A REVIEW OF THE RED DWARF VII: EXTENDED
EPISODES:
EPISODE I: TIKKA TO RIDE: EXTENDED
EPISODE III: OUROBOROS: EXTENDED
EPISODE IV: DUCT SOUP: EXTENDED
PLUS
AS AN ADDITIONAL BONUS:
POSSIBLE EDITED SCENES
OF RED DWARF VII?
A REVIEW OF CAN'T SMEG, WON'T SMEG,
AND
THE RED DWARF TENTH ANNIVERSARY SMEG UPS
AND SMEG OUTS,
AND
RED DWARF UNIVERSE CHALLENGE
AND
THE RED DWARF VIII: CHILDREN IN NEED
SKETCH
BY MARIE BIRCH
Before I
review Red Dwarf VIII, episode by episode, there are one or two points, that I
would like to cover, with regard, to the extended episodes of Red Dwarf VII,
Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg,
which has since, been classed, as an unofficial episode of Red Dwarf in it's own right. I will also give
the Red Dwarf Anniversary Smeg Outs a brief review,
as Rimmer's character, was involved, with the
presenting, along with Kryten and Lister, and I will
also give: Red Dwarf Universe Challenge, a very brief review, as well.
And as
the Children In Need sketch was set up to give the fans an idea of the setup of
Red Dwarf VIII, I will naturally review that, as well. The reason why I would
like to review the extended episodes of Red Dwarf VII, is because I believe
that they didn't get very much credit, especially where Danny's acting
abilities were concerned, and there are fans of Red Dwarf out there, who do not
think that the Cat had a very big part in Red Dwarf VII, but I do remember
Danny writing me a very short note, while Red Dwarf VII had only just gone into
production, which was with regard to the setting up of his new Fan Club, round
about 1996. And even though he was keen to hear from me, at the moment, he was
far too busy, because he only had the time, to devote to learning his lines,
for Red Dwarf VIII, and I did feel, that Danny had got quite a lot of work to
do, where Red Dwarf VII was concerned, anyhow. But I will go into that as I go
along, where the extended episodes of Red Dwarf VII were concerned. And I will
start off with the extended version of:
EPISODE I: TIKKA TO RIDE: EXTENDED
I had
come to the conclusion before I saw the extended version of Tikka To Ride, that it was probably one, of the best episodes of
Red Dwarf VII. Admittedly, I wasn't very keen, on the new single camera
technology to begin with, but I did feel, in all honesty, that the new look,
was absolutely necessary, for the extended episodes of Red Dwarf VII, because
my husband and I, are convinced without a doubt, that they are very short films
of Red Dwarf, in their own right, and that they fully deserve, to have a cinematic
effect look! I particularly liked the start of Tikka To
Ride, where Starbug went through a planet which
looked suspiciously like Saturn, only it was a bluey
looking planet, and I liked the rocky planet underneath it, as well. But I
liked the sound of Starbug's gears crunching. It was
a pity that there wasn't more CGI effects like that, to support the rest of the
model work for Red Dwarf VII, because that additional CGI shot, did give the
shots a bit more humour, which I felt was needed a bit more, where that was
concerned. But I did truly feel, that was a dramatic opening shot for Red Dwarf
VII, nevertheless!
However
with regard to the rest of the additional scenes with Tikka To Ride, I felt
that the extended cockpit scene, which involved the Cat and Rimmer,
a bit more, helped support Lister's moans and groans, with regard to the loss
of all the curry supplies, and it also made that particular scene in question,
look a lot more explained, and a lot more rounded, because the extended version
of Tikka To Ride made up for Rimmer's absence, from
the remaining four episodes of Red Dwarf VII, quite considerably! I definitely
approved of the additional scenes in Tikka To Ride, when they Boyz went back in time to Dallas, 1963, where there was
more of an involved explanation about the man that they ate on the barbecue,
afterwards, and his name was Eric White, and that he was a vegetarian and a
non-smoker! I do not smoke myself, but I am not a vegetarian, of course, and
you often wonder whether Eric's self-denial was worth it, in the end, and he
seemed to have enough meat left on him, to keep the Boyz
happy! The extended barbecue scene was quite good, with Lister's views on
causality, etcetera. And the additional scenes in the book store,
were quite supportive, as well. But what really made that episode was the
additional ending with Rimmer. I had seen a
photograph in a Science Fiction magazine of Starbug's
supports coming away, with the smoke coming out of them, when Rimmer played a prank on Lister, but until I originally saw
the extended episode at Dimension Jump 1997, they did not make any sense, and I
thought that it was a new version of Talkie Toaster, and I had forgotten about
that particular photograph, that I had seen, via a Science Fiction magazine
that I had looked at in the shops, by the time Red Dwarf VII was aired, anyway.
Fortunately, however, I do have a pretty sharp memory, and I recalled that
particular photograph from Red Dwarf VII to mind, when I saw the extended
version of Tikka To Ride, at the convention. I really
loved the way that Rimmer did voltage tests with poor
Kryten's eyes, before he played his evil trick on
Lister, via making Starbug split up in two very
different directions! I was really quite impressed where the model work of Starbug was concerned, and I felt, that it really gave Starbug a whole new meaning, and to my mind, the slow
motion of it splitting away, was quite reminiscent of the white shuttle crafts
movement in 2001: A Space Odyssey! And that particular model sequence was so
good with it's humour, that
it won a round of applause, at Dimension Jump 1997! And not surprisingly,
Lister was quite happy to be left alone with the curries that he had retrived, via the time drive, anyway! I would also like to
know what became of the Dwarfer's
whose characters were skeletons, wearing the costumes which they wore, in the
very last episode of Red Dwarf VI: Out Of Time. It was in a photograph that I
saw in a Science Fiction magazine, and the same photograph of
the skeletons were sold as postcards, which were entitled Back From The
Dead, which was the original episode title for Tikka To Ride. I am also not the
only one it seems to have asked about what happened to the skeletons of the
crew, because I had assumed, that they would appear at the start of Tikka To
Ride, but it just did not turn out that way, and I feel in all honesty, that
Doug Naylor got the production team to get some skeletons, all dressed up in
the casts clothing from Out Of Time: Episode VI, Red Dwarf VI, just to fool the
fans, because I have gathered, via reading The Red Dwarf Programme Guide by
Chris Howarth and Steve Lyons, that a lot of the plot details for the last
episode of Back To Reality: Episode VI, Red Dwarf V, were given away, via
various Science Fiction magazines, and the avid viewers of Red Dwarf knew that
their heros hadn't really been playing Red Dwarf: The
Total Immersion Video game, and it was just the result of a group hallucination
all the time! But fortunately for me, however, we did not see Red Dwarf, until
we saw the re-runs, during the Summer of 1994, and as far as my husband and I
were concerned, Back To Reality: Episode VI, Red Dwarf V, was a totally new
experience for us! So we really did not know, what to
believe, when we saw it for the first time! Back To
Reality: Episode VI, Red Dwarf V, isn't one of my favourite episodes of Red
Dwarf, even though it did have it's moments, but at
least we managed to see it without finding out, what the plot details were!
Incidentally, I had seen some of the photographs from Back To Reality: Episode
VI, Red Dwarf V, via various newspapers etcetera, but they were mainly of the boyz in their white uniforms in the AR suite with Timothy
Spall, and the Extraordinary photograph was quite a well-known photograph, but
not been into the show until 1994, I had never associated the Back To Reality:
Episode VI, Red Dwarf V, photographs with Red Dwarf itself! But now, I know!
EPISODE III: OUROBOROS: EXTENDED
Ouroboros seemed a lot more rounded and seemed to explain a
lot of missing factors in it's
extended format. In particular the scene with Lister, Cat, Kryten
and Kochanski in the Medi-bay
was a lot better with the Cat informing Lister that he thought that Kochanski was beautiful, rather than Lister kissing her
passionately just like that! As I did feel in it's edited format, when I first saw it at the time,
that the kiss scene between Lister and Kochanski was
a little bit too quick for my liking! And some of the fans on the alt.tv.red-dwarf newsgroup felt that the Cat didn't seem to
express much of an interest in Kochanski when Red
Dwarf VII was first aired, and to my mind, I felt that particular extended
scene more than made up for it. It was good to see more of an insight into the Dwarfer's from Kochanski's
parallel universe. Especially as her Lister ate pasta, which mirrored the pasta
joke in Tikka To Ride: Episode I, Red Dwarf VII,
between Lister and Kryten! I was quite impressed with
the intelligent version of the parallel Cat, even though he didn't have a lot
to say, and I really did feel that he could have been given more of a bigger
part. I was impressed with the hologram Lister in Ouroboros,
because it was interesting to see how the tables were turned, and I felt that
Craig Charles handled the depressing part of being a hologram really well, and
his alter-ego in the parallel universe where Kochanski
came from, was very close in personality to Spanners who was featured in
Dimension Jump: Episode V, Red Dwarf IV. I would like to see Craig play
Spanners again, one day. I feel that would be possible because his character
was resurrected in Backwards by Rob Grant and I felt that it worked, because it
gave more of an insight into the character, and I really did feel that he
wasn't featured in Dimension Jump: Episode V, Red Dwarf IV long enough, even
though his character was very good, nevertheless! Incidentally, when I read the
episode details for Ouroboros, just before Red Dwarf
VII was aired, and that Kochanski hailed from a
parallel universe, I did assume, that it would be the Kochanski
from the parallel universe, where Ace Rimmer came
from, especially as it was stated in the Science Fiction magazines, that Ace Rimmer was going to be in Red Dwarf VII! And that she was
the Kochanski who was married to the Spanners Lister
with the twin boys Jim and Bexley, because I understood, via the episode
details that Kochanski had another far more
sophisticated Lister waiting for her, and I naturally assumed, that it was the
Spanners Lister! But no, she is a very different Kochanski
and when you think about it, that means that there are
three Kochanski's. The one who died
in the Dwarfer's present reality, the one, who is
married, to the Spanners Lister, in Ace Rimmer's
Dimension and this one. It is quite clever, when you think about it,
isn't it?! I also liked the extended scene when Lister had filled the invitro tube, and his subtle explanation of how he filled
the tube in graphic detail to Kochanski! And he
didn't want his kid to go to Sweden! I also understand,
via Steve Rogers, who was the former Chairman of The Official Red Dwarf Fan
Club, that there was an additional scene to Ouroboros,
which didn't get shown on the extended version of Red Dwarf VII. Steve informed
me, that he had gone to see the screenings of Red Dwarf, and one of the
episodes that he had seen was Ouroboros, and the
extra bit, that he saw was the Gelf's
on their ship, observing Starbug, and that would
probably have been Mrs Lister and Mrs Lister's Father! I think that bit, was
edited from the Extended Video, of Red Dwarf VII, because Steve said it wasn't
very long, and what with Robert having to present it, as Kryten,
and the additional Smeg Ups, there was enough
additional material to make up, for that missing scene, and sometimes where
editing is concerned, you have got to be merciless, when it actually comes down
to it, at the end of the day! But I did think it worth mentioning, via my
review of the extended episode: Ouroboros, anyway.
