A REVIEW OF RED DWARF VIII:
BACK IN THE RED: PART I TO PART III
BY MARIE BIRCH
As, I really do feel, that
Red Dwarf VIII, had been, such a very complicated series, indeed, I have
decided, to set up, a separate Section, for Back In The Red I to III, because
even though, it had officially been, a part of Red Dwarf VIII, I really do
feel, that the plot, of Back In The Red I to III, had been, a very complicated
plot indeed! And therefore, I really do feel, that Back In The
Red I to III, had virtually, been, an independent story, to the rest of the
series! And I have also heard, since then, that Back In The
Red I to III, had been, a dry run, for the Red Dwarf Movie! And therefore, I
have decided, that the five remaining episodes, of Red Dwarf VIII, will be
included, in a separate Review, at a later date, for once and for all!
EPISODE I: BACK IN THE RED: PART I
Even though Back In The Red Parts I To III was the longest continuation of a
Red Dwarf story ever, and in a sense, a forerunner to the forthcoming Red Dwarf
movie! I am still going to review them, as separate episodes, because that is
what they officially are, and each episode is different in it's
own right, even though it is a continuing story. And I understand, that Doug
Naylor did have plans, to get BBC2 to broadcast Back In The
Red, as a three part special, to introduce Red Dwarf VIII. But in the end, Doug
changed his mind, where this was concerned, anyhow, because he was originally
offered a Saturday evening, by the BBC, and he felt, that Red Dwarf, would not attract the same figures, on a Saturday
evening, had he gone ahead, with his original plan! And he felt, that it would
be wise, to broadcast Back In The Red: Parts I To III, via Red Dwarf's weekly
slot, with the added bonus of it's repeat, on a Sunday evening, and that the
three part special, would be more than enough, to keep the fans guessing, and
that it would, easily encourage them, to tune in, the following week! So, there
you have it!
So, with regard to Red
Dwarf VIII itself, I quite liked the addition to the new Red Dwarf theme, with
regard to the chalked numbers at the end: 11/11 111, which meant Red Dwarf
VIII, literally! But it was quite obvious, that the eighth series of Red Dwarf
was going to have a very different look, to the last series of Red Dwarf, but
apart from the chalked numbers which stood for Red Dwarf VIII, it more or less
stated, that the Red Dwarf start up theme wasn't going to change, one bit! When
we had been to Shepperton Studios, we had witnessed the new single camera look,
for Red Dwarf VIII, and the blurry look, from Red Dwarf VII, was no longer
there, anymore, and that the new filming look, had been perfected, which we
felt, would be far more beneficial, to Red Dwarf VIII, rather than Red Dwarf
VII! But that said, I have heard, from various sources, that there are very few
people, in Great Britain, who have had training with a single camera, like they
do, in the United States Of America, and that the cost of hiring these people,
can be very expensive, indeed! And my husband and I, really don't think, that
our comedies look the same, wherefore, they have been given an
"Americanised" look, like "Friends!".
And personally, I would rather Red Dwarf be filmed, via the traditional four or
five camera technique, up to Red Dwarf VI! Forgive me, if I am being
old-fashioned, but I cannot help feeling nostalgic, about the way, that it used
to be filmed! But that said, I really do feel, that the single-camera
technology, will work a lot better, with Red Dwarf VIII, and if Red Dwarf's
filming techniques are to move forward into the next Millennium, then so be it!
I was quite surprised to
discover, that the very first scene, of Red Dwarf VIII, had started out, on the
Prison Colony itself, with Rimmer and Lister, in their Prison Cell Room, which
had come, as a complete surprise to me, and I had assumed, that Red Dwarf VIII
would follow on straight from Nanarchy: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VII. But it wasn't
quite as simple as all that, and even though we had seen the Prison Cell Room
set, and the first scene from Back In The Red III: Episode III, Red Dwarf VIII
filmed, at Shepperton Studios, and even though we had also seen this particular
set, in question, featured in various Science Fiction magazines, I was more or
less used to the new Prison Cell Room, set, right away! But that said, I still wasn't prepared to see this particular set, in
question, at the very start, of the very first episode of Red Dwarf VIII,
anyhow! But I soon understood why the first scene for Back In
The Red I: Episode I, Red Dwarf VIII, started off in the Prison Cell
Room. This was because Rimmer's character had left Red Dwarf VII, after the Red
Dwarf episode Blue: Episode V, Red Dwarf VII, and even though I felt, that
Rimmer's appearances in Red Dwarf VII were very effective, when he was in it,
he just wasn't in it, enough in my general opinion! And even though, the
extended version of Tikka To Ride: Episode I, Red Dwarf VII helped bring
Rimmer's character back to life, to a certain extent, and as it more or less,
made it up for the loss of his character in the four episodes he wasn't in, of
Red Dwarf VII, it only enhanced his character to a very limited extent, really.
And even though his appearance, in the flashback scene to the parallel
universe, where Kochanski hailed from, was very witty indeed, he just wasn't in
that particular episode, long enough! And I understood, that the reason why Red
Dwarf VII had been criticised so much, was mainly due to the loss of Rimmer's
character, and therefore, I understood perfectly well, why Doug Naylor had
wanted to get Rimmer and Lister together in the very first opening scene of Red
Dwarf VIII! Rimmer's character had GOT to be re-introduced to Red Dwarf
right away, and the Rimmer and Lister relationship desperately needed to be
re-worked on, once again! It was very reminiscent of their relationship, in the
old grey bunk room, via Red Dwarf I and II, which had not really been utilized
very much, in the later Red Dwarf series, unless you count Marooned: Episode II
and Body Swap: Episode IV, Red Dwarf III, and a few scenes in The Last Day:
Episode VI, Red Dwarf III and Dimension Jump: Episode V, Red Dwarf IV, and that
was an area, which desparately needed re-working on, but I really did feel,
that the Rimmer and Lister relationship still worked very well, after such a
long absence! I had also become quite accustomed to the wire mesh Prison Cell
Room, since we had seen Red Dwarf VIII filmed at Shepperton Studios three
months, before Red Dwarf VIII had aired. I had first assumed, when we first saw
Red Dwarf VIII filmed, and the warm up man Denny Hodge had informed us, that
Rimmer and Lister were in a Penal Colony, that it would be like the Penal Colony,
that Rimmer had ended up in on Justice: Episode III, Red Dwarf IV, or the one,
on Cyberia, where the two Lister's had ended up, in Red Dwarf: The Last Human
by Doug Naylor, but it didn't work out like that, and the Prison Cell Colony
was on the Dwarf itself, quite surprisingly, but that said, it did have quite a
few similarities to the Penal Colony, on Cyberia, in Red Dwarf: The Last Human
by Doug Naylor, and a little bit of Justice: Episode III, Red Dwarf, itself,
which was probably a short term inspiration, which Doug Naylor had used for Red
Dwarf VIII, anyway. And this particular set, had also been featured, via
various Science Fiction magazines, and in an odd kind of way the Prison Cell
Room, had really begun to grow on me, quite a bit, before I actually saw Red
Dwarf VIII! I was also particularly impressed, by the model of the Prison Cell
Colony, which balconies appeared on the opening shot of Back In
The Red I, and throughout Red Dwarf VIII. It was very cleverly
constructed, and I liked the little cells in the tower, and you could just
imagine the prisoners coming out of them and peering over their balconies!
There was a real balcony for the actual cell Room which Lister and Kryten went
out on to, in Krytie TV: Episode V, Red Dwarf VIII. And we actually saw the
balcony, at Shepperton Studios for their Prison Cell Room, which was on a
slope, and utilized with a great deal of clever film techniques! I was quite
impressed by the way, the crew made it look as if it appeared, from a very
great height, and therefore, the Prison Cell Room balcony, gave quite a lot of
credibility to the model of the Prison Cell Colony, which made it appear as a
very dark and deep foreboding place, where nobody should ever, ever have to go!
Again, like Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg and for the Children In Need sketch,
Rimmer's character for the main publicity photograph for Red Dwarf VIII was
attired in his blue hologram outfit, once again. But unfortunately however, by
the time, that Red Dwarf VIII, went out, it was too late, for the viewers to be
fooled into thinking, that Rimmer was going to be a hologram, once again,
because various Science Fiction magazines had revealed the plot of Red Dwarf
VIII, via the nanobots resurrecting the crew of the Dwarf, including Rimmer as
he had been, before the radiation leak, in The End: Episode I, Red Dwarf I. And
there was really no way, that Doug Naylor could keep it a secret, that Rimmer
was going to be alive, anymore, because there was too many photographs
circulated of him, in his lilac Prison uniform, his yellow Canary outfit and
his grey Technicians uniform, and as there was no longer the usual
"H" on his forehead, it was quite obvious to all, that he was no
longer going to be the Arnold Rimmer, we were all accustomed to! And therefore,
it was agreed, that it would be virtually impossible to keep it a secret,
especially as the new filming techniques, for Red Dwarf VIII were being
released, as well! And there were various journalists, who had been on the set,
who would have found it a very impossible task, to keep the fact to themselves, that Rimmer would no longer be a hologram,
during Red Dwarf VIII. And in the end, even The Official Red Dwarf Fan Club's:
Fanzine: Better Than Life, had to admit defeat, and admit to the fans of Red
Dwarf, that Rimmer would not be a hologram, during Red Dwarf VIII. But to be
fair, to the various Science Fiction magazines, they did not divulge how Red
Dwarf VIII would end, which was fair enough, I guess. But that said, via the
plot, of the very first scene, for Back In The Red I,
it was quite amusing, to see that Rimmer and Lister were just not getting
along, as usual, but worse than that, they just weren't speaking to one
another! And Lister was that irritating, towards Rimmer, in the end, I think,
that even I would have cracked up and spoken to him! I liked it, when Lister
went on about this old Hollywood film star, who was been looked after by his
Nurse and they had had a baby, which he was reading, via a trashy magazine, but
Lister couldn't distinguish between the Father and the baby, because of the
cute little bonnet, he was wearing! But Rimmer was definitely ignoring Lister,
via trying to study his astro-navigation book for his exam, which apparently,
he is still entitled to take, even in prison! Lister's cracks about stealing
money from his wallet were quite amusing, but it was the crack about him having
sex with Yvonne McGruder when Rimmer started to crack up, because Lister's
remarks about getting carpet burns on his body, were
more than he could take! But it was quite obvious, that Lister was lying about
having sex with McGruder, but it was a definite way of getting Rimmer to talk
to him, once again! And he kept going on about him pouring a whole tube of
something all over him, but I will go into that a bit more towards the end of
Back In The Red III. But in the end, at the very
least, Rimmer and Lister were back on speaking terms, anyhow. And Rimmer just
couldn't understand for the life of him, why they had ended up in the Tank for
the best part of two years, but Lister went on to say, that it was only three
days before, that they had got into, all of this mess!
And therefore, it was quite
obvious, that what had happened to the Dwarfer's, after Nanarchy: Episode VIII,
Red Dwarf VII, was going to be all flashback scenes, because the final shot of
Starbug, flying into the Dwarf's Cargo bay, which was featured in Nanarchy:
Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VII, suddenly came into being again, especially when
the Cat stated: "Guys, we have a problem!", which is based on that
crucial Apollo mission, when they couldn't land on the Moon! I was also quite
impressed, with the new Cargo bay model scenes, whenever the Blue Midget's or
various other craft went through it, and even though they were brand new model
shots, the hatch kept on opening exactly like it used to, during Red Dwarf III,
IV and V, and I really felt that the model effects team, had really done their
best, to recreate the familiar Cargo bay model scenes, which really did mean,
that this new series of Red Dwarf would remain quite familiar to it's original
counterparts! Now I had naturally assumed, that Red Dwarf VIII, would start off
with the Boyz and Lady of the Dwarf, all back to normal, again, awaiting their
latest adventures, and the return of Rimmer, and that it would be like the
start of Red Dwarf V, with Kryten starting off as a Mechanoid, once again, and
the DNA: Episode II, Red Dwarf IV incident, of him getting back to normal,
would never have been mentioned! I will state this here and now, because in
Robert's book: The Man in the Rubber Mask, Robert stated, that DNA was the very
last episode of Red Dwarf IV, to be actually filmed! And he was rather worried,
that he would start off in Red Dwarf V, in Kryten's human form, or worse even
than that, remain human, for the rest of Red Dwarf V, and beyond! Robert had
never really taken to Kryten, being human, and he did not think, that it would
work, for Kryten, on a regular basis, even though he had been great fun to do,
as a one off, when DNA had been filmed, at the time, and it had been
interesting, to observe, how his character, had reacted rather badly, after the
novelty of been a human, had worn off, after only a couple of days, and all of
the repercussions, that had followed, when they had all gone back to the DNA
suite! But Robert needn't have worried, when Rob and Doug informed him, that
Red Dwarf V, would start off, with Kryten in his mechanoid form, once again,
with no explanations, offered to the fans, and the character would just carry
on, as per usual, and I had assumed, that would be exactly the case, where the
start of Red Dwarf VIII was concerned, as some of the fans had predicted,
ironically enough, on the alt.tv.red-dwarf newsgroup.
No, the start of Red Dwarf
VIII, did not start at the back end of Red Dwarf VII, like everybody, had
assumed it would! But Starbug was definitely back on the Dwarf alright, and it
was still in it's miniaturized format, exactly in the
same way it was, from the very end of Nanarchy: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VII.
But the crew could find no way to land the craft, and now a more detailed scene
of the Boyz and Lady of the Dwarf, in the cockpit of Starbug, and now I had a
closer look, at the new interior Starbug set, which I had seen only a little
bit of, at Shepperton Studios, via the monitors. And quite surprisingly,
however, the cockpit of Starbug was more or less identical to the Starbug
cockpit of Red Dwarf VII! So that meant, that Red Dwarf VIII, would still have
a very few traces of Red Dwarf VII, left over! But in my mind, the Starbug
cockpit scenes, for this particular sequence of scenes, were the only part of
this new series, that remained close enough, to Red
Dwarf VII! And Kochanski and Kryten, had raced to the cockpit, to see what was
going on, because by now, Starbug was making noises like a very small fly, and
it was flying round a gigantic Starbug, like it had done in Nanarchy: Episode
VIII, Red Dwarf VII! And suddenly Lister appeared, and he was back to his
normal self, wearing his usual scruffy overalls! There were no explanations
offered, via Kochanski stating, that the nanobots probably didn't mean any
harm, via making Lister look like a Mr Universe, even though his arm had grown
back, fortunately! And that they would try again, so therefore, you soon work
out that, via the second attempt of Kryten inserting the nanobots into Lister's
body, that the second attempt, was a one hundred percent success, with the
exception of it, putting a few extra hairs, on Lister's chest! And that it was
totally unnecessary for the viewers, to see the second attempt, especially as
Red Dwarf VIII was a completely different series to Red Dwarf VII, and the
Starbug cockpit scene, was the only scene, via Red Dwarf VIII, that was close
in format, to Red Dwarf VII! Even though I was perfectly aware, via the
interviews, in the Science Fiction magazines, that were done for Red Dwarf
VIII, it was quite obvious, that Kochanski was going to have a new image, for
the eighth season of Red Dwarf, and Chloe Annett had stated, in various
interviews, that Kochanski was going to have more of an action girl image, for
Red Dwarf VII, based on Sarah Connor in Terminator II. But I had assumed, that
she wasn't going to wear her black 'T' shirt and khaki trousers, with a jumper
at her waist, for this particular scene, in question, and even though I had
seen Chloe wear her black 'T' shirt and khaki trousers, with a jumper at her
waist, via the various publicity photographs for Red Dwarf VIII and various
scenes of Back In The Red I to III, which I had seen filmed, at Shepperton
Studios, right away in this particular cockpit scene, and I had assumed, that
she would be in the new cotton red outfit, that she had worn for Can't Smeg,
Won't Smeg, which was part of Red Dwarf Tenth Anniversary evening, during 1998,
for this particular scene, but it didn't work out that way, unfortunately,
especially as Doug Naylor had stressed, in interviews, in various Science
Fiction magazines, that he wasn't quite happy with certain aspects of Red Dwarf
VII! And even though the red cotton uniform for Kochanski had worked fairly
well, for Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg, it probably wasn't suitable for this
particular scene, in question! And the viewers would have to assume, that
Kochanski had probably had a very quick change of clothes, while Kryten was
sorting out Lister's problem, with his arm! Also, her hair had seemed to grow
longer, since Red Dwarf VII, and she had also had it tinted, a very light shade
of blonde! But Chloe had also explained, at the Red Dwarf Dimension Jump
Red Dwarf 1997 Convention, that her natural hair colour is ash blonde, and that
she had washed her hair, just before Red Dwarf VII went into production, with a
very dark wash in and wash out colour, for a party with some friends, just before Red Dwarf VII, went into
Production, and no matter how she tried, she just couldn't wash, the dark hair
colour out! She had stated, that the Hairdresser, couldn't do anything
with her hair, apart from putting it in a bun and slicking it back, but I felt,
that her hair looked very effective, when she was on Red Dwarf VII, and that it
really did make her character stand out, that little bit more, which had given, Kochanski, a rather
Classy image, and it had made, her look, very glamorous, indeed! And
Chloe, had also claimed, that her own friends, didn't recognise her, when she
was in: Red Dwarf VII! But
when the dark wash in hair colour eventually washed out, Kochanski was able to
have her hair down, once again! And Chloe Annett's natural hair colour is very
similar to C.P (Clare) Grogan's (the original Kochanski), and that is how she
got the part, because Chloe Annett was the only actress, who had auditioned for
the part, who had a very similar resemblance to the original Kochanski, even
though it isn't a very obvious resemblance to the original Kochanski, anyhow.
But fans of Crime Traveller will also note, that the character of Holly
Turner, played by Chloe Annett ('s), hair colour, including the length of her
hair, was more or less like it is, from the Red Dwarf Tenth Anniversary spoof:
Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg, onwards, which was a send up of Can't Cook, Won't Cook,
which featured Ainsley Harriot as himself, especially as he originally starred
as the Gelf Chief in Emohawk - Polymorph II: Episode IV, Red Dwarf VI. For
Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg, Kochanski wore a cotton version of her red PVC uniform,
but it had looked very dowdy, indeed, and it was nowhere near as glamorous, as
the red PVC uniform, that she had worn, during Red Dwarf VII, and that was
probably why, Doug Naylor had revamped Kochanski's image, for Red Dwarf VIII,
anyhow! And please bear in mind, that not everybody has seen every single
series of Red Dwarf or has got every copy on video of Red Dwarf available, like
the avid fans, and I have also discovered, that Red Dwarf VIII attracted a new
generation of young viewers, who hadn't seen a series of Red Dwarf, in their
lives, and therefore, Red Dwarf was completely new to them! And I have also
discovered, that now Rimmer was back for the the whole of the eighth series of
Red Dwarf, there was no need for Kochanski to be so dominant and so bitchy,
towards the Dwarfer's like she had been for Red Dwarf VII. And therefore, it
was deemed necessary for Kochanski to have more of a background role for Red
Dwarf VIII! But that said, I did feel, that Kochanski
was a lot better, in Red Dwarf VIII, than I thought she would be, and I felt,
that Chloe handled her background role, very well, indeed! And it also seemed,
that she was more closer to the Kochanski in Red Dwarf I and II played by Clare
Grogan, only she was a lot more defined, and as Lister was still crazy about
her, she was back to been a dream icon, once again, especially as he got
separated from her, such a lot, in this series, and not only that, she was also
a lot more closer, to the Kochanski in Red Dwarf: The Last Human by Doug
Naylor. With regard to Kochanski's image, she only wore the black 'T' shirt and
khaki clothes for Back In The Red I to III, Episodes I, II and III and Only The
Good: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VIII, and apart from her grey uniform, which also
consisted of trousers, which she also wore for Back In The Red I to III, which
incidentally, was by far, a much better uniform, than the one, which Clare
Grogan had worn for Red Dwarf I to II, even though Rob Grant and Doug Naylor, did
give her, a sort of action girl image for Psirens: Episode I, Red Dwarf VI. But
for Red Dwarf VIII, Kochanski was mainly confined to her lilac prison uniform,
like Rimmer, Lister, the Cat and Kryten, with the exception, however, of Pete I
and Pete II: Episodes VI and VII, Red Dwarf VIII, where she did wear a red
halter top (and just plain white trousers, complete with a green sash, which
she had also utilized for The Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch), which was
very loosely based, on the red dress, that Kochanski had worn in Duct Soup:
Episode IV, Red Dwarf VII, which Lister had given her, as an advance birthday
present. And Kochanski also wore, her red halter top and white trousers,
complete with a green sash, which she had also utilized for The Red Dwarf
Children In Need sketch. And that was the only time in Red Dwarf VIII, where
her image closely resembled the Kochanski, in Red Dwarf VII! And as for the Cat
and Kryten, they were basically still the same, where their costumes, were
concerned. Cat was clad in his black and white zebra suit, and Kryten, was
Kryten! But during Red Dwarf VIII, the red cotton costume, that Chloe had worn
for Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg, didn't actually feature, as part of her wardrobe,
and I felt, in all honesty, that they were right, not to use that particular
costume, in question, for Red Dwarf VIII, as I felt, that it didn't look, as
nearly as good, as her red PVC uniforms, that she had worn, for Red Dwarf VII!
