway! And in a sense, I felt that it wouldn't be right, for the Cat, to do a song and dance sequence, like Tongue Tied all over again, and I have heard, that even though the fans of Red Dwarf, have really loved the impact of Tongue Tied over the years, they have also felt, that if the Cat were to do another song and dance routine on Red Dwarf, that he should do something completely different. And as I have admired Danny's musical career, over the years, it just went to prove that new dance sequence, which he did for Back In The Red III: Episode III, Red Dwarf VIII, just went to prove in my mind, that Danny John-Jules is very versatile, as a dancer, indeed! And since I have seen Red Dwarf VIII, I have also understood, that Charles Augins choreographed, that particular scene, in question. And as we all know, Charles Augins also played Queeg in Queeg: Episode V, Red Dwarf II, plus the fact, that he also choreographed Tongue Tied, as well, and he also played Blind Pew in Treasure Island, along with Hetty Baynes, who also played the Cockpit Computer in Dimension Jump: Episode V, Red Dwarf IV. And also to his credit, Charles Augins was also Danny John-Jules' dance instructor, and Danny stated in an interview, in a Science Fiction magazine, that Charles used to shout at him and his fellow dancer friends, but it was all in good fun really, and it all encouraged them to work very hard, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day! And Danny also stated in that particular interview, that Charles was really good for the part of Queeg, because his forceful manner, was very effective for the part of Queeg! However I have since discovered, via the Red Dwarf VIII picture script book of the series, that with regard to Danny's dance routine for Back In The Red III: Episode III, Red Dwarf VIII, that it was criticised, via the fans on the alt.tv.red-dwarf newsgroup on the internet, which came as quite a surprise, to me! To be honest, Back In The Red III: Episode III, Red Dwarf VIII, has been one of the most harshly criticised episodes of Red Dwarf VIII, but to my own general opinion of Back In The Red III: Episode III, Red Dwarf VIII, is that is a far more superior episode to Back In The Red II: Episode II, Red Dwarf VIII, and I also consider it to be one of the best episodes of Red Dwarf VIII! And I have also discovered, via the Red Dwarf Programme Guide and the Red Dwarf VIII picture script book of the series, that Danny John-Jules, found this particular dance sequence: "Bloody Hard Work!", because when you think about it, he was having to co-ordinate the dance to thin air, because he wasn't really dancing next to a pair of false teeth and the Blue Midget's. They would be added in post production, via the Visual Effects team! I do not specialise in dance myself, but I am a part-time Drama student, and I have done a bit of dancing, via a Pantomime and a Carnival Fete show, and it is bloody hard work! Dancing is a lot harder than acting, when it actually comes down to it, at the end of the day! And I really didn't want to do the dancing, that I did, at the time, because I was persuaded into it, via the Drama group, I was involved with, at the time, and I really didn't want to let them down, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day! And I would like to think, that I really did do my very best with my dancing efforts at the time, and that said I had a great deal of time and respect for the people involved who co-ordinated the dancing sequences that I was involved in, even though I swear, that I won't get involved, with dancing ever again! And I have a great deal of respect for dancers, amateur and professional, especially Danny, as I believe, that he put his heart and soul into the dancing sequence, which he did for Back In The Red III: Episode III, Red Dwarf VIII, and as I am quite a fairly experienced internet user, and I access the alt.tv.red-dwarf newsgroup myself, I can speak from basic experience, that there is a lot of ignorance, on that particular newsgroup, anyway! But I will state here and now, that I felt that Danny did very well with the dance he used to charm the Ground Controller, who incidentally was played by the actress Yasmin Bannerman who used to be a regular in the Channel Four soap opera, Hollyoaks which is on a Sunday morning. I do not follow Hollyoaks myself, but I looked up Yasmin Bannerman on the Internet Movie Database, because I felt that I recognised her from somewhere and as I have seen one or two episodes of Hollyoaks over the years, that is how I probably recognised her in the first place. But her performance as the Ground Controller in Back In The Red III: Episode III, Red Dwarf VIII, was quite impressive, nevertheless!

And with that, our fellow Dwarfer's have all been granted flight clearance, by the attractive black woman Ground Controller, and after a certain Cat has smoked his cigar in the cockpit, he tells his fellow crewmates that he has got a date with her, in three days time, if he can fit it round his schedule, that is! The rest of the Dwarfer's are suddenly back in their normal clothing, and Lister kindly informs the Cat, that he is not going anywhere with the Ground Controller, because they are out of here, man! It doesn't take very long, and soon they are all out of the Cargo bay, and they are out in to deep space!

In the meantime however, despite his funny anaesthetic walk, Rimmer wants to gain access to the AR suite, which is being guarded by MP Thornton, and Thornton kindly tells Rimmer in no uncertain terms that no-one is allowed in there, but in an audible whisper Rimmer tells Angus Lionel Thornton, aged 36, that his inside leg measurement is 29, his neck size is 16, but more importantly than that, he is circumcised! This is obviously information which Rimmer has found, via the confidential files, and Thornton is looking a little bit flustered, and so he should be as he also informs him that he is a jazz fan with good credit rating, once admitted to hospital totally naked and attached to... But Thornton cuts in and tells him that is a vicious slanderous, filthy stinking slanderous lie that he just made up, and who told him, anyway?! But Rimmer merely states to him, that he will make sure all the crew know about his disgusting habits, unless he takes a cigarette break for five minutes, and therefore, Rimmer has managed to gain access to the AR suite!