EPISODE IV: DUCT SOUP: EXTENDED
In it's extended format, I saw Duct
Soup, in a very different light, because I felt, that it had a lot of good
ideas, especially where the set was concerned, via the ducts, in Starbug, which did look, very realistic indeed, and very
claustrophobic. Well you wouldn't have got me crawling in them for all the
money in the world! I understand, via an interview which Mel Bibby, had done,
for: The Official Red Dwarf Fan Club's: Fanzine: Better Than
Life, last year, that the ducts were very hard to set up. it
wasn't the set design that was actually a problem, anyway. It was the
construction of it, that was very hard to set up.
Because the cast was actually crawling through the ducts, they were just
gigantic crates joined together, but it was the way that they were designed
inside, which was the beauty of it, really. The design team originally tried to
get the cast crawling through the ducts on a stage, but when they rehearsed it,
the water which was used to soak the Dwarfer's when
they were pushed towards that grill, would not come through the crates, because
been indoors, and set up on a stage, just did not seem to work. So, in the end,
the production team, came up with setting the crates in a car par park outside
the studios, and this time they made sure that the water soaked through the
crates, and it was a great success, but they had to cover the crates with black
drapes which would block the sunlight, because they couldn't light the set,
obviously outdoors, but it did prove to be a great success via switching to the
car park outside the studios. With regard to the extended scenes for Duct Soup,
I liked been given an insight into Kochanski's
selfish brother Moose, who would bribe her, via stealing her lipstick! I also
liked the extended scenes in the ducts. I have discovered that Duct Soup wasn't
a great success, because a lot of the fans felt that it was a pointless
episode. But I didn't think it was, and there are some fans out there, who do
think that it wasn't a pointless episode at all, because it introduced Kochanski's character to Red Dwarf properly, and Ouroboros, had only got her separated, from her crewmates
in the parallel universe, and as Rimmer's character
was in that episode, even though he was still alive and from a parallel
universe, he was no different to the Rimmer we have
all grown to love and hate, and in Duct Soup, Kochanski
didn't have Rimmer to back her up, as a new member of
the crew, so Duct Soup was really quite a necessary episode to Red Dwarf VII.
With regard to the other extended scenes of Duct Soup, I liked the Cat's famous
"Me" speech, which you actually did get a taster
of, via the edited version of Duct Soup, where he selfishly said to a
claustrophobic Lister, when they first entered the ducts: "You can't swing
"Me" around in here!", and I did feel that the rest of the
"Me" speech followed on very well, from where it was left off. The
scene with the Dwarfer's where they were all sitting
in the ducts with some candles was very good where interaction with the new
crew member Kochanski was concerned, and I really did
feel that insight to her life in Cyber School where she had William
Shakespeare, Mr Chipps, Disraeli, Genghis Khan, Miss Brodie and Charles Dickens for her Cyber teachers was quite
vital to that episode, and I really loved her telling the others that she
nearly went insane when she came out of Cyber School via wearing short skirts,
smoking cigarettes and being noisy in the Library, etcetera. I also liked
Lister's Squeaky Gibson speech, which was a real favourite of Craig Charles',
and it must have been soul destroying for Craig to have had that particular
speech go missing, via the edited version of Duct Soup. I really loved it when
he went on about the tight sods in the orphanage being so tight with the
electricity, and Squeaky Gibson disturbing the poor little orphans
sleep, via constantly squeaking his bed! But it was the way that Lister
imitated the squeaking noise of the bed, that was so clever about the story,
and you could just imagine a bed squeaking, by the way, that he did it! But as
Lister was getting a bit frustrated by not being able to get any sleep, and he
snapped on the lights to see if he could stop Squeaky Gibson from making that
awful noise, and he was amazed to discover, that Gibson was having an epileptic
fit! And in the end, Lister stuffed a trainer in his mouth, and therefore, he
stated to his fellow avid Dwarfer's, that he had
probably saved Gibson's life, when it actually came down to it, at the end of
the day! What was really good about that particular scene from my point of view
was, that it also gave more of an insight into
Lister's life, before he was adopted, and in a way, he was a sort of a
futuristic version of Oliver Twist! And therefore, I really did feel that Duct
Soup was a lot better in it's
edited format!
POSSIBLE EDITED SCENES
OF RED DWARF VII?
I have also
gathered, via Steve Rogers, that when he went to see the screenings of Red
Dwarf VII, that there was a missing bit for Epideme:
Episode VII, Red Dwarf VII, who merely stated at the end of the episode:
"I'll Be Back!". However with regard to
anymore edited scenes for Red Dwarf VII, I am merely going by what I read in a
Science Fiction magazine. Craig did an interview with regard to a scene that he
filmed for either Blue: Episode V or Beyond A Joke:
Episode VI, Red Dwarf VII? And it was a scene where Lister pretended to be gay,
just to get a kiss, from Kochanski, because she liked
people who were gay! It was probably a follow on to the scene in Duct Soup:
Episode IV, Red Dwarf VII, where she pretended her alternative Lister was gay,
to make him forget his claustrophobia, which definitely worked! Craig said he
had to go round giving Kryten and the Cat kisses, and
apparently, Kochanski did not take,
a blind bit of notice! I had also seen a send up photograph of Craig licking
the Cat on the face in a very camp kind of way, in an Edition, of: The Official
Red Dwarf Fan Club's Fanzine: Better Than Life, which had covered, covered the
Red Dwarf Dimension Jump 1996 Convention, which was obviously something which
Craig and Danny had agreed to do for a laugh, to send up the photograph, which
I had seen in various Science Fiction magazines, where Lister, had licked, Kryten, on the face, in a very camp kind of a way, which
looked very amusing, and not only that, exactly the same photograph was
featured in the Red Dwarf Survival Manual, which was the accompanying book, to
promote Red Dwarf VII, just before it aired! When Craig, was interviewed, he
had also stated, that when Red Dwarf VII was in production, that had been one
of his favourite scenes! So, when Red Dwarf VII was aired, I was awaiting, that
particular scene with bated breath! But I was quite surprised, and
disappointed, to discover, that it had obviously, become a victim of the
cutting room floor! But when the extended version of Red Dwarf VII was released
on video, round about November 1997, I assumed, that
it would only be a matter of time, before the rest of the extended episodes of
Red Dwarf, were released on video! But unfortunately however, things did not
turn out, that way, and via the alt.tv.red-dwarf newsgroup,
there had been quite a bit of support, via the Extended Episodes, of Red Dwarf
VII, and subscribers to the Red Dwarf newsgroup, were asking round about the
Spring and Summer of 1998, what was going on with the rest of the extended
episodes of Red Dwarf VII. I had also discovered, that
the rest of the extended episodes of Red Dwarf VII were being released for
Australia and New Zealand. And the Australian and New Zealand Dwarfer's were stating, that Red Dwarf VII was being
released in three bytes on video with Tikka To Ride/Stoke Me A Clipper and Ouroboros being released on one byte and Duct Soup/Blue and
Beyond A Joke on the second byte and Epideme and Nanarchy on the third byte, plus some extended material.
But that said, however, the Australian and the New Zealand Red Dwarf Fans, had
claimed, that Blue: Episode V: Red Dwarf VII, had got, some additional scenes,
which I gathered was correct, because I noticed, via the new Smeg Ups on the Red Dwarf VII Extended video, which was
presented by Robert Llewellyn in his Kryten
character, that the Rimmer song was a little bit
longer, and there was also one scene on the Rimmer
Experience, which featured Lister and Kryten, looking
like Museum Characters, that there was also an additional line, which we hadn't
seen, via the edited version of Blue: Episode V, Red Dwarf VII. I cannot
exactly remember, what the line was now, but it was quite amusing,
nevertheless! And therefore, that definitely meant, that there was some more
extended material for Blue: Episode V, Red Dwarf VII! But I got in touch, with
Grant Naylor Productions, and as, I had spoken, to Helen Norman, who is: Grant
Naylor Productions PA, via a number of occasions, with regard, to asking her,
about, their Red Dwarf Merchandise, especially as I have always found her,
usually very helpful, and quite informative, where that is concerned, anyhow!
But that said, however, Helen, had informed me, that there, was no more
additional material for Red Dwarf VII, which came to me, as quite a
considerable shock, when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day!
And what, Grant Naylor Productions, were going, to do, for the Australian, and
New Zealand Red Dwarf Market, was to concentrate on releasing Red Dwarf VII, in
it's edited format, and that there was definitely no
additional scenes for Blue: Episode V, Red Dwarf VII! But as far as I am aware,
the unedited video of the extended episodes of Red Dwarf VII were only
available for the United Kingdom Market, only, so we were getting an additional
bonus, via the extra Smeg Ups as well, and that there
might be possible extended footage, via the Red Dwarf Tenth Anniversary
celebrations, which was fair enough, plus the remastered
versions of Red Dwarf. As far as I am aware, I think that the extended episodes
of Red Dwarf VII may also be available on video, in the United States of
America, but I do not know whether it is available on video in Australia and
New Zealand, at this point in time. I also feel that, via the Red Dwarf VII Smeg Ups, where the Rimmer Munchkin song was extended, and the additional line for
Blue: Episode V, Red Dwarf VII, was probably, all there was of the rest of Red
Dwarf VII, that was extended, when it actually came down to it, at the end of
the day! And I daresay, that it was probably not worthwhile, for Grant Naylor
Productions, to release: Blue: Episode V: Red Dwarf VII, in an Extended Format,
for the sake, of one, extra line, and the Rimmer
song, just being slightly longer, when it actually came down to it, at the end
of the day! And I have noticed, via the Smeg Outs
video that there was a few extra lines in Backwards, where Lister was not
prepared to spend his youth, glooping apricot, on to
the babysitter! But that line was used in Rob Grant's: Red Dwarf: Novel:
Backwards, and I have inserted that particular line in question, into my
Backwards: Episode I, Red Dwarf III script, which I downloaded off the
internet, during 1995, because Craig Charles as Lister used that particular
line in question, on the Red Dwarf Smeg Ups video!