But I do understand, that the wardrobe team were
merely experimenting, with the casts image for Red Dwarf VIII, via Can't Smeg,
Won't Smeg, and sometimes, you have to give these things a try, and see how
they go! But I did feel, in all honesty, that Kochanski's image, for Can't
Smeg, Won't Smeg, was more than sufficient enough, at the time, anyhow.
With regard to Kochanski's
hair for Red Dwarf VIII, her hair was mainly her own ash blonde colour, which
Chloe had described as been her natural hair colour at Dimension Jump 1997,
apart from The Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch and Pete I and Pete II:
Episodes VI and VII, Red Dwarf VIII, and therefore, her image had changed, via
her hair, rather than the very dark brown hair image, which she had utilized
for Red Dwarf VII, and the red uniform, that she had worn for Can't Smeg, Won't
Smeg, had been replaced by a red halter top and just plain white trousers,
complete with a green sash, which she had also utilized for The Red Dwarf
Children In Need sketch. But the red halter top, that she wore, was very
loosely based, on the red halter top, which Lister had given her as an advance
birthday present in Duct Soup: Episode IV, Red Dwarf VII. And it was quite
obvious to me, via The Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch, that Kochanski was
been given far more of a glamorous image, for Red Dwarf VIII, which was
very loosely based, on her image, in Red Dwarf VII. But to my surprise however,
Kochanski only wore this particular costume for Pete I and Pete II: Episodes VI
and VII, Red Dwarf VIII, as the time wand had got them out of prison, and the Dwarfer's
had managed to get their clothes back, because the Cat was wearing his usual
black and white zebra suit, with the exception of Rimmer and Lister who were
still wearing their prison uniforms, only they had got their hair back, via the
time wand.
So, after the Cat had
stated: "Guys we have a problem!", and the Dwarfer's were all seated
together in the cockpit of Starbug. Once again, I was particularly impressed
with the shot of Starbug flying around the corridors, and I was also rather amused
at the Boyz reaction to thinking, that the Cargo bay was a lot smaller than it
looked! But it soon dawned on them, that they were all getting smaller and
smaller, and that the nanobots had definitely not remolecurised them back
properly! It was quite obvious, that Holly was continuing from where he left
off, from Nanarchy: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VII, and even though Norman was a
guest, in that particular episode, it did give him the warm up, that was
absolutely necessary to re-establish him, as a regular, right from the very
start of Red Dwarf VIII, onwards! It was also quite obvious to see, that the
character of Holly played by Norman Lovett wasn't going to differ all that
much, from Nanarchy: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VII and The Red Dwarf Children In
Need sketch, and that it would be Norman who was going to be Holly throughout
Red Dwarf VIII, rather than alternate with Hattie Hayridge, as I had heard,
that there might be rumours, that she was going to be appearing in Red Dwarf
VIII, alongside Norman, which would have been great! But that said, I have
heard a rumour, that Hattie may appear in the Red Dwarf movie, alongside Norman
Lovett, which I definitely feel, may be a probability, this time, because don't
get me wrong, I like Norman as Holly, and I think in all honesty, considering
such a lengthy absence from Red Dwarf, when he appeared in Nanarchy: Episode
VIII, Red Dwarf VII and The Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch, onwards. It was
really like he had never left, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the
day! But I do prefer Hattie Hayridge as Holly, because I felt, that her
portrayal of Holly, stood out far more than Norman's did, even though she was
only in it for three series of Red Dwarf, when it actually came down to it, at
the end of the day! But that said,
But once they had all got
over the explosion, they were suddenly greeted by three characters who were clad in yellow plastic clothing from head to foot,
including gas masks, which made them look like a cross between the survivors of
The Titanic and Roadsweepers! And two of the three characters unmask, and they
suddenly recognise Dave Lister, and they were non other, than Selby and Chen!
Selby and Chen were originally played by Paul Bradley and David Gillespie, who
had appeared in The End: Episode I and Balance of Power: Episode III, Red Dwarf
I, who according to Craig Charles in The Smeg Ups for Red Dwarf VIII, had both
been on Eastenders! I remember Paul Bradley as Nigel, fairly well in Eastenders,
but I do not recall, for the life of me, seeing David Gillespie in Eastenders,
but then again, I don't really follow Eastenders, all that
well, really! Lister also asked Selby and Chen why Petersen wasn't with them,
but they stated, that he was drunk, as per usual! And
apart from Petersen being mentioned in Krytie TV: Episode V, Red Dwarf VIII,
for finding Lister's guitar, amongst the wreckage of Starbug, those are the
only two references aimed at him. It would have been a wondeful boost, for Red
Dwarf VIII, if Petersen's character, had been re-introduced, very briefly,
along with Selby and Chen, as I assumed, this was going to be the case, when we
saw the bit, where Selby and Chen's characters, were re-introduced, when we
went to see Red Dwarf VIII, filmed live, at Shepperton Studios. But I was later
to discover, that this just wasn't destined to be, unfortunately, because Mark
Williams was too busy, via his Fast Show commitments, and as he was also one of
the aliens in The Strangerers written by Doug Naylor's ex co-writer for Red
Dwarf: Rob Grant, it seemed, that Mark just didn't have the time to commit
himself to Red Dwarf VIII, even though I definitely thought, that he would have
made the time, had his busy schedule allowed! But that said,
it was interesting to see Selby and Chen's characters, re-introduced for that
very short scene in the Cargo bay for Red Dwarf VIII, after such a lengthy
absence, anyhow!
But Kryten was pleased that
the crew of the Dwarf had been re-molecurised, because of the prospect of all
that extra ironing: Bliss!
But anyway, that said,
things are not quite as simple as all that! Lister, Kryten and the Cat and
Kochanski, soon realise immediately, that the nanobots have re-molecurised the
crew as well, and it is as if the radiation incident never happened, but it
really did happen! And they are still three million years in to deep space,
which you later find out, is classified information, which is due, to Hollister
not wanting, there to be a panic, amongst the crew, once they work out, what
has happened, and that, they are only remnants of the human race, stuck in the
middle of nowhere, and that, there is no past, present or future for them, and
they are all in a kind of limbo. Selby and Chen just cannot understand, why
Lister is making a big deal of seeing them, and neither can Captain Hollister,
who suddenly appears in the Cargo bay, and he orders MP Thornton to read Lister
his rights! It definitely seems, that the Boyz and
Lady of the Dwarf, are in a lot of trouble! I was very impressed with the
re-introduction of Captain Hollister played by Mac McDonald for the eighth
season of Red Dwarf, and considering such a lengthy absence from Red Dwarf I to
II, especially as he had been officially classed as a guest star for the episodes:
The End: Episode I, Red Dwarf I, Me2: Episode VI, Red Dwarf I and Stasis Leak:
Episode IV, Red Dwarf II, and although his appearances had been very few and
far between, in those particular episodes of Red Dwarf, his character was quite
significant, and very witty indeed, where those particular episodes in question
of Red Dwarf, were concerned! And I did not expect Hollister's character to be
quite so good, after all this time. But in all honesty, I really did feel, that Mac McDonald had really excelled himself on Red
Dwarf VIII, especially as he had admitted, via various interviews in the
Science Fiction magazines, over the years, that he had really loved playing
Hollister, the poor mans Captain Kirk! And he had always stressed, that he
would be delighted to appear on Red Dwarf, again, if ever he was needed to make
an appearance, especially as he had admitted that he had loved dressing up, as
a Chicken for the Fancy Dress Party in Stasis Leak: Episode IV, Red Dwarf II!
And Chris Barrie and Mac had had hysterics, when they had filmed Rimmer's
reactions, via painting him as a Chicken in green paint, and sentencing him to
PD for quite a number of years! What I originally thought was, via The Official
Red Dwarf Fan Club's fanzine: Better Than Life, that Hollister was only going
to be a guest in the episode: Captain's Office {which was later to become Pete
I and II: Episodes VI and VII, Red Dwarf VIII} (I personally feel that Lister
should get laid myself, as I am getting rather bored, that his character is left
out on a sexual basis, be it mutual love or lust, with any female, be it
Kochanski, or any other attractive female, who happens to cross his path! But
again, that is just a personal opinion, please do not let me put you off the
new series of Red Dwarf, as it is really very funny, and is certainly packed
with more humour, than Red Dwarf VII, anyhow!), and from what I could make out,
via Better Than Life's comments, that Hollister was going to come back through
time, and be disappointed by the way that things were being run, via the Boyz
from the Dwarf, and start ordering them around, etcetera, but things didn't
quite work out like that, and I probably misinterpreted it, but perhaps it may
have being an idea which Doug Naylor had in mind for Red Dwarf VIII, and as
various episode titles were changed for the new series, and some of the scripts
had to have last minute re-writes, this may have been a possibility. But in Red
Dwarf VIII, the new Hollister was a far deeper and rounded character, and he is
a great deal, more sinister, than the previous Hollister! And he seemed to run
the Dwarf under a Nazi regime, especially where the classified prison quarters
were concerned, with the help of the even more sinister, Mr Ackerman! But I
will go into a bit more detail, where that is concerned, towards the end of
Back In The Red III.
And I was quite surprised
to discover, that he had hardly changed over the past ten years! In fact, he
had kept really well! In fact, he was wearing a very similar grey uniform, to
what he had worn, via Red Dwarf I and Red Dwarf II, which certainly came as
quite a surprise!
And with that, Lister, Cat,
Kryten and Kochanski became separated, as Lister is under arrest for stealing
and crashing a Starbug with no Pilots licence, of course, and for smuggling a
stowaway on board and he also feels, that Kochanski has been led into it,
especially as she is a Navigation Officer, and was obviously quite useful to
them, and being his ex-girlfriend doesn't exactly help matters, either! And
therefore, this meant that the original Kochanski had definitely not being
re-molecurised, either, as the nanobots felt, that there was no need to
re-molecurise her, because in my opinion, having two Kochanski's on the Dwarf,
would only complicate things, and only make Lister become more hot and
flustered! And it would be exactly the same case, if Doug Naylor had chosen to
have two Lister's on board the Dwarf as well! But the Kochanski from the
parallel universe, didn't seem to see this alternative
Red Dwarf as being as alien, as the Starbug from her own Universe! And she
didn't seem to be all that bothered really, because it meant, that she could be
separated, from Dave Lister slobbering all over her, once and for all! And if
that meant being put in Prison with them, then so be it! And at the very least,
she could be in the Women's Prison quarters, which is a different world away
from the Men's Prison quarters! And she could always work out an opportunity,
to get back to her own universe, with the advantage of having all the time and
space, that she wanted and needed, for once and for all!
With regard to the
corridors on the Dwarf, I did feel in all honesty, that the single camera work,
was rather weak, to say the very least, where that was concerned! And this is
where I felt it didn't work so well, and it made Red Dwarf look too much like
The left right, left right
ordering about of Lister in the corridors of Red Dwarf by MP Thornton, who was
a newly introduced crew member for Red Dwarf VIII, was really quite funny! And
Kryten and Kochanski's scene in the Red Dwarf corridors,
was very different to Lister's point of view, where that was concerned! And
Kochanski could not understand why the nanobots had put them in this situation,
but Kryten's analysis of the nanobots had benefited them, a number of times,
like when they first stole Red Dwarf, leading them on a merry goose chase
halfway around the galaxy, and leading them to Legion in Legion: Episode II, Red
Dwarf VI, where Mr Rimmer had acquired a hard light body, and now the nanobots
had taken them back to Red Dwarf, and Kochanski was convinced that she was of
some benefit to them, because they had led them to the temporal rip, between
their own universe, and the parallel universe, where they had met her, in
Ouroboros: Episode III, Red Dwarf VII! But Kryten wasn't so sure of that! But
that said, that was the last time on Red Dwarf VIII, that
he actually had his doubts about her, because to my mind, the way, that he had
been against her on Red Dwarf VII, had been the main bugbear, where that
particular series was concerned! And by rights, he should have supported Lister
with his feelings for Kochanski, instead of referring to her as a bossy old
trollop, who had dumped him, and his nit-picking had got on my nerves, after a
time! But that said, I honestly do feel, as a writer myself, you do have to do
what you feel is right, where your ideas are concerned, and I felt in all
honesty, that Doug Naylor, thought that it was a very good idea on script, but
unfortunately however, what can look so good on script, doesn't always look as
well presented on television, and not only that, it made Kryten lose all of his
sweetness and light, and he became a nitpicking character. And worse even than
that, his character was far too projected, and far too dominant, and somehow
his character lost it's way, during Red Dwarf VII, apart from episodes such as
Tikka To Ride: Episode I, Stoke Me A Clipper: Episode II, Blue: Episode V and Beyond
A Joke: Episode VI. But that said, during Epideme: Episode VII, Red Dwarf VII,
when Lister was losing the struggle for his life, and Kochanski ended up saving
his life, I was thankful, that Kryten was beginning to go through the process
of respecting her, and thinking, that she was probably good enough for Mr
Lister after all, despite Kryten being a little bit awkward with her, via her
changing Lister's pillows around on the bed, because he knew, what made him
happy in bed, even though she though she knew, what made Lister happy in bed!
But that particular scene in Epideme: Episode VII, Red Dwarf VII, between
Kryten and Kochanski was more farcical, rather than antagonistic, and it was
far more suited to Kryten's, hen-clucking character, when it actually came down
to it, at the end of the day! I also could not understand, why Kryten was so
against her, anyway, because as she was a Kochanski from a parallel universe,
she was not the Kochanski who had dumped Lister in their own universe, and she
had originally died from the radiation incident in The End: Episode I, Red
Dwarf I, but as his programming was so corrupted, he just decided to treat her
like she was that Kochanski, anyway! And I also could not understand why, in
Epideme: Episode VII, Red Dwarf VII, when Lister made a pass at her, why she
stated that was a long time ago, because he wasn't the Lister in her own
universe, whom she had had an affair with, in the first place, because he had
died in the radiation incident, and had ended up, becoming a hologram instead
of Rimmer in Lister's universe. And therefore, the Lister in the universe, that
she was stranded in, she had not had an affair with him at all, and in a way he
was like an alien to her! But I daresay, that she was probably so upset and disgusted
by his slobbiness, which were obvious traits of her
Lister, before he died! And then he had gone on, to become a hologram, and
therefore, he had become far more intelligent and sophisticated, than our
Lister! And therefore, our Lister, probably reminded her, of the Lister that he
had originally been, before he died, and who had gone on, to become a hologram!
And therefore, Kochanski did not want to be reminded of that fact, because she
missed him so much! But that said, during Nanarchy: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf
VII, the Kryten and Kochanski relationship became a little bit less strained,
and he wasn't criticising her, as nearly as much as he had been, during the
previous six episodes of Red Dwarf VII. And I had heard, during various
interviews for Red Dwarf VIII, that the relationship, between Kryten and
Kochanski would become far more rounded, and that they would become friends,
and look after one another more, especially as they were going to end up
sharing a cell together, and that he would do his best, to promote the
relationship between her and Mr Lister, on the quiet! And I had more or less
worked out, during the last two episodes of Red Dwarf VII, Epideme: Episode VII
and Nanarchy: Episode VIII, that Doug Naylor had felt, that the original idea of
Kryten and Kochanski not getting along, was just not working as well, as he
thought it would, and therefore, it was felt that it was probably for the best,
if they were to co-operate with one another for the last two episodes of Red
Dwarf VII, at the very least, and that he could build on a better relationship
between them for Red Dwarf VIII. And this also meant,
that Kryten would become more of a background character, which he had been in
the earlier series of Red Dwarf. And I did feel in all honesty, that Kryten's
character in Red Dwarf VIII was more like the Kryten he had been in Red Dwarf
III, IV and V! And even though I felt that his character was very good in Red
Dwarf VI, I did feel that he had become far too dominant, but that was mainly
because, they had not got Holly in Red Dwarf VI, and that Kryten had got to
come up with a lot of logical suggestions and answers, which Holly would
normally have come up with, and therefore, it was far more necessary for
Kryten's character to be far more projected in Red Dwarf VII, than it has been
in Red Dwarf VI, especially as Holly still wasn't in Red Dwarf VII, apart from
Nanarchy: Episode VIII, and the loss of Rimmer's character for four episodes of
Red Dwarf VII, didn't really help matters, either! And even though Kochanski's
character had been introduced to make up for the loss of Rimmer (even though
she wasn't officially classed as a replacement for Rimmer), her character was
still feeling it's way around, and I could well understand, why Doug Naylor
felt he had to come up with the idea of a love/hate relationship between Kryten
and Kochanski for Red Dwarf VII. But where Red Dwarf VIII was concerned, the
love/hate relationship between Kryten and Kochanski was no longer deemed
necessary, because of Rimmer and Holly's return for the whole of Red Dwarf VIII
and therefore, the characters of Kryten and Kochanski would return to being
background characters once again, and a love/hate relationship would only
complicate matters, especially as the crew of Red Dwarf had been resurrected
once again! And therefore, in this particular scene, in question, Kryten been a
little bit peeved with Kochanski, via her reference of the benefits, of her
fellow Dwarfer's meeting her in the temporal rip, between her universe and
theirs, was more or less the very last reference of their love/hate
relationship, which had been utilised on Red Dwarf VII!
But with regard to Red
Dwarf VII in general, my opinions were: That I thought that there were a lot of
good original ideas for that particular series of Red Dwarf, and as I am a
part-time Drama student and a part-time writer, I really cannot think like the
fans of Red Dwarf, and criticise it as mercilessly, as they did, because I have
to keep a tight rein on my feelings, and remain neutral, where that is
concerned, anyhow! It was a great shame, that Red Dwarf VII didn't do as well,
as it could have done, because Doug Naylor felt, that Red Dwarf needed a new
approach after Red Dwarf VI, and it couldn't go back to what it had been,
because I did feel, that Red Dwarf VI wasn't as good, as Red Dwarf III, IV and
V had been, and a lot of recycled jokes were used, during Red Dwarf VI, and
being a part-time drama student, and a part-time writer, I was all for Red
Dwarf having a new look, and a new female character to vary things, along a
bit, to stop the pattern of the series becoming stale, and in a lot of ways,
the new approach worked, to a certain extent! But that said, I did feel, that
Red Dwarf VII lacked one very important ingredient, and that essential
ingredient, was it's usual sense of humour! And Red Dwarf VII especially with
it's new type of film look, looked far too much like an episode of Star Trek
Deep Space Nine and The X Files, and it just didn't suit it, when it actually
came down to it, at the end of the day! But that said, I did feel, that the
three extended episodes of Red Dwarf VII explained the series, a lot better,
and I have officially classed those three extended episodes of Red Dwarf as
short films of Red Dwarf anyway, as I do feel that they are different, when it
actually comes down to, at the end of the day! To be fair to Doug Naylor, he
has admitted in various interviews, since then, that Red Dwarf VII had
frightened the fans, via the new approach, that they had used for it, at the
time! And I did state to him, at Dimension Jump 1997, that it was an awful
shame, that the BBC, didn't give them the airing time,
that was absolutely necessary, for those three extended episodes of Red Dwarf
VII, in question, which is typical of the BBC, really! But Doug did agree with
me, where this was concerned, at Dimension Jump 1997, and he was very sorry
that the BBC didn't give them the airing time, that was absolutely necessary,
for those three extended episodes of Red Dwarf VII, in question! But that said,
I do hope, that if anybody comes across this review, it will encourage them, to
buy those three extended episodes of Red Dwarf VII, on video!