In the meantime however, the Dwarfer's, who are still assuming that they are making their escape, though things seem a little bit too easy, and Lister is determined to track down the nanobots, so they can be cruising down freedom boulevard, once again! Rimmer can now be observed in the AR suite watching their escape bid. In the meantime however, Kryten announces that he has found something, which Lister states is a good thing because they no longer need the confidential files scam, that he cooked up with Rimmer after all, especially all the that stuff he gave him on the Captain. And Lister has decided, for once and for all, that Rimmer is a double-dealing, two-faced rat!

In the meantime, Rimmer looks at the computery type machine, which is typing everything and he types: Find all references to the agreement between Lister and Rimmer, and remove. And therefore, Rimmer is determined, that Hollister will never ever find out about his part in all of this, once and for all, or so he thinks, anyway!

And so, the Dwarfer's are on their way to freedom, but it isn't quite as simple as all that, but again, where Red Dwarf is concerned, things never are, are they?!

The Dwarfer's think, that as nobody is following them, that things are just to good to be true, which I also felt myself, when the Cat did his dance to his Dream girl! When you think about it, it did look a little bit unreal, didn't it?! Which makes me think of the virtual reality games, that the crew have played before, in episodes like: Better Than Life: Episode II, Red Dwarf II, Back To Reality: Episode VI, Red Dwarf V, Gunmen Of The Apocalypse: Episode III, Red Dwarf VI, Stoke Me A Clipper: Episode II, Blue: Episode V and Beyond A Joke: Episode VI, Red Dwarf VII. Not only that, when the Dwarfer's are conversing with one another, their sentences seem to jump, and they are either disjointed or uncompleted, and Kochanski feels, like she isn't really there. Kryten believes, that they are in some kind of computer-manipulated psychotropically induced mind state, and Kochanski who was right, to have her doubts all along, about their situation being too good to be true, is shocked to discover, that their escape is their trial! And Lister feels, that there was something definitely not right, when they signed the consent forms, and that, there must have been some kind of a drug, via the gluey bit, when they licked the envelopes. But the Cat is shocked to discover, that nothing has been real since then, especially the Ground Controller and making the Blue Midget's dance, but he is even more upset to discover, that he hasn't got a date with the Ground Controller! And this means, that this is yet another year, that he has got to send a Valentine's Day card to his hand! But Lister is convinced, that this proves beyond a doubt, that they are all innocent, and that everything that they have said and done, escaping trying to track down the nanobots will corroborate their story, once and for all! But Holly seems to think, that they are guilty and who are they fooling, and he cannot understand why he said that! Kochanski thinks, that they are being framed and there is yet another jump in their speech once again, and you can tell that Kryten thinks this is bananas, even though his speech is being cut! But Lister suddenly has a good idea who is responsible for this, and it is quite obvious that Rimmer is messing about with the computer in the AR suite, because he wants to get them into deep smeg, and if Lister says who is responsible for this, he knows that it will get cut as well, but he knows full well that it is him, you can bet on it, and if he ever catches up with him, he swears that he will cut off both of his ..... with a blunt knife! So, now our fellow Dwarfer's have realised that they are definitely in the AR suite on Red Dwarf, and they have got to get the hell out of there!