And I have also discovered since then, via the Red Dwarf script book: Son Of
Soup by Rob Grant and Doug Naylor, with regard to the unedited episode Holoship: Episode I, Red Dwarf V, that the edited line,
where Rimmer said to Nirvanah
Crane in the lift, that he would have done anything to get on to this ship! He
would have happily inserted red hot needles through both his ears and tap-danced the title song from 42nd Street, barefoot on a
bed of molten lava, while simultaneously, giving oral sex to a male Orangutan, with dubious personal hygiene, if only he could
get a post on their vessel! Incidentally, that particular line in question, was used in the book: Red Dwarf: Infinity Welcomes
Careful Drivers by Rob Grant and Doug Naylor. So really, whatever edited
footage that couldn't quite make it on to the show itself, over the years, has
been more than made up for, via the books and Smeg
Ups/Outs etcetera, and the edited footage, that didn't quite make it on to Red
Dwarf VIII itself, has also been included in the Red Dwarf VIII scripts book as
well! Incidentally, my husband: Paul and I, thought
that Holoship: Episode I, Red Dwarf V, was very good,
in its extended format, especially as it is officially classed as the longest
episode of Red Dwarf ever! And I did have a feeling, that Rimmer
had tried to wriggle his way out, of going to bed with Nirvanah
Crane, via the way the scene, seemed to have got cut off, that little bit, too
quickly, because I could tell by the expression on his face, that he looked as
if he was about to say something! And it was quite amusing to discover in the
book that he was more interested in playing table-tennis with Nirvanah, rather than having sex, with her! But she somehow
managed to persuade him, that he needed the exercise in the end! But I am really
sure that had Holoship been aired in it's original extended format,
that it would have been an even bigger success! It was a great shame, really
that those additional scenes could not be used, when it came down to it, at the
end of the day. But with regard to Lister pretending to be gay in Red Dwarf
VII, I did ask, Helen Norman, who is: Grant Naylor Productions PA, at Grant
Naylor Productions, about what I had heard, about that particular scene, via
the various Science Fiction magazines, I had read, with regard to that
particular scene, in question! But she referred me back, to the scene, in Duct
Soup, Episode IV, Red Dwarf VII, where Kochanski made
out to our very own Lister, about her very own hologrammatic
Lister being gay, which was to help him get over his claustrophobia, and
naturally it succeeded! Again, I feel that might have been a publicity stunt
for Red Dwarf VII, which was done for a laugh, at the time, via Craig, Robert
and Danny, via the photograph of Lister licking Kryten's
face, via The Red Dwarf Survival Manual, and the photograph, in: The Official
Red Dwarf Fan Club's: Fanzine: Better Than Life of Craig, kissing Danny on the
cheek at Dimension Jump 1996. I think it might have been like, the Skeletons
photograph, in: Tikka to Ride: Episode I: Red Dwarf VII, which had been, to
fool, the Red Dwarf Fans, with regard, to plot details about Red Dwarf VII! And
that the false gay aspect, in Duct Soup: Episode IV, Red Dwarf VII, was
projected in a entirely different way, to the original gay aspect, that the
fans, had originally been led on, to suspect, because the cast have to do
interviews, before Red Dwarf is aired, and they have to give an insight into
the plot details, to a certain extent, but with regard to what happened with
the plot details to Back To Reality: Episode IV, Red Dwarf V, it is probably
for the best, to be on their guard, and give, the more avid, Red Dwarf Fans, a
little bit of excitement, wherever possible! But if Danny would like, to give
an insight, in his: Official Danny John-Jules Fan Club’s: Fanzine to any extra
Red Dwarf footage, that we don't know about, I am sure that there would be a
great deal of interest, via his subscribers! And there is also the question of
the episode of Red Dwarf VII that never was, which was replaced by Duct Soup:
Episode IV. In other words, a day in the life of a Cat, that had to have sex,
otherwise he would die! The particular episode in question, of Red Dwarf VII,
that was far too expensive to make, because of the extensive wardrobe,
that was absolutely necessary for the Cat's requirements, for that
particular episode of Red Dwarf VII, in question! I would be interested, in
seeing a copy of the script, of that unmade episode of Red Dwarf VII, in
question, at the very least! I do not know, if it would be possible, for Danny
to reproduce a copy of the script, via his: Official Danny John-Jules: Fan
Club's Fanzine. But with regard to copyright reasons, I do appreciate, that you
have got to be very careful, where copyright is concerned, to say the very least!
But I am definitely sure, that there would be genuine interest, where this is
concerned, via the subscribers of: The Danny John-Jules Fan Club's: Fanzine! I
had meant to mention my thoughts, with regard to observing the script of this
particular episode of Red Dwarf VII, which never was, and as I have done a
special section with regard to extended Red Dwarf VII footage, I felt that now,
would be an appropriate juncture, to mention it!
Additional:
Steve Rogers, who had been, the Former Chairman, of: The Official Red Dwarf Fan
Club's Fanzine: Better Than Life, and the Creator, of
the Former: Red Dwarf Fanzine: Blue Midget, has got, some more unedited scenes,
from Red Dwarf VII. And those unedited scenes, from Red Dwarf VII, will be
added to this report, at a later date!
The Red
Dwarf VII Extended video, was presented by Robert
Llewellyn, as Kryten. There was also some new Smeg Ups from Red Dwarf VII, included, plus the full
length: Rimmer Munchkin
Song from Blue: Episode V, Red Dwarf VII!
CAN’T SMEG, WON’T SMEG
Although you cannot officially class this as
an episode of Red Dwarf, I do feel that this certainly comes close to an
episode of Red Dwarf, but in a unofficial format
naturally, as it is a send up of Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg, the Cookery programme. In my general opinion, Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg comes very
close, to the standard of Red Dwarf VI. I was most impressed with the set of
Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg,
especially as it seemed, to be a lot more closer, to the Starbug
set of Red Dwarf VI, because of it going back to the four camera footage, which
was originally used for Red Dwarf, which I preferred to the new single camera
technology, that had been used for Red Dwarf VII! Now don't get me wrong, I was
quite impressed, with the way, that the new single camera technology, had been
utilized for Red Dwarf VII, and I felt that it worked a lot better, via the
extended format anyway, and Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg was filmed in front of a studio audience, which
incidentally, had been the same studio audience, for Red Dwarf Universe
Challenge! And I did get a little bit of a personal insight into that, via
Daryl Ball from Northern Ireland, who used to run The Inquisitor Red Dwarf
Fanzine. I used to send in articles to The Inquisitor Red Dwarf Fanzine, before
it ceased publication, round about January 1999, and I was in telephone contact
with Daryl, quite a lot. And even though he did do an independent review of
Can't Smeg, Won't Cook, which was published, via The
Inquisitor Red Dwarf Fanzine and: The Official Red Dwarf Fan Club's: Fanzine:
Better Than Life, I did ask him one or two questions, and I did ask him, if he
got to speak to the cast of Red Dwarf, very much? Daryl informed me, that he
spoke to Craig and Chris a bit, but as he knew Danny and Robert fairly well, via
the Red Dwarf conventions, he spoke to them quite a lot, anyway. But the one
important thing, I did ask him, was whether he spoke to the new cast member
Chloe Annett? Daryl had met Chloe, at the Red Dwarf Dimension Jump 1997
Convention, but as there was so much going on there, he really didn't get much
of a chance, to have a conversation with her, where that was concerned. But
Daryl informed me, that he had got to know Chloe a lot better, via the filming
they did for the Universe Challenge/Can't Smeg, Won't
Cook production, for the Red Dwarf Tenth Anniversary evening. And Daryl stated,
that he had got on with her very well, and that Chloe had made him and his
fellow contestants feel very welcome indeed, and that she was quite
enthusiastic about them been there, as well! Daryl had also been quite
impressed with the Can't Smeg, Won't Cook set,
because Daryl and the other quiz contestants had been very enthusiastic about
it indeed, and they enjoyed seeing it filmed, as well, but inspecting a Red
Dwarf set, is quite a privilege, because I have had that honour, via looking at
a reconstructed set, from Red Dwarf VI, which was erected, at the Red Dwarf
Dimension Jump 1995 Convention, and I had, even dared, to touch, the green
Scanner table! But by the time, that Red Dwarf VII went into production the
original sets for Red Dwarf VI could not be re-used because it had been three
years, since they had done any filming, and the original sets for Red Dwarf VI
had been taken apart, or were in such a very bad state of decay, that they just
could not be re-used, for Red Dwarf VII! And therefore, the Starbug
interior sets had to be reconstructed, via the original set design from Red
Dwarf VI for Red Dwarf VII. I was particularly impressed with the waste
disposal units for Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg, because that was exactly how closely the set, seemed
to be related, to the original Red Dwarf VI Starbug
set! But with regard to the Red Dwarf VII Starbug
set, I was more impressed with the upstairs part of the set, where the balcony
and the wind machine, were situated. And I even read in an interview, that
Craig Charles had climbed into the wind machine, for a laugh! But that part of
the Red Dwarf VII set, seemed to be utilized a lot more, especially in episodes
like Stoke Me A Clipper: Episode II/Ouroboros:
Episode III and Epideme: Episode VII, and it gave
more of an insight into the upstairs part of the set, rather than the
downstairs part of the set, which everybody had become more accustomed to,
during Red Dwarf VI, anyway. And Red Dwarf VII was deliberately meant, to give
the Starbug set a new look, and a different approach
to the insight of the crew, whereas, Can't Smeg,
Won't Smeg only needed the main downstairs set,
because that was where all the action was, with the cooking that the Dwarfer's, were going to do! I was particularly impressed
with the one shot of Starbug, that was used at the
start of Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg,
because even though the visual effects team were using the same CGI techniques
that had been used for Red Dwarf VII, a year had gone by since then, and
obviously the training techniques had improved since then, and I thought that Starbug looked a lot more projected, than it had looked for
Red Dwarf VII, which meant, that this was a sign of things, to come, for Red
Dwarf VIII! And if this was an insight into the visual effects and model work
for Red Dwarf VIII, then I was all for it! The only criticism that I had, where
that particular shot of Starbug was concerned, was,
that there could have been a bit more of it! But obviously where the timing was
concerned, and as it wasn't an official episode of Red Dwarf VIII, the
attention was more centred on the acting, obviously! And with regard to the
acting techniques, the first person to beam onto Starbug, was none other than
Ainsley Harriott himself!
Now I am not a regular viewer of Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg but I have had a look at it when it's on, and I think
that Ainsley Harriott comes
across as having a very nice personality. He gave a brief introduction at the
start of Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg
where he went on to say that he played the Gelf Chief
in Emohawk - Polymorph II: Episode IV in Red Dwarf
VI, because in between working as a Chef, he also worked on the comedy circuit
on a part-time basis, for a time. I will give a brief resume' on Ainsley Harriott's acting career.