And so, Lister was marched
back to his quarters, and not the nice Officer's quarters which he and Rimmer
had relocated to, during Red Dwarf III to V! No, Lister was back to the old
grey bunk room, where he and Rimmer had resided, during Red Dwarf I and II! Now
I had also heard, via various rumours that the old grey bunk room was going to
be used for Red Dwarf VIII, but I had assumed, that it was going to be used for
every episode of the eighth series, but in the end, Doug Naylor decided that
wasn't going to be the case, after all. And that the majority of the scenes,
that were going to be used for the Rimmer/Lister relationship were going to be
mainly re-established in the Prison Colony, because I have since found out, via
the recently updated Red Dwarf Programme Guide,
which covers Red Dwarf VIII, that Doug decided to put the main characters of
Red Dwarf in Jail, so that their characters wouldn't become lost in the throng
of the re-populated ship, and once they were all in Jail, the main characters
could always dream of escaping from the Dwarf, via Blue Midget or Starbug, if
they were lucky of course! And therefore, this meant that Red Dwarf VIII had
got a very deep plot indeed, and the situation of our heroes being confined to
the Prison Colony really did make the viewers sympathize with their plight, and
in all honesty, I do not think, that the old grey bunk room set, would have
worked, as well, like it had done, for Red Dwarf I and II, because the
Rimmer/Lister relationship would have been a carbon copy of the Rimmer/Lister
relationship, during Red Dwarf I and I, and Red Dwarf VIII, was an entirely
different series to Red Dwarf I and II! And therefore, Doug Naylor probably
felt that re-establishing the old grey bunk room set, would not have worked,
for the whole of Red Dwarf VIII, and therefore, it was confined to just one
episode of the new series of Red Dwarf only. But considering that the old grey
bunk room set, was used for only one episode of Red Dwarf VIII, I thought that
it worked very well, indeed! And I really did feel, that the set designers had
got the old grey bunk room, exactly right down, to how it had looked, during
Red Dwarf I and II, especially by making Lister's guitar, stand out, in the
corner, and I really did feel, that the posters above Lister's bunk, looked
more or less, as they had done, during Red Dwarf I and II. But some of the
posters and photographs weren't there, that were featured, during Red Dwarf I,
II, III, IV and V, but I guessed, that this was, because the nanobots had
remolecurised, the Dwarf, to how it had appeared before the radiation incident,
and that Lister's giving birth to Jim and Bexley had not happened, and as for
the photograph of Lister and the Cat, Lister had probably not got round, to
taking it to the Photo Laboratory on the Dwarf, to be developed at that present
juncture, in time, even though there was actually a photograph of Frankenstein,
the original black Cat on its own, on the wall over the bunk, anyhow! And in a
sense, for Dave Lister, been back, in his old grey bunk room was more or less
like going back in time for him, especially as he and Rimmer had re-located to
the more upmarket Officer's quarters, from Red Dwarf III, onwards. But that
said, I really did think, that the old grey bunk room set, worked really well,
and I also felt, that the new grey bunk room set, looked a lot more substantial
and more defined, than the original grey bunk room set, because Red Dwarf VIII,
had a much higher budget, than Red Dwarf I and II, had at the time! But that
said, I really did find it very funny, when MP Thornton, inserted the security
bracelet on to Lister's arm, which was having a real go, at the security
bracelets, that modern day prisoners from the twentieth century wore, which
were no smegging good, because they kept on losing their signal, and they kept
on, causing modern day prisoners from the twentieth century, to keep on
breaking their smegging curfew! But knowing Lister's luck, his twenty third
century security bracelet, probably did smegging well work alright, because he
stated to Rimmer, that if he walked out of their quarters, he had got enough
wattage, up his jacksy, to light up the whole of
However Lister is
reminiscing on the fact that he may have to spend two years in the brig, and
that means, two years without curry, lager and sex! And Rimmer, who is wearing
his grey Technicians uniform, enters the new grey bunk room, and looks down at
Lister, and he puckers his lips at him, in a very sarcastic manner! Rimmer
states quite cheerfully to Lister: "You hope!".
Lister is utterly disgusted, and in a very odd way, he is very pleased, to see
that Rimmer is like he was, before the radiation incident, alive and well, even
though he is no longer the Hologram Rimmer, who left Starbug to become the next
Ace Rimmer. And nobody knows, what became of the Hologram Rimmer, anyway! And
Lister had become pretty downhearted, since he left the crew, and after all,
when things actually come down to it, at the end of the day, Rimmer is, well
Rimmer! And the Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg/The Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch,
and the publicity cast photograph of him being a hologram was to fool the
viewers once again, and I had assumed, that he would come back in Red Dwarf
VIII as a failed Ace Rimmer, via Stoke Me A Clipper:
Episode II, Red Dwarf VII! But as that particular Ace Rimmer, wasn't as
popular, as the Ace Rimmer in Dimension Jump: Episode V, Red Dwarf IV, Doug
Naylor, felt that it would be far more appropriate, to bring Rimmer back, as he
was, before the radiation leak, in The End: Episode I, Red Dwarf I. And
therefore, he was a completely different Rimmer, all together, from the other
Rimmer, but it still made no real difference, between the Rimmer/Lister relationship anyway! But at the end of the day, I still
prefer Rimmer, as a hologram, but it was interesting, to see how his character
reacted, to been alive, for a whole season of Red Dwarf! But he still wasn't
quite the same Rimmer, that we all know and love so well, because as he was
alive, once again, he had no knowledge, basically of what the Hologram Rimmer
had been through, and he wasn't equipped, with quite the same bitterness, as
the other Rimmer, was! And in a sense, this new Rimmer is very different, from
the Hologram Rimmer, because he has no regrets, about his past, where his
parents are concerned, etcetera! But that said, he isn't that
different! But I honestly feel, that if they do a film of Red Dwarf, or
a ninth series of Red Dwarf, that bringing Rimmer's character back as a
hologram, would be a major consideration, but as Red Dwarf VIII, did end on a
cliffhanger ending, and Rimmer was obviously dying, at the end of Only The
Good: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VIII, I really do feel, that he may not come back
again, in quite the same way! But then again, only time will tell, where that
is concerned, anyhow! And it doesn't explain, what has become of the Hologram
Rimmer in Stoke Me A Clipper: Episode II, Red Dwarf
VII! That question still remains, unanswered!
However to cut a long story
short, Rimmer is still his old contemptible self, and he is really pleased that
Lister is in deep smeg, Miladdo! And he cannot understand for the life of him,
why Lister can suddenly fly a Starbug, being a Technician, a zero and a nobody,
while Lister does his best to convince him, that he is no longer the Lister, that he once knew, well not quite! But somehow,
Lister does manage to convince Rimmer, that he and the crew originally died,
via the radiation leak, and were resurrected by the nanobots! And Lister does
his best to convince Rimmer that he has got to track down those nanobots to
corroborate his story, even though Rimmer isn't too convinced, where that is
concerned, anyhow!
After the new grey bunk
room scene between Rimmer and Lister, I was particularly impressed by the
arrival of Dr Karen Newton played by Kika Mirylees who has appeared in
Catherine Cookson's Tilly Trotter, and more recently,
as a Prison Warder in the ITV drama Bad Girls, alongside Kim Taylforth, Gillian
Taylforth's sister. But it seems that Doctor Newton is some kind of very high
up know it all Scientific bod on the Dwarf, who is also a bit of a creep to
Captain Frank Hollister, which is his first name, quite surprisingly! Quite a
few characters in Red Dwarf were known as Frank, including Frank Todhunter and
Rimmer has a Brother and an Uncle who also share that name, and there was also
a Frank who discovered the baby Lister in the Aigburth Arms in Ouroboros:
Episode III, Red Dwarf VII. Another Frank went for his piece, in the The Last
Chance Saloon in Gunmen Of The Apocalypse: Episode III, Red Dwarf VI, and
Kryten named Red Dwarf's washing machine Frank, when he decided to put things
on a more personal level between them, in Blue: Episode V, Red Dwarf VII, so is
it just sheer coincidence, that Hollister's first name is Frank or what?! But
it was certainly guaranteed for laughs, anyway! But it was amusing to see
Hollister backing out of the toilet and spraying the area around with air
freshener! But Doctor Newton was very concerned about the rumour of them, being
three million years in to deep space, and Red Dwarf had changed shape. I
guessed that this was stated, due to the fact, that there is now a new look Red
Dwarf, and again, not everybody has seen the remastered versions of Red Dwarf,
and due to the avid fans being concerned, with the plot inconsistencies, as per
usual, it was probably quite advisable to mention this fact, along with the
fact that the ship was identical to its original design plans, before the
Jupiter Mining Corporation made all of its cutbacks! This had also got to be
explained, because even though Doug Naylor had made Red Dwarf VIII go back to
it's original look of Red Dwarf I and II, the sets were a lot better, and far
more substantial looking, and the corridors were better lit and wider, and
Hollister's Office was more expanded, than the corridors and his Office in Red
Dwarf I and II! And there is always the possibility of using the old familiar
look of the old sets, including the Dwarf itself, that they had utilized for
Red Dwarf III to V, onwards for the movie, via flashback scenes, especially
where the Officer's quarters and the Science Room was situated. And I had also
worked out, that these new grey sets for Red Dwarf VIII were not quite, as they
had appeared, during Red Dwarf I and II, and were more well-defined, and the
option is always available, for the cast and crew to go back to the look of Red
Dwarf, which was used for Red Dwarf III to V onwards, anyway. But that said, Hollister was completely taken aback, that Dr Newton had
got access to classified information, but she merely explained, that the coffee
machine had told her, about it, on G Deck! But that said, Hollister more or
less admitted it was true, but he couldn't verify it, until they had got the
original Holly back online, because Starbug took out one of his CPU banks in
the crash and they were having problems rebooting the original Holly. And in
the end they do manage to get another Holly back online, who is far more
superior to the original Holly, but he is only like Holly would have been
originally, with his i.q before the radiation incident. And the new Holly is only
a back up copy to the original Holly, anyway, and as he is a computer, it is
quite logical, that there is two of them, rather than two Lister's, and two
Kochanski's, as you cannot have back up copies of human beings! And Lister
survived the original radiation incident, and Kochanski is from a parallel
universe. But the crew of the Dwarf didn't survive the original radiation
incident, and that was probably why, the nanobots chose not to resurrect
another Lister and another Kochanski, as it would only complicate matters! But
Hollister went on to stress to Doctor Newton, that they now had a quark-level
matter/antimatter generator, a ship-wide bio-organic computer networking, and a Karaoke Bar on C Deck! So, the nanobots definitely
have their advantages, after all!
I was also impressed with
the new Medi-bay, which had been very loosely based on the Medi-bay on Red
Dwarf I and II, but it was a lot bigger and more expanded, and they had got
teams of other Doctors and Scientists working there, and it looked like the Cat
was being experimented on, as it hadn't taken them too long to work out that he
wasn't human, especially as internal organs were different, because his kidney,
liver, appendix are all colour co-ordinated, which meant that plain ordinary
internal organs, just weren't good enough for his species! But having six
nipples also meant that he wasn't human! And Hollister thought that he had got
measles at first, until Doctor Newton explained to him what they were, which
made Hollister curious to know what the female version of his species was like!
But Cat soon explained that they were pretty easy to please in bed, especially
if you play the piano! And Hollister thought that the Cat's intestines, were
better colour co-ordinated, than his quarters! But Doctor Newton also went on
to explain that the Cat's heartbeat was weird as well, because it sounded,
well, cooler! But the Cat also explained that an ordinary human heartbeat just
wasn't good enough for him! And you could hear it played on the monitor as well,
and it had got a really good rhythm! And Hollister was quite keen to have a
copy of the Cat's heartbeat on tape, when it actually came down to it, at the
end of the day!
I was impressed with the
set, outside the Medical Centre, where the now captive Dwarfer's were being
assessed, and this set was quite impressive, and Rimmer was visiting Lister in
the brig, which was a white building, with a glass paned roof, which had a
pretty blue sky design to represent a nice sunny day on Earth. But there was
also a blue cloudy forcefield, via the side of the area, where they were both
sitting, which Rimmer was capable of entering, only Lister wasn't, due to his
security bracelet, which would set the security alarms off!
Lister was attired in the
same grey Technicians uniform as Rimmer for this particular scene. Now I did
feel, that he looked very good in his grey Technicians uniform, complete with
dreadlocks, and he wore a much smaller tie, which was a plainer version of the
tie, he wore in Justice: Episode III, Red Dwarf IV. And somehow, you could
still tell, that he looked very slobby, in his new grey Technicians uniform!
But again, I do prefer to see Lister in his leathers and long johns from Red
Dwarf III to Red Dwarf VII. That is the way, that I think of
Lister's general appearance, and I always will, but you have got to have
a bit of variety, from time to time, and as long as he varies his appearance in
any future series of Red Dwarf, from time to time, I don't really mind!
With regard to Lister's
image for Red Dwarf VIII, he only wore the overalls, which he had also worn for
The Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch, which were similar, to the overalls he
wore, during Red Dwarf VI and VII and for Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg and for Red
Dwarf VIII, Lister mainly wore those overalls in Back In The Red: I, II and III
and Only The Good: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VIII, but he was mainly confined, to
his lilac prison overalls for Red Dwarf VIII. And I had assumed that, as they
were all going to be back on the Dwarf for this series, I had assumed, that it
would be filmed, between the Dwarf and Starbug, like Red Dwarf III, IV and V,
had been, and that Lister would be combining his black leathers with his
Starbug overalls, because he wore his black leathers in Blue: Episode V, Red
Dwarf VII, which featured Lister and Rimmer on the Dwarf. And I had assumed, that Red Dwarf VIII would work like that, but as
things turned out, it didn't quite work out, that way! And the Dwarfer's were
confined to the Prison Colony, and they were mainly confined to their lilac
prison uniforms. And for Back In The Red I, II, and III, Rimmer and Lister wore
their grey Technicians unforms, and Rimmer also wore his grey Technicians
uniform in Only The Good: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VIII, because he was on
probation, naturally, of course! But in the meantime, Lister was begging Rimmer
to help him escape, and track down the nanobots, but as per usual, Rimmer
wasn't going to risk his career, because he was going places, up, up the
ziggurat, lickety split, and that he was going to pass his engineering exams
and become an Officer! And Lister merely mimicked him, as per usual, but Rimmer
insisted that Lister hadn't got those qualities, but Lister wasn't the same
person as he used to be, because he no longer played: 'Popeye The Sailor Man' with a kazoo between his buttocks! And if
Rimmer had too much claret these days, Lister was no longer prepared to take a
polaroid of a naked sleeping Rimmer, and draw a moustache, mouth and ears on
his snoozing todger, and then pin it up on the bulletin board under missing
persons! Besides it was years ago now to Lister, but to the newly resurrected
Rimmer, it had only happened last week! But Lister claimed,
that he was wurlizered then, and he had even finished off the advocaat, the
windowlene and the Swarfega in the drinks cabinet! But Lister had thought, that the windowlene was just a pink drink, and that the
Swarfega was a chartreuse liquer, because it was green looking. And he no
longer stirred his spanner in his tea, and that, he was a lot more
sophisticated, despite the fact, that he still played the guitar! But he
insisted to Rimmer, that he had definitely stopped accompanying himself on his
armpit! But he insisted, that he had done stuff that would make Rimmer look
like a genius, which would enable Rimmer to get himself promoted, because as
Lister had had access to the Dwarf for all those years, before the nanobots
took over, he had got access to the crews confidential reports, and that he
knew their strengths and weaknesses, and that Rimmer, would no longer need all
that astro-engineering smeg for exams! And in the end, Rimmer's better nature
took over, even though he stated to Lister, that he had got his principles, and
that he wasn't going to be bought by promises of glory and power! But that said, he wanted proof first! And Lister handed Rimmer
his Holly watch, and all of the confidential files were in the wreckage of
Starbug's cockpit, and that there was a senile version of Holly in this watch,
but Holly would lead him to the confidential files, nevertheless! With regard
to the watch with Holly on it, which was also featured in
Nanarchy: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VII. Holly also appeared on a watch,
which Lister wore as his link to Holly in Stasis Leak: Episode IV, Red Dwarf
II. I preferred the Holly watch in Stasis Leak: Episode IV, Red Dwarf II, but I
felt, that the joke worked very well for Nanarchy: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VII
and Back In The Red I to III: Episodes I to III, Red
Dwarf VIII, after such a lengthy absence!
In the meantime, Kryten was
been assessed by the Dwarf's Chief Psychiatric Counsellor, Doctor Lucas
McClaren. And now we could see inside the Medical Centre, which was quite an
impressive small set, with a green window, and a basic table with chairs, and even
though this set was only used once for Red Dwarf VIII, which I felt, was a
really great shame in all honesty, because the Dwarf's Chief Psychiatric
Counsellor scene, is one of the scenes which really does make Back In The Red
I: Episode I, Red Dwarf VIII, one of my all-time favourite episodes of Red
Dwarf VIII! And I did expect to see the Dwarf's Chief Psychiatric Counsellor
assess Lister, the Cat and Kochanski, as well, but unfortunately that just
wasn't to be, and I have a feeling, that Lister and
company weren't quite as naive as Kryten is, and were probably not prepared to
give too much away! And that is probably why Doug Naylor didn't feel the need
to have the others interrogated, I sincerely apologise, assessed by the Dwarf's
Chief Psychiatric Counsellor! The Dwarf's Chief Psychiatrist Dr Brannigan's
hologram personality was re-created, when there was a problem with the hologram
suite, but he was a Psychiatrist, not a Psychiatric Counsellor! And therefore,
McClaren is obviously under him, and Red Dwarf is a very big ship, so you don't
really know who is running things, when it actually comes down to it, at the
end of the day! But that said: McClaren is everything that you expect a
Psychiatrist to be, cleverly interpreted by the actor Andy Taylor who has
worked a lot with the actor, comedian Rik Mayall over the years, on various
projects. Doctor McClaren seemed to have a very intelligent, caring and
sympathetic nature, but he is also as loopy as a a March Hare, which Basil
Fawlty seems to think most Psychiatrists are, when it actually comes down to
it, at the end of the day! But worse even than that, he is also very crafty
indeed, and he is determined to take advantage of Kryten's naivety, and pump
him as hard, as he can, for information! To my mind, Doctor Lucas McClaren,
definitely epitomizes all of those loopy psychiatrists, that
you have seen in your average sit-com over the years, like Frasier,
Once amongst the wreckage
of Starbug, it certainly didn't take Rimmer very long to find the Luck Virus
and Sexual Magnetism viruses, which had been created by Doctor Landstrom, and
were found by the Boyz apart from Rimmer in Quarantine: Episode IV, Red Dwarf
V, and I really do think, that the opportunity for Rimmer taking advantage of
these viruses, should have been used during Red Dwarf VI, perhaps? But it is
sometimes never too late, where these things are concerned, when it actually
comes down to it, at the end of the day! And I think,
that Holly had definitely regretted telling Rimmer what they were, because he
was probably worried, that he was going to take advantage of them! But then
again, Holly should have really known better, than to let Arnold Rimmer get his
hands on them! But then again, that is what computer senility does for you,
when it actually comes down to it, at the end of the day!
It was really amusing to
see Rimmer walking down the corridors of the Dwarf, to the admiring stares of
his fellow women crew members, who seemed completely and utterly magnetised by
Rimmer merely walking down the corridors! And they all said - "Hi
Arnold!", and after that, Rimmer seemed to be in his element, and you soon
work out that Rimmer is very well- -renowned sexually, where the women on the
Dwarf are concerned, especially when he stated: "The World Loves A Bastard!".
EPISODE II: BACK IN THE RED: PART II
To my mind, Back In The Red Part II is not one of my favourite episodes of
Red Dwarf VIII, as I felt that it was centered, around Rimmer's sexuality far
too much! Don't get me wrong, I cannot get enough of Arnold Rimmer, but I do
wish that Doug Naylor would do more for Lister's sexuality, by getting him laid
one of these days! I intend to get Lister laid in my Alternative Red Dwarf Fan
Fiction on the internet, eventually, but that is only a Red Dwarf Fan Fiction!
And I really do feel that Lister's character could do with getting laid once in
a Blue Moon! I did feel that Lister getting to grips with Kochanski in The Last
Human by Doug Naylor really did enhance his character, somewhat, and made him
seem more of a man, somehow. And I really do feel that Lister should get laid
one of these days, especially as there is going to be a Red Dwarf movie, but
perhaps we can live in hope, because I have gathered by various interviews that
Craig Charles would like to see Lister get laid one of these days, especially
as it is always Rimmer who seems to have all the luck where that is concerned,
especially with Yvonne McGruder in Better Than Life: Episode II, Red Dwarf II,
and with Nirvanah Crane in Holoship: Episode I, Red Dwarf V! And I really cannot
count Deb Lister and Mrs Rimmer! And Lady Sabrina Mulholland J-Jones was from
another reality, which Lister never remembered! Surprisingly however, Chloe
Annett has stated in interviews that she cannot see her and Lister getting it
together and it has been alluded to, via rumours of the Red Dwarf movie, that she and Rimmer will get it on together! But that
might be from another reality, like the Rimmer and Kochanski relationship from
the alternative dimension, and again, I really do not know what to believe
where rumours, via the Red Dwarf movie are concerned, anyway! But I have
discovered, via The Official Red Dwarf Fan Club's fanzine: Better Than Life,
that a lot of the fans would like Kochanski and Rimmer get together just to
freak Lister out, but I really would feel sorry for poor Lister if that were to
happen! But perhaps Lister will get laid one of these days! We will just have
to wait and see! But that said, I did feel that Back In The
Red Part II had it's moments, and naturally I will endeavour to review the
second episode of Red Dwarf VIII to the very best of my ability.