And so, I will now go into more detail about the set of the new Artificial Reality Suite on Red Dwarf. It is a very big Artificial Reality Suite, and the Dwarfer's look like they are all fast asleep, except they are all talking as if they are on Blue Midget and they are also held down by two white plastic arms, which spring open, once they come out of AR. It is a much better AR suite than the one on Starbug in Red Dwarf VI, in my opinion, but not as good as the AR suite on Starbug in Red Dwarf VII, which a lot of the fans stated, looked like a smaller version of the AR suite in Back To Reality: Episode V, Red Dwarf V. A lot of the fans criticised the AR Suite in Red Dwarf VII, because it looked Americanized. And I have to stress, that I did not like the AR suite in Red Dwarf VII, at first, as I did prefer the AR Suite in Red Dwarf VI, but the more that I got into Red Dwarf VII, I worked out the reason exactly why, the set of the AR suite for Red Dwarf VII had to be re-designed. The one reason was the nasty accident that happened to Craig Charles in Gunmen Of The Apocalypse: Episode III, Red Dwarf VI, on Red Dwarf: The Smeg Ups video! And I am not going to go into any great details, about that! I hope by now, that the majority of the fans who have seen Red Dwarf: The Smeg Ups video, would know only too well what accident that I am referring to, which happened to Craig Charles! But to my mind, I felt that particular set looked very unsafe, especially with those metal bars, and groinal pouches, wired everywhere! And as the technology of the Artificial Reality Suite, has developed quite a bit, since Red Dwarf VI, and in the real world, especially where computer technology, has advanced, over the past five years or so, since Red Dwarf VI, was filmed, and especially, where the internet is concerned! It was quite obvious, in my mind, that the AR Suite on Starbug, needed to be re-designed, and as the cast had all been happier, with the sit down arrangement, via the AR Suite in Back To Reality: Episode VI, Red Dwarf V, so it was quite obvious, that the same principle, would be used for Red Dwarf VII, sooner or later! I really loved the shiny way, that Lister's groinal pouch flickered, with the lights, in Stoke Me A Clipper: Episode II, Red Dwarf VII, and the way, that the headsets came down on the crew, and the way, that they all genuinely looked asleep in Beyond A Joke: Episode VI, Red Dwarf VII, looked very ahead of it's time, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day! However, the one thing, that did let the AR Suite down in Red Dwarf VII, was that it had been far too dark, and all the shots, should not have been filmed from such a great distance, which did give that particular set, far too much of an Americanized look, and X Files feel! And I have seen shots of the Red Dwarf VII AR Suite in various Science Fiction magazines, which were aimed very closely at the cast, and the set looked a lot lighter, via photography stills, but if that particular set had looked as light, as it had on film, like it had done, via the photography stills, I feel in all honesty, that it would have been appreciated, a whole lot more, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day! So, all the Dwarfer's are still in suspended animation, held by the plastic arms. Not only that, they are also been witnessed by Captain Hollister, via a wall of monitors. However, the Dwarfer's are determined, to get back to reality, get the smeg out of the AR Suite, and really leg it on a Blue Midget! Kryten thinks that there may be a trap door built into the AR software to allow their escape, which the Cat states, will help you get out of the programme, if it freezes. And Kryten goes on to state, that there will be a cryptic clue around somewhere, which will hint, that there is definitely a trap door or an exit. The Cat seems very matter of fact, all of a sudden, and he is really determined, to find a way out of the software, and he has noticed, that there is a button with E - Eleven T on it, and with the help of Kryten the Cat has worked out that eleven is XI in Roman numerals and he states in quite an informative manner, that it translates as EXIT, which is a clue to help them get out of the AR Suite! Lister is surprised, that the Cat got that! And therefore, Kryten is convinced, that this is definitely not reality, or the Cat, wouldn't be quite as intelligent, as all that! But as he has found the way out of the software, Kochanski, orders the Cat to press the EXIT button, which is definitely their escape route, and he presses it, and suddenly everything goes on a downwards theme, like they are going down a chute. But it isn't exactly a chute, as such, it is just a lot of lines, going downwards, but the way, that the special effects team, have got that particular effect working, is very clever indeed, and the Dwarfer's are no longer on Blue Midget! In fact, they are nowhere at all! In fact, they are not even themselves, so to speak! They have suddenly taken on the appearance of Plasticine characters, in an Arctic Landscape, with a little pool and an igloo! And the Dwarfer's all look like, a cross, between the Plasticine models, in Shakespeare The Animated Tales and Pingu! Seriously though, I have since read, in a Science Fiction magazine, that the special Cartoon, for Red Dwarf VIII, even though, it was only a very short Cartoon, which was made by an Italian, was quite expensive to make, which was exactly the same case, with Wallace and Gromit by Nick Park. And I had heard, that there were only so many Wallace and Gromit Cartoons, about, because they were very expensive to make, because that particular kind of animation, is very hard and fiddly to do, and it took Nick Park, a couple of years, just to do one: Wallace and Gromit Cartoon, and more importantly, than that, they cost a lot of money! But if there were never any more series of Red Dwarf, I certainly think that a Cartoon version of it, would be a feasible option, and there, are Cartoons, of Star Trek, but why not for Red Dwarf?! And I did get in touch with the The Official Red Dwarf Fan Club about this, and I was informed, that the Cartoons, that are made in Great Britain, are aimed, at Children, and with Red Dwarf's adult humour, they really think, that it may not work, as a Cartoon! But that said, however, I Really do Feel, that the Cartoon, of When the Wind Blows, Definitely, does not, come across, as a Children’s Cartoon! Incidentally, the Cartoon: When the Wind Blows, is about an old couple, having to cope, with the aftermath, of a Nuclear War! I have seen, that particular Cartoon, in question, myself, and I was very upset, after I saw it, and I Definitely Feel, that Children, should not, be allowed, to see it, and it had, made me Feel, so angry, after I had seen it, at the time, that it, just wasn't true! The one thing, that upsets me, more than anything in this life, is Sheer Ignorance, and the Cartoon: When the Wind Blows, is Definitely, an Example, of People’s Sheer Ignorance! And, I do not remember, seeing Cartoons, like that, when I was a Child! Personally, I did feel, that When the Wind Blows, was very well-presented, especially with the voice overs, of John Mills, and Peggy Ashcroft. And again, what I am Stating, is, just a General Opinion, of how I Felt, about that particular Cartoon, at the time! And, I Really do Feel, that it, probably appeals, to some People, but I am, just not, one of those People, okay! Everyone is entitled, to an opinion, and I Really do Feel, that When the Wind Blows, is not, Really Suitable, for Children, and that it is, probably far more, Suitable, for an Adult Audience, anyway. And I have always, been very Sensitive, about the Subject, of a Nuclear War. And I used to live, in Sheer Fear, of the Bomb, right up, until Perestroika or Glasnost, etcetera. And even now, I still worry, about the Bomb! It's just me, being all anti-war, etcetera. I cannot stand, the very thought, of Violence, in this World, okay!

However, now I have got, my Political Views, off my Chest, the point, that I am making is, that I think, that one day, Red Dwarf could work, as a Cartoon, on a regular basis, in this country and abroad, if there was never another series! I will still not rule, that out, as a possibility! And I think, in all honesty, that it could be worked around Children, somehow, if they keep certain, Adult Jokes, out of it, and who necessarily states, that a Cartoon, of Red Dwarf has got, to be aimed at Children, anyway, when it actually comes down to it, at the end of the day?! They must have worked it out, with the Star Trek Cartoons, somehow, and they do have, the original Star Trek Crew, along with Captain Kirk in it, and there was certain adult content, in the original Star Trek series, as Captain Kirk seemed to have quite a lot, of Girlfriends, even though it was all done, in the best possible taste, of course! And I honestly feel, that a Cartoon, of Red Dwarf, with limited adult humour, could work one day! At the end of the day, it is entirely up to the people, behind the Cartoons, to work out, how their storylines present themselves! And there are the Red Dwarf Cartoon Picture Strips, in the Smegazine and The Official Red Dwarf Fan Club's Fanzine: Better Than Life, and I think, the way, that the people behind them, have worked around, the adult humour, of them, pretty well, actually!