During an interview that Ainsley has done for BBC
Radio Two, he mentioned that he was torn between the world of show business and
catering, but his main love was obviously the catering industry, and he trained
as a Chef, and I was quite impressed, via his career as a Chef, because Ainsley had worked at some of the top hotels in London and
The Long Room at Lords Cricket Club. In between times, he had also worked with
some friends and they had formed a comedy act together, which went around the
club circuit. Their act wasn't a great success, but fortunately however, it did
give Ainsley a few show business contacts, and he
managed to get a few acting jobs like the Gelf Chief
in Emohawk - Polymorph II: Episode IV, Red Dwarf VI!
But unfortunately however, he just couldn't quite make it to the big time! And
he didn't want to give up being a Chef, especially as it was his trade, and
show business can be very insecure, when it actually comes down to it, at the
end of the day! But fortunately however, with the show business contacts, that Ainsley managed to acquire, he was very lucky to get on,
via presenting: Can't Cook, Won't Cook, and his presentation techniques soon
caught on, and it was only a matter or time, before
he came a household name! With
regard to the way that the Dwarfer's appeared on
Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg, he
just introduced them to the audience, like he did for Can't Cook, Won't Cook.
Dave Lister, Arnold Rimmer, The
Cat, Kryten and Kristine Kochanski.
Kochanski's image was slightly different for Can't Smeg, Won't Cook, than Red Dwarf VII. She wore a red
outfit, once again, but it wasn't quite like the red PVC outfits, that she had
worn for Red Dwarf VII. Chloe had explained, at the Red Dwarf Dimension Jump
1997 Convention, that her red costumes would be cotton, for Red Dwarf VIII, as
the red PVC outfits, that she had worn for Red Dwarf VII were very tight, and
very uncomfortable, indeed, and they had been filming, during the Summer of
1996, so you can imagine, just how uncomfortable, she was! I did feel, that the
red cotton outfit, which Chloe had worn, for Can't Smeg,
Won't Smeg, wasn't nearly as good, as the red PVC outfits, that she had worn, for Red Dwarf VII, because it
didn't seem to stand out, like it had done, during Red Dwarf VII. And her hair,
wasn't like it had been, for Red Dwarf VII, either. But Chloe had also
explained, at the Red Dwarf Dimension Jump Red Dwarf 1997 Convention, that her
natural hair colour is ash blonde, and that she had washed her hair, just
before Red Dwarf VII went into production, with a very dark wash in and wash
out colour, for a party with some friends, just before Red Dwarf VII, went into
Production, and no matter how she tried, she just couldn't wash, the dark hair colour out! She had
stated, that the Hairdresser, couldn't do anything with her hair, apart from
putting it in a bun and slicking it back, but I felt, that her hair looked very
effective, when she was on Red Dwarf VII, and that it really did make her character
stand out, that little bit more, which had given, Kochanski,
a rather Classy image, and it had made,
her look, very glamorous, indeed! And Chloe, had also claimed, that her own
friends, didn't recognise her, when she was in: Red Dwarf VII! But when the dark
wash in hair colour eventually washed out, Kochanski was able to have her hair down, once again! And
Chloe Annett's natural hair colour is very similar to
C.P (Clare) Grogan's (the original Kochanski), and
that is how she got the part, because Chloe Annett was the only actress, who
had auditioned for the part, who had a very similar resemblance to the original
Kochanski, even though it isn't a very obvious
resemblance to the original Kochanski, anyhow. But
fans of Crime Traveller will also note, that the
character of Holly Turner, played by Chloe Annett ('s), hair colour, including the length of her hair, was more or less
like it is, from the Red Dwarf Tenth Anniversary spoof: Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg, onwards, which
was a send up of Can't Cook, Won't Cook, which featured Ainsley
Harriot as himself, especially as he originally
starred as the Gelf Chief in Emohawk
- Polymorph II: Episode IV, Red Dwarf VI. For Can't Smeg,
Won't Smeg, Kochanski wore
a cotton version of her red PVC uniform, but it had looked very dowdy, indeed,
and it was nowhere near as glamorous, as the red PVC uniform, that she had
worn, during Red Dwarf VII, and that was probably why, Doug Naylor had revamped
Kochanski's image, for Red Dwarf VIII, anyhow! And
please bear in mind, that not everybody has seen every single series of Red
Dwarf or has got every copy on video of Red Dwarf available, like the avid
fans, and I have also discovered, that Red Dwarf VIII attracted a new
generation of young viewers, who hadn't seen a series of Red Dwarf, in their
lives, and therefore, Red Dwarf was completely new to them! And I have also
discovered, that now Rimmer was back for the the whole of the eighth series of Red Dwarf, there was no
need for Kochanski to be so dominant and so bitchy,
towards the Dwarfer's like she had been for Red Dwarf
VII. And therefore, it was deemed necessary for Kochanski
to have more of a background role for Red Dwarf VIII! But that said, I did feel, that Kochanski was a
lot better, in Red Dwarf VIII, than I thought she would be, and I felt, that
Chloe handled her background role, very well, indeed! And it also seemed, that
she was more closer to the Kochanski in Red Dwarf I
and II played by Clare Grogan, only she was a lot more defined, and as Lister
was still crazy about her, she was back to been a dream icon, once again,
especially as he got separated from her, such a lot, in this series, and not
only that, she was also a lot more closer, to the Kochanski
in Red Dwarf: The Last Human by Doug Naylor. With regard to Kochanski's
image, she only wore the black 'T' shirt and khaki clothes for Back In The Red
I to III, Episodes I, II and III and Only The Good: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf
VIII, and apart from her grey uniform, which also consisted of trousers, which
she also wore for Back In The Red I to III, which incidentally, was by far, a
much better uniform, than the one, which Clare Grogan had worn for Red Dwarf I
to II, even though Rob Grant and Doug Naylor, did give her, a sort of action
girl image for Psirens: Episode I, Red Dwarf VI. But
for Red Dwarf VIII, Kochanski was mainly confined to
her lilac prison uniform, like Rimmer, Lister, the
Cat and Kryten, with the exception, however, of Pete
I and Pete II: Episodes VI and VII, Red Dwarf VIII, where she did wear a red
halter top (and just plain white trousers, complete with a green sash, which
she had also utilized for The Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch), which was
very loosely based, on the red dress, that Kochanski
had worn in Duct Soup: Episode IV, Red Dwarf VII, which Lister had given her,
as an advance birthday present. And Kochanski also
wore, her red halter top and white trousers, complete with a green sash, which
she had also utilized for The Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch. And that was
the only time in Red Dwarf VIII, where her image closely resembled the Kochanski, in Red Dwarf VII! And as for the Cat and Kryten, they were basically still the same, where their
costumes, were concerned. Cat was clad in his black and white zebra suit, and Kryten, was Kryten! But during Red Dwarf VIII, the red cotton costume, that Chloe had worn for Can't Smeg,
Won't Smeg, didn't actually feature, as part of her
wardrobe. And I felt, in all honesty, that they were right, not to use, that
particular costume, in question, for Red Dwarf VIII, as I felt, that it didn't
look, as nearly good, as her red PVC outfits, that she had worn, for Red Dwarf
VII! But I do understand, that the wardrobe team were merely experimenting,
with the casts image, for Red Dwarf VIII, via Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg, and sometimes,
you have got to give these things a try, and see how they go! But I did feel,
in all honesty, that Kochanski's image, via her new
red cotton uniform for Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg, was more than sufficient enough, where that was
concerned, anyhow.
With
regard to Kochanski's hair for Red Dwarf VIII, her
hair was mainly her own ash blonde colour, which
Chloe had described as been her natural hair colour,
at the Red Dwarf Dimension Jump 1997 Convention, apart from The Red Dwarf
Children In Need sketch and Pete I and Pete II: Episodes VI and VII, Red Dwarf
VIII, and therefore, her image had changed, via her hair, rather than the very
dark brown hair image, which she had utilized for Red Dwarf VII, and the red
uniform, that she had worn for Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg, had been replaced by a red halter top and just plain
white trousers, complete with a green sash, which she had also utilized for The
Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch. But the red halter top, that she wore, was
very loosely based, on the red halter top, which Lister had given her as an
advance birthday present in Duct Soup: Episode IV, Red Dwarf VII. And it was
quite obvious to me, via The Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch, that Kochanski was been given far more of a glamorous
image, for Red Dwarf VIII, which was very loosely based, on her image, in Red
Dwarf VII. But to my surprise however, Kochanski only
wore this particular costume for Pete I and Pete II: Episodes VI and VII, Red
Dwarf VIII, as the time wand had got them out of prison, and the Dwarfer's had managed to get their clothes back, because
the Cat was wearing his usual black and white zebra suit, with the exception of
Rimmer and Lister who were still wearing their prison
uniforms, only they had got their hair back, via the time wand.
It also seemed, that Holly wasn't involved, and the plot seemed to
signify, that they still hadn't made it back to the Dwarf, only they had got Rimmer back with them, which wasn't really explained! But I
have understood, since I have become a Fan, although Red Dwarf may have eight
million viewers, not everyone who has seen the show, has seen every single
episode from Red Dwarf I! But if you have seen every single episode, you are
bound to notice, that there are plot inconsistencies, but if you haven't seen
every single episode of Red Dwarf then you won't notice them! And when I first
saw Red Dwarf from Red Dwarf III, onwards, I was completely unaware of the plot
inconsistencies from Red Dwarf I and II, which showed up, via the later series
of Red Dwarf, and I am pretty aware, that when, Grant Naylor Productions, had
been, writing: Red Dwarf III, onwards, they probably felt in all honesty, that
some people wouldn't remember the original series of Red Dwarf, very well, as
it's viewing figures were fairly low, compared to the later series of Red
Dwarf! But you will always get your avid fans, with any comedy series, and I
daresay, that if you look very closely at an earlier series of Porridge, that
there may be plot inconsistencies, via a later series, and the writers will
always assume, that not everybody will have watched every single episode going,
and I am quite surprised, via Blackadder, that not
everybody has seen every single episode going! We have got every single episode
of Blackadder, on video, and it was very popular
indeed, when it was on at the time, but there are always people who will not
watch every single episode, that is going of any
comedic series! And being a writer myself, I have discovered, that you will
always have new ideas, and you may have to be ruthless, where earlier ideas,
were concerned, if the new plots are designed to encourage more laughs,
etcetera! I have also discovered, via my husband, that even Charles Dickens had
plot inconsistencies, via his books, and that an Aunt had suddenly become a
sister or something, like that! I cannot exactly remember which book it was,
but you have got to remember that Charles Dickens had to write with a feather
quill, as opposed, to a computer, and as far as I am aware, the earliest
typewriter didn't exist until the earlier part of the twentieth century! If I
had been a budding writer round about then, I know that I would have gone to
pieces, but I have since discovered, that man had far more time on his hands,
and that there wasn't the distractions, like television and radio, that are
available today, and it was a lot easier to find the time to write a book. But
I really don't know whether I could have had the patience with a feather quill,
and I really do not how those early pioneers of writing, Classic Fiction,
managed, in those days, in all honesty! I have got great respect for Charles
Dickens, Jane Austen, Thomas Hardy and the Bronte sisters, but I really do not
know how they managed to create all those great works, without a typesetting
machine of some kind, and as for Shakespeare, he was the greatest playright of his time! But he still wrote those plays and
sonnets, with a feather quill! I just know that I couldn't have done it! I have
worked on two manual typewriters as a writer, and I did my C.S.E typewriting
examination on a manual typewriter, but I failed the examination because my
layout and margins were imperfect, but I retook my typewriting examination on
an electric typewriter, which was a lot better for me, and I passed, this time!