With regard to the start of
Back In The Red Part II, it was interesting to see Hollister do a recap
sequence of what had happened to the viewers on Back In The Red Part I, via his
video diary, which was very close to the recap sequence, which Kryten did
during the start of Nanarchy: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VII, which was quite
good, but it wasn't long enough really, and Hollister's recap was a lot more
rounded and amusing than Kryten's recap sequence, but it was good to see Doug
Naylor re-using that idea and developing it more professionally, but the recap
sequence for Back In The Red Part III was even better!
So, the next scene was set
in Captain Hollister's Office, and Rimmer had been summoned there. Captain
Hollister's Office, was basically re-modelled on
Captain Hollister's Office in The End: Episode I, Red Dwarf I and Stasis Leak:
Episode IV, Red Dwarf II. But it was a lot bigger and a lot better, than
Hollister's original Office, in The End: Episode I, Red Dwarf I, and Stasis
Leak: Episode IV, Red Dwarf II, and it had bluey greyish walls. Hollister's
desk, displayed a lot of sophisticated equipment. There is a Lap Top PC and a
gigantic paperweight with something blue inside it, but unfortunately however,
you cannot see what it is, because the camera was out of shot, a lot of the
time, where that was concerned, during Red Dwarf VIII, anyhow. But the
sophisticated effect of the desk, in Hollister's Office came across very well,
during Red Dwarf VIII, nevertheless!
I particularly liked
Rimmer's salute and Hollister been concerned about whether it was going to end,
because he was worried about finding time to have a cup of coffee or go on
vacation, perhaps?! But Rimmer did insist, that his extra long salute was
reserved, for the especially important! I do remember seeing Rimmer, do his
salute at Shepperton Studios, but even though I find it very amusing, in it's
entirety, I do feel that the joke is a little bit well-worn by now, and I am
not the only fan of Red Dwarf who shares this opinion, because his salute was
not used so much, during the later series of Red Dwarf! But I do not mind
Rimmer's salute in small doses, and I particularly liked him, mentioning it to
Kochanski in the parallel universe in Ouroboros: Episode III, Red Dwarf VII,
and whether she had managed to get it approved for him as she was an Officer,
and her remark to Rimmer was: "Rimmer, go and have sex with someone! And
that's an order!", was a complete and utter classic!
And just the mention of the Rimmer salute was enough to have me in stitches!
And that joke from Ouroboros: Episode III, Red Dwarf VII, was very loosely
based, on Rimmer trying to get his salute approved, via the Space Corps in Red
Dwarf: Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers by Rob Grant and Doug Naylor. And it proved, that you haven't always got to see Rimmer do his
salute to make you laugh, and just the mention of it, is enough to have me in
complete and utter stitches! Ironically, during the Fancy Dress competition at
Dimension Jump 1997, one of the contestants entered as Rimmer in full uniform,
and he did the Rimmer salute to Chris Barrie and Chris saluted him back!
Admittedly, Chris was a little bit rusty, as he had not done the salute for
some time, but it was enough to get everybody laughing at the convention,
anyhow! But that said as Red Dwarf VIII had gone back to the look of Red Dwarf
I and II, it was probably for the best, that Doug Naylor brought back the
Rimmer salute, and as it was only used a couple of times during Red Dwarf VIII,
for the joke not to be too monotonous, I felt that it worked really well, after
such a lengthy absence, and I will mention Rimmer's salute a bit later on, in
this report.
But it seems that Rimmer is
in Hollister's Office because of the information he has pilfered, via the
confidential reports, in the wreckage of Starbug, which he has turned to his
advantage under the pretence that he is worried about safety procedures on the
Dwarf, especially the problem with the drive plate, which caused the radiation
leak in The End: Episode I, Red Dwarf I. And it is quite obvious, that anyone
who misrepaired one of these drive plates would have the brain of a
leprechaun's testicle! And nevertheless, the stupid are everywhere like German
tourists! And therefore, Rimmer proposes the following new safety procedures
for repairing drive plates, and it is quite obvious that the newly resurrected
Rimmer is totally unaware, that it was actually him, who had failed to seal the
drive plate in The End: Episode I, Red Dwarf I in the first place! Or it is
probably more than likely, that he has only just found this fact out, and he
just isn't prepared to admit it, to Hollister which is probably more closer to the truth, anyway!
But Rimmer doesn't seem too
concerned about that, for the moment, as he is totally overwhelmed by Hollister
praising him for his good work, where this is concerned. And as it is
Hollister's Wedding Anniversary, he also gives him a Blueberry pie, which his
wife Martha used to make, apparently, whom Hollister misses very much, which is
not all that surprising, really, especially, when they are about three million
years, in to deep space!
But before Rimmer leaves,
he gives Hollister some cream for his piles because he thought that there was
no longer any available, via the medical supplies onboard the Dwarf. The pile
cream is known as Anus-soothe pile cream, which is the easy to apply cream,
which comes with it's own special glove and Rimmer
hands him a glove which fits a single finger and the one size glove fits all,
because he could tell by the way Hollister walks! Somehow, Rimmer has
discovered a couple of unopened medi-crates in storage, which again, is
probably due to the fact, that he has managed to get a supplies inventory off
Holly somehow, via the confidential files on Starbug.
Anxious to be rid of
Rimmer, Hollister gives Rimmer a letter to post, which is the invitation to the
Captain's Table, because it appears that Hollister is quite easily led by
Rimmer's newly found knowledge, as it has impressed him no end, because the
report is first rate, but Rimmer assumes that he wants him to be the wine
waiter, but Hollister insists that he wants him to come to supper, because he
is one of the guys who is marked out for higher things and it's black tie, but
Rimmer thinks he means Chinese Thai food, but Hollister tells him to go, as he
is anxious to be rid of Rimmer, after just five minutes in his presence, which
is quite understandable, really, isn't it?! And even though Rimmer has had an
invitation to dinner, but think back to the last time, he was invited to the
Captain's table! And think back to that little incident, with the Gazpacho
Soup, which was mentioned in Me2: Episode VI, Red Dwarf I! To cut a long story
short, it seems to all concerned, that this invitation to the Captain's Table,
is also going to be a disaster! It's obvious, innit?! (As
Holly would say!) But in the end, Hollister orders Rimmer to leave,
because his patience is running a bit thin by now, which is quite understandable
really, and he tells him to wear the hell what he likes for the dinner!
Meanwhile in the Medi-bay,
it is time for the Dwarfer's medical examinations and Kryten having to take his
clothes off for the Doctor, which was very funny and quite reminiscent of the
Strip Poker scene on the Smeg Outs video, where his armour came off. But this
particular scene was a lot better than the Strip Poker scene on the Smeg Outs
video, where his armour came off. And the viewer got more of an idea of
Kryten's embarrassment of being *Naked*. It was quite amusing to see Kryten's
efforts, where filling the urine bottle was concerned, with some flowers and
seeing his hand fall off, when the Doctor tried to check his blood pressure was
absolutely hilarious! And as for using the drill between his legs to take a
look, and his head falling off! Well it was really a waste of time, examining
him, wasn't it?!
The next scene, which was
set in Kryten and Kochanski's quarters gave more of an
insight into their newly-developed relationship, for Red Dwarf VIII. I was
particularly impressed with the set for their quarters before they were mainly
confined to their prison-cell quarters in the Tank from Back In
The Red Part III onwards, and it seemed that these quarters were very
similar to the Medical Centre, with the same type of window, and they were
painted white. It seemed to my mind that these quarters where the original
Kochanski must have been situated before the radiation incident were far more
upmarket, than the old grey bunk room, where Rimmer and Lister were situated,
but these were Officer's quarters, after all, which the white background seemed
to signify, and even though Kochanski wasn't in the same universe, she seemed
to be perfectly at home in them, clinging on to one of her cuddly toys
(possibly Booboo?!), which was really sweet! And therefore, it seemed to my
mind, that the Officer's quarters in her own universe, weren't all that
different to her Officer's quarters in this universe. Kochanski's concern for
Kryten was quite apparent, and she was shocked to discover that he had been
classified as a woman (and that he was to be now known as Krysten, which was in
the unedited script version of Back In The Red II: Episode II, Red Dwarf VIII,
which is in the Red Dwarf VIII picture script book), because he hadn't got a penis! And
therefore, the Space Corps directive was issued for his own good, to stop
gender ambiguity in jail, and Kryten explained to Kochanski that he had never
been issued with one, as there had never been any need for one, unless he lost
his arms, and there was an emergency situation, where he needed to write his
name in the snow, which was what the Cat had asked Lister in The Last Day:
Episode VI, Red Dwarf III! And Kochanski's question about him not having a steak
pie, peas and chips was quite amusing, especially when the phrase, was actually
meat and two veg! But I have a feeling that is an expression she would probably
use in the universe of her own origin, rather than our own universe! But Kryten
insisted that the Mechanoid's who had been assigned to work on Italian Star
Ships had been issued with penises, because it was felt that they could
acclimatize themselves a lot better, if they could mimic their Italian crew
mates and stand around cupping themselves, all day! Kochanski thought this
would mean Kryten changing his mannerisms, but Kryten informed her that it
would only be an overnight thing as the medical team wanted his permission to
repair his corrupted files and restore his factory settings, but Kochanski felt
that his corrupted files made him what he was, even though he had been mean to
her in Red Dwarf VII, but Kryten insisted, that they had stated, that they made
him quirky and unstable (which meant literally, that he was a threat to the
safety of the crew onboard the Dwarf!). Kryten had also used the "Spin my
nipple nuts and send me to Alaska!" joke in Camille: Episode I, Red Dwarf
IV, which I think still worked fairly well, after all this time! But Kryten
insisted to Kochanski that he didn't want to say no. After all, they were his
superiors, and you couldn't say no to your superiors, could you?! But Kochanski
felt that he could easily say no. All he had to do,
was to imagine, what they looked like on the toilet! And with that, Kryten
felt, that they didn't look better than him, and he felt it quite amusing, to
see his superiors seated on the toilet, and all that he had to do, was to recreate that picture tomorrow, and therefore, it
would be dead easy to say no! But little did Kochanski know,
what damage her light-hearted suggestion was going to do, tomorrow!
But tomorrow started off,
via the Board of Enquiry, which was basically the same set for the Captain's
Table, where Rimmer would join Hollister and friends, for supper that very
evening. But even though the Board of Enquiry was a very short scene, it did
give the viewer an insight into this particular set, which was a dark room with
a long table, and it had a massive window with a beautiful big planet in the
background, which was also based on the planets, that had been featured in Red
Dwarf VII and the remastered versions of Red Dwarf, only it was a lot better.
Kochanski was wearing the feminine equivalent of the grey uniforms, which
Doctor Newton had also worn and the female Officer's, who were lusting after
Rimmer, earlier on in the corridors! I thought, that
the grey uniform looked very smart on the female Officer's, and it can also be
worn with either a skirt or trousers. Kochanski on this occasion was wearing a
skirt, with her uniform. Kochanski did wear trousers with her grey uniform, but
she only wore them, via the publicity photograph for Red Dwarf VIII with
Rimmer, when they were featured, via the bottom of Pete the Dinosaurs foot,
which was a send up of the main publicity photograph for Godzilla! I had to
admit, that she looked very nice in her grey uniform, but I must admit, that I
did prefer the blue uniforms, on Rimmer and Kochanski in Ouroboros: Episode
III, Red Dwarf VII, because I felt that they did look a bit more professional.
And I have discovered, since Ouroboros: Episode III, Red Dwarf VII, via the
latest edition of The Red Dwarf Programme Guide,
that Doug Naylor had never been very happy with the presentation of the
costumes in Red Dwarf I and Red Dwarf II. And that, he had decided to give the
crew members of Red Dwarf a new look in Red Dwarf VII, where their uniforms
were concerned, and coupled with the fact, that it was a parallel dimension, it
was very easy to explain, the old grey uniforms away, when it actually came
down to it, at the end of the day! But Red Dwarf VIII has gone back to the old
look of Red Dwarf I and Red Dwarf II, and even though I do feel, that it is put
across more professionally, because the explanation is thus, that the nanobots
resurrected the crew to how they appeared to all concerned, before the
radiation leak, so it is essential, that the crew wear their grey uniforms, and
I have also found out, via the latest version of The
Red Dwarf Programme Guide, which featured Red Dwarf VII, that the fans wouldn't
have believed that Red Dwarf VIII would have worked so well, had the crew worn
the blue uniforms from Ouroboros: Episode III, Red Dwarf VII, especially the
hardcore fans who remembered Red Dwarf I and II. But then again, I have to
admit, that I couldn't help, but prefer, the blue uniforms, that Rimmer and
Kochanski wore in Ouroboros: Episode III, Red Dwarf VII. But again, to anyone
who comes across this review, please do not let my opinions and criticism, spoil your enjoyment of Red Dwarf VIII!
With regard to Kochanski's
image for Red Dwarf VIII, Chloe had explained at Dimension Jump 1997, that her
red costumes would be cotton, for Red Dwarf VIII, as the red PVC outfits, that
she had worn for Red Dwarf VII were very tight and very uncomfortable, indeed,
and they had been filming, during the Summer of 1996, so you can imagine, just
how uncomfortable, she was! I didn't think, that the red cotton outfit, which
Chloe had worn, for Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg, was as good, as the red PVC
outfits, that she had worn, for Red Dwarf VII, especially as it didn't seem to
stand out, like it had done, during the series, and her hair, wasn't like it
had been, for Red Dwarf VII, either. But Chloe had also explained, at
the Red Dwarf Dimension Jump Red Dwarf 1997 Convention, that her natural hair
colour is ash blonde, and that she had washed her hair, just before Red Dwarf
VII went into production, with a very dark wash in and wash out colour, for a party with some friends, just
before Red Dwarf VII, went into Production, and no matter how she tried,
she just couldn't wash, the dark hair colour out! She had stated, that
the Hairdresser, couldn't do anything with her hair, apart from putting it in a
bun and slicking it back, but I felt, that her hair looked very effective, when
she was on Red Dwarf VII, and that it really did make her character stand out,
that little bit more, which
had given, Kochanski, a rather Classy image, and it had made, her look,
very glamorous, indeed! And Chloe, had also claimed, that her own friends,
didn't recognise her, when she was in: Red Dwarf VII! But when the dark wash in hair colour
eventually washed out, Kochanski was able to have her hair down, once again!
And Chloe Annett's natural hair colour is very similar to C.P (Clare) Grogan's
(the original Kochanski), and that is how she got the part, because Chloe
Annett was the only actress, who had auditioned for the part, who had a very
similar resemblance to the original Kochanski, even though it isn't a very
obvious resemblance to the original Kochanski, anyhow. But fans of Crime
Traveller will also note, that the character of Holly Turner, played by
Chloe Annett ('s), hair colour, including the length of her hair, was more or
less like it is, from the Red Dwarf Tenth Anniversary spoof: Can't Smeg, Won't
Smeg, onwards, which was a send up of Can't Cook, Won't Cook, which featured
Ainsley Harriot as himself, especially as he originally starred as the Gelf
Chief in Emohawk - Polymorph II: Episode IV, Red Dwarf VI. For Can't Smeg,
Won't Smeg, Kochanski wore a cotton version of her red PVC uniform, but it had
looked very dowdy, indeed, and it was nowhere near as glamorous, as the red PVC
uniform, that she had worn, during Red Dwarf VII, and that was probably why,
Doug Naylor had revamped Kochanski's image, for Red Dwarf VIII, anyhow! And
please bear in mind, that not everybody has seen every single series of Red
Dwarf or has got every copy on video of Red Dwarf available, like the avid
fans, and I have also discovered, that Red Dwarf VIII attracted a new
generation of young viewers, who hadn't seen a series of Red Dwarf, in their
lives, and therefore, Red Dwarf was completely new to them! And I have also
discovered, that now Rimmer was back for the the whole of the eighth series of
Red Dwarf, there was no need for Kochanski to be so dominant and so bitchy,
towards the Dwarfer's like she had been for Red Dwarf VII. And therefore, it
was deemed necessary for Kochanski to have more of a background role for Red
Dwarf VIII! But that said, I did feel, that Kochanski
was a lot better, in Red Dwarf VIII, than I thought she would be, and I felt,
that Chloe handled her background role, very well, indeed! And it also seemed,
that she was more closer to the Kochanski in Red Dwarf I and II played by Clare
Grogan, only she was a lot more defined, and as Lister was still crazy about
her, she was back to been a dream icon, once again, especially as he got
separated from her, such a lot, in this series, and not only that, she was also
a lot more closer, to the Kochanski in Red Dwarf: The Last Human by Doug
Naylor. With regard to Kochanski's image, she only wore the black 'T' shirt and
khaki clothes for Back In The Red I to III, Episodes I, II and III and Only The
Good: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VIII, and apart from her grey uniform, which also
consisted of trousers, which she also wore for Back In The Red I to III, which
incidentally, was by far, a much better uniform, than the one, which Clare
Grogan had worn for Red Dwarf I to II, even though Rob Grant and Doug Naylor,
did give her, a sort of action girl image for Psirens: Episode I, Red Dwarf VI.
But for Red Dwarf VIII, Kochanski was mainly confined to her lilac prison
uniform, like Rimmer, Lister, the Cat and Kryten, with the exception, however,
of Pete I and Pete II: Episodes VI and VII, Red Dwarf VIII, where she did wear
a red halter top (and just plain white trousers, complete with a green sash,
which she had also utilized for The Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch), which
was very loosely based, on the red dress, that Kochanski had worn in Duct Soup:
Episode IV, Red Dwarf VII, which Lister had given her, as an advance birthday
present. And Kochanski also wore, her red halter top and white trousers,
complete with a green sash, which she had also utilized for The Red Dwarf Children
In Need sketch. And that was the only time in Red Dwarf VIII, where her image
closely resembled the Kochanski, in Red Dwarf VII! And as for the Cat and
Kryten, they were basically still the same, where their costumes, were
concerned. Cat was clad in his black and white zebra suit, and Kryten, was
Kryten! But during Red Dwarf VIII, the red cotton costume, that Chloe had worn
for Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg, didn't actually feature, as part of her wardrobe,
and I felt, in all honesty, that they were right, not to use that particular
costume, in question, for Red Dwarf VIII, as I felt, that it didn't look, as
nearly as good, as her red PVC uniforms, that she had worn, for Red Dwarf VII!
But I do understand, that the wardrobe team were
merely experimenting, with the casts image for Red Dwarf VIII, via Can't Smeg,
Won't Smeg, and sometimes, you have to give these things a try, and see how
they go! But I did feel, in all honesty, that Kochanski's image, for Can't
Smeg, Won't Smeg, was more than sufficient enough, at the time, anyhow.
With regard to Kochanski's
hair for Red Dwarf VIII, her hair was mainly her own ash blonde colour, which
Chloe had described as been her natural hair colour at Dimension Jump 1997,
apart from The Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch and Pete I and Pete II:
Episodes VI and VII, Red Dwarf VIII, and therefore, her image had changed, via
her hair, rather than the very dark brown hair image, which she had utilized
for Red Dwarf VII, and the red uniform, that she had worn for Can't Smeg, Won't
Smeg, had been replaced by a red halter top and just plain white trousers,
complete with a green sash, which she had also utilized for The Red Dwarf
Children In Need sketch. But the red halter top, that she wore, was very
loosely based, on the red halter top, which Lister had given her as an advance
birthday present in Duct Soup: Episode IV, Red Dwarf VII. And it was quite
obvious to me, via The Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch, that Kochanski was
been given far more of a glamorous image, for Red Dwarf VIII, which was
very loosely based, on her image, in Red Dwarf VII. But to my surprise however,
Kochanski only wore this particular costume for Pete I and Pete II: Episodes VI
and VII, Red Dwarf VIII, as the time wand had got them out of prison, and the Dwarfer's
had managed to get their clothes back, because the Cat was wearing his usual
black and white zebra suit, with the exception of Rimmer and Lister who were
still wearing their prison uniforms, only they had got their hair back, via the
time wand.
I was quite surprised, that
this scene also started with the same military music that had been used in
Meltdown, Episode VI, Red Dwarf IV, which again,
worked very well, after all this time. The Cat was also at this hearing as
well, even though he wasn't an official crew member, but I daresay that the
rules on the Dwarf could be bended where this was concerned! With regard to the
Cat's costume for Red Dwarf VIII, apart from Back In The Red I to III: Episodes
I, II, III and Pete I and Pete II: Episodes VI and VII, and Only The Good:
Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VIII, where he wore his main zebra costume and the blue
flashy suit, which he had originally worn in Nanarchy: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf
VII, but it was utilized in a far more improved way for his dance sequence in
Back In The Red III: Episode III, Red Dwarf VIII, and again, like his fellow
Dwarfer's, the Cat was mainly confined to his lilac prison overalls, for Red
Dwarf VIII, which must have been absolute torture, for our fashion loving
feline! But it seems that the Boyz have refused defence assistance, because the
Cat has watched a lot of TV shows, where people huddle and whisper for a while,
so they look as if they know what they are doing! But Hollister asks them if
they are familiar with the mind scan, which they are. The mind scan pictorially
enhances the cognitive process, which makes their thoughts available for
recording and viewing to a board of enquiry, and they have also got to take
psychotropic drugs which affects their mental state to make this process
possible, and via them saying: "Aye," the Dwarfer's have agreed to
it, and all they have to do for the moment is to sign the consent forms, and
seal them into the envelopes provided, and therefore, they will reconvene at
10.00a.m. tomorrow.