Anyway, without any further ado, back, to the Plot: The Dwarfer's are all Plasticine animated figures, and they are stuck in an Arctic Landsape, with an igloo and a little pool. They all ask themselves, where they are of course, and Kryten automatically works out, that they have all ended up in the screensaver, of the AR Machines mainframe! But Kochanski, seems to be on the alert, as per usual, and she suggests, that what they need, is a power source, so they can turn the AR machine off. Lister is looking, for some food, in the Arctic Pool, but to everybody’s, complete and utter horror, an Evil, Nasty Looking: Shark, had opened, his mouth, and he, had ended up, swallowing, Lister! Could this, be the end, of Dave Lister, as we know it?! Have no fear, the poor Evil, Nasty Looking: Shark, had suddenly, spat Lister out, of his mouth, and a Flying Cherub, complete, with dreadlocks, had only gone, and hurtled him, right up, into, the air! When I had, first seen, the Cartoon, I could not, help saying, to my Husband: Paul: "Oh my God! Even, the Shark, is disgusted, with him!". Which is quite obvious, to all concerned! After Lister has safely landed, on the Arctic surface, safely intact, the Cat moves into the igloo, and he informs them, that there is some food in there, and the Cat pulls out a bottle of red sauce, from the igloo, and it is power ketchup, which means, that it is power sauce (a power source!). Lister thinks, that it is, a pity, that the Cat, is only smart, when he’s made out, of Plasticine! And then the effects of the chute, comes back, once again. And the Dwarfer's find themselves, all awake, in the AR Suite once again, and what is more, the white plastic arms, that are holding them down, all suddenly spring open, and they are free!

I have to say, before I go into the next scene, that even though, the Cartoon, was very short and sweet, it was very effective, for that particular scene, in question! But I think, that it could have been, a little bit longer somehow, and I think, that they could have got Rimmer involved with it, as well! But as I have stated, just now, it was a very costly Cartoon, to make, that the people behind it, had to make the best, of the budget allocated to them, and again, there is only so much airing time, that the BBC will allocate for Red Dwarf, but I definitely wouldn't rule out, that there is probably, an Extended Version, of the Red Dwarf Cartoon, on the Cutting Room Floor, somewhere, which will probably never see the light of day, unfortunately however! But considering, the very short airing time, that was allocated for that Cartoon, the Presentation of it, stood out really well, especially where Red Dwarf VIII, was concerned, anyway! And Craig Charles is certainly no stranger, to voicing over, a Cartoon! I have got Asterix Conquers America, on Video, and Craig Charles, actually did the voice over, for Asterix! And he was very effective, as Asterix, and I really do feel, that Craig has got a great Future, doing voice overs, for Children’s Cartoons, and advertisements, etcetera, and even though, the Cartoon, for Red Dwarf VIII, was very short and sweet, I still felt, that he came over as Lister very well, and that, he had certainly kept, in Character, all of the way! And the same went, for Kryten, Kochanski and the Cat, and that, their Characters were still there, which is what really counts, when it actually comes down to it, at the end of the day! And as I act myself, I do understand, that some Actors, have had, real Difficulty, in keeping, their Characters, in a Cartoon Version of whatever, they are in, and in a lot, of cases, the Characters can get lost, somehow, because, as it is such, a Different Style, of Presentation, which is the same, for acting on Radio as well, as apposed, to acting, on Stage, and Television, your nerves, can just take over, somehow! But that, was Definitely not, the case, with the Cartoon in Red Dwarf VIII! The Characters were still recognizable, as their old Loveable Selves, and that, is very important, in my mind!

And with that, the Dwarfer's are now released from the AR machines, and Lister has suddenly noticed Rimmer, observing their movements! He informs him, that he is a back-stabbing Weasly Smegger, who was trying, to Frame, them all, and Rimmer is stating, that he knows it looks bad, but before he has barely finished his sentence, when Kochanski whose eyes do not seem to be focusing properly, and it is quite obvious to one and all, that the expression on her face is not normal, because it looks rather animated, and what is more, she has got her eyes on Rimmer! Yes folks, the effects of the sexual magnetism virus on Rimmer have not worn off yet! Kochanski who states that Rimmer is gorgeous, is suddenly been held back by Lister and the Cat, under Rimmer's pleas because he cannot take any more of this, and she orders them to let her at him! Kochanski states that his nostrils are driving her crazy, and she has simply got to have him! And Lister is begging Kryten to hold her down, because the last thing, that he wants, is for her, to have her wicked way with Rimmer!