But I did it in Pitman, as apposed to the C.S.E
examination. I eventually graduated on to an electronic typewriter before we
had our first computer, the 386, and even though it was a great improvement on
a manual typewriter, and I could write my book at a much faster pace, it was a
real struggle for me to change the corrector ribbon, and I really did not have
the patience for changing those corrector ribbons, and a PC was obviously a
great boon to me, as a writer! I could manage on a manual typewriter, but now that
we have got a PC, there is no looking back! I have read in interviews which
Craig has done that he writes all of his poetry, via longhand, as apposed to a word processing machine, but I have always
felt that writing poetry is not like writing a book, and writing poetry comes
from the heart, when you are sitting down quietly, and you cannot really think
up poems when you are sitting in front of a computer screen, but if you are
doing an anthology of poetry, it is probably for the best, if you were to reproduce
them on a computer at a later date, for your publisher, as they usually find it
a lot easier, to read typewritten poetry, rather than hand-written poetry. I do
not rely on a computer, for ideas, for my work, one hundred percent, and any
possible ideas I get, I usually write them down on a piece of paper, and I
usually refer to my ideas on paper, when I finally get round to using them,
that is! But I do admit, that I could not manage
without a PC of some kind! But that said, I have
always felt that writing poetry is very different, and has to be done with a
pen, ninety percent of the time, anyway. But even with a computer, I still
find, that you will always get distractions, especially where my writing is
concerned, especially where the housework is concerned, and stupid salespeople
who keep ringing up about whether, we want a new kitchen fitted, or with regard
to shopping surveys that I have filled in, every five minutes! And you did not
have those kinds of distractions in Charles Dickens day! Anyway, once Ainsley had introduced the Dwarfer's
to the audience, they had to cook a meal. The format of Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg, was more or
less faithful to Can't Cook, Won't Cook. I have seen bits of the show to judge
what it is all about, anyway, and apparently my Mother-in-law went to see it
filmed two years ago, and she enjoyed it immensely! I also understand that
Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg was
unscripted, because when Ainsley Harriott
supervises the cooking, along with his fellow Chef's, they have to concentrate
on the job in hand, and it is only the introduction of the show along, with
getting the meal prepared, which is usually scripted, anyway. But the beginning
and ending of Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg
was scripted, it was the middle part, which wasn't
scripted! But with regard to the beginning which was scripted, I felt that it
was rather amusing that Lister liked Kochanski's bum,
and he was prepared to go on looking at it, for the rest of eternity, if she
let him, of course! But of course she didn't, and she hit him on the head with
a great big saucepan! Apparently, I read, via Daryl's review of Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg, that the prop
saucepan which was made out of rubber, got mixed up with the real saucepan! But
fortunately however, Chloe spotted the mistake, and it got sorted out in the
end! But it could have being very nasty if she had hit Craig on the head, with
the real thing! And accidents do happen where acting is concerned, and when I
was Alice Fitzwarren in "Dick Whittington",
when I was being held prisoner, via the rats, I nearly got my neck caught on
the knife, by moving suddenly, and it was a real knife as well! Which could
have had, very nasty consequences, indeed, but I did have the sense, to move
away, just in time! With regard, to the rest of: Can't Smeg,
Won't Smeg, the dish that the Dwarfer's
were cooking was actually quite revolting, which wasn't all that surprising,
really! And Ainsley was beginning to lose his
patience with them, by shouting at them, as Rimmer,
Lister and Kryten were all getting it wrong, as per
usual, and especially as the Cat, had taken it into his head to disappear,
because he wasn't prepared to do the W word, and he didn't like the way, that
he was being paired up! And I did find it a little bit strange, him
disappearing like he did, but somebody else appeared to help the Dwarfer's with the cooking, and he was more than happy to
be involved, and as it turned out, it was none other, than Duane Dibbley complete with sideways flares and keyboard teeth!
Now Duane Dibbley isn't exactly a favourite Red Dwarf
alter-ego of mine! My favourite alter-egos of the Cat are the Padre' in
Dimension Jump: Episode V, Red Dwarf IV and the Riviera Kid in: Gunmen of the
Apocalypse: Episode III: Red Dwarf VI. But that said, I really did feel, that
the Cat's Character, would have been very hard to work around, where the
cooking side of things, was concerned, and as it turned out, he was his usual klutzy self! And I also felt, that the character of Duane Dibbley worked a lot more, in Emohawk
- Polymorph II: Episode IV, Red Dwarf VI, rather than Back To Reality: Episode
VI, Red Dwarf V, as his character had become a lot more developed, by the time,
that Red Dwarf VI, had gone out! And I really did feel, that the alter-ego of
Duane Dibbley was a lot better than the alter-ego,
which he had based on Jimi Hendrix for Polymorph:
Episode III, Red Dwarf III, even though it was very good, in it's own way. But I feel in all honesty, that it would not
have worked so well, for Back To Reality: Episode VI,
Red Dwarf V and Emohawk - Polymorph II: Episode IV,
Red Dwarf VI!
And, I
had been, quite amused, via the Dwarfer's, preferred
Menu, of Mouth Watering, ingredients, of: a Space Weevil, a Mimian
Bladder Fish, and some, urine re-cyc wine, but it,
had not been, all that, surprising really, when Ainsley,
had suggested, that they, all do, a Chicken Curry! But that said, however, it
had, made, poor: Kochanski, even more, reluctant, to
become, a taster, which had not, been, all that, surprising, really! I have
noticed when Ainsley, normally does, his Cookery
Programme, that he does raise his voice from time to time, when the pressure is
on the contestants a little bit, to make them keep up, and of course timing is
involved with any Cookery programme, and that is the way that he supports his
contestants, which is quite understandable, really, and he is usually very
patient as a rule, but with the Dwarfer's that is an
entirely different story! Kochanski wasn't involved
with the cooking, because she was the taster. I really loved seeing Kryten doing the whisking, via his groinal
attachment, which he did for the Dwarfer's breakfast
in Tikka To Ride: Episode I, Red Dwarf VII, but it was
far more effective, via Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg! Kryten's groinal attachment was originally used for hoovering Rimmer and Lister's
quarters in Polymorph: Episode III, Red Dwarf III! My husband Paul, thought
that Rimmer's addressing Ainsley
as Mr Herriott (as in James Herriott
in All Creatures Great And Small!) was accidental, but as the cooking
progressed, you could tell that it was part of the script, knowing what a
complete and utter git Rimmer can be, at times! We
really felt, that Rimmer's character being
re-introduced back to Red Dwarf, after such a long absence was really good, and
very effective, and even though Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg wasn't an official episode of Red Dwarf, I felt that
it was more than enough to re-introduce Rimmer's
character, once again! Considering that the middle of Can't Smeg,
Won't Smeg, was unscripted, it still came across very
well! I wouldn't have thought that it was unscripted to look at it! And I only
found that out, via the reviews, in: The Official Red Dwarf Fan Club's:
Fanzine: Better Than Life, anyway, and as I act myself, I do understand that
there are times when you have to ad-lib, especially during Pantomimes anyway,
as the opportunities are there, to make ad-libbing work, even though it isn't
very easy work, when it comes down to it, at the end of the day, and I am a
little bit limited, when it comes to improvisation, but I have to manage, but I
really did think that the cast of Red Dwarf handled the improvisation bit, very
well, when it came down to it, at the end of the day. Naturally, the dish, that the Dwarfer's cooked
was a complete and utter disaster, and poor Kochanski
had to be blindfolded, because she had to endure her position, as the taster!
And now I understood, why the waste disposal units
were quite noticeable on the set! Because she ended up been sick, down one of
them! I also understand, via Daryl's review that the cast went and tasted the
dish for real, and that, Craig was actually physically sick! Daryl and his
friends also had the opportunity to taste the dish, but somehow they managed to
eat it! And at least they are still alive to prove it! Overall, I was most
impressed with Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg
and it was a real taster, for Red Dwarf VIII. But quite surprisingly, however,
Red Dwarf VIII was very different, where the plot was concerned, and I really
felt, that Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg
was there to fool the fans, into thinking, that Rimmer
would be a hologram once again, only he wasn't! He was alive! And the interior Starbug set, that had been built for Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg, was never used
for Red Dwarf VIII, which everyone assumed would be used for the series, or a Starbug set built on very similar lines, anyway. But as Red
Dwarf VIII was intended to get the action on to the Dwarf once again, they
didn't have very much use for Starbug, as it so
happened. But I felt that Can't Smeg,
Won't Smeg more than proved that they could use Rimmer as a hologram again, and have him on Starbug once more. Can't Smeg,
Won't Smeg was a very clever unofficial plot, and it
worked extremely well. My only criticism with Can't Smeg,
Won't Smeg was that the character of Kochanski could have been involved that little bit more,
but I understand that, as Rimmer hadn't been in Red
Dwarf for such a long time, that they had to focus all the attention on him,
more or less, which was inevitable, really. Unfortunately, Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg is not available
on video in the United Kingdom and Europe but it is available as part of the
Red Dwarf VIII package which was featured as an unofficial episode at the end
of the video, and is available on video in the United States of America. I was
fortunate enough to record the Red Dwarf Tenth Anniversary evening, more or
less in it's entirety, so at
least we have got Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg on video! On our Red Dwarf VIII package we did get
another load of new Smeg Ups, and the parody of The
Star Wars trailer, which is not available in the United States of America. I do
not know what the package is on offer, via Grant Naylor Productions, for
Australia and New Zealand, but they will probably get the same package as the
United States of America. Perhaps at a later date, Can't Smeg,
Won't Smeg will be available on video for the
European market, because the rest of the remastered
series of Red Dwarf IV to VI still hasn't been released on video, yet. And, I
have, heard rumours, via the Internet, that Grant Naylor Productions, will be,
releasing the rest of the remastered Red Dwarf IV to
VI, to coincide with the release of the Red Dwarf movie, and perhaps Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg might also be
released with it, on video, but that is only guesswork, as far as I am
concerned! But I will definitely not rule that out, anyhow!