So, it was back outside the
Medical Centre once again, and Rimmer was visiting Lister in the brig. Again,
Lister and Rimmer didn't seem to be doing their very best to be friends. But
that said, the Operation: "Get Rimmer Officerhood, Power and
Eminence" or "G.R.O.P.E" for short, was bang on course! And that
the information that Lister had given him about the drive plates had worked.
Rimmer explained that Hollister's face couldn't have been happier if he'd given
him two girls wrestling in a giant vat of baked beans, and then removed the
girls and given him a spoon! But more importantly than that, Rimmer stated that
he had been invited to dinner with all the movers and the shakers, but Lister
seemed to think that the movers and the shakers were a removal man and a group
of people suffering from Parkinson's disease! Rimmer just ignored Lister's
sarcastic comments, and that it was time to exorcise his Father's disapproval,
especially as he was so ashamed of Rimmer for becoming Captain of the school
skipping team, and that he was up the ziggurat, lickety split! But Lister was
determined to get the override code to get out of the brig, so he could leg it,
and track down those nanobots. But Rimmer was determined to welch on the deal,
because he wasn't an Officer and a Gentleman yet! But as their trial was the
following day, without those nanobots, the Boyz were in big trouble, but Rimmer
merely stated that even though they had shaken hands on the deal, Rimmer's
handshake was less reliable than a Plumber's estimate! And without an escape
plan, Lister was no longer prepared to give Rimmer any more information, but
Rimmer had copied the files on to a disc, but more importantly than that, the
slimy Judas had managed to acquire the luck virus and sexual magnetism virus,
which was making him very popular amongst the women members of the crew
already, especially as Rimmer kindly informed Lister, that Yvonne McGruder is
sleeping off the first twenty three pages of the Kama Sutra on her bunk! This
is the last time, that Yvonne McGruder is mentioned in Red Dwarf VIII, and she
was also mentioned in Confidence and Paranoia: Episode V and Me2: Episode VI,
Red Dwarf I, and she also made an appearance in Better Than Life: Episode II,
Red Dwarf II, and she was also mentioned in Thanks For The Memory: Episode III,
Red Dwarf II, and she was also mentioned in Back In The Red I: Episode I, Red
Dwarf VIII. I had expected her character, to be featured in Red Dwarf VIII,
even if she had been played by a different actress. And I had assumed, that her
character would be more developed, like Kochanski's was, in this particular
series of Red Dwarf, especially as the crew had been resurrected, but
unfortunately however, that just wasn't to be, and Red Dwarf is a very big
ship, with a lot of people on it! But still, it would have been quite
interesting to see how McGruder's character would have reacted, if the chance
had come along! In the meantime, however, Lister is not very pleased about this
information, and he is also very jealous, that Rimmer is getting some, and that
he isn't, as per usual! (I personally feel, that Lister should get laid myself,
as I am getting rather bored, that his character is left out, on a sexual
basis, be it mutual love or lust, with any female, be it Kochanski, or any
other attractive female, who happens to cross his path! But again, that is just
a personal opinion, anyhow. And please do not let me put you off the new series
of Red Dwarf, as it is really very funny, and it is definitely packed with far
more humour, than Red Dwarf VII, anyhow!) But unbeknownst to Rimmer, Lister
managed to wipe his finger down a streak of congealed liquid,
that had hardened on the luck virus tube! But he fools Rimmer into
thinking, that he has got him, where he wants him, and Lister kindly informs
him, that he is a total scum-sucking two faced weasel, and after Rimmer leaves,
Lister gives him the finger, and then licks his finger, saying to himself
quietly: "You left some of your luck behind, man!", and via typing
the override code into his security bracelet, and once it had unlocked, Lister
punched in the security code on the wall of the brig, and therefore, he was
able to lift the blue cloudy forcefield, once and for all! And with that,
Lister escaped to his freedom!
In the meantime however, in
a converted old Dentist's Office, which was been used temporarily to question
Kryten. Kryten was asked by the panel, including Doctor Newton, Doctor McClaren
and MP Thornton, if he wanted to stand with the others tomorrow, or get his
corrupted files repaired, but Kryten was finding it a real struggle, to say no!
In fact, the way, that he was trying to say no to them all, was very similar to
the way, that he used to try, and call Rimmer a smeghead, which usually came
out as: "Smee-hee!". But Kryten soon became
frustrated, and he managed to grab
But Kryten only took them
all to the toilets, because he wanted to see them all with their pants down on
the toilet, because he was only adhering to Miss Kochanski's suggestion, which
would enable him to say no quite easily! But unfortunately however, Kryten was
taking her suggestion, just a bit too literally, because the Panel woman Officer, thought that he was totally mad! But Doctor Newton
advised her to do as he said, and McClaren thought that it was
"Lovely!", anyway, that is until he sat on the toilet with his pants
down, because it seemed, that McClaren wore womens stockings and suspenders,
under his uniform! Now I wonder, if this, has got
anything to do with Craig Charles wearing womens stockings and suspenders, at
his "Live On Earth" shows! I have had the privilege of seeing that
twice now, and I have got the Live On Earth show video,
plus the Official Bootleg tour video! But if Doug Naylor developed McClaren's
fantasy of wearing womens stockings and suspenders, via Craig's stand up comedy
shows, then I think that the joke on the Dwarf's Psychiatric Counsellor, worked
very well indeed! Kryten went from cubicle to cubicle to have a good laugh at
the poor panel, and once he had got it out of his system, Kryten was determined
for them, to ask him the question, about having his corrupted files, repaired,
once again, and they asked him the question, once again! And this time, Kryten
managed to say no, quite easily, before two guards came in, and grabbed him,
and injected him with something, quite strong, to say the very least!
In the meantime however,
Lister was rounding up his fellow Dwarfer's and he had been lucky enough to
round up one of them, so far, which was Kochanski. They were both dressed up in
black caps and red Technicians uniforms, and the one which Lister wore looked
surprisingly similar to the Technicians uniform, which Craig had worn, when he
used to be one of the presenters on English Express, and he was known as an
Agony Uncle, who used to help out with all the adjectives and so forth. But
Lister and Kochanski had no time to lose, and were in a very dark lift, which
wasn't very flashy, and had no in-lift movie, like the lift in Stasis Leak:
Episode IV, Red Dwarf II, and it was quite obvious, that this lift was only
used by maintenance personnel who just needed to get from A to B on the Dwarf
in a hurry. I admit that the lifts, that were used in Red Dwarf VIII weren't
very special looking, but I must admit that I liked the way the special effects
team made them go up and down quite fast, very effectively, and the little
lights on the outside of the lifts were more effective, and more significant
than the interior sets of the lifts themselves, but Lister had just explained
to Kochanski how the luck virus worked, via putting in any old code to escape,
exactly like he had done, via the security device in the Quarantine Suite in Quarantine:
Episode IV, Red Dwarf V, and Kochanski thought, that this was brilliant, and
Lister went on to say that he had just put his finger on top of the tube. But
Kochanski thought that it was just brilliant, brilliant, and what a pity he
didn't do the same with the sexual magnetism virus, because that is probably
the only way that she would have her wicked way with him, because it would hide
the fact, that he was a disgusting bum, once and for all! But Kochanski is a
little bit of a hypocrite where her feelings are concerned with Lister,
especially when she dropped a hint to him, about not having sex with him in the
buggy, because it was too sandy in Nanarchy: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VII! But
Lister soon takes the hint! And he touches the tube with the sexual magnetism
in it, and he licks his left forefinger, and Kochanski smiles back at him with
great interest, and Lister naively smiles back at her.
Lister seems rather surprised, via Kochanski asking him if that is a new shirt
that he is wearing, and he states that it isn't, and that he has had it for
some time, but she thinks that it is really nice, anyway, and that it really
suits him, and that it brings out the brownness in his eyes! And with that,
Kochanski grabbed Lister and kissed him, and started to rip off his clothes!
Unfortunately however, it wasn't very long before she stopped! Admittedly, I
definitely found the kiss scene, between Lister and Kochanski in the lift quite
amusing, but I did prefer their kiss scene in Ouroboros: Episode III, Red Dwarf
VII, when she was half senseless, because she had mistaken him for *her Dave*,
because I felt that there was more romance between them in Ouroboros: Episode
III, Red Dwarf VII, which seemed to be very close to when she had her wicked
way with Lister, via the start of The Last Human by Doug Naylor, and I did feel
that the relationship between Lister and Kochanski in Red Dwarf VII was closer
to their relationship in The Last Human, even though they weren't actually
lovers! And I felt that wasn't the same case in Red Dwarf VIII, because
Kochanski was more like the Kochanski in Red Dwarf I and II, and that she was
more of a dream icon, except that her character was featured a lot more than
the previous incarnation of Kochanski, played by Clare Grogan, but that said,
Lister and Kochanski did have their moments in Red Dwarf VIII, even though she
was a lot more distant to him than she had been in Red Dwarf VII, but as I
stated earlier on in this review, she was more of a background character, but
the lift scene was definitely one of their moments, especially as Lister stated
that as he had still got the luck virus on his right hand, which had cured the
sexual magnetism virus for him! I did think for one moment when Kochanski
started to rip his clothes off, that Lister's luck was in, and that he would
get laid for once! But as it turned out, via the luck virus, that his luck
wasn't in! Especially as Kochanski apologised, because she didn't know what had
got into her, and Lister merely stated: "Well, nothing sadly!".
In the meantime, Kryten was
in the Medi-bay having his corrupted files, repaired, via the Panel woman
Officer. I was quite impressed by the way, that Kryten was standing wired up,
supposedly to a computer mainframe, in a big area of the Medi-bay, behind a
screen, and he looked like he was in an animated state, like a computer which
needs reformatting. And the Panel woman Officer was looking at a computer
screen, with a mans head on it, which was loosely based on the Doctor of Norton
Utilities, whom you see on the outside of the box, containing the software,
only he was called the Data Doctor! And he was a really good send up of the
Doctor of Norton Utilities, and quite surprisingly, he looked very similar to
Kryten in appearance! But the Data Doctor (who was also played by Robert
Llewellyn, naturally!), was even uglier in appearance than Kryten! Nothing
about his appearance seemed right, down to that awful blue waistcoat, with the
bow tie! The spectacles weren't too bad, actually, but it was his horrible frizzy
hair, which swayed to the right, upwards, which gave him a computerised
appearance. But it was his awful mannerisms, and that dreadful American accent,
that was utterly hilarious! And it seemed, that Doug Naylor to my mind, had created the Data Doctor to perhaps have a go, at a
certain American computer mogul who was about, during the twentieth and twenty
first century, who will remain anonymous, so I cannot be sued for libel in this
report! Admittedly, I did find the Data Doctor quite amusing, but I did not
think that he was as good as Jim Reaper (also played by Robert Llewellyn) in
The Last Day: Episode VI, Red Dwarf III, and who was also the Head of Diva
Droid, the human Kryten in DNA: Episode II: Red Dwarf IV and Bongo in Dimension
Jump: Episode V, Red Dwarf IV! But the Data Doctor was part of Kryten's main
CPU programme, which Dave Lister had so far, never managed to access, or more
than likely, never wanted to access, because it would mean resetting his
emotions back to normal. And that was the one thing, which Lister did not want
for Kryten, which is quite understandable, really! But in the meantime, the
Data Doctor, asked the Panel woman Officer, if she wanted to examine the hard
disc, and once she had pressed: EXAMINE, on the Data Doctor's computer screen,
the Data Doctor informed her, that the Mechanoid appeared to have developed the
following rogue emotions, which were: Affection, arrogance, envy, guilt,
humour, insecurity, petulance, possesiveness, snobbery and love. If it was so
wished, all she had to do to eradicate these emotions, was to press: FIX, which
she did, and like the computer had done, when Rimmer was rebooted in Psirens:
Episode I, Red Dwarf VI, all the emotions of Kryten flashed up on the screen,
and were fixed in an instant! And the Data Doctor stated that all bad line
blocks and corrupted personaility discs had been fixed, and that he needed to
be rebooted, and that his personality had now been restored, to factory
settings. Kryten merely stated, that he was called Kryten, and that he was
programmed to serve, and could he be of service? Which was exactly what
Kryten's personality had been, when he first made his debut in Kryten: Episode
I, Red Dwarf II, and for five episodes of Red Dwarf III, until Lister started
to teach him to stand up for his rights, via The Last Day: Episode VI, Red
Dwarf III, and then from Camille: Episode I, and the rest of Red Dwarf IV
onwards, he taught him how to lie and break his programming. And therefore, all
Dave Lister's good work, or should I say bad work, was now undone! And Kryten
was now back to his old subservient self, complete with his Jeeves/CP30
Butler's voice, which he had first used for the Kryten, who was played by David
Ross, who was unable to continue with the role of Kryten, because he was in the
play: A Flea In Your Ear in the West End. Robert Llewellyn had first auditioned
for the part of Kryten, because Robert had played a robot in Mammon, Robot Born
Of Woman, which he had written. Rob Grant and Doug
Naylor were very impressed by his performance, as the robot, in Mammon, Robot
Born Of Woman. And they felt, that Robert would be the
ideal actor to play Kryten. And Rob and Doug had tried him out with the voice
that David Ross had used, but they felt, that Kryten just didn't seem to come
across, as well as David Ross's version of the character. And as Robert had
spent quite a bit of time on the East coast of America and Canada, especially
Vancouver, Robert had stated that, as he had picked up the accent, which
sounded like Swedish mixed with Canadian, and Robert had also been interested
in the way, that South African's talk, and he had also seen the Swedish Chef on
the Muppet show, and that is basically, how the new Kryten's voice originated,
which I found out via: The Man In The Rubber Mask by
Robert Llewellyn. But Robert decided, that he wanted to do the original
Kryten's voice, for the reboot sequence, because it had been explained at the
start of Backwards: Episode I, Red Dwarf III, that Lister had not been able to
restore Kryten's original personality, which basically explained, why he had
now got an American accent, and a different costume! But in Red Dwarf: Infinity
Welcomes Careful Drivers by Rob Grant and Doug Naylor, the crew of the Nova 5,
Kryten's previous space vessel, before he was rescued by his fellow Dwarfer's,
were all American, and the Kryten in the book did not crash into an asteroid,
on Lister's Space Bike, because Rob Grant and Doug Naylor, wanted the Kryten in
the book, to have exactly the same personality from Red Dwarf III onwards,
because the majority of the fans of Red Dwarf, had got used to Robert
Llewellyn's incarnation of Kryten by then. And not all, of the fans of Red
Dwarf, are as familiar, with the David Ross incarnation of Kryten! And as the
plots of the Red Dwarf books, are complicated enough, it was probably not
advisable to complicate things any further, via having the original Kryten in
it, and switching over to the new Kryten. And I personally feel,
that the Red Dwarf novels are separate stories to the series, anyway. And when
Chris Barrie read the first two books: Red Dwarf: Infinity Welcomes Careful
Drivers and Better Than Life by Rob Grant and Doug Naylor, he impersonated
Kryten in his Swedish/Canadian accent, that the fans of Red Dwarf, are all
familiar with, apart from a hint of Jeeves and C3P0 to begin with.
Incidentally, Doug Naylor was interested in getting David Ross to do the voice
over, for Robert, for the reboot sequence, just before Lister and company
rescued him. But there just wasn't the time to sort it out, unfortunately,
which was a great shame really, as it would have been quite interesting, to see
how Kryten's character would have reacted, using the original Kryten voice,
anyhow. But I felt, that Robert coped very well, where using the original
Kryten voice, was concerned, anyhow! And I thought,
that David Ross did remarkably well though, when he replaced John Lenahan (who
is an American stand up comedic magician) as Talkie Toaster in White Hole:
Episode IV, Red Dwarf IV. But he has stressed in various interviews, that he
would never come back as Kryten, even if Robert Llewellyn were to leave the
show, at some point. But he would be interested in appearing in Red Dwarf
again, if the opportunity were to arise, but more in the voice over capacity, rather
than a major acting role. And David has stated, that
he would love to do the voice over for a red hot poker, as he loves playing red
hot pokers! I admit, that would be great fun, but I really do not feel, how a
red hot poker would fit into the series, but I daresay, that they could find a
way to fit one in somehow, you never know! I have also seen David Ross in
Meanwhile in the corridor,
just before Dinner at The Captain's Table, Rimmer took a tiny swigette of the
sexual magnetism just for luck, as he assumed he was going to be Colin
Charisma, with this stuff! And Rimmer walked down the corridors of the Dwarf,
to the admiring stares of fellow crew members, who seemed magnetised by Rimmer
merely walking down the corridors! And they all said - "Hi!".
Shortly afterwards at the
Captain's Table, four female Officer's including Doctor Newton who couldn't
take her eyes off Rimmer, well none of the female Officer's could take their
eyes off him, come to that! It was quite obvious that even though Rimmer
respected Doctor Newton, she wasn't really his type. But been rather naive, he
decided to inform her, that if they approached Light Speed, that we have got to
be aware, that we could come across something, which they would experience
called: Future Echoes, which was adapted from Future Echoes: Episode II, Red
Dwarf I. Hollister was beginning to realise, that they had underestimated
Rimmer, over the years! But Rimmer was finding it very hard to have an
intellectual discussion with Hollister, because of the admiring glances, via
the four female Officer's at the Captain's Table! And
Hollister was also rather concerned, about the delay with the coffee, but
Doctor Newton was very keen, to find out what had happened to the coffee, and
she wondered if Rimmer could help her. But Rimmer had no choice in the matter,
especially when she grabbed him by the hand, and they headed off towards the
ships galley! Rimmer suggested that they could talk about his theory on
Backwards Universes, which was also adapted from Backwards: Episode I, Red
Dwarf III.
However in the corridor,
Doctor Newton pressed a more resigned Rimmer against the wall, who stated that:- "Of course in a Backwards Universe, many things
start to make more sense...". But Doctor Newton wasn't really listening,
and she kissed him passionately, and she told him that he was very, very sexy,
before she pushed him into the ships galley, and the viewer could only see a
wooden door with a triangular window! But you could hear the sound of saucepans
and various kitchen implements making quite an impact, as they crashed to the
floor, which meant, that they definitely weren't making any coffee!
In the meantime however,
Lister had also managed to locate the Cat, but they had got to find Kryten,
before they leg it! Fortunately however, they were lucky enough to locate
Kryten who was cleaning with a feather duster, and he seemed quite happy to be
discharging his cleaning duties, especially as he didn't recognise Lister, and
Lister was finding it hard to understand why he sounded like Noel Coward's
Elocution Teacher! But Kochanski informed Lister that they had fixed his
corrupted files and that Kryten no longer has the power to say no. But before
they could persuade Kryten to escape with them, somebody was coming, and Lister
felt that they needed a better disguise, but the Cat was more than happy enough
with his disguise, but of course he was satisfied with his disguise, because he
was wearing his cool clothes over his grey jumpsuit, just like he had done over
his orange jumpsuit in Stasis Leak: Episode IV, Red Dwarf II! And there was no way, that he was going to wear that grey jumpsuit on the
outside!