The Dwarfer's have finally managed to enter a brown dingy service lift which is a brown dingy area, with monitors all around the walls, which is reminiscent of the mid-section of Starbug, which was featured in Red Dwarf VI and Red Dwarf VII. Kryten asks the Cat to put the lift on hold for the time being. Anyway, without any further ado, the Dwarfer's have managed Lister and the Cat are still holding Kochanski down! Her uniform is in a very dishevelled state and she is fighting like a Tigress now, and she is determined to have her wicked way with Rimmer, no matter what! And what is more, she wants his babies! Rimmer is backing as far away as he can, from Kochanski, but it is no good, they cannot hold her down, forever! But fortunately however, before it is too late, Lister suggests using the luck virus against the sexual magnetism virus, and they will all have to wait and see, if his luck will swing for him the right way, and see if it will cure him, of the effects, of the sexual magnetism virus, once and for all! It is his lucky day, Rimmer swallows the luck virus, and the effects of the sexual magnetism virus have died down, at long last! And Kochanski, suddenly regains her senses, and she cannot believe, that she could have lusted after Rimmer, like that! And one of her funniest lines in this particular episode was: "Oh God, that's so embarrassing!". However, Rimmer wishes that his luck, could have held out, a little bit longer, and he doesn't think himself, as lucky, when he could have had his wicked way with her! But that said, he has lost his limp, once and for all, thank goodness! Holly's face suddenly appears on a monitor in the lift, and he suggests, that they should head for the nearest one of these, and Holly suddenly tilts his head, so that it looks like a Moon! And he is suggesting, that they should all regroup on the nearest moon, and continue their search, for the nanobots. Kryten feels, that they should persuade Rimmer to come with them, short of bludgeoning him unconscious! The Cat thinks this is a pretty dumb idea, but Kryten insists that Mr Rimmer has had access to the confidential files, and that he knows all of the security codes and without him, their chances of escape, are about as remote as meeting an interesting hairdresser, called Kylie! Rimmer has got his doubts about this naturally and he asks them, what have they got to offer? Kryten informs Rimmer, that he is very good at laundry. And Holly informs Rimmer, that he does a damned fine moon impression! And the Cat states, that he is so gorgeous, that there is a six-months waiting list for birds to suddenly appear, every time, that he is near! And Kryten goes on to state, that if you have got three good friends, you are a very rich man! But Rimmer insists, that only poor people say that! It is quite obvious, that Lister feels, that as they all making their escape, that Rimmer could be in serious trouble, with the crew of Red Dwarf, because he has quite unwittingly helped them, make their escape, and even though he is not the Rimmer, whom they all used to know, he is still Rimmer, when it actually comes down to it, at the end of the day! The Cat thinks that they are wasting their time, and that he will never change his mind, but Kryten insists, that time is of the essence, because the crew will have worked out by now, that they are out of AR, and will probably be sending someone to investigate. Rimmer feels that if he leaves, that he will always be a failure, because he still wants the opportunity to become an Officer, when all is said and done, and he cannot live with the shame of it. Just think, every time that he has a boiled egg, he won't even outrank the Toastie Soldiers! And Rimmer states, that he wants to be an Officer, a Man of Honour, and he did inform Lister in Marooned: Episode II, Red Dwarf III, that Generals were Men of Honour, but Lister tries to convince him, that he is above all that, and that he would never fit in with the Officer clique, anyway, because Officer's aren't Men of Honour, especially, via all of those induction pranks that they play on you, when you qualify! But Rimmer is not to be defeated so easily, especially as he has lived for that day, especially when you wake up after the celebration party to find that your pubes are orange, and that you are also handcuffed to a goat! And another induction prank, that Rimmer is looking forward to, is finding yourself superglued to one of those rabbits that whizzes round greyhound tracks! Rimmer is determined not to miss any of those mad japes that they play on you! But Lister keeps on insisting, that they are all a bunch of losers, and that he would just not fit in with them, as he is different, and that when they had had the hologram Rimmer with them, that he had achieved far more, by being dead, than he would ever have done, by being alive, and that he was virtually an Officer, anyway! And what would he have to lose, by legging it, with them?! And Lister states, that if the other Rimmer wasn't destined to be an Officer, he honestly feels, that the newly resurrected Rimmer isn't destined to be an Officer, either! And Holly insists, that they are giving him a second chance at life, and an opportunity for Rimmer to screw it up, in a new and original way! Kryten insists that he will get a seat in the cockpit, and that he will be quite impressed, by the prospect of being in control of at least five buttons! Kochanski feels that this is pathetic, and that he will hardly be impressed, at the prospect of being in control of a few buttons! But that said, Rimmer has got ambitions, and he is quite impressed by being offered the prospect of being in control of five buttons, because it might give him the chance of going up the ziggurat, lickety split! And Lister also informs him that there will be no more vending machine maintenance and definitely no more getting heckled by drinks dispensers! Rimmer is really quite enthusiastic about his new position, but that said, only a git like Arnold Rimmer could be so absolutely enthralled, by the prospect of operating five buttons! Kochanski informs him that this is a new start and a new life, and Lister also informs him, that he will want to wake up in the morning and leap out of bed! And Kryten states to Lister that in his case, that is because his sheets are usually covered in pointy poppadum shards! But Rimmer wants to know more about these buttons, and what is more, they are they illuminated! Lister goes on to inform Rimmer that the old Rimmer was a vital member of the team, and that he performed vital functions that they have never replaced. The new Rimmer is rather curious about the old Rimmer and he wants to know what he did, but Lister really can't recall to mind, what the old Rimmer did, but he thinks that he may have been Head of Safety! To a certain extent, I really did think, that the old Rimmer was Head of Safety, because he used to be in charge of the communications console on Starbug, and when the Dwarfer's, were threatened by attacks from the Gelf's and Simulants in Red Dwarf VI, he really did tell them, what he thought of them, before he went and had a panic attack, underneath the scanner table! But that said, the old Rimmer was responsible of wiping out the threat of their future selves, from coming back and destroying them once and for all, via destroying the time drive with a bazookoid! And therefore, he did have his moments! And he could be brave when he wanted to be, which was exactly the same case in the Wizard of Oz, because the Cowardly lion, helped to save Dorothy and Toto from the Wicked Witch, along with the Scarecrow and the Tinman, and he had more courage, than he originally thought he had! And sometimes courage can come, when you least expect it! I have had my moments of cowardice myself in the past, but at least I am honest enough to admit that I am a coward if I absolutely have to! But honesty with Arnold Rimmer isn't exactly his number one priority! But that said, Rimmer feels that Head of Safety is one hell of a title, and he really does want to know what the old Rimmer did to deserve that title! Lister informed him that he sought out danger, he sought out peril, and he advised us in the best way to run away from it! That settles it! Rimmer is quite impressed. Five buttons and Head of Safety! He is in! And he is one of the Boyz, once again! The Cat thinks that the matter is settled, because he has decided to crack open a bottle of cyanide!