THE RED DWARF TENTH ANNIVERSARY SMEG UPS
AND SMEG OUTS
I am not
exactly going to do a review of the Red Dwarf Tenth Anniversary Smeg Ups themselves, because all they were were a compilation of the Red Dwarf Smeg
Ups/Smeg Outs and the new Smeg
Ups on the Red Dwarf VII Extended video. But I am going to the review the
presentation of it, anyway. The set for the new smeg
ups was based on a corridor on Starbug, and even
though it looked rather compact, I rather liked the metallic effect of the
purpose built set, and I think it was based on the set, which was used for the
brief presentations which Kryten did for the Red
Dwarf VII Extended video. But this short presentation of compilation Smeg Ups was not only presented by Kryten
and Lister, complete with a hamburger, but it was also co-presented with Rimmer, who had never being involved with the other Smeg Ups/Outs videos, and it made a vast difference to the
presentation, having Rimmer along as well. It was
also a shame that the Cat could not be included in the presentation, either,
but I daresay that they couldn't have had every Red Dwarf character on the
presentation, due to a limited airing time, but nethertheless,
the short compilation of Red Dwarf Smeg Ups/Outs for
the tenth anniversary celebrations was very well thought out, indeed!
RED DWARF UNIVERSE CHALLENGE
Again, I am not going to review the
Quiz side, of Red Dwarf Universe
Challenge in great detail. However, needless to say the format of it, was based
on the original University Challenge Quiz, which I used to watch on a Sunday
afternoon, which was presented by Bamber Gascoigne, and the little that I did
see of the quiz at the time, I was actually quite impressed with, and the
format was very good, and I honestly felt that University Challenge was one of
the best quiz shows in it's day, and it was quite a
shock to discover that it was taken off, because it eventually did lose
popularity where the viewing figures were concerned, and when the new look quiz
shows like Family Fortunes, Play Your Cards Right and The Price Is Right came
on the scene, the quiz show image, became more and more Americanised, which was
already happening with Sale Of The Century, Winner Takes All and 3-2-1, but
there were only certain elements via the American quiz show image that were
regarded via the presentation, but the quiz shows that came along, via the
mid-eighties and early nineties, were more geared to an American image, and I
felt in all honesty that University Challenge was not what the new generation
of quiz show viewers wanted, but it was quite a surprise to discover that there
was still quite a demand for University Challenge to make a comeback, more than
people thought, and towards the end of the nineties decade, it made a comeback,
and it was quite popular, only this time, Bamber Gascoigne wasn't presenting
it, unfortunately, even though he was approached, apparently. And in the end,
the new University Challenge was presented by Jeremy Paxman. Now I have never
seen the new look University Challenge presented by Jeremy Paxman, but I do
understand that the new look University Challenge was quite popular. And I do
believe, as far as I know, that it is still going. However, I have seen Red
Dwarf Universe Challenge presented by Jeremy Paxman, well for one short and
very tense moment, I was almost led to believe that
Red Dwarf Universe Challenge was being presented by Jeremy Paxman! But when you
looked at him on very close inspection, you discovered that Jeremy Paxman was
being impersonated, by none other than Chris Barrie! And he was beginning to
bore the audience a little, because Bamber Gascoigne came on to the set, armed
with a bazookoid, and he shot Jeremy Paxman out of
existence! I was amazed to discover that Bamber Gascoigne hadn't changed all
that much, apart from having a little bit more grayer hair! With that over, Bamber introduced the
cast of Red Dwarf which is self explanatory really! They were Chris Barrie, and
I liked the yellow plastic mac worn by Danny
John-Jules who came from Notting Hill and Chloe Annett and Craig Charles who
came from the Home counties! Well, not really! The
names of the fans who had been selected for the quiz
were: Steev Rogers (the former Chairman of the
Official Red Dwarf Fan Club, whom I had officially met at Dimension Jump 1997
and I have also corresponded with Steve on a regular basis from 1995 to 1999.
But Steve has since formed his own: Fanzine: Blue Midget, and I am in touch
with Steve with regard to that), Daryl Ball from Northern Ireland (who used to
be the former editor and founder of The Inquisitor Red Dwarf Fanzine, whom I
also used to be in touch with) Julie Marr, Sharon Burnett (who is one of the
co-writers of The Red Dwarf Quiz book and with that amount of Red Dwarf knowledge,
should easily, enable, the Fans Team, to win!), Pip Swallow and Kaylee Nicholas. Now I am not going to go into great detail
about the quiz itself, but to cut a long story short, there were a lot of Red
Dwarf related questions that I couldn't answer myself, as I really do not know
how many floors there are on the Dwarf, itself! And Craig, been a Fan himself,
with his well-endowed knowlege did give the casts
team a fighting chance, but it was the fans team who managed to win, but only
just, and there were some general knowledge questions as well as Red Dwarf
related questions as well, which I was pleased about, because had it been
entirely Red Dwarf dominated, it wouldn't have given the quiz show that varied
look it had. I found it quite amusing to see the Italian Smeg
Cooker featured via an old advertisement, which I had seen in various Sunday
magazines, during the seventies, and I believe in all honesty, that Smeg Cookers are still been produced in Italy, until this
very day. I was also quite interested in seeing certain snippets of the casts earlier careers. It was interesting to see Chloe
Annett as a child star in a daytime series, which had been produced by Granada
TV, and surprisingly it was Craig who recognised her from the series, as he had
obviously seen her in it at the time. And I was quite interested to see Craig
going on about black Poets, struggling, to get on, on the Former:
BBC2: Arts Review: Late Night: Programme: Riverside (Craig had also been, their
Resident Poet), which I
vaguely, remember, been on, round about, 1983. I had
never, seen, the
Former: BBC2: Arts Review: Late Night: Programme: Riverside (Craig had also,
been, their Resident Poet), which I vaguely, remember, been on, round about,
1983, of course, especially, as it, had been on, at a very late time, indeed.
But that said, however, it had been, very interesting, indeed, to have seen,
another aspect, of Craig's Career, which had, pre-dated Red Dwarf, which is,
very rare, indeed! And, it had, also been, very interesting, indeed, for me, to
have, seen: Danny John-Jules, as a Prison Extra, in the Controversial 1979
Film: Scum. I have seen, some of the Film: Scum (1979), and I had been, quite
impressed, by the acting, in the Film: Scum (1979), and the young actor, who
had played, the Character, of the downtrodden, and ill-fated Northern Lad:
Davis, is still, pursuing, his acting career, and I also, understand, that he,
had a part, in the BBC Dramatization, of: The History of Tom Jones, a Foundling
(1997), as: Northerton. And, by sheer coincidence,
Norman Lovett, has also, appeared, in the BBC Dramatization, of: The History of
Tom Jones, a Foundling (1997), as: Mr Follett! And, I have also, managed, to
see, the part, of the Film: Scum (1979), with Danny, as a Prison Extra, which
had, been featured, on Red Dwarf Universe Challenge! It was also quite
interesting to see Chris Barrie in his earlier career as an impressionist, just
before Spitting Image and Red Dwarf, and it was quite amusing to see Robert
Llewellyn in his clown type costume when he was with the Joeys. I had vaguely
heard of the Joeys before I got into Red Dwarf and I do believe that they were
quite well-respected as a variety, comedic act even though they never quite
made it to the big time, but nevertheless, Red Dwarf Universe Challenge did
give me quite an insight into the casts career before they hit the big time,
via Red Dwarf! That concludes my review of Red Dwarf Universe Challenge, as it
was after all a quiz show, but it was quite an impressive version of University
Challenge, nevertheless, and it is a real shame that Bamber Gascoigne isn't
hosting the modern version of University Challenge, because he really did prove
that he had still got what it takes as a quizmaster, and in my opinion, Bamber
Gascoigne is University Challenge!
THE RED DWARF VIII: CHILDREN IN NEED
SKETCH
I was
fortunate enough, to catch and record this sketch, on the very night, that this
was aired, especially as I had recorded a whole night of Children In Need to
catch this particular sketch, and it hadn't appeared on the tape at all, when I
played it back, and I carried on watching the rest of Children In Need, just in
case, I had missed something, and apparently, I had missed something, because
this particular Red Dwarf sketch, in question, was aired a lot later, than
originally planned! And I also had the added bonus of recording it, on to a
tape which just happened to need filling up! And I was very very
lucky to have that tape handy, as I must be one of the few fans of Red Dwarf,
who has this particular sketch on their Red Dwarf video collection! I was quite
impressed with Terry Wogan's introduction of The Red
Dwarf Children In Need sketch, via stressing that they could even get their
message across to certain people, stranded out in Deep Space! Terry Wogan is no
stranger to Red Dwarf himself, because Craig Charles used to present his poetry
and do political discussions on Wogan and Craig even stood in for Terry Wogan,
when he was on holiday, and we were quite impressed, with the way, that he presented
Wogan! Craig was actually intervied on Wogan, when
Red Dwarf became an overnight success, but not by Terry Wogan himself, but by
Clive Anderson, as Terry was on holiday himself, unfortunately. But
nevertheless, Terry Wogan has been quite keen, to promote the relationship,
that he has had with Craig on his early morning show, which I have listened to,
on BBC Radio Two myself, from time to time, and he even played the earlier
theme of Red Dwarf, on his show, during the Winter of 1993, and that was because
of his friend Craig, who was also half Irish himself, and that he was a great
guy! Unbeknownst to myself, I did not know who this Craig was, and I had never
seen Red Dwarf until it's repeated re-run, during the Summer of 1994, and the
very first episode, that I saw of Red Dwarf was: Timeslides:
Episode V, Red Dwarf III. And considering, that I had never seen Red Dwarf
before, I was quite impressed! I had also been impressed, by the earlier theme
of Red Dwarf itself, which Terry had played back then, and I did ask my
husband, what Red Dwarf was all about, as he seemed to know more about it, than
I did, even though he had never actually seen it, himself! But the little, that
Paul did know, about it was, that it was set on a space ship, and that they had
been travelling through deep space for the rest of eternity, but it didn't take
me and Paul, very long to get into Red Dwarf, once we got started, anyhow!