Fortunately the Dwarfer's
all managed to get into the Dentist's Office, which was just a white interior
set with white blinds, but it was quite impressive, nevertheless! Once they had
put on some white Dentist's coats, over their red jumpsuits, Lister stated that
didn't care what they had done with Kryten, he was still one of the Red Dwarf
Posse'! They had got to persuade him to escape, whatever happened! Quite
surprisingly however, the Cat had come up with a brilliant disguise, which was
a horrible black looking mop head and a pair of false teeth and he looked like
Duane Dibbley! Lister and Kochanski thought this was a brilliant disguise and
they also put on the black horrible looking mop heads and false teeth. And now,
brace yourself, the Dibbley family was complete! I do not know why the Cat
would want to look like Duane Dibbley, especially when the Cat became Duane
Dibbley in Back To Reality, Episode VI, Red Dwarf V
and Emohawk - Polymorph II: Episode IV, Red Dwarf VI, and he would rather
commit suicide, than look like a total geek! But desperate circumstances, call
for desperate measures! Now Duane Dibbley isn't exactly a favourite Red Dwarf
alter-ego of mine. But that said, I did feel, that the Cat's character would
have been very hard to work around, where the cooking side of things was
concerned, and as it turned out, he was his usual klutzy self! And I also felt,
that the character of Duane Dibbley was a far better alter-ego, in Emohawk -
Polymorph II: Episode IV, Red Dwarf VI, than the alter-ego, the Cat had in
Polymorph: Episode III, Red Dwarf III, because even though Danny's impression
of Jimi Hendrix was very good, indeed, I felt, in all honesty, that particular
alter-ego of the Cat, would have been very limited, indeed, had that particular
alter-ego been utilized for: Back To Reality: Episode VI, Red Dwarf V, Emohawk
- Polymorph II: Episode IV, Red Dwarf VI, and for Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg, which
was part of The Red Dwarf Tenth Anniversary evening, during 1998, instead of
Duane Dibbley! I also felt, that the character of Duane Dibbley worked a lot
better, in Emohawk - Polymorph II: Episode IV, Red Dwarf VI, rather than Back
To Reality: Episode VI, Red Dwarf V, especially as his character had become a
lot more developed, by the time, that Red Dwarf VI, had gone out! I hope that
you can forgive me, if you are reading this Danny! But I do prefer the Padre'
in Dimension Jump: Episode V, Red Dwarf IV, and The Riviera Kid in Gunmen Of The Apocalypse: Episode III, Red Dwarf VI, as the Cat's
alter-egos! But I have to admit, that Duane Dibbley, does have his moments, at
times!
But I do understand, that
the Padre' was to have had a few more lines in Dimension Jump: Episode V, Red
Dwarf IV, as I have got the original script, via the Red Dwarf Primordial Soup
book, and not only that, I have since discovered, via an interview, that Danny
John-Jules did for The Official Red Dwarf Club's fanzine: Better Than Life,
that the Padre' was going to be a Maintenance cleaner on the Mimas Base. But
apparently, Rob Grant and Doug Naylor, originally thought, that it would have
made it look racist, if Danny had been given the alter-ego of a black
maintenance cleaner! But I honestly didn't think so! And I really do feel, that they could have got round that somehow! And I
also feel, that the Padre' is very loosely based on Uncle Remus in Song From The South! So, it depends upon, how you look at it,
really! And in my Alternative Red Dwarf Fan Fiction, I have given the Cat, the
alter-ego of Curt a supersonic test engineer, and he hails from
In the meantime however, at
the Captain's Table, after Doctor Newton had finished, with Rimmer, she looked
all dishevelled, glasses and hair all askew and untidy, and she also looked, as
if she was soon raring to go, again! And Hollister never did get his coffee,
either! All of the female Officer's seated at the table,
are still looking at Rimmer, with obvious lust and longing in their eyes. And
the second woman Officer at the table, makes the suggestion of helping Rimmer
make the coffee, and she isn't as nearly as attractive as Doctor Newton,
either! In fact, she is a little bit on the porky side! And she really
struggles to get up from the table, to follow Rimmer in to the galley! But
somehow, she manages to get up and follow him, and it is really quite amazing
to see how quickly a little fat female Officer like her, can run after a man,
when she wants to! There is no mercy for Rimmer, whatsoever! And again, we hear
the crash of all of the pots and pans in the galley! But this time, we see the
second fat female Officer's facial expression, pressed against the triangular
window of the galley door, and it is in obvious sexual ecstasy, as well! But it
proves once and for all, that the sexual magnetism virus isn't natural, because
even though Doctor Newton is fairly attractive, it was far more normal for her
to be attracted to somebody, like Rimmer! But not for a fat woman, like that,
to be attracted to somebody, like Rimmer! But it is no more than the little
Slimeball, Arnold Rimmer deserves, when it actually comes down to it, at the
end of the day!
In the meantime, in the
Dentist's Office however, MP Thornton appears, and obviously thinking that they
are people in authority, he addresses the Cat or Duane as Sir, and kindly
informs them all that they are looking for the escaped prisoners, but Duane
insists, that there is only him, his wife and his brother (well, half-brother
to be more precise!) here. In their Dibbley voices, the Dwarfer's say hello to
Thornton, who doesn't recall seeing them here before, but Duane insists that
they don't often go out looking like this, because they all Computer
Programmers! Which really gives people like me the enthusiasm and motivation to
pioneer the internet, with more text, which is my ultimate dream, when it comes
down to it, at the end of the day, but I like to think that I have got a life
outside the internet, and I really feel motivated enough to accomplish my
dream, just so people can think of me, as some kind of anorak! Perhaps I should
go back to writing my work on a temperamental electronic typewriter and perhaps
we can throw our PC in the bin, if I feel that some time in the future, people
who operate computers look like the Dibbley family! It's a scary thought, isn't
it?! But with Rob Grant and Doug Naylor's idea of what the twenty third century
looks like, one never knows! But
Quite surprisingly however,
Rimmer and the fat female Officer arrived with the coffee, but Hollister wants
to know, what is happening, where finding the mints, are concerned! This time,
a third fair haired fairly attractive female Officer,
is definitely quite keen to offer Rimmer some help with finding the mints! But
he is quick enough to decline, and he states that he cannot get any more mints,
until tomorrow! And the third female Officer walks away from The Captain's
Table in a huff! And the fourth female Officer looks very disappointed indeed!
And Hollister informs Rimmer, that the psychotropic testing is under way, and
that the results should be interesting, but Rimmer doesn't know what
psychotropic testing is, and Hollister states that as the Lister case is so
interesting, that he has decided to invoke his right to use psychotropic
evidence, and that the accused are all drugged and wired to a mainframe, and
then the computer feeds in various hypothetical scenarios and their reactions
are laid down on tape, and right at this present moment in time, they believe
that they are escaping, but they just want to observe what they do. But by now,
Rimmer is seriously worried, because he realises that he may be being watched
as well, especially via the *deal*, that he agreed with Lister, outside the
Medical Centre! Rimmer starts to ask the Captain exactly what will happen, if
anyone happens to mention any special agreements, that
they have entered into! But Rimmer thinks better of it, and gets the hell away
from the Captain's Table, while he still can!
In the corridors, Rimmer is
desparate to shake off the effects of the sexual magnetism virus, while he
still can, but most of the women in the corridor, seem impressed, by his sexual
magnetism, and they keep on saying: "Hi!", and Rimmer is still
tempted to take advantage of the virus, and he just cannot understand why he
has still got the sexual appetite of a Mountain Lion, or worse even than that,
a First year Nursing student! The stuff is such an aphrodisiac, that he is
determined to get some control back in his groin, no matter what!
Rimmer goes inside the
Dentist's Office, and he injects his groin with a local anaesthetic, which
doesn't make much of a difference! And in the end, he does his best to flatten
a certain part of his anatomy with a mallet!
But the moment that Rimmer
goes back into the corridors, the anaesthetic soon spreads to his legs, and he
ends up walking in a very strange way indeed, down the corridors, because the
top half of his legs go to sleep, and because the virus is so powerful, that
none of the women who say "Hi!" to Rimmer so provocatively, seem to
notice, that the way, that Rimmer is walking is so abnormal! Rimmer passes
Hollister, who never realised that Rimmer was so damn popular with the ladies,
and perhaps he would like to share his secret with him?! But Hollister is also
baffled by Rimmer's funny walk, nevertheless!
And finally the Dibbley family, including Kryten, now suitably attired, all come out
into the corridor. Also following them are Bob and Madge, the Skutters, (Bob
the Skutter was also briefly featured in The Last Day: Episode VI, Red Dwarf
III), and Lister does his best to shoo them away as they would never get past
security in a million years, but they go back into the Dentist's office and
come back out again into the corridor, also suitably attired with minature mop
heads, and follow the Dwarfers who do a slow dance turn to some kind of reggae
shuffle type of music, which was probably inspired by Danny John-Jules, which I
think was a lead in for his dance number in the final part of Back In The Red.
With regard to the new
Skutters for Red Dwarf VIII, and who were also featured in the background of
the interior set of Blue Midget for Children In Need sketch, I was to gather
later, when Red Dwarf VIII was being aired on BBC2, and from what I also
gathered, via the reviews in various Science Fiction magazines, that the
Skutters, had been modelled exactly on the image of the original Skutters from
Red Dwarf I to III, so that the fans wouldn't be so keen to complain, that they
looked different, because the model effects department, were determined to make
the new Skutters look as close, to the original Skutters as much, as it was
possible for them to do so! But obviously, they were designed to move around,
via far more highly developed and sophisticated late nineties technology,
rather than mid-eighties technology, which was a much cruder, slower and less
sophisticated way of them moving around, which even though, it worked fairly
well, at the time, it would probably have not been geared, for todays Skutters!
But on the whole, I was quite impressed with the new blue looking sleeker, Red
Dwarf VIII Skutters!
EPISODE III: BACK IN THE RED: PART III
And so the start of Back In
The Red III began in Rimmer and Lister's Prison Cell room once again, and I
gathered, just like the start of Back In The Red I, that the final part of the
Dwarfer's predicaments would go back to being flashback scenes once more.
Incidentally for the rest of Red Dwarf VIII onwards, the Prison Cell room would
be the first scene at the start of every episode onwards with the exception of
Pete I and II: Episodes VI and VII and a little bit of Krytie TV: Episode V:
Red Dwarf VIII, but that said, it seemed quite obvious to me, that the Prison
cell room was going to be the focal point for the rest of Red Dwarf VIII
onwards, and it was only the first three episodes of Red Dwarf where the Prison
cell room was more of a warm up for the rest of Red Dwarf VIII, and therefore,
if the characters were going to be stuck there for the best part of two years
of their lives, they might as well get used to it. And even though Rimmer is
sharing the same Prison Cell room as Lister, it doesn't explain why he has
ended up there with them, but do not worry, all will
be revealed during the rest of this episode! But it is Rimmer and Lister's
first day on the Penal Colony, and it looks like Rimmer and Lister have made it
up since Back In The Red I, thank goodness! Well if you can call them been on
speaking terms, meaning that they are definitely not, really the best of
friends, in the first place! And the significance of this, only means that they
have got to get on with one another, if they are to survive the next two years
on this lousy stinking Penal Colony, as Rimmer kindly refers to it! Rimmer is
cracking up already, because everybody is so deranged on this lousy stinking
Penal Colony! And on his first afternoon he went to see the Social Worker who
was no help whatsoever, because he beat Rimmer up, because he thought, that he
was a whining Nancy boy with girlie white legs and he kept on pummelling him
repeatedly with his book, which was called: Compassion To Inmates! Lister was
completely taken aback, because he thought that Social Workers were supposed to
be nice! And in the end, Rimmer went to see the Priest who was even worse! And
he also thought that he was a whining baby who was
missing his Mum, and he also beat him up, and he informed Lister, that you can
still see the crucifix marks in the back of his head! But Lister insisted that
they were having a hard time, because they were in G Tower and that all the
staff are mad in this particular tower! But as a
reward for good behaviour they move you to the luxury block on D Wing, and that
everything is really nice there, and that they even shampoo the rats and groom
their tails and everything! And Rimmer stated that he must look it up in his
Michelin guide to Penal Colony Hell-Holes and that it probably gets the full
five slop-out buckets! But Lister went on to mention that they had got
everything, TVs, music, and that it has even got a trouser press! Rimmer is
rather concerned, because since when, has Lister with his disgusting hygiene
habits, being interested in a trouser press, especially as he cares less about
his appearance, than a member of the Dutch Royal Family?! But Lister insists
that they are great for making cheese toasties! Rimmer is looking at Floor 13's
Information pack, and if you want privacy on the toilet, you must wear a
blindfold! And there is also a book provided in the pack, which is Gideon's
Bible. Lister is rather concerned about there been a Gideon Bible provided in
the cell room, because that "Gideon" bloke has followed him quite a
lot, over the years, because he stayed in a Hotel, and he found a Gideon Bible
there! And two years later, Lister stayed at another Hotel, and he left his
Bible there again! However, Rimmer is more concerned that his career is ruined,
and that he has got no goal, no hope, no life! But
Lister just cannot understand why this is getting him down now! But Rimmer
insists that they have got to escape from the brig, because it means spending
two years with the scum of the universe who are hardened criminals, deranged
droids, people so unbalanced, that they could even get elected President of the
United States! But Lister insists that there are security cameras everywhere
and according to the geezer with one eye and a funny tic, escape from the brig
is impossible, but Rimmer insists that he is bound to say that. He's the Warden
for Gods sake! If only he had hired a smarter lawyer, instead of the brain-dead
pompous, stupid-haired git he ended up with! But Lister cannot understand
Rimmer's attitude, because Rimmer defended himself, after all! And even though
they are on speaking terms, Rimmer still doesn't need reminding of that fact,
thank you very much, because they have got two years in the tank! Rimmer puts
his big black blindfold on, which looks futuristic, because it is more like a
mask than a blindfold, with silver edging on it, with the words ENGAGED on it, which is also in silver lettering.
Lister thinks that the blindfold is for him, but Rimmer is more concerned about
how they ended up in this mess in the first place!
And so we go back to
Hollister, and his video diary once again, who does yet another recap, via Back
In The Red II, and in between times, Hollister states that unbeknownst to them,
to test the veracity of their defence he has had the Dwarfer's placed in AR, so
that he can observe their actions. You also see a very brief scene of the
Dwarfer's in AR, in suspended animation, and Lister, Kryten and the Cat are
miming the actions of operating a space craft, and with the exception of the
Cat, they are still wearing their grey uniforms, which they wore in the Board
of Enquiry room, where they sealed the envelopes, and therefore, at some point,
they must have passed out, and being taken along to the AR suite, by certain
Officer's, but I will go into detail about that, a bit later on in this report,
as I am finding that this is a very complicated review, indeed! And the same
goes for my description of the AR suite, because at this point, this particular
set is only being featured, via short snappy snippets, and as the plot moves
along, and the set is featured that bit more, I will go into more detail about
it, once the set is utilized a bit more. In the meantime however, Hollister is
concerned, that Rimmer, who is the least able of his crew has started acting
very suspiciously, by being incredibly insightful and efficient, and that he
may have access to the crews confidential files, and he also believes, that he
may be in possession of a virus, which makes him incredibly attractive to the
opposite sex, and that this is obviously a remarkable serum, and as a
responsible Officer of the Space Corps, it is imperative that Hollister gains
possession of this solution, so that he can use it, himself! Hollister goes on
to state that yesterday, that Rimmer was observed injecting his groin with
anaesthetic, which he believes is something that he did to gain self control
and he also suspects someone, possibly Lister has given Rimmer, the crews
confidential files, and that he is using this information to blackmail his way
up the chain of command. Holllister went on to say, that it is sickening and
unforgiveable, but it is a technique which can work. After all, he should know.
He used the same method himself to become Captain! And if the crew discover, that he is really just Dennis the Doughnut
Boy, he is finished! And therefore, he will continue to observe Lister's
actions in AR, and expect his suspicions to be confirmed. And for the time
being, Hollister's report ends.
In the meantime however,
the Cat can be seen as a small dot in the Cargo bay pushing a laundry basket, with
his fellow Dwarfer's safely hidden inside, and he starts to board Blue Midget
and the Duane Dibbley Skutters follow him into Blue Midget. And now the
Dwarfer's are in the cockpit of Blue Midget, and with regard to the interior
set for Blue Midget, which was utilized for Red Dwarf VIII, which was exactly
the same interior set, which was also used for the 1998 Children In Need Red
Dwarf sketch! But I had assumed, at the time, that it was the new interior set
for Starbug, when we saw the 1998 Children In Need Red Dwarf sketch last year,
which was very good, but I did feel, that when we saw the exterior model shot
sequence, that it looked rather different to Starbug! And even though, I had
seen the new interior set of Blue Midget at Shepperton, I had still assumed,
that it was the new interior set for Starbug, especially as the only model
shot, we actually saw aired, wasn't very clear at the time, and this was done
deliberately, so as not to release plot details, and just to basically, keep
you guessing! But I should have realised this, by the dance,
that the Cat did to impress the attractive Ground Controller, which we
had also seen at Shepperton. And we did see the Dwarfer's, make their getaway,
in Blue Midget, via the Cat not impressing the ugly Ground Controller, this
time! But I could only recall, so much to mind, when I wrote up the previous
review of Red Dwarf VIII been filmed at Shepperton Studios on the 4th of
December 1998, and my review was centred more, towards the filming techniques
of Red Dwarf VIII, rather than the storylines, which is what The Red Dwarf
Children In Need sketch review, in question, was more geared up to, anyhow.
I would have preferred
them, to use the Starbug interior set for Red Dwarf VIII, as again, I have
never been a great fan of the Blue Midget models, as they were utilized more,
for Red Dwarf I and Red Dwarf II, and very briefly, in Bodyswap: Episode IV,
Red Dwarf III, and it was sort of re-introduced for Blue: Episode V, Red Dwarf,
VII. But that said, I was always interested in Blue Midget, because I did ask
Mel Bibby at Dimension Jump 1995, what he thought, about the original interior
set design of Blue Midget, for Red Dwarf I and II, which I had thought, seemed
rather ahead of it's time, anyhow! But he stated, that he had not been
involved, with the original interior set design of Blue Midget, and that, he
has only being involved, with the interior set design of Starbug, from Red
Dwarf III, onwards. But I daresay, that the new brilliant, and far better and
bigger interior set design of Blue Midget for Red Dwarf VIII, is all down to
Mel Bibby, because it looks a lot brighter and more expanded, than the original
interior set design of Blue Midget for Red Dwarf I and Red Dwarf II. And Mel
did state to me and my husband Paul, that it did look, like a very dark and a
very cramped set, in it's day, and when he had originally designed the interior
set for Starbug, he had intended to make it bigger and better, for the cast to
work around in, a bit more, anyway. And I really do feel, that for Red Dwarf
VIII, Blue Midget has got a far better interior set design, than it did, for
Red Dwarf I and Red Dwarf II! But it needed to be a
lot bigger, to accommodate Kochanski, anyway, especially as she was not a
regular cast member in Red Dwarf I and II! And I really do feel, that was one of the main reasons, why the new interior set
design of Blue Midget had to be updated, to accommodate her, as well, as the
Boyz!
All of the Dwarfer's, apart
from Rimmer, including the two Skutters: Bob and Madge are all seated inside
Blue Midget. They all start off by wearing the Duane Dibbley funny dark wigs
and awful keyboard teeth, complete with the white Dentist's coats.
And so, back to the plot,
where the Dwarfer's with the exception of Rimmer are all escaping on Blue
Midget. But they cannot leave the Dwarf, without security clearance, because an
attractive black woman, in a black uniform with the intials JMC on the neck in
silver letters and Jupiter Mining Corporation written on the front of the
uniform, which is also in silver letters, and the top part of the arms of the
uniform, have got pretty red and silver stripes, which only go round the arms,
but they make the uniform look quite effective all the same, suddenly appears
on a screen, alongside a load of other JMC Ground controllers, whom you never
see, but they are there, nevertheless! And the point of the matter is, the Dwarfer's cannot leave, without security clearance!
Lister makes jokes about Major Tom to Ground Control, but the attractive black
woman, is not having it, and without a name and clearance code, they will not
be allowed flight clearance! But the Cat, who has instantly decided that she is
definitely the woman of his dreams, decides to prove that he can fly Blue
Midget, once and for all, and go out on a date with her, if he is lucky! Quite
surprisingly, the black woman is impressed by the Cat's sense of humour, but
once again, she still needs some reassurance, that he can fly a Blue Midget.