And with that, the Dwarfer's are in the cockpit of Blue Midget, and this time, they are genuinely making their escape, from Red Dwarf!

However, it is not as simple as all that, and Holly warns them, that they have got problems, and once again, they have got to make their escape, via the Security system on Red Dwarf, and they have got to get clearance from the Ground Controller! But it is not the same Ground Controller, this time! There are a couple of similarities between the Cat's Dream Girl Ground Controller (because at the end of the day folks, that was all she was, the Cat's Dream Girl!). She is a woman, and just like the previous Ground Controller, she is black, but that is where the similarities end! She is not a very attractive black woman! She is middle-aged, and she is wearing a pair of stiff looking glasses, and she is also wearing, what seems to be a blue shower cap, and the same black Ground Controller uniform, which the attractive black Ground Controller wore, and she is also wearing two sets of beaded necklaces as well, which are red and white. Quite surprisingly however, underneath a flashy looking brooch, is another brooch of a little Cat! So, perhaps she is really the Cat's Dream girl after all, in a surreal kind of way! She is also not very well-equipped in the brains department either, and she has got a very strong Jamaican accent, which is closely related to the way to the Padre' spoke in Dimension Jump: Episode V, Red Dwarf IV, and she really sounds like a character in Tales Of Uncle Remus: Song Of The South! She is definitely not the Cat's idea of a Dream Girl! And when she asks him his name, so she can grant him clearance, and yes it is the Cat, whom she is communicating with! There is also another similarity, between the fantasy escape, and the real escape, and the Cat's reply to this is: "Reality Sucks!". The Ground Controller laughs at him and her reply is: "You're called Reality Sucks?! One second Mr Sucks, just checking my clearance list". The Ground Controller has definitely taken the Cat's insult literally! Lister orders the Cat to do another smegging dance, and then they can get the hell out of there, but the Cat refuses, because with her, he would have difficulty walking, let alone dancing! The Cat powers up Blue Midget and it suddenly eases itself up and starts heading towards the Cargo bay doors. The Ground Controller is in a complete state of panic, as it is quite obvious to one and all, that she cannot find a Mr Reality Sucks in her clearance list, and her response is: "Mr Sucks, come back! Mr Sucks! Come back!", and without any further ado, Blue Midget goes hurtling towards the Cargo bay doors, and you've guessed it, Blue Midget crashes into the Cargo bay doors, and once they are destroyed, the Dwarfer's are out in to deep space, and this time, they are definitely in the clear! Or are they? I was particularly impressed by the *other* Ground Controllers appearance, because we had been fortunate enough to see her come off the set at Shepperton Studios and give the customary bow to the audience. The actresses name was Jeillo Edwards, and I have since discovered, via the Internet Movie Database that she was a guest character in The Professionals, when it was on in the seventies! I think I vaguely remember, seeing her in other things, over the years, but I cannot recall to mind, what they were, but I thought, that I ought to mention, what else the *other* Ground Controller has been in, anyhow.

Kochanski states, that there is nothing on the scanners for a thousand miles, and they are in the clear, but Kryten, ever caring and helpful, doesn't believe, that they are, and he as extremely worried about the lack of supplies, once they were all clear of the Dwarf, and they must get to a supply ship, as soon as it is possible for them to do so! Rimmer is concerned, and perhaps there is no oxygen, but Kryten insists, that it is even more drastic than that! They have no fabric softener, and he is extremely worried, that the crews woollens, will come out all bibbly bobbly, without any fabric conditioner! And that they chart a course to the nearest derelict which is the SS Einstein. I briefly gathered, by what we saw at Shepperton, that Kryten's character is not like it was, in Red Dwarf VII, and that he is far more like, the Kryten that we are all familiar with, via Red Dwarf III, Red Dwarf IV, Red Dwarf V and Red Dwarf VI, and that, he has accepted Kristine Kochanski, as part of the crew, at long last! And that his character is more in the background for Red Dwarf VIII. But I honestly do feel, that whenever Kryten makes his debut in Red Dwarf VIII, he is always his old sweet self, which I was vastly relieved about, to say the very least! And even though I did feel, that it was a very good idea in theory, to make him a far more domineering character in Red Dwarf VII, it did not really work very well in practice, even though he did have his moments, during Beyond A Joke: Episode VI, Red Dwarf VII, which was in my opinion, one of the best episodes of Red Dwarf VII, which Robert co-wrote along with Doug Naylor. But I really did feel, that Kryten been a far more domineering character, did not work very well, on a long term basis, even though I did feel, that Robert did do a very good job, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day! But in my general opinion, it just did not suit the Kryten, that we have all come to know and love, over the years!