I have also discovered, that The Red Dwarf
Children In Need sketch was more of a glimpse into Red Dwarf VIII, than Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg, because it was
filmed to the live audience, between the Red Dwarf VIII episodes: Pete II:
Episode VII and Only The Good: Episode VIII. As, we had not, seen: Red Dwarf
VIII, being filmed, until, Friday the 4th of December 1998, at Shepperton Studios, I had very little idea of plot details
with regard to the last series of Red Dwarf, other than episode and cast
details, by The Official Red Dwarf Fan Club, and I had assumed, that the craft,
that the Dwarfer's were travelling in, was Starbug once again, only it looked blue, via it's model
shots, but as it was such a very quick model shot, it didn't give you a great
deal of time, to have a good look, at the craft, that the Dwarfer's
were travelling in! I was quite impressed, via the silver interior of the
craft, that the Dwarfer's were travelling in, and I
guessed, that the new interior set of Starbug had to
look a lot bigger, to accomodate Kochanski,
as well as Rimmer, and as the single camera work,
wasn't been used in quite the same way, as it had been for Red Dwarf VII, the
new Starbug set, looked a lot more defined and a lot
more well-projected. But I was later to discover, courtesy of Back In The Red
III: Episode III, Red Dwarf VIII, that this wasn't the new interior set of Starbug, it was the new interior set of Blue Midget, which
the Dwarfer's were using, for their getaway! And even
though, I had seen the new interior set of Blue Midget, at Shepperton
Studios, I had still assumed, that it was the new interior set for Starbug, especially as the only model shot, we actually saw
aired, wasn't very clear at the time, and this was done deliberately, so as not
to release plot details, and just to basically, keep you guessing! But I should
have realised this, by the dance, that the Cat did to
impress the attractive Ground Controller, which we had also seen at Shepperton. And we did see the Dwarfer's,
make their getaway, in Blue Midget, via the Cat not impressing the ugly Ground
Controller, this time! But I could only recall, so much to mind, when I wrote
up the previous review of Red Dwarf VIII been filmed, at Shepperton
Studios, on Friday the 4th of December 1998, and my review was centred more
towards the filming techniques of Red Dwarf VIII, rather than the storylines,
which is what this review, in question, is more geared up to, anyhow. But I do
think that the new Blue Midget interior set is a lot better, than the original
Blue Midget interior set, and there was no way, that the original dark and very
cramped interior set of Blue Midget from Thanks For The Memory: Episode III,
Red Dwarf II could really have been utilized, for Red Dwarf VIII, when it
actually came down to it, at the end of the day! And therefore, it was probably
for the best, if it had a new look, anyhow. And even though I was disappointed,
that Starbug had only been utilized once, for the Red
Dwarf VIII episode: Back In The Red I: Episode I, it had been utilized more
than enough, for Red Dwarf VI and Red Dwarf VII, and the last time, that Blue
Midget had been fully utilized, was for Body Swap: Episode IV, Red Dwarf III,
and it had sort of been re-introduced in Blue: Episode V, Red Dwarf VII, and
now they were all back on the Dwarf, and as there were a load of other Starbug's and Blue Midget's to choose from for shuttle
craft purposes, it was probably more logical to re-introduce Blue Midget again,
especially as it's model shots had been redone, for the remastered
version of Thanks For The Memory: Episode III, Red Dwarf II. But the cockpit of
Blue Midget, remained the same, for the remastered
version of Thanks For The Memory: Episode III, Red Dwarf II, which we have got
on the Red Dwarf A-Z (I haven't got the remastered
version of Thanks For The Memory: Episode III, Red Dwarf II), and therefore, I
can understand the model effects teams, desire for working on the principles,
that they had gained, via the remastered versions of
Red Dwarf for Red Dwarf VIII. The Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch, also gave
a glimpse of the Skutters, which I had gathered, were
going to be used for Red Dwarf VIII, and once again, I was also lucky to catch
a glimpse of them, via that particular scene, where the Cat did his dance to
impress the attractive Ground Controller. And once again, I must have forgotten
them, because it was only a very brief glimpse in the Blue Midget cockpit of
Bob and Madge the Skutter, that we had being
privileged to see at Shepperton Studios, and the
action was more centred on the Cat's dancing on the escape of the Dwarfer's and the Cat's dance, and it had obviously slipped
my mind, that they were featured in that particular scene in question! But that
said, I was quite impressed by the little I saw of the new Skutters
for The Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch, and I was to gather later when Red
Dwarf VIII was being aired on BBC2, and from what I gathered, via the reviews
in various Science Fiction magazines, that the Skutters
had been modelled exactly on the image of the original Skutters
from Red Dwarf I to III, so that the fans wouldn't be so keen to complain, that
they looked different, because the model effects department, were determined to
make the new Skutters look as close to the original Skutters as much as possible! But obviously, they were
designed to move around, via far more highly developed and sophisticated late
nineties technology, rather than mid-1980's technology, which was a much cruder
and slower, and less sophisticated way of them moving around, which even
though, it worked fairly well, at the time, it would probably have not, been
geared, for todays Skutters!
But on the whole, I was quite impressed with the new blue looking sleeker Red
Dwarf VIII Skutters! I was particularly impressed by
the casts costumes, and that Rimmer was his old
contemptible self once more, but again, like Can't Smeg,
Won't Smeg him being a hologram was to fool the
viewers, once again, and I had assumed, that he would come back in Red Dwarf as
a failed Ace Rimmer, via Stoke Me A Clipper: Episode
II, Red Dwarf IV! But as that particular Ace Rimmer
in question, wasn't as popular as the Ace Rimmer in
Dimension Jump: Episode V, Red Dwarf IV, Doug Naylor, felt that, it would be
far more appropriate, to bring Rimmer back, as he
was, before the radiation leak, in The End: Episode I, Red Dwarf I. And
therefore, he was a completely different Rimmer, all
together, from the other Rimmer, but it still made no
real difference, between the Rimmer/Lister relationship anyway! But at the end of the day, I still
prefer Rimmer, as a hologram, but it was interesting,
to see how his character reacted, to been alive, for a whole season of Red
Dwarf! But he still wasn't quite the same Rimmer,
that we all know and love so well, because as he was alive, once again, he had
no knowledge, basically of what the Hologram Rimmer
had been through, and he wasn't equipped, with quite the same bitterness, as
the other Rimmer, was! So in a sense, this new Rimmer is very different, from the Hologram Rimmer, because he has no regrets, about his past, where
his parents are concerned, etcetera! But that said, he isn't
that different! But I honestly feel, that if they do a film of Red Dwarf
or a ninth series of Red Dwarf, that bringing Rimmer's
character back as a hologram, would be a major consideration, but as Red Dwarf
VIII, did end, on a cliffhanger ending, and Rimmer was obviously dying, at the end of Only The Good:
Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VIII, I really do feel, that he may not come back
again, in quite the same way! But then again, only time will tell, where that
is concerned, anyhow! And it doesn't explain, what has become of the Hologram Rimmer in Stoke Me A Clipper:
Episode II, Red Dwarf VII! That question still remains, unanswered! But in the
meantime, however, as Rimmer was a hologram on The
Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch, I did feel, that again, like Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg, that his
character was again, very much like the Rimmer, that
we all know and love, especially, via ordering Holly around, trying to get out
of making a donation to Children In Need by making cagey remarks about using
other peoples credit card numbers was very reminiscent of The Inquisitor:
Episode II, Red Dwarf V, and via his suggestion, that they all behave like
complete and utter bastards! And his having a go at Kryten
for using such an amateur broadcast, via Blue Midget to twentieth century
viewers soon proved beyond a doubt, that Rimmer
hadn't changed all that much, really! It was also quite obvious to see, that
the character of Holly played by Norman Lovett wasn't going to differ all that
much from Nanarchy: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VII, and
that it would be Norman who was going to be Holly throughout Red Dwarf VIII,
rather than alternate with Hattie Hayridge, as I had
heard, that there might be rumours, that she was going to be appearing in Red
Dwarf VIII, alongside Norman, which would have been great! But that said, I
have heard, that Hattie may appear in the Red Dwarf movie alongside Norman
Lovett, which I definitely feel, may be a probability, this time, because don't
get me wrong, I like Norman as Holly, and I think in all honesty, considering
such a lengthy absence from Red Dwarf, when he appeared in Nanarchy:
Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VII and The Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch, onwards.
It was really like he had never left, when it actually came down to it, at the
end of the day! But I do prefer Hattie Hayridge as
Holly, because I felt that her portrayal of Holly, stood out far more than
Norman's did, even though she was only in it for three series of Red Dwarf,
when it actually came down to it, at the end of the day! But that said, Norman
more than proved himself, via Nanarchy: Episode VIII,
Red Dwarf VII, The Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch
and Red Dwarf VIII, nevertheless! With regard to Lister's image, he seemed to
be dressed in very similar overalls, which he wore for Red Dwarf VI and Red
Dwarf VII, and also for Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg. Lister mainly wore those overalls in Back In The Red:
I, II and III and Only The Good: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VIII, but he was
mainly confined, to his lilac prison overalls for Red Dwarf VIII, because by
this time, I still didn't know very much with regard, to the plot, where Red
Dwarf VIII was concerned, anyhow. And I had assumed, that as they were all
going to be back on the Dwarf for this series, I had assumed, that it would be
filmed, between the Dwarf and Starbug, like Red Dwarf
III, IV and V, and that Lister would be combining his black leathers with his Starbug overalls, because he wore his black leathers in
Blue: Episode V, Red Dwarf VII, which featured him and Rimmer
on the Dwarf, and I had assumed, that Red Dwarf VIII would work out like that,
but as things turned out, it didn't quite work out, that way! And the Dwarfer's were confined to the Prison colony, and mainly
confined to their lilac prison uniforms, and for Back In The Red I, II and III,
Rimmer and Lister wore their grey Technician's unforms, and Rimmer wore his grey
Technician's uniform for Only The Good: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VIII, because
he was on probation, of course! But I will go into a bit more detail, about the
Red Dwarf VIII wardrobe, when I finally get round to reviewing Red Dwarf VIII,
itself! But with regard to Lister's character in this particular sketch, he was
asking a lot of questions with regard to the Children In Need transmission, and
natuarally, as one would expect he kept on trying to
chat up Kochanski, who was more interested in Pudsey
Bear than him, but Kochanski and him and a teddy, was
his idea of heaven! But Kochanski assured him, that
it wasn't that kind of teddy that she was interested in! I didn't quite get the
point of that particular joke, but it was fairly amusing, nevertheless! And
Lister also showed his usual intelligence, because he just couldn't help
thinking that people from the twentieth century must be awfully short-sighted,
judging by the size of the cheque, which was being shown on their screen! With
regard to the Cat, he seemed to be wearing the blue outfit, which he had been
wearing in Nanarchy: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf VII, but
I was later to understand, that the Cat had worn this outfit for the new dance
routine, which had been choreographed by Charles Augins
in Back In The Red III: Episode III, Red Dwarf VIII. The Cat contributed by
doing as little as possible, but he sure did ask quite a lot of questions about
the man and woman on the screen: Terry Wogan and Gaby Roslin.