The Cat is still not prepared to give up, as easily, as all that! And he states
that, of course, he can make Blue Midget fly! And not only can the Cat make
Blue Midget fly, he can also make it dance! To cut a long story short, the Cat
jumps out of Blue Midget, somehow, and into the Cargo bay! His white overall
and Duane Dibbley wig and teeth, have completely disappeared, and he is now
resplendent in a shiny blue sparkling suit, which I think, is the one, that he
wore, in Nanarchy: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VII, and he does a brilliant dance,
complete with a set of false teeth, which accompanies the music, via their
chattering, which in turn, causes a set of Blue Midget's to start leaping
around the Cargo bay! I must stress, that when I first saw this dance at
Shepperton, I wasn't all that impressed, because I did not think, that it was
comparable, to the success of the original Tongue Tied, and because I had
heard, via various reports, that the Cat, was going to do a song and dance
sequence for Red Dwarf VIII, I did expect the Cat, to do a song and dance
sequence, that would be very similar to the original Tongue Tied, and what is
more, it was only a dance routine, anyhow. But I had to say, that when I first
saw Back In The Red III: Episode III, Red Dwarf VIII, that seeing that dance
sequence, in the privacy of my own home, and once, that I had got the gist of
the story a bit more, I felt, that even though, the new dance sequence, could
not compete with Tongue Tied, I did think, that it had a lot to offer, for the
Cat, and that it was about high time, that he did a dance routine on Red Dwarf,
again, anyhow, especially after it had been such a long time, since Parallel
Universe: Episode VI, Red Dwarf II, anyway! And in a sense, I felt that it
wouldn't be right, for the Cat, to do a song and dance sequence, like Tongue
Tied all over again, and I have heard, that even though the fans of Red Dwarf,
have really loved the impact of Tongue Tied over the years, they have also
felt, that if the Cat were to do another song and dance routine on Red Dwarf,
that he should do something completely different. And as I have admired Danny's
musical career, over the years, it just went to prove that new dance sequence,
which he did for Back In The Red III: Episode III, Red
Dwarf VIII, just went to prove in my mind, that Danny John-Jules is very
versatile, as a dancer, indeed! And since I have seen Red Dwarf VIII, I have
also understood, that Charles Augins choreographed, that particular scene, in
question. And as we all know, Charles Augins also played Queeg in Queeg:
Episode V, Red Dwarf II, plus the fact, that he also choreographed Tongue Tied,
as well, and he also played Blind Pew in Treasure Island, along with Hetty
Baynes, who also played the Cockpit Computer in Dimension Jump: Episode V, Red
Dwarf IV. And also to his credit, Charles Augins was also Danny John-Jules'
dance instructor, and Danny stated in an interview, in a Science Fiction
magazine, that Charles used to shout at him and his fellow dancer friends, but
it was all in good fun really, and it all encouraged them to work very hard,
when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day! And Danny also stated
in that particular interview, that Charles was really good for the part of
Queeg, because his forceful manner, was very effective
for the part of Queeg! However I have since discovered, via the Red Dwarf VIII picture script book of the series,
that with regard to Danny's dance routine for Back In The
Red III: Episode III, Red Dwarf VIII, that it was criticised, via the fans on
the alt.tv.red-dwarf newsgroup on the internet, which came as quite a surprise,
to me! To be honest, Back In The Red III: Episode III, Red Dwarf VIII, has been
one of the most harshly criticised episodes of Red Dwarf VIII, but to my own
general opinion of Back In The Red III: Episode III, Red Dwarf VIII, is that is
a far more superior episode to Back In The Red II: Episode II, Red Dwarf VIII,
and I also consider it to be one of the best episodes of Red Dwarf VIII! And I
have also discovered, via the Red Dwarf Programme
Guide and the Red Dwarf VIII picture
script book of the series, that Danny John-Jules, found this particular dance
sequence: "Bloody Hard Work!", because when you think about it, he
was having to co-ordinate the dance to thin air, because he wasn't really
dancing next to a pair of false teeth and the Blue Midget's. They would be
added in post production, via the Visual Effects team! I do not specialise in
dance myself, but I am a part-time Drama student, and I have done a bit of
dancing, via a Pantomime and a Carnival Fete show, and it is bloody hard work!
Dancing is a lot harder than acting, when it actually comes down to it, at the
end of the day! And I really didn't want to do the dancing, that I did, at the
time, because I was persuaded into it, via the Drama group, I was involved with,
at the time, and I really didn't want to let them down, when it actually came
down to it, at the end of the day! And I would like to think, that I really did
do my very best with my dancing efforts at the time, and that said I had a
great deal of time and respect for the people involved who co-ordinated the
dancing sequences that I was involved in, even though I swear, that I won't get
involved, with dancing ever again! And I have a great deal of respect for
dancers, amateur and professional, especially Danny, as I believe, that he put
his heart and soul into the dancing sequence, which he did for Back In The Red
III: Episode III, Red Dwarf VIII, and as I am quite a fairly experienced
internet user, and I access the alt.tv.red-dwarf newsgroup myself, I can speak
from basic experience, that there is a lot of ignorance, on that particular
newsgroup, anyway! But I will state here and now, that I felt that Danny did
very well with the dance he used to charm the Ground Controller, who
incidentally was played by the actress Yasmin Bannerman who used to be a
regular in the Channel Four soap opera, Hollyoaks which is on a Sunday morning.
I do not follow Hollyoaks myself, but I looked up Yasmin Bannerman on the
Internet Movie Database, because I felt that I recognised her from somewhere
and as I have seen one or two episodes of Hollyoaks over the years,
that is how I probably recognised her in the first place. But her
performance as the Ground Controller in Back In The
Red III: Episode III, Red Dwarf VIII, was quite impressive, nevertheless!
And with that, our fellow
Dwarfer's have all been granted flight clearance, by the attractive black woman
Ground Controller, and after a certain Cat has smoked his cigar in the cockpit,
he tells his fellow crewmates that he has got a date with her, in three days
time, if he can fit it round his schedule, that is! The rest of the Dwarfer's
are suddenly back in their normal clothing, and Lister kindly informs the Cat,
that he is not going anywhere with the Ground Controller, because they are out
of here, man! It doesn't take very long, and soon they are all out of the Cargo
bay, and they are out in to deep space!
In the meantime however,
despite his funny anaesthetic walk, Rimmer wants to gain access to the AR
suite, which is being guarded by MP Thornton, and Thornton kindly tells Rimmer
in no uncertain terms that no-one is allowed in there, but in an audible
whisper Rimmer tells Angus Lionel Thornton, aged 36, that his inside leg
measurement is 29, his neck size is 16, but more importantly than that, he is
circumcised! This is obviously information which Rimmer has found, via the
confidential files, and
In the meantime however,
the Dwarfer's, who are still assuming that they are making their escape, though
things seem a little bit too easy, and Lister is determined to track down the
nanobots, so they can be cruising down freedom boulevard, once again! Rimmer
can now be observed in the AR suite watching their escape bid. In the meantime
however, Kryten announces that he has found something, which Lister states is a
good thing because they no longer need the confidential files scam, that he
cooked up with Rimmer after all, especially all the that stuff he gave him on
the Captain. And Lister has decided, for once and for all, that Rimmer is a
double-dealing, two-faced rat!
In the meantime, Rimmer
looks at the computery type machine, which is typing everything and he types:
Find all references to the agreement between Lister and Rimmer, and remove. And
therefore, Rimmer is determined, that Hollister will never ever find out about
his part in all of this, once and for all, or so he thinks, anyway!
And so, the Dwarfer's are
on their way to freedom, but it isn't quite as simple as all that, but again, where
Red Dwarf is concerned, things never are, are they?!
The Dwarfer's think, that
as nobody is following them, that things are just to
good to be true, which I also felt myself, when the Cat did his dance to his
Dream girl! When you think about it, it did look a little bit unreal, didn't
it?! Which makes me think of the virtual reality games, that the crew have
played before, in episodes like: Better Than Life: Episode II, Red Dwarf II,
Back To Reality: Episode VI, Red Dwarf V, Gunmen Of The Apocalypse: Episode
III, Red Dwarf VI, Stoke Me A Clipper: Episode II, Blue: Episode V and Beyond A
Joke: Episode VI, Red Dwarf VII. Not only that, when the Dwarfer's are
conversing with one another, their sentences seem to jump, and they are either
disjointed or uncompleted, and Kochanski feels, like she isn't really there.
Kryten believes, that they are in some kind of computer-manipulated
psychotropically induced mind state, and Kochanski who was right, to have her
doubts all along, about their situation being too good to be true, is shocked
to discover, that their escape is their trial! And Lister feels, that there was
something definitely not right, when they signed the consent forms, and that,
there must have been some kind of a drug, via the gluey bit, when they licked
the envelopes. But the Cat is shocked to discover, that nothing has been real
since then, especially the Ground Controller and making the Blue Midget's
dance, but he is even more upset to discover, that he hasn't got a date with
the Ground Controller! And this means, that this is yet another year, that he has got to send a Valentine's Day card to his
hand! But Lister is convinced, that this proves beyond
a doubt, that they are all innocent, and that everything that they have said
and done, escaping trying to track down the nanobots will corroborate their
story, once and for all! But Holly seems to think, that they are guilty and who
are they fooling, and he cannot understand why he said that! Kochanski thinks, that they are being framed and there is yet another
jump in their speech once again, and you can tell that Kryten thinks this is
bananas, even though his speech is being cut! But Lister suddenly has a good
idea who is responsible for this, and it is quite obvious that Rimmer is
messing about with the computer in the AR suite, because he wants to get them
into deep smeg, and if Lister says who is responsible for this, he knows that
it will get cut as well, but he knows full well that it is him, you can bet on
it, and if he ever catches up with him, he swears that he will cut off both of his ..... with a blunt knife! So,
now our fellow Dwarfer's have realised that they are definitely in the AR suite
on Red Dwarf, and they have got to get the hell out of there!
And so, I will now go into
more detail about the set of the new Artificial Reality Suite on Red Dwarf. It
is a very big Artificial Reality Suite, and the
Dwarfer's look like they are all fast asleep, except they are all talking as if
they are on Blue Midget and they are also held down by two white plastic arms,
which spring open, once they come out of AR. It is a much better AR suite than
the one on Starbug in Red Dwarf VI, in my opinion, but not as good as the AR
suite on Starbug in Red Dwarf VII, which a lot of the fans stated, looked like
a smaller version of the AR suite in Back To Reality:
Episode V, Red Dwarf V. A lot of the fans criticised the AR Suite in Red Dwarf
VII, because it looked Americanized. And I have to stress, that I did not like
the AR suite in Red Dwarf VII, at first, as I did prefer the AR Suite in Red
Dwarf VI, but the more that I got into Red Dwarf VII, I worked out the reason
exactly why, the set of the AR suite for Red Dwarf VII had to be re-designed.
The one reason was the nasty accident that happened to Craig Charles in Gunmen Of The Apocalypse: Episode III, Red Dwarf VI, on Red Dwarf:
The Smeg Ups video! And I am not going to go into any great details, about
that! I hope by now, that the majority of the fans who have seen Red Dwarf: The
Smeg Ups video, would know only too well what accident that I am referring to,
which happened to Craig Charles! But to my mind, I felt that particular set
looked very unsafe, especially with those metal bars, and groinal pouches,
wired everywhere! And as the technology of the Artificial Reality Suite, has
developed quite a bit, since Red Dwarf VI, and in the real world, especially
where computer technology, has advanced, over the past five years or so, since
Red Dwarf VI, was filmed, and especially, where the internet is concerned! It
was quite obvious, in my mind, that the AR Suite on Starbug, needed to be
re-designed, and as the cast had all been happier, with the sit down
arrangement, via the AR Suite in Back To Reality: Episode VI, Red Dwarf V, so
it was quite obvious, that the same principle, would be used for Red Dwarf VII,
sooner or later! I really loved the shiny way, that Lister's groinal pouch
flickered, with the lights, in Stoke Me A Clipper: Episode II, Red Dwarf VII,
and the way, that the headsets came down on the crew, and the way, that they
all genuinely looked asleep in Beyond A Joke: Episode VI, Red Dwarf VII, looked
very ahead of it's time, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the
day! However, the one thing, that did let the AR Suite down in Red Dwarf VII,
was that it had been far too dark, and all the shots, should not have been
filmed from such a great distance, which did give that particular set, far too
much of an Americanized look, and X Files feel! And I have seen shots of the
Red Dwarf VII AR Suite in various Science Fiction magazines, which were aimed
very closely at the cast, and the set looked a lot lighter, via photography
stills, but if that particular set had looked as light, as it had on film, like
it had done, via the photography stills, I feel in all honesty, that it would
have been appreciated, a whole lot more, when it actually came down to it, at
the end of the day! So, all the Dwarfer's are still in suspended animation,
held by the plastic arms. Not only that, they are also been witnessed by Captain
Hollister, via a wall of monitors. However, the Dwarfer's are determined, to
get back to reality, get the smeg out of the AR Suite, and really leg it on a
Blue Midget! Kryten thinks that there may be a trap door built into the AR
software to allow their escape, which the Cat states,
will help you get out of the programme, if it freezes. And Kryten goes on to
state, that there will be a cryptic clue around somewhere, which will hint,
that there is definitely a trap door or an exit. The Cat seems very matter of
fact, all of a sudden, and he is really determined, to find a way out of the
software, and he has noticed, that there is a button with E - Eleven T on it,
and with the help of Kryten the Cat has worked out that eleven is XI in Roman
numerals and he states in quite an informative manner, that it translates as
EXIT, which is a clue to help them get out of the AR Suite! Lister is
surprised, that the Cat got that! And therefore, Kryten is convinced, that this
is definitely not reality, or the Cat, wouldn't be quite as intelligent, as all
that! But as he has found the way out of the software, Kochanski, orders the
Cat to press the EXIT button, which is definitely their escape route, and he
presses it, and suddenly everything goes on a downwards theme, like they are
going down a chute. But it isn't exactly a chute, as such, it is just a lot of
lines, going downwards, but the way, that the special effects team, have got
that particular effect working, is very clever indeed, and the Dwarfer's are no
longer on Blue Midget! In fact, they are nowhere at all! In fact, they are not
even themselves, so to speak! They have suddenly taken on the appearance of
Plasticine characters, in an Arctic Landscape, with a little pool and an igloo!
And the Dwarfer's all look like, a cross, between the Plasticine models, in
Shakespeare The Animated Tales and Pingu! Seriously
though, I have since read, in a Science Fiction magazine, that the special
Cartoon, for Red Dwarf VIII, even though, it was only a very short Cartoon,
which was made by an Italian, was quite expensive to make, which was exactly
the same case, with Wallace and Gromit by Nick Park. And I had heard, that
there were only so many Wallace and Gromit Cartoons, about, because they were
very expensive to make, because that particular kind of animation, is very hard
and fiddly to do, and it took Nick Park, a couple of years, just to do one:
Wallace and Gromit Cartoon, and more importantly, than that, they cost a lot of
money! But if there were never any more series of Red Dwarf, I certainly think
that a Cartoon version of it, would be a feasible
option, and there, are Cartoons, of Star Trek, but why not for Red Dwarf?! And
I did get in touch with the The Official Red Dwarf Fan Club about this, and I
was informed, that the Cartoons, that are made in Great
Britain, are aimed, at Children, and with Red Dwarf's adult humour, they
really think, that it may not work, as a Cartoon! But that said, however, I Really do Feel, that the Cartoon, of When the Wind Blows,
Definitely, does not, come across, as a Children’s Cartoon! Incidentally, the
Cartoon: When the Wind Blows, is about an old couple,
having to cope, with the aftermath, of a Nuclear War! I have seen, that
particular Cartoon, in question, myself, and I was very upset, after I saw it,
and I Definitely Feel, that Children, should not, be allowed, to see it, and it
had, made me Feel, so angry, after I had seen it, at the time, that it, just
wasn't true! The one thing, that upsets me, more than anything in this life, is
Sheer Ignorance, and the Cartoon: When the Wind Blows,
is Definitely, an Example, of People’s Sheer Ignorance! And, I do not remember,
seeing Cartoons, like that, when I was a Child! Personally, I did feel, that When the Wind Blows, was very well-presented,
especially with the voice overs, of John Mills, and Peggy Ashcroft. And again,
what I am Stating, is, just a General Opinion, of how
I Felt, about that particular Cartoon, at the time! And, I Really do Feel, that
it, probably appeals, to some People, but I am, just not, one of those People,
okay! Everyone is entitled, to an opinion, and I Really do Feel, that When the
Wind Blows, is not, Really Suitable, for Children, and that it is, probably far
more, Suitable, for an Adult Audience, anyway. And I have always, been very Sensitive, about the Subject, of a Nuclear War. And I used
to live, in Sheer Fear, of the Bomb, right up, until Perestroika or Glasnost,
etcetera. And even now, I still worry, about the Bomb! It's just me, being all
anti-war, etcetera. I cannot stand, the very thought, of Violence, in this
World, okay!
However, now I have got, my
Political Views, off my Chest, the point, that I am making is, that I think,
that one day, Red Dwarf could work, as a Cartoon, on a regular basis, in this
country and abroad, if there was never another series! I will still not rule,
that out, as a possibility! And I think, in all honesty, that it could be
worked around Children, somehow, if they keep certain, Adult Jokes, out of it,
and who necessarily states, that a Cartoon, of Red Dwarf has got, to be aimed
at Children, anyway, when it actually comes down to it, at the end of the day?!
They must have worked it out, with the Star Trek Cartoons, somehow, and they do
have, the original Star Trek Crew, along with Captain Kirk in it, and there was
certain adult content, in the original Star Trek series, as Captain Kirk seemed
to have quite a lot, of Girlfriends, even though it was all done, in the best
possible taste, of course! And I honestly feel, that a
Cartoon, of Red Dwarf, with limited adult humour, could work one day! At the
end of the day, it is entirely up to the people, behind the Cartoons, to work
out, how their storylines present themselves! And there are the Red Dwarf
Cartoon Picture Strips, in the Smegazine and The Official Red Dwarf Fan Club's
Fanzine: Better Than Life, and I think, the way, that
the people behind them, have worked around, the adult humour, of them, pretty
well, actually!
Anyway, without any further
ado, back, to the Plot: The Dwarfer's are all Plasticine animated figures, and
they are stuck in an Arctic Landsape, with an igloo and a little pool. They all
ask themselves, where they are of course, and Kryten automatically works out,
that they have all ended up in the screensaver, of the AR Machines mainframe!
But Kochanski, seems to be on the alert, as per usual,
and she suggests, that what they need, is a power source, so they can turn the
AR machine off. Lister is looking, for some food, in the Arctic Pool,
but to everybody’s, complete and utter horror, an Evil, Nasty Looking: Shark,
had opened, his mouth, and he, had ended up, swallowing, Lister! Could this, be
the end, of Dave Lister, as we know it?! Have no fear, the poor Evil, Nasty
Looking: Shark, had suddenly, spat Lister out, of his mouth, and a Flying
Cherub, complete, with dreadlocks, had only gone, and hurtled him, right up,
into, the air! When I had,
first seen, the Cartoon, I could not, help saying, to my Husband: Paul:
"Oh my God! Even, the Shark, is disgusted, with him!". Which is quite obvious, to all concerned! After Lister has
safely landed, on the Arctic surface, safely intact, the Cat moves into the
igloo, and he informs them, that there is some food in there, and the Cat pulls
out a bottle of red sauce, from the igloo, and it is power ketchup, which
means, that it is power sauce (a power source!). Lister thinks, that it is, a
pity, that the Cat, is only smart, when he’s made out, of Plasticine! And then
the effects of the chute, comes back, once again. And the Dwarfer's find themselves, all awake, in the AR Suite once again, and what
is more, the white plastic arms, that are holding them down, all suddenly
spring open, and they are free!
I have to say, before I go
into the next scene, that even though, the Cartoon, was very short and sweet,
it was very effective, for that particular scene, in question! But I think, that it could have been, a little bit longer somehow,
and I think, that they could have got Rimmer involved with it, as well! But as
I have stated, just now, it was a very costly Cartoon, to make, that the people
behind it, had to make the best, of the budget allocated to them, and again,
there is only so much airing time, that the BBC will allocate for Red Dwarf,
but I definitely wouldn't rule out, that there is probably, an Extended
Version, of the Red Dwarf Cartoon, on the Cutting Room Floor, somewhere, which
will probably never see the light of day, unfortunately however! But
considering, the very short airing time, that was allocated for that Cartoon,
the Presentation of it, stood out really well, especially where Red Dwarf VIII,
was concerned, anyway! And Craig Charles is certainly no stranger, to voicing
over, a Cartoon! I have got Asterix Conquers America, on Video, and Craig
Charles, actually did the voice over, for Asterix! And he was very effective,
as Asterix, and I really do feel, that Craig has got a great Future, doing
voice overs, for Children’s Cartoons, and advertisements, etcetera, and even
though, the Cartoon, for Red Dwarf VIII, was very short and sweet, I still
felt, that he came over as Lister very well, and that, he had certainly kept,
in Character, all of the way! And the same went, for Kryten, Kochanski and the
Cat, and that, their Characters were still there, which is what really counts,
when it actually comes down to it, at the end of the day! And as I act myself,
I do understand, that some Actors, have had, real Difficulty, in keeping, their
Characters, in a Cartoon Version of whatever, they are in, and in a lot, of
cases, the Characters can get lost, somehow, because, as it is such, a
Different Style, of Presentation, which is the same, for acting on Radio as
well, as apposed, to acting, on Stage, and Television, your nerves, can just
take over, somehow! But that, was Definitely not, the
case, with the Cartoon in Red Dwarf VIII! The Characters were still
recognizable, as their old Loveable Selves, and that, is very important, in my
mind!