The Cat thinks that Einstein was the dude who discovered America, which is very similar to the joke in Waiting For God: Episode IV, Red Dwarf I, where Rimmer thought that Colombo in the dirty mac, was the guy who discovered America! He really meant Christopher Columbus, and I think that Rimmer has got some of his history lessons mixed up, or perhaps a lot of historical details have got deleted by the twenty third century anyway, and nobody is sure of their facts anymore? And it is also a very similar joke in The Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch, where they kept getting Terry Wogan and Leonardo Di Caprio mixed up, because they thought that he was a great colossus in the twentieth century! But that said Rimmer knows full well that Einstein discovered the theory of relativity, and the Cat wants to know where he discovered it, and whether it was fossilised and stuff. Rimmer goes on to describe what the theory of relativity is, but he soon works it out, that he doesn't know what the theory of relativity is! Lister asks Holly what the theory of relativity is, but Holly is a bit busy at the moment! But Lister is rather insistent, and he wants to know what the theory of relativity is in simple layman's terms! Holly with the IQ of 6,000 Car Park attendants informs one and all, that it is a theory, but Lister still cannot understand, what it is about, and Holly is surprised that he wants it a bit more complicated, than that! And Holly has finally worked it out, that the theory of relativity is a theory, you only tell your relatives! This joke also seems reminiscent of the questions that Rimmer and Lister asked Holly about where the nearest planet to the sun is, which is Mercury and the square root question, which was featured in Queeg: Episode V, Red Dwarf II, and when Queeg insisted that Holly play chess, which was the game, that he had to win to avoid erasure, and again Holly's trying to avoid this particualar question in Back In The Red III was just like him trying to avoid playing Queeg at chess, by suggesting that they play Subuteo, Snakes and Ladders and Cluedo, where Queeg could have the opportunity to play Colonel Mustard! Rimmer thinks that is very sad, because Holly is supposed to have an IQ of 6,000, but he has his doubts whether he can even spell IQ! But Holly insists that if he is so stupid and so computer senile, explain this then! But the others cannot explain whatever it is, but Holly goes on to say that if he is so stupid, why was he able to re-create a new set of nanobots (which were a separate set to the ones which Kryten lost in Nanarchy: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VII and that particular version of the Dwarf had only been a temporary copy of the original subatomic Dwarf), and get them to resurrect the crew and re-create a different Red Dwarf which had it's original design plans, and therefore, a number of new features, which had been lost to the Jupiter Mining Corporation cutbacks as stated earlier on, by Doctor Newton?! The Dwarfer's are completely taken aback by this, but Holly goes on to state that his job is to keep Dave sane, and that is why he creates these little diversions to keep him occupied! And Lister goes on to state that they could have wound up doing two years in the brig for this! Holly reckons that they still could, because he has worked out, that they are still in AR! And even their new escape plan wasn't real either! Except it was more realistic with the *other* Ground Controller! Everybody is shocked naturally, and Holly states that in computer jargon that his plans have all gone tits up, and that he was out thought and out manoeuvred, by that other version of him!

And so, we see Hollister and Holly watching them all in AR, but this time Rimmer is in the AR machine with them. So, this means that Rimmer was there all the time, with his fellow Dwarfer's after he left the Captain's office, and that the great sex that he had with all those women who were at the Captain's Table was an illusion! Or was it?! This is possibly debated amongst the Red Dwarf fans, but I personally feel, that it may have been real enough, because Hollister probably wanted Rimmer to pay for his devious actions, when he accessed the confidential files and found the luck virus, and the sexual magnetism virus, which is probably more than likely! But that is just a personal opinion anyway, but I really do feel that Rimmer did truly take advantage of the sexual magnetism virus, because he might as well take advantage of all the sex, that he can get, before he is confined to two years in the brig! But I honestly feel, that the majority of the avid Red Dwarf fans have used their own judgement, where that is concerned, anyway!

But back in the unreal Blue Midget cockpit Lister wants to know who has set them up, and Holly states that it has been done by a superior intellect! The Cat thinks that the hand-drier in the mens toilets has outsmarted him again! But Holly insists that it is the other version of him, that is responsible for this! And the other version of Holly, is the one that was in the process of being rebooted in Back In The Red I who is a back up copy to the original Holly, who would have definitely had an IQ of 6,000 before the radiation incident, but the point is, the Dwarfer's are in deep smeg and Holly insists, that this is still their trial and if the Cat had known that, he would have worn a tie!

Meanwhile in Captain Hollister's Office, where Hollister is keying something into his keyboard a message comes up on the computer screen, which states quite simply: INTELLIGENT HOLLY IQ 6,0000. And therefore, that would definitely indicate to the viewers concerned, that there are two Holly's (or Hollies if one prefers!), on board the Dwarf, and the nanobots must have resurrected the intelligent Holly, and the senile Holly, even though he hasn't got his female appearance back is obviously the Holly, who survived three million years! The intelligent Holly is quite different to the senile Holly in appearance, via the computerised generated effects. The top of Holly's receding hairline is very long, and his eyes and the rest of his features look weird and surreal, etcetera. It does not explain why he didn't look like this in The End: Episode I, Red Dwarf I before the radiation incident,but I have since worked it out, that Doug Naylor obviously wanted to differentiate the intelligent Holly from the senile Holly, because the intelligent Holly was only used for Back In The Red III: Episode III, Red Dwarf VIII, and the senile Holly was mainly confined to the brig, and I daresay, for the rest of Red Dwarf VIII, there just wasn't the time to use the intelligent Holly again, which was a great shame really, as I felt, that there were plenty of opportunities for him to be used, against his original counterpart which would have been great fun and great confusion, when it actually comes down to it, at the end of the day! I do not know whether it will satisfy any Dwarfer's out there, who are really into the Red Dwarf Plot Inconsistencies Project, when they come across this review, but it may be worth a try, anyhow!