But he didn't seem to quite get what they were trying to transmit, as per
usual! With regard to Kryten, he seemed to be his
usual logical analytical self, and he assumed, that Terry Wogan, was a major
star, who straddled the planetary media like a colossus, and he also kept on
getting him mixed up with the Titanic star, Leonardo Di Caprio,
as he was a little unsure, where his history of the twentieth century was
concerned, and the fact, that his movie database was corrupted, didn't really
help matters, either! And Lister kept calling him Tel, instead of Terry,
because this was a Telethon, but that is Dave Lister for you! And he also added
insult to injury to Rimmer's assumption, that people
in the twentieth century wouldn't want to watch a crude broadcast from a bunch
of Do It Yourself broadcasters, because they were so used to Channel Five by
now, that they wouldn't notice the difference! And Kryten
was also keen to point out, that people in the twentieth century used to raise
money by staging whacky events, by sitting in a bath filled with baked beans,
which shocked Lister and Kochanski, but it seemed to
shock Lister more than Kochanski, because the thought
of any kind of a bath, used to make him ill! With regard to Kochanski,
her image had been changed by her hair, been more of a blonde colour, rather
than the dark hair image, which she had utilized for Red Dwarf VII, and the red
cotton outfit, that she had worn for Can't Smeg,
Won't Smeg, had been replaced by a red halter top,
and just plain white trousers, complete with a green sash. But the red halter
top, that Kochanski was wearing, was very loosely
based, on the red dress, which Lister had given her, as an advance birthday
present in Duct Soup: Episode IV, Red Dwarf VII. And it was quite obvious to
me, via The Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch, that Kochanski,
was been given far more of a glamorous image, for Red Dwarf VIII, which was
very loosely based, on her image, in Red Dwarf VII. But to my surprise however,
Kochanski only wore this particular costume for Pete
I and Pete II: Episodes VI and VII, Red Dwarf VIII, because the time wand had
got them out of prison, and the Dwarfer's
had managed to get their clothes back. And the Cat was wearing his usual black
and white zebra suit, and Kryten, was Kryten! But Chloe had also explained, at the Red Dwarf
Dimension Jump Red Dwarf 1997 Convention, that her natural hair colour is ash
blonde, and that she had washed her hair, just before Red Dwarf VII went into
production, with a very dark wash in and wash out colour, for a party with
some friends, just before Red Dwarf VII, went into Production, and no
matter how she tried, she just couldn't wash, the dark hair colour
out! She had stated, that the
Hairdresser, couldn't do anything with her hair, apart from putting it in a bun
and slicking it back, but I felt, that her hair looked very effective, when she
was on Red Dwarf VII, and that it really did make her character stand out, that
little bit more, which had given, Kochanski, a rather Classy
image, and it had made, her look, very
glamorous, indeed! And Chloe, had also claimed, that her own friends, didn't
recognise her, when she was in: Red Dwarf VII! But when the dark wash in
hair colour eventually washed out, Kochanski was able to have her hair down, once again! And
Chloe Annett's natural hair colour is very similar to
C.P (Clare) Grogan's (the original Kochanski), and
that is how she got the part, because Chloe Annett was the only actress, who
had auditioned for the part, who had a very similar resemblance to the original
Kochanski, even though it isn't a very obvious
resemblance to the original Kochanski, anyhow. But
Fans, of Crime Traveller will also note, that the
character of Holly Turner, played by Chloe Annett ('s), hair colour, including the length of her hair, was more or less
like it is, from the Red Dwarf Tenth Anniversary spoof: Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg, onwards, which
was a send up of Can't Cook, Won't Cook, which featured Ainsley
Harriot as himself, especially as he originally
starred as the Gelf Chief in Emohawk
- Polymorph II: Episode IV, Red Dwarf VI. For Can't Smeg,
Won't Smeg, Kochanski wore
a cotton version of her red PVC uniform, but it had looked very dowdy, indeed,
and it was nowhere near as glamorous, as the red PVC uniform, that she had
worn, during Red Dwarf VII, and that was probably why, Doug Naylor had revamped
Kochanski's image, for Red Dwarf VIII, anyhow! And
please bear in mind, that not everybody has seen every single series of Red
Dwarf or has got every copy on video of Red Dwarf available, like the avid
fans, and I have also discovered, that Red Dwarf VIII attracted a new
generation of young viewers, who hadn't seen a series of Red Dwarf, in their
lives, and therefore, Red Dwarf was completely new to them! And I have also
discovered, that now Rimmer was back for the the whole of the eighth series of Red Dwarf, there was no
need for Kochanski to be so dominant and so bitchy,
towards the Dwarfer's like she had been for Red Dwarf
VII. And therefore, it was deemed necessary for Kochanski
to have more of a background role for Red Dwarf VIII! But that said, I did feel, that Kochanski was a
lot better, in Red Dwarf VIII, than I thought she would be, and I felt, that
Chloe handled her background role, very well, indeed! And it also seemed, that
she was more closer to the Kochanski in Red Dwarf I
and II played by Clare Grogan, only she was a lot more defined, and as Lister
was still crazy about her, she was back to been a dream icon, once again,
especially as he got separated from her, such a lot, in this series, and not
only that, she was also a lot more closer, to the Kochanski
in Red Dwarf: The Last Human by Doug Naylor. With regard to Kochanski's
image, she only wore the black 'T' shirt and khaki clothes for Back In The Red
I to III, Episodes I, II and III and Only The Good: Episode VIII, Red Dwarf
VIII, and apart from her grey uniform, which also consisted of trousers, which
she also wore for Back In The Red I to III, which incidentally, was by far, a
much better uniform, than the one, which Clare Grogan had worn for Red Dwarf I
to II, even though Rob Grant and Doug Naylor, did give her, a sort of action
girl image for Psirens: Episode I, Red Dwarf VI. But
for Red Dwarf VIII, Kochanski was mainly confined to
her lilac prison uniform, like Rimmer, Lister, the
Cat and Kryten, with the exception, however, of Pete
I and Pete II: Episodes VI and VII, Red Dwarf VIII, where she did wear a red
halter top (and just plain white trousers, complete with a green sash, which she
had also utilized for The Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch), which was very
loosely based, on the red dress, that Kochanski had
worn in Duct Soup: Episode IV, Red Dwarf VII, which Lister had given her, as an
advance birthday present. And Kochanski also wore,
her red halter top and white trousers, complete with a green sash, which she
had also utilized for The Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch. And that was the
only time in Red Dwarf VIII, where her image closely resembled the Kochanski, in Red Dwarf VII! And as for the Cat and Kryten, they were basically still the same, where their
costumes, were concerned. Cat was clad in his black and white zebra suit, and Kryten, was Kryten! But during Red Dwarf VIII, the red cotton costume, that Chloe had worn for Can't Smeg,
Won't Smeg, didn't actually feature, as part of her
wardrobe. And I felt, in all honesty, that they were right, not to use, that
particular costume, in question, for Red Dwarf VIII, as I felt, that it didn't
look, as nearly good, as her red PVC outfits, that she had worn, for Red Dwarf
VII! But I do understand, that the wardrobe team were merely experimenting,
with the casts image, for Red Dwarf VIII, via Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg, and sometimes,
you have got to give these things a try, and see how they go! But I did feel,
in all honesty, that Kochanski's image, via her new
red cotton uniform for Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg, was more than sufficient enough, where that was
concerned, anyhow.
With
regard to Kochanski's hair for Red Dwarf VIII, her
hair was mainly her own ash blonde colour, which
Chloe had described as been her natural hair colour
at Dimension Jump 1997, apart from The Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch and
Pete I and Pete II: Episodes VI and VII, Red Dwarf VIII, and therefore, her
image had changed, via her hair, rather than the very dark brown hair image,
which she had utilized for Red Dwarf VII, and the red uniform, that she had
worn for Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg,
had been replaced by a red halter top and just plain white trousers, complete
with a green sash, which she had also utilized for The Red Dwarf Children In
Need sketch. But the red halter top, that she wore, was very loosely based, on
the red halter top, which Lister had given her as an advance birthday present
in Duct Soup: Episode IV, Red Dwarf VII. And it was quite obvious to me, via
The Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch, that Kochanski
was been given far more of a glamorous image, for Red Dwarf VIII, which
was very loosely based, on her image, in Red Dwarf VII. But to my surprise however,
Kochanski only wore this particular costume for Pete
I and Pete II: Episodes VI and VII, Red Dwarf VIII, as the time wand had got
them out of prison, and the Dwarfer's had managed to
get their clothes back, because the Cat was wearing his usual black and white
zebra suit, with the exception of Rimmer and Lister
who were still wearing their prison uniforms, only they had got their hair
back, via the time wand.
I will
also go into Kochanski's new image, in a bit more
detail, once I start reviewing Red Dwarf VIII, in it's
entirety, because even though The Red Dwarf Children In Need sketch was a
forerunner for Red Dwarf VIII, it was still more or less classed, as a Red
Dwarf spin off, like Can't Smeg, Won't Smeg, and therefore, I am treating it more or less as an
independent production to Red Dwarf VIII! But with regard to Kochanski's character, because, once she had shaken off
Lister's advances, as per usual, she was really concerned about helping out
mankind, because she thought, that Children In Need, was a really good cause,
especially as they had all got three million years worth of hindsight to share,
and if they didn't start looking after each other, they were through! And the
Cat was keen to add: "Give us your money or your planet gets it?!",
but Kochanski stated, that they wouldn't put it quite
like that. And with that, they all did their transmission, via the assistance
of the time drive of course. Rimmer started to do the
transmission, via stating to the people of the twentieth century that mankind was
doomed, humanity's days are numbered and extinction looms... But Lister was
keen enough to buck up the people of the twentieth century's morale by asking
them how they were in themselves, but Kochanski asked
them, to take no notice of Rimmer and Lister, and
therefore, she continued, via asking the viewers from the twentieth century, or
anybody who was still about in their spacecrafts, three million years into deep
space to make a donation, and Bob the Skutter, was
also quite keen to wave a placard with the number on, and Kochanski
also asked them, to send her one of those bears, and the Cat was soon keen to
ask for some hair gel! Once the Dwarfer's
transmission, was finished, it was an entirely, different story, of course,
especially, when Lister, naively stated, to Rimmer,
that it made, a real difference, by helping people, and Rimmer,
was certainly keen, to offer, to reduce, the suffering, and improve, the lot of
mankind, and he got up, from where he was sitting, and Lister asked him, where
he was going, and Rimmer stated, to one and all, that
he was off, to smash up, Lister's Guitar!
Marie
Birch
November
1998