And with that, the
Dwarfer's are now released from the AR machines, and Lister has suddenly
noticed Rimmer, observing their movements! He informs him, that he is a
back-stabbing Weasly Smegger, who was trying, to Frame, them all, and Rimmer is
stating, that he knows it looks bad, but before he has barely finished his
sentence, when Kochanski whose eyes do not seem to be focusing properly, and it
is quite obvious to one and all, that the expression on her face is not normal,
because it looks rather animated, and what is more, she has got her eyes on
Rimmer! Yes folks, the effects of the sexual magnetism virus on Rimmer have not
worn off yet! Kochanski who states that Rimmer is gorgeous, is suddenly been
held back by Lister and the Cat, under Rimmer's pleas because he cannot take
any more of this, and she orders them to let her at him! Kochanski states that
his nostrils are driving her crazy, and she has simply got to have him! And
Lister is begging Kryten to hold her down, because the last thing, that he
wants, is for her, to have her wicked way with Rimmer!
The Dwarfer's have finally
managed to enter a brown dingy service lift which is a brown dingy area, with
monitors all around the walls, which is reminiscent of the mid-section of
Starbug, which was featured in Red Dwarf VI and Red Dwarf VII. Kryten asks the
Cat to put the lift on hold for the time being. Anyway, without any further
ado, the Dwarfer's have managed Lister and the Cat are
still holding Kochanski down! Her uniform is in a very dishevelled state and
she is fighting like a Tigress now, and she is determined to have her wicked
way with Rimmer, no matter what! And what is more, she wants his babies! Rimmer
is backing as far away as he can, from Kochanski, but it is no good, they
cannot hold her down, forever! But fortunately however, before it is too late,
Lister suggests using the luck virus against the sexual magnetism virus, and
they will all have to wait and see, if his luck will swing for him the right
way, and see if it will cure him, of the effects, of the sexual magnetism
virus, once and for all! It is his lucky day, Rimmer swallows the luck virus,
and the effects of the sexual magnetism virus have died down, at long last! And
Kochanski, suddenly regains her senses, and she cannot
believe, that she could have lusted after Rimmer, like that! And one of her
funniest lines in this particular episode was: "Oh God, that's so
embarrassing!". However, Rimmer wishes that his
luck, could have held out, a little bit longer, and he doesn't think himself,
as lucky, when he could have had his wicked way with her! But that said, he has lost his limp, once and for all, thank goodness!
Holly's face suddenly appears on a monitor in the lift, and he suggests, that
they should head for the nearest one of these, and Holly suddenly tilts his
head, so that it looks like a Moon! And he is suggesting,
that they should all regroup on the nearest moon, and continue their search,
for the nanobots. Kryten feels, that they should
persuade Rimmer to come with them, short of bludgeoning him unconscious! The
Cat thinks this is a pretty dumb idea, but Kryten insists that Mr Rimmer has
had access to the confidential files, and that he knows all of the security
codes and without him, their chances of escape, are about as remote as meeting
an interesting hairdresser, called Kylie! Rimmer has got his doubts about this
naturally and he asks them, what have they got to offer? Kryten informs Rimmer,
that he is very good at laundry. And Holly informs Rimmer, that he does a
damned fine moon impression! And the Cat states, that he is so gorgeous, that
there is a six-months waiting list for birds to
suddenly appear, every time, that he is near! And Kryten goes on to state, that
if you have got three good friends, you are a very rich man! But Rimmer
insists, that only poor people say that! It is quite obvious, that Lister
feels, that as they all making their escape, that Rimmer could be in serious
trouble, with the crew of Red Dwarf, because he has quite unwittingly helped
them, make their escape, and even though he is not the Rimmer, whom they all
used to know, he is still Rimmer, when it actually comes down to it, at the end
of the day! The Cat thinks that they are wasting their time, and that he will
never change his mind, but Kryten insists, that time is of the essence, because
the crew will have worked out by now, that they are out of AR, and will
probably be sending someone to investigate. Rimmer feels that if he leaves,
that he will always be a failure, because he still wants the opportunity to
become an Officer, when all is said and done, and he cannot live with the shame
of it. Just think, every time that he has a boiled egg, he won't even outrank
the Toastie Soldiers! And Rimmer states, that he wants to be an Officer, a Man
of Honour, and he did inform Lister in Marooned: Episode II, Red Dwarf III,
that Generals were Men of Honour, but Lister tries to convince him, that he is
above all that, and that he would never fit in with the Officer clique, anyway,
because Officer's aren't Men of Honour, especially, via all of those induction
pranks that they play on you, when you qualify! But Rimmer is not to be defeated
so easily, especially as he has lived for that day, especially when you wake up
after the celebration party to find that your pubes are orange, and that you
are also handcuffed to a goat! And another induction prank, that Rimmer is
looking forward to, is finding yourself superglued to
one of those rabbits that whizzes round greyhound tracks! Rimmer is determined
not to miss any of those mad japes that they play on you! But Lister keeps on
insisting, that they are all a bunch of losers, and that he would just not fit
in with them, as he is different, and that when they had had the hologram
Rimmer with them, that he had achieved far more, by being dead, than he would
ever have done, by being alive, and that he was virtually an Officer, anyway!
And what would he have to lose, by legging it, with them?! And Lister states,
that if the other Rimmer wasn't destined to be an Officer, he honestly feels,
that the newly resurrected Rimmer isn't destined to be an Officer, either! And
Holly insists, that they are giving him a second
chance at life, and an opportunity for Rimmer to screw it up, in a new and
original way! Kryten insists that he will get a seat in the cockpit, and that
he will be quite impressed, by the prospect of being in control of at least
five buttons! Kochanski feels that this is pathetic, and that he will hardly be
impressed, at the prospect of being in control of a few buttons! But that said,
Rimmer has got ambitions, and he is quite impressed by being offered the
prospect of being in control of five buttons, because it might give him the
chance of going up the ziggurat, lickety split! And Lister also informs him
that there will be no more vending machine maintenance and definitely no more
getting heckled by drinks dispensers! Rimmer is really quite enthusiastic about
his new position, but that said, only a git like Arnold Rimmer could be so
absolutely enthralled, by the prospect of operating five buttons! Kochanski
informs him that this is a new start and a new life, and Lister also informs
him, that he will want to wake up in the morning and leap out of bed! And
Kryten states to Lister that in his case, that is because his sheets are
usually covered in pointy poppadum shards! But Rimmer wants to know more about
these buttons, and what is more, they are they illuminated! Lister goes on to
inform Rimmer that the old Rimmer was a vital member of the team, and that he
performed vital functions that they have never replaced. The new Rimmer is
rather curious about the old Rimmer and he wants to know what he did, but
Lister really can't recall to mind, what the old
Rimmer did, but he thinks that he may have been Head of Safety! To a certain
extent, I really did think, that the old Rimmer was Head of Safety, because he
used to be in charge of the communications console on Starbug, and when the
Dwarfer's, were threatened by attacks from the Gelf's and Simulants in Red
Dwarf VI, he really did tell them, what he thought of them, before he went and
had a panic attack, underneath the scanner table! But that said, the old Rimmer was responsible of wiping out the threat of
their future selves, from coming back and destroying them once and for all, via
destroying the time drive with a bazookoid! And therefore, he did have his
moments! And he could be brave when he wanted to be, which
was exactly the same case in the Wizard of Oz, because the Cowardly
lion, helped to save Dorothy and Toto from the Wicked Witch, along with the
Scarecrow and the Tinman, and he had more courage, than he originally thought
he had! And sometimes courage can come, when you least expect it! I have had my
moments of cowardice myself in the past, but at least I am honest enough to
admit that I am a coward if I absolutely have to! But honesty with Arnold
Rimmer isn't exactly his number one priority! But that said,
Rimmer feels that Head of Safety is one hell of a title, and he really does
want to know what the old Rimmer did to deserve that title! Lister informed him
that he sought out danger, he sought out peril, and he advised us in the best
way to run away from it! That settles it! Rimmer is quite impressed. Five
buttons and Head of Safety! He is in! And he is one of the Boyz, once again!
The Cat thinks that the matter is settled, because he
has decided to crack open a bottle of cyanide!
And with that, the
Dwarfer's are in the cockpit of Blue Midget, and this time, they are genuinely
making their escape, from Red Dwarf!
However, it is not as
simple as all that, and Holly warns them, that they have got problems, and once
again, they have got to make their escape, via the Security system on Red
Dwarf, and they have got to get clearance from the Ground Controller! But it is
not the same Ground Controller, this time! There are a couple of similarities
between the Cat's Dream Girl Ground Controller (because at the end of the day
folks, that was all she was, the Cat's Dream Girl!). She is a woman, and just
like the previous Ground Controller, she is black, but that is where the
similarities end! She is not a very attractive black woman! She is middle-aged,
and she is wearing a pair of stiff looking glasses, and she is also wearing,
what seems to be a blue shower cap, and the same black Ground Controller
uniform, which the attractive black Ground Controller wore, and she is also
wearing two sets of beaded necklaces as well, which are red and white. Quite
surprisingly however, underneath a flashy looking brooch, is another brooch of
a little Cat! So, perhaps she is really the Cat's Dream girl after all, in a
surreal kind of way! She is also not very well-equipped in the brains
department either, and she has got a very strong Jamaican accent, which is
closely related to the way to the Padre' spoke in Dimension Jump: Episode V,
Red Dwarf IV, and she really sounds like a character in Tales Of Uncle Remus:
Song Of The South! She is definitely not the Cat's idea of a Dream Girl! And
when she asks him his name, so she can grant him clearance, and yes it is the
Cat, whom she is communicating with! There is also another similarity, between
the fantasy escape, and the real escape, and the Cat's reply to this is:
"Reality Sucks!". The Ground Controller
laughs at him and her reply is: "You're called Reality Sucks?! One second
Mr Sucks, just checking my clearance list". The Ground Controller has
definitely taken the Cat's insult literally! Lister orders the Cat to do
another smegging dance, and then they can get the hell out of there, but the
Cat refuses, because with her, he would have difficulty walking, let alone
dancing! The Cat powers up Blue Midget and it suddenly eases itself up and
starts heading towards the Cargo bay doors. The Ground Controller is in a
complete state of panic, as it is quite obvious to one and all, that she cannot
find a Mr Reality Sucks in her clearance list, and her response is: "Mr
Sucks, come back! Mr Sucks! Come back!", and without any further ado, Blue
Midget goes hurtling towards the Cargo bay doors, and you've guessed it, Blue
Midget crashes into the Cargo bay doors, and once they are destroyed, the
Dwarfer's are out in to deep space, and this time, they are definitely in the
clear! Or are they? I was particularly impressed by the *other* Ground
Controllers appearance, because we had been fortunate enough to see her come
off the set at Shepperton Studios and give the customary bow to the audience.
The actresses name was Jeillo Edwards, and I have since discovered, via the
Internet Movie Database that she was a guest character in The Professionals,
when it was on in the seventies! I think I vaguely remember, seeing her in
other things, over the years, but I cannot recall to mind, what they were, but
I thought, that I ought to mention, what else the *other* Ground Controller has
been in, anyhow.
Kochanski states, that
there is nothing on the scanners for a thousand miles, and they are in the
clear, but Kryten, ever caring and helpful, doesn't believe, that they are, and
he as extremely worried about the lack of supplies, once they were all clear of
the Dwarf, and they must get to a supply ship, as soon as it is possible for
them to do so! Rimmer is concerned, and perhaps there is no oxygen, but Kryten
insists, that it is even more drastic than that! They have no fabric softener,
and he is extremely worried, that the crews woollens, will come out all bibbly
bobbly, without any fabric conditioner! And that they chart a
course to the nearest derelict which is the SS Einstein. I briefly
gathered, by what we saw at Shepperton, that Kryten's character is not like it
was, in Red Dwarf VII, and that he is far more like, the Kryten that we are all
familiar with, via Red Dwarf III, Red Dwarf IV, Red Dwarf V and Red Dwarf VI,
and that, he has accepted Kristine Kochanski, as part of the crew, at long
last! And that his character is more in the background for Red Dwarf VIII. But
I honestly do feel, that whenever Kryten makes his debut in Red Dwarf VIII, he
is always his old sweet self, which I was vastly relieved about, to say the
very least! And even though I did feel, that it was a very good idea in theory,
to make him a far more domineering character in Red Dwarf VII, it did not
really work very well in practice, even though he did have his moments, during
Beyond A Joke: Episode VI, Red Dwarf VII, which was in my opinion, one of the
best episodes of Red Dwarf VII, which Robert co-wrote along with Doug Naylor.
But I really did feel, that Kryten been a far more domineering character, did
not work very well, on a long term basis, even though I did feel, that Robert
did do a very good job, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the
day! But in my general opinion, it just did not suit the Kryten,
that we have all come to know and love, over the years!
The Cat thinks that
Einstein was the dude who discovered
And so, we see Hollister
and Holly watching them all in AR, but this time Rimmer is in the AR machine
with them. So, this means that Rimmer was there all the time, with his fellow
Dwarfer's after he left the Captain's office, and that the great sex that he
had with all those women who were at the Captain's Table was an illusion! Or
was it?! This is possibly debated amongst the Red Dwarf fans, but I personally
feel, that it may have been real enough, because Hollister probably wanted
Rimmer to pay for his devious actions, when he accessed the confidential files
and found the luck virus, and the sexual magnetism virus, which is probably
more than likely! But that is just a personal opinion anyway, but I really do
feel that Rimmer did truly take advantage of the sexual magnetism virus,
because he might as well take advantage of all the sex, that he can get, before
he is confined to two years in the brig! But I honestly feel, that the majority
of the avid Red Dwarf fans have used their own judgement,
where that is concerned, anyway!
But back in the unreal Blue
Midget cockpit Lister wants to know who has set them up, and Holly states that
it has been done by a superior intellect! The Cat thinks that the hand-drier in
the mens toilets has outsmarted him again! But Holly insists that it is the
other version of him, that is responsible for this!
And the other version of Holly, is the one that was in the process of being
rebooted in Back In The Red I who is a back up copy to the original Holly, who
would have definitely had an IQ of 6,000 before the radiation incident, but the
point is, the Dwarfer's are in deep smeg and Holly insists, that this is still
their trial and if the Cat had known that, he would have worn a tie!
Meanwhile in Captain
Hollister's Office, where Hollister is keying something into his keyboard a
message comes up on the computer screen, which states quite simply: INTELLIGENT HOLLY IQ 6,0000. And therefore, that would
definitely indicate to the viewers concerned, that there are two Holly's (or
Hollies if one prefers!), on board the Dwarf, and the nanobots must have
resurrected the intelligent Holly, and the senile Holly, even though he hasn't
got his female appearance back is obviously the Holly, who survived three
million years! The intelligent Holly is quite different to the senile Holly in
appearance, via the computerised generated effects. The top of Holly's receding
hairline is very long, and his eyes and the rest of his features look weird and
surreal, etcetera. It does not explain why he didn't look like this in The End:
Episode I, Red Dwarf I before the radiation incident,but I have since worked it
out, that Doug Naylor obviously wanted to differentiate the intelligent Holly
from the senile Holly, because the intelligent Holly was only used for Back In
The Red III: Episode III, Red Dwarf VIII, and the senile Holly was mainly
confined to the brig, and I daresay, for the rest of Red Dwarf VIII, there just
wasn't the time to use the intelligent Holly again, which was a great shame
really, as I felt, that there were plenty of opportunities for him to be used,
against his original counterpart which would have been great fun and great
confusion, when it actually comes down to it, at the end of the day! I do not
know whether it will satisfy any Dwarfer's out there, who are really into the
Red Dwarf Plot Inconsistencies Project, when they come across this review, but
it may be worth a try, anyhow!
But Hollister had worked
out, via the AR Suite, that their intentions were not entirely dishonest ones,
and that Lister's nanobot story is corroborated, and that they were trying to
track them down, and that their actions in the psychotropically induced
scenario bear that out, and the intelligent Holly agrees with Frank's
summations, and that he also believes that they died and were indeed
resurrected, again borne out by their actions. And Hollister confirms that they
are all innocent of the original charges but unfortunately, because of the fact
that they had all decided to escape, and Rimmer had stolen the sexual magnetism
and luck virus, and abused their valuable properties in the process, plus via
encouragement from Lister, his stealing confidential records, in the wreckage
of Starbug, which they had used for their own ends, which Hollister had
suspected that Rimmer had access to, the moment that he walked in to his
office, and began acting incredibly smart and knowledgeable, which the
intelligent Holly felt was a real giveaway! And that was why Hollister had got
him to lick one of the psychotropic envelopes when he invited him to dinner,
and abusing confidential information is a fesh crime which was definitely
comparable to High Treason, which would ultimately earn the Dwarfer's two years
in the brig, anyway! The intelligent Holly went on to stress, that instead of
the original charge and a possible sentence of two years in the brig, that they
have been found guilty on another charge and have got an entirely different two
years in the brig and that will be of great comfort to them, and therefore, the
intelligent Holly realises that he has got no choice, but to wake them up and
break the news! I personally felt that this was a bit unfair to the Dwarfer's
because whatever happened, they were destined to end up in the brig for two
years, and Hollister seemed determined to make them be punished, for something
very petty as accessing confidential information, and I really felt that he
just wanted an excuse to put them in the brig, anyway! But then again he is a
Captain, and that is exactly how Captain's, get on, isn't it?!
And so, the Dwarfer's have
now been released from the AR machines once again, but Rimmer still isn't sure
that this is reality and the Cat stated: Why should we care? Nothing makes
sense, no matter where we are! But Lister insists that everything was real
before they licked the envelopes, then conked out, and got carted off to AR,
and he also stresses to Rimmer that before they licked anything, that he lent
him his Holly watch and Rimmer states that if this is reality, then he should
be wearing the Holly watch. And Rimmer stares at his wrist,
he is wearing the Holly watch.... Holly also states that this is definitely
reality, he would know it anywhere! Kryten also states that Rimmer should also
have the viruses, as he did find them on Starbug before they licked the
envelopes. Rimmer pulls the viruses out of his pocket, and he feels, that as they have got the luck virus, perhaps they
can get out of this mess? But unfortunately, Hollister is wise to their tricks
by now, and he confiscates the luck virus, and he states that the Lab boys will
want to run some tests on it, and he also asks what has happened to the sexual
magnetism virus? Rimmer states that he has lost the sexual magnetism virus,
which is a lie, because he has passed it on to Lister, for safe keeping, behind
Kochanski's back! And Hollister's back! Hollister is not a very happy man,
because he wanted the sexual magnetism virus, for his own devious ends,
obviously! Even though he insisted that he wanted it, so that the Lab boys
could run tests on it, as well! Kryten tells Rimmer, that this is all his fault and Kochanski informs him that he betrayed
them over the confidential files scam, Lister also states, that he stole the
sexual magnetism virus, Kryten also informs him that he lied to them and
Kochanski states, that he generally behaved like a self-serving scum-sucking,
ruthless little ratbag! Rimmer is shocked to discover, that this is bad!
And now the Dwarfer's are
all grouped together in their lilac uniforms, holding up their cards with their
numbers on it, and Hollister states: That it is the finding of this enquiry
that they have all been found guilty of contravening Act 21 of the Space
Federation and before sentencing they will have to have medicals so that they
can be assigned appropriate prison status. Lister and Kochanski give one
another lingering looks, which was quite surprising really, and it looked quite
endearing, but because they are all going to be separated for the best part of
two years, looking at one another, will be the only thing that they will be
able to do! And it definitely looks like Lister won't be able to get any more
sexual opportunities with Kochanski, for the best part of two years!
All of the Dwarfer's, are now situated in what seems to be a very dark
and dingy area. This is the start of their first day in Prison, and they are
also surrounded by another batch of inmates, also kitted out, in their lilac
uniforms. There is a bald man in charge, and he states very simply to one and
all, in a very deep and surreal voice: "Welcome to the Tank!". And the bald man in charge is known as Mr Ackerman.
But I will go into more detail, about his character later on, in this report,
and the same goes for the main meeting area of the Tank, as this particular
scene is only a warm up for the rest of the Dwarfer's prison scenes in Red
Dwarf VIII. But put it like this, Ackerman makes Adolf Hitler look like a
sissy! But in the meantime, Lister holds up a tube, with the sexual magnetism
virus obviously still in there, and just like a little cherub, he pours it all
over Rimmer for a laugh! And suddenly a load of male hands, are rubbing
themselves with pleasure, all over Rimmer's body! And the expression on
Rimmer's face is filled with fear and trepidation! Obviously! And Lister had
the sexual magnetism virus on him, for all of this time! And now we know, why
Rimmer wouldn't speak to Lister in his cell in Back In
The Red I: Episode I, Red Dwarf VIII!
I have honestly felt, that
Rimmer, might have got out, of his predicament, somehow, just in the nick of
time, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day! But I daresay,
that it was probably more, the humiliation of him, being mauled, by all of
those cons, that had probably upset him, anyway! But I
don't really want to know, what had happened, to Rimmer afterwards, when it
actually came down to it, at the end of the day!
Marie Birch
April 1999