But Hollister had worked out, via the AR Suite, that their intentions were not entirely dishonest ones, and that Lister's nanobot story is corroborated, and that they were trying to track them down, and that their actions in the psychotropically induced scenario bear that out, and the intelligent Holly agrees with Frank's summations, and that he also believes that they died and were indeed resurrected, again borne out by their actions. And Hollister confirms that they are all innocent of the original charges but unfortunately, because of the fact that they had all decided to escape, and Rimmer had stolen the sexual magnetism and luck virus, and abused their valuable properties in the process, plus via encouragement from Lister, his stealing confidential records, in the wreckage of Starbug, which they had used for their own ends, which Hollister had suspected that Rimmer had access to, the moment that he walked in to his office, and began acting incredibly smart and knowledgeable, which the intelligent Holly felt was a real giveaway! And that was why Hollister had got him to lick one of the psychotropic envelopes when he invited him to dinner, and abusing confidential information is a fesh crime which was definitely comparable to High Treason, which would ultimately earn the Dwarfer's two years in the brig, anyway! The intelligent Holly went on to stress, that instead of the original charge and a possible sentence of two years in the brig, that they have been found guilty on another charge and have got an entirely different two years in the brig and that will be of great comfort to them, and therefore, the intelligent Holly realises that he has got no choice, but to wake them up and break the news! I personally felt that this was a bit unfair to the Dwarfer's because whatever happened, they were destined to end up in the brig for two years, and Hollister seemed determined to make them be punished, for something very petty as accessing confidential information, and I really felt that he just wanted an excuse to put them in the brig, anyway! But then again he is a Captain, and that is exactly how Captain's, get on, isn't it?!

And so, the Dwarfer's have now been released from the AR machines once again, but Rimmer still isn't sure that this is reality and the Cat stated: Why should we care? Nothing makes sense, no matter where we are! But Lister insists that everything was real before they licked the envelopes, then conked out, and got carted off to AR, and he also stresses to Rimmer that before they licked anything, that he lent him his Holly watch and Rimmer states that if this is reality, then he should be wearing the Holly watch. And Rimmer stares at his wrist, he is wearing the Holly watch.... Holly also states that this is definitely reality, he would know it anywhere! Kryten also states that Rimmer should also have the viruses, as he did find them on Starbug before they licked the envelopes. Rimmer pulls the viruses out of his pocket, and he feels, that as they have got the luck virus, perhaps they can get out of this mess? But unfortunately, Hollister is wise to their tricks by now, and he confiscates the luck virus, and he states that the Lab boys will want to run some tests on it, and he also asks what has happened to the sexual magnetism virus? Rimmer states that he has lost the sexual magnetism virus, which is a lie, because he has passed it on to Lister, for safe keeping, behind Kochanski's back! And Hollister's back! Hollister is not a very happy man, because he wanted the sexual magnetism virus, for his own devious ends, obviously! Even though he insisted that he wanted it, so that the Lab boys could run tests on it, as well! Kryten tells Rimmer, that this is all his fault and Kochanski informs him that he betrayed them over the confidential files scam, Lister also states, that he stole the sexual magnetism virus, Kryten also informs him that he lied to them and Kochanski states, that he generally behaved like a self-serving scum-sucking, ruthless little ratbag! Rimmer is shocked to discover, that this is bad!

And now the Dwarfer's are all grouped together in their lilac uniforms, holding up their cards with their numbers on it, and Hollister states: That it is the finding of this enquiry that they have all been found guilty of contravening Act 21 of the Space Federation and before sentencing they will have to have medicals so that they can be assigned appropriate prison status. Lister and Kochanski give one another lingering looks, which was quite surprising really, and it looked quite endearing, but because they are all going to be separated for the best part of two years, looking at one another, will be the only thing that they will be able to do! And it definitely looks like Lister won't be able to get any more sexual opportunities with Kochanski, for the best part of two years!

All of the Dwarfer's, are now situated in what seems to be a very dark and dingy area. This is the start of their first day in Prison, and they are also surrounded by another batch of inmates, also kitted out, in their lilac uniforms. There is a bald man in charge, and he states very simply to one and all, in a very deep and surreal voice: "Welcome to the Tank!". And the bald man in charge is known as Mr Ackerman. But I will go into more detail, about his character later on, in this report, and the same goes for the main meeting area of the Tank, as this particular scene is only a warm up for the rest of the Dwarfer's prison scenes in Red Dwarf VIII. But put it like this, Ackerman makes Adolf Hitler look like a sissy! But in the meantime, Lister holds up a tube, with the sexual magnetism virus obviously still in there, and just like a little cherub, he pours it all over Rimmer for a laugh! And suddenly a load of male hands, are rubbing themselves with pleasure, all over Rimmer's body! And the expression on Rimmer's face is filled with fear and trepidation! Obviously! And Lister had the sexual magnetism virus on him, for all of this time! And now we know, why Rimmer wouldn't speak to Lister in his cell in Back In The Red I: Episode I, Red Dwarf VIII!

I have honestly felt, that Rimmer, might have got out, of his predicament, somehow, just in the nick of time, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day! But I daresay, that it was probably more, the humiliation of him, being mauled, by all of those cons, that had probably upset him, anyway! But I don't really want to know, what had happened, to Rimmer afterwards, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day!

Marie Birch

April 